Elias

Jersey'd started a war. She just didn't know it yet.

Before she showed up with that lanky Van Gogh wannabe, giggling like he was the funniest thing this side of L.A., things were fine. Okay, maybe a little less than fine, but better than terrible.

Caleigh and Tanner were too torn up about my pitiful, post-surgery status to start in on me with their usual lecture-punishment shtick.

So the two of them stood around, teasing me like my situation wasn't as serious as it was, smiling their way through the awkward silence. At least the morphine made everything funnier, everything except the sight of Jersey flirting her face off.

   "Who's this asshole?"

   "Language, Elias."

Caleigh swooped in to deal out damage control before Mr. Skinny Jeans had a chance to answer. What else was I supposed to call him? Sir?

The guy was putting the moves on her little cousin, and the only thing Caleigh cared about was what came out of my mouth? Bullshit.

That's the funny thing about girls, they don't get that most guys, no matter how "sensitive" they seem, are always after a hook up. This guy wasn't any different from me aside from the fact that he'd probably waste money on dinners, flowers, and poetry, before trying to get laid.

Whatever his game was, I didn't like it. Jersey was my territory, plain and simple. I had plans for her, big plans, and some try-hard hipster wasn't gonna screw em' up. 

   "I'm Kai. Sorry if this is a bad time, I just wanted to come by to see how you were doing and to apologize for what happened earlier."

Kai? Kai? What the hell kind of a name was Kai? Was he born in a hippy commune? It was bad enough that he thought that apologizing was gonna fix things, but that stupid name was the icing on top of the cake.

   "Shouldn't you be in jail or something? I'm pretty sure running people over is a crime—"

   "So is being drunk in public."

Jersey cut into the conversation like it was her job to barge into other people's business. Some guys are into girls with big mouths 'cause they love the conversation. I liked girls with big mouths too—but for totally different reasons.

   "I owe you another burrito for that one, Alex," Tanner said, all smiles.

   Traitor.

He winked at Jersey from across the room and she went all googly-eyed the way most girls did around my brother. If they knew how much of a tightwad he was, they'd go running the other way. I still thought Caleigh was crazy for dating him. Hands down, if I were a girl, I'd date me instead.

   "Well, Kai. Thanks for the hospital stay. It's been great. Surgery was a blast," I said.

   "I'm sorry I put you through this. I don't have much, but I can pull from my savings to cover your hospital bills."

   "I don't want your money, dude. I want my leg back the way it was."

His eyes darted down to his shoelaces and stayed glued to the floor for a good minute and a half. Guilt pulls harder than gravity.

   "I'm sorry, man. I don't know what else to tell you, but if there's anything I can do—"

   There wasn't.

Not a damn thing. Truth was, most of the aches and pains I had weren't even his fault. But he'd rattled the scars that Lacey left me, and it hurt like hell. All I could do was blame him till I felt better.

   "You know what you can do for me, Kai? Leave."

   "Enough, Elias. Kai, I'm sorry. He doesn't mean that," Tanner said.

   "Yeah, I do."

Tanner shot me the kind of look he gets whenever I push him too far. He never needed much of an excuse to ground me, or lecture me, or set up a phone call home so Dad could tear into me long-distance.

   "If Kai's leaving, we're leaving. Visiting hours are almost over anyway. We'll be back to pick you up tomorrow, Elias."

   And that was that.

Tanner did his usual diplomatic dance, and got all buddy-buddy with Kai, like letting go of the whole hospital situation was as simple as a smile and a handshake.

He always pulled the plug on arguments right before they got interesting. Me and Dad fought so much back home, Tanner got to the point where he'd know exactly when to separate the two of us so we wouldn't kill each other.  

He let things go like a pro, like it was easy. Dad loved him for it. So while he got good at being the better son, I got good at being the bad example.

   "If you guys wanna, go, then go. And don't worry about picking me up tomorrow, I'll figure out a ride home," I said.

Tanner ushered everybody out of the room, smiling the fakest smile I'd ever seen. The second everybody was out of earshot, all his pretty pearly whites disappeared.

   "You can't keep doing this to me, Elias. I'm tired of hospitals. I'm tired of seeing you in them. I'm tired of worrying about the day when you won't make it out okay. I'm tired. You've gotta grow up at some point. I can't keep coming to your rescue every time you screw up."

   "I didn't ask you to be here," I said.

   "I didn't ask you to get drunk and walk in front of a car, either. But here we are. So you tell me what to do. Tell me how to deal with you 'cause I'm out of ideas."

    "Don't stress yourself out, Tan. Go home. I don't wanna do this right now."

    "And I don't wanna do this again. Starting tomorrow, you're on lockdown for the rest of the summer. You don't go anywhere with anyone, unless I say you can. Period. I'll be back to pick you up in the morning, and if you try to leave with anyone else, you better hope they're ready to put you up for the summer. Goodnight, Elias."

He left—just slammed the door in my face and walked out with the last word in his back pocket.

I would've called somebody if I had somebody to call, but the last girl I could really talk to died with my secrets. So tonight I'd sleep on one I'd never tell anybody.

 An accident's not an accident, if you caused it on purpose.

                                                                     ***

I woke up to soft hands, a softer voice, and a pretty face.

A new nurse I swore I recognized stood next to my bed, fiddling with my charts while she asked me to choose between a steak or spaghetti dinner. I had a hell of an appetite, but not for hospital food.  I stared at her, hoping she'd mistake me checking her out as a side effect of the drugs.

I remembered her down to the details, five-four, California-blue-eyes, perfect-pouty-lips, and curves in all the right places. Every guy in my high school wanted this girl at one point. I used to be one of those guys---until she let me have her.

   "Nikki? "

   "Hey, Eli, it's been a while. I heard you were here from one of the nurses at my station and switched shifts to come see you. You okay?"

   "You tell me, you're the nurse. When did that happen?" I asked.

   "I'm still in training."

   "No way. I thought you'd end up modeling. But you're pretty good with the human body."

   She still had that sucker punch smile. Nowhere near Lacey's but Nikki was the first girl who caught my attention freshman year. Her and I had a lot of firsts; she just didn't end up being the first girl I fell for.

   "You haven't changed much. How's life back home? I heard some crazy shit happened to a girl in your class. Did you know her?"

   I loved her.

   "Not really."

   "Bullshit, Elias. Look at your face."

   "What about it?"

   "That's the face you make when you're thinking too much," she said.

She smoothed out the space between my eyes with a single stroke of her finger, and my skin went static. 

   "Maybe I'm thinking too much 'cause I'm thinking about you. You look good, even in scrubs."

She brushed her blonde bangs out of her eyes and shifted her attention to my hospital gown.

   "Nice try. Get up, I'm supposed to walk you up and down the hall to keep that leg from getting too stiff."

She folded down the sides of my bed and held her arms out to me.

   "Come here, E."

I slid off the bed slowly, trying to focus on the pain beating bruises into my leg, instead of the rush running through my veins every time she looked at me.

Three years after she'd de-virginized me and I still couldn't hold my shit together around her, but something about that made me sick. 

If the universe hadn't been out to ruin me, I would've limped over to her like a pro and made it out the door without a problem. 

Instead, I took two steps, crashed into her, and made some weird noise between a whimper and a yell when my leg gave out. 

   "Let's call it a night, Niks. I suck at walking, and if you make me try again, I'll tell Dr. Murray you're abusing me."

   "Does a massage count as abuse? You're so tense your leg's locking up every time you try to move around. See?"

She slid her hands around my calf, let her fingers dissolve into my skin, and massaged slow circles up toward my thigh.

   "Can we take a break, Niks? I need a second."

She looked me dead in the eye, and her lips perked up at the corners. 

   "We're almost done."

She eased off the pressure and slid her fingertips underneath my gown and over the pant leg of my boxers.

I forgot how to breathe.

   "Nikki, you know I'm not a buzz kill, but if anybody hears about this we're both screwed."

   "Then tell me to stop, and I will."

I choked up while she inched her hand closer a part of me that my heart used to own.

Back then, only one girl did it for me. But these days anybody would do because I was looking for a rush not a connection.

I thought I'd fall apart in Nikki's fingers like I used to, but my body went numb.

Numb?

Two hours ago, I was more than ready for this. I even prayed, and I never pray, for a miracle girl. But the second she stuck her hand down my pants, I went looser than a ramen noodle. Fuck.

   "Let's call it a night, Elias."           

   "Nikki, wait. You know I'm always good to go—my body's just out of whack today. It's just probably the morphine."

   "It's probably another girl. Good to see you're growing up."

She threw out her gloves, checked my chart, and topped up my meds before she headed towards the door.

   "Whoever she is, she's one heck of a girl if she's turned you soft, E."

She was, Nikki. She was.