Now showing private messages between Terroriser and Jon

Terroriser: i need help

Jon: is everything okay? whats wrong?

Terroriser: i dont know what to do about evan anymore

Terroriser: i make sure he takes his meds and i try to help him with the nightmares and his episodes but the other day idk it just got to me and i got mad and idk what to do anymore jon

Terroriser: what do i do

Jon: okay slow down

Jon: what exactly are you asking me

Terroriser: should i just take him somewhere?

Jon: its that bad?

Terroriser: he can barely leave the house, jon

Terroriser: and then when DO leave, he's convinced there's someone in the apartment whenever we come back

Terroriser: he doesnt want to leave my side but these past few days hes barely said anything

Jon: oh

Jon: brian im sorry

Jon: that sounds like a terrible place to be in

Terroriser: i dont want to take him anywhere, but i know he needs more help than i can give him and i just dont know jon

Terroriser: do i keep trying on my own?

Jon: brian i know evan hates hospitals and things of that nature but it sounds like it could really help him

Jon: and you mentioned youve been getting angry?

Terroriser: i dont like yell at him or hit him or anything

Terroriser: but like the other day we got food and brought it back and he kept saying there was someone there even though i knew there wasnt and i kept telling him and then we got in the apartment and he started having an episode and idk i just got angry and dragged him into every room to show him no one was there

Terroriser: and he kept telling me to let him go and that he was scared and wanted to leave and i just kept going and then when it was over he was still crying and i went to comfort him and he flinched at my touch

Terroriser: he FLINCHED jon

Terroriser: hes scared of me

Jon: im sure he knows its not your fault

Terroriser: i know better than to get mad at him for this

Jon: brian do you love him

Terroriser: of course

Jon: well when you see people you love in pain like that, it hurts, and that hurt never really goes away until you force it out

Jon: and sometimes, it comes out as anger

Jon: its not your fault, brian

Terroriser: i heard him talking to himself and he thinks that i think hes crazy but i dont

Terroriser: i dont think hes crazy i love him

Terroriser: i dont want to take him to a hospital but it feels like theres no other choice

Jon: you said hes on meds?

Terroriser: yeah he had his antidepressants that i made sure he took but ever since the thing with craig hes been seeing a therapist who has him on LOW DOSAGE of antipsychotics

Jon: oh fuck

Terroriser: yeah its really been fucking with him

Jon: brian why are you asking me

Terroriser: well

Terroriser: since you guys used to date i figured maybe you had some insight

Jon: this sounds way more intense than anything that happened during our relationship, im sorry

Jon: but for what its worth, i think you need to take him somewhere

Terroriser: but he doesnt want that

Jon: i know

Jon: but i think thats what he needs

Terroriser: he'll hate me

Terroriser: he will hate me and he'll feel alone because i sent him to the hospital because everyone thinks hes crazy including me and i couldn't deal with him anymore but thats not true

Jon: he'll understand once hes better

Terroriser: but what if he doesnt get better?

Jon: you cant think like that

Terroriser: but what if i take him to the hospital and he still never gets better

Terroriser: and he doesn't trust me because when he needed me the most i sent him away

Terroriser: he needs to feel like there's someone in his corner jon

Jon: i know brian

Jon: but being in his corner also means knowing when there's nothing else you can do

Terroriser: it feels like im just giving up on him

Jon: brian if the meds arent working then he needs better treatment

Terroriser: he'll be so scared

Jon: isnt he scared now? brian this isnt healthy

Jon: you tried your best, brian, but it might be time to let go of the reigns

Terroriser: i cant give up on him

Terroriser: i need to be in his corner

Jon: brian listen to yourself

Jon: youre on the verge of your own breakdown how on earth can you help him

Terroriser: its just paranoia idk why i cant just help him

Jon: brian

Jon: evan went through something extremely traumatic, and it might be even be a culmination of all his past traumas as well, and this is when and how that trauma has chosen to manifest itself

Jon: you are not equipped to handle a trauma on that deep of a level brian, and thats okay

Jon: you don't have to do it on your own

Jon: just talk to him about it if youre really worried

Jon: he might understand

Terroriser: what if he doesnt

Jon: dont think like that

Jon: you just have to take it one step at a time

Terroriser: what would you do

Jon: idk what u mean

Terroriser: if you were me what would you do

Jon: brian thats a ridiculous question to ask

Terroriser: well dont you still have feelings for him? thats why you went to the party right?

Jon: brian be fr rn

Terroriser: just fucking answer me

Jon: i cant do that brian

Terroriser: and why not

Jon: because you need to wake up.

Terroriser: excuse me

Jon: you dont seem like yourself

Jon: are you okay, brian?

Terroriser: what the fuck are you even saying

Jon: nothing

Jon: im not saying anything

Jon: because this conversation didnt even happen

Terroriser: what

Jon: we're not really talking right now

Jon: this conversation doesnt exist

Terroriser: stop fucking with me

Jon: wake up, brian

Jon: stop talking to yourself

——

LOCATION: Brian and Evan's Apartment

TIME: 2:47 A.M.

Brian shot awake, panting and confused as he reached for his phone, sweat sliding down his forehead. "Fuck." He breathed out heavily, his vision still bleary with sleep as he scrolled, looking for his conversation with Jonathan. "What the fuck? Where is it?" Somehow, he found his way around the device, and pulled up his last conversation with the man. It was from over a year ago, the context now completely lost on him.

"I'm fucking losing it, aren't I?" He asked himself as he continued to scroll, taking a few minutes longer than he'd like to admit before admitting that the conversation had happened all in his head. Brian sighed as he put the phone down, reaching towards his boyfriend only to find his usual spot empty.

His head snapped towards the other side of the bed- the sheets cold and pulled back- realizing it was empty. "Evan?" He asked, speaking into the darkness as he scrambled out of bed, taking his phone with him just in case.

Brian stumbled into the hallway, still half-asleep but determined to find Evan. He peered down the hall, pausing for a moment when he saw that the light in the kitchen was switched on.

"Ev? Is everything okay?"

A spike of fear shot through him as he reached the kitchen, finding a pot of water heating up on the stove and no sign of his boyfriend. "Evan?" He walked towards the stove. "What the hell-" Brian paused, finding Evan sat on the floor, his knees held to his chest and a kitchen knife lying beside him. "What are you doing with that?"

Evan's head shot up, snapping out of whatever trance he had been in. His hand reached for the knife before realizing who it was. Brian crouched, holding out his hand. "What's going on, Ev?"

"Couldn't sleep. Wanted some tea." Evan mumbled, exhaustion heavy in his voice as Brian grabbed the knife and put it back into the knife block before joining Evan on the ground. "Grabbed the knife because....I don't know."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

Evan shifted so that he could lay his head on Brian's shoulder. "You looked comfortable, and I thought I could do it. I should do it. It's just fucking tea."

"Evan-"

"I know, I know. It'll take time, just like the doctor said, but...It's hard, you know? And not just on me- I see it affecting you too, and I feel bad. Like the other day." Shame washed over Brian then, the memories of dragging Evan through the apartment haunting him as he pulled Evan closer to him. "I know it's hard for you to see all this happening, and it's even harder to be dealing with it day in and day out, so I didn't want to wake you up like I do every single night-"

"It is frustrating, okay? But, that's my own thing to deal with, Ev. If you need me, then I'm here. No questions asked. And I'm really sorry about the other day. I shouldn't have done that. You can't help these feelings, and I know that and I really shouldn't have acted that way."

"Brian, really, it's-"

The water hissed as it began to boil, hitting the sides of the pot. Evan flinched, shrinking slightly against the kitchen island and turning his head to stare into the darkness just beyond the kitchen.

"It's just the water, Ev. Let me get your tea. Just go sit at the table, okay?"

—

They sat in complete silence. Brian was still half-asleep, his head resting the palm of his hand while the other was comfortably stretched across Evan's shoulders. Occasionally, he'd feel Evan watching him, trying to gauge if he was asleep- or maybe if he was even real- and in turn he'd rub circles into his boyfriend's back.

"Feeling better?" He cracked open one eye, watching Evan sip at his tea. "Maybe we should try some sleeping pills-"

"Brian."

Evan placed the mug down, shrugging off Brian's arm as he turned to face him.

"What's up?" Brian pushed himself fully upright, momentarily shaking off his tiredness.

"I need help." He couldn't meet Brian's gaze as he let the words hang between them.

"Help with what?"

Evan shook his head. "No, Brian, I- I need help. Like, I need to go somewhere-" Brian grabbed his arm as he started to work himself up.  He met his gaze. "I can't do it anymore."

Brian was quiet for a while, probably studying how pitiful and sad he looked, before nodding.

"Okay. If that's what you want, then let's do it."