#COMM

Chapter 19

Kulang na lang talaga, itali ko 'yung sarili ko to stop myself from bouncing. Ewan ko ba. Jasper was just sitting beside me, pero iba na talaga 'yung feels! Hindi na kasi siya mukhang aattend ng funeral because I finally managed to convince him to wear casual. Though he's wearing a long sleeves that he folded—na hindi niya nga rin masyadong ma-fold kasi legit na ang laki ng arms niya. Nakakaloka lang talaga 'yang push-up routine niya.

Jasper kept on adjusting his shirt. Hindi siguro siya comfortable?

"Sure ka ba na wala kang pupuntahan today?" I asked. What I was doing was breaking my rule... kinda. Pero gusto ko rin kasi, maka-sigurado na wala talaga siyang girlfriend or anything close to that. Ayoko talaga na maging mang-aagaw. I never want to be that kind of girl.

"Yes, Ma'am," Jasper replied and then tried to button the upper one in his polo.

"Baka naman masakal ka niyan," I said.

"You should've just let me wear my uniform, Ma'am."

I frowned. E 'di hindi na date 'yun kapag naka-uniform siya? Kahit naman super feeler ko lang sa ginagawa ko, gusto ko comfortable si Jasper. I knew he's stepping out of his comfort zone by doing this favor for me. I, at least, wanted him to feel at ease.

"Here, let me help," I said, slightly biting my lips. I turned sideways and then unbuttoned the top button kasi mukha siyang nasasakal. I adjusted his collar, so that he could breathe freely. But my insides were slightly shaking because I could feel Jasper.

Gosh, ang gwapo talaga kahit ang seryoso ng mukha. If only I could touch his face without looking like a creep...

Akala ko babaling ng tingin si Jasper because I was really too near. Just a few more centimeters and something really good would happen inside this moving vehicle. But First Lieutenant didn't move; he freaking stared back at me!

Gosh, napalaban ako ng titigan!

Our eyes were both locked at each other while I was holding onto his collar like my dear life depended on it. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time he was looking at me. He really just had that kind of effect on me.

He always made me breathless. Always.

"Ah... ayos na," I said after seconds that felt like eternity. It seemed like he didn't have any plans of breaking the stare. Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin na parang gusto niya na tunawin ako.

And me? I was very much willing. Grabe talaga ako magka-crush.

"Thanks," he said in his usual one-word replies. How I loved those rare moments when he speaks in volume. I love listening to his words... I love hearing his voice... There's really something about Jasper that made me feel safe. Kasi alam ko na hindi niya ako hahayaan na mapahamak.

'Except for your heart,' sabi nung epal na part ng brain ko.

But isn't everything in life a gamble? It's either you get it or you don't. I believe that if you really want something and you do nothing about it, you have no right to pout around if you don't get it. Kasi 'di ba you did nothing?

Kaya ito? Basta malaman ko lang na walang babae si Jasper, kahit parang stupid na ako, I'd cling on to this crush.

Nang makarating kami sa mall, bumaba na kami ni Jasper—not until he instructed the driver to stay in the vehicle and not wander around. He's super paranoid kasi na someone would plant a bomb sa car.

"Super paranoid mo talaga. I'm not even a de Marco. Feel ko dapat 'yung guards nila Maven and Addie 'yung may level of being paranoid mo," I told him while we were walking side by side papunta sa mall entrance. Kilig lang, kainis.

"I'm glad that you feel safe, but this is my job, Ma'am," he replied, still subtly looking around, pero obvious pa rin naman na he's on the lookout. Sobrang uptight talaga.

"May threat ba ngayon?" I asked. When I was younger, our whole clan received death threats like it's our breakfast. 'Dun kasi nung nagstart na magjoin sa politics sila Abuelo. Tapos my dad's the Spanish consul here in the country. It's just crazy. Kaya wala talaga akong balak pumasok sa mundo na 'yun.

"It's always better to be safe," he replied instead. Medyo kinabahan ako. May threat ba?

When we were finally inside the mall, konti lang 'yung mga tao. Jasper began to walk behind me.

"Bakit ka ba nasa likod ko?" I asked dahil date nga kasi 'to! Tapos para siyang stalker na naka-sunod sa akin. He really knew how to work a girl! Worked na worked na ako!

"What are you going to buy?" he asked like he's in a hurry to get the hell out of the mall.

"I'm hungry. Eat muna tayo," I said. Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. I frowned at him—'yung cute lang. "Please? You choose where. 'Yung mukhang safe para hindi mo feel na lalasunin ka."

Jasper looked like he's already annoyed kasi makulit ako. But I just wanted to eat with him! Never pa kami kumain ng sabay dahil nga sobrang paranoid niya lang talaga!

"Why are we really here?" he asked.

"May bibilhin nga ako," I replied.

"Then let's buy."

"E gutom na ako..."

"Then you eat."

He's so annoying!

"Fine! Let me call Aidan first para may kasabay akong kumain!" I said out of frustration! Pagkain pa lang, sobrang hirap niya na kausap! Pasalamat siya hindi ko siya pwedeng sabunutan dito sa gitna ng mall kasi sobrang he frustrated me na talaga!

I whipped my phone from my bag and seriously began to dial Aidan's number. Masaya habulin si Jasper, pero minsan, I wished he'd just do whatever the hell he really wanted to do. Nakakapagod 'tong push and pull game niya.

But even before I could hit call, Jasper caught my hand.

"Fine," he said, still holding my hand. My heart began to race again. God... if only he could hold me like this and look at me like that.

Words escaped me. I just wanted to stare at him.

"Where do you want to eat?" he asked.

"Y-you choose," I replied, my voice a little shaky kasi kilig ako. He's holding my hand! "You're the one who's picky."

His thick brows knitted. "I'm not picky. I just want you safe."

I cocked my head. "I'll feel safer if I'm certain na hindi ka biglang hihimatayin dahil sa gutom."

"Ma'am—"

"Siobhan na lang, please? 'Di ba special friends na tayo?" I said, wiggling my eyebrows. I saw him pressing his lips to probably suppress a smile! Aha! Naalala niya kaya 'yung pagba-blush niya kahapon? Because he was super cute when he was blushing!

"Just pick where to eat... Siobhan."

God. Ganito siguro ang feeling ng mga tumatama sa lottery.

* * *

After a minute-long worth of debate, we settled on eating in a Japanese resto. Feel ko kasi mas feeling safe si Jasper if he see na sa harap namin mismo ipe-prepare 'yung food.

Jasper was studying the surrounding while I was studying him. His skin was perfectly tanned maybe because of his line of work. Tuwing nasa labas kami, papayungan niya ako. Kahit minsan umuulan, basta safe ako na hindi mabasa, kahit maulanan siya okay lang. There's a cut sa bandang dulo ng left brow niya. His high nose was slightly crooked sa bridge area. Siguro mahilig makipag-away si Jasper. I could seriously picture him beating up guys! Kaya nga as much as possible, ayoko talaga na magtagpo sila ni Aidan, e. I was scared of what he'd do to Aidan!

And Jasper's lips? Don't even get me started. I even made it to a point not to look at his lips because I was having serious sinful thoughts. Like thrice na akong nagsimba alone, without my fam kasi iba talaga naiisip ko.

"Are you done staring?" he asked. Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko.

"H-hindi, ah!"

"You're too obvious," he replied, now looking at me.

"Curious lang ako... did you break your nose before?" I asked, trying to come up with a reason why I was staring. Sobrang lala na talaga when it came to him.

Agad na kumunot 'yung noo niya. Like he's in his defense mode again. 'Wag niya lang talaga akong sabihan ng strictly business niya dahil baka siya ang gawin kong sashimi.

"Alam mo, Jasper Alexander Ybañez, if you want to be friends with me—"

"You're the one who wants to be friends with me," he cut me off. Aba aba! Sumasagot na si First Lieutenant!

"Fine. But this special friendship," I said and then I pointed at both of us. Pinaalala ko talaga 'yung special, so he'd remember na pinakilig ko siya last night! "This is a two way thing. You better cooperate," I continued. "Plus, today's a Sunday."

Jasper looked at me like he was weighing his decision. Sobra niya na lang talaga ako laging pinapakaba. 'Di ko sure if this was still a good thing dahil feeling ko makaka-develop na ako ng early onset of heart disease dahil sa kanya.

"Fine," he replied. Tss. One-word reply pa rin.

Our food was served and I began to enjoy my sushi. Jasper seemed hesitant. I pushed the plate towards him.

"Eat na, please? Nakita mo naman 'yung fish mismo sa harap mo. 'Wag ka ngang masyadong doubtful. Bad 'yan," I said and then handed him the chopsticks.

I was beaming when he began to eat. I began to happily eat, too. Quiet lang kami for a while. Ayoko rin kasi siya i-disturb. Sobrang creepy ko na talaga kasi I feel a sense of fulfillment tuwing nakikita ko na kumakain si Jasper. I mean, alam ko naman na 'yung reason why hindi siya kumakain while on duty kasi na-drug siya dati and caused someone to die... but he shouldn't be too hard on himself. Wala namang may gusto na mangyari 'yun.

And Addie said that the girl loved Jasper kasi she moved all the way from Canada here. I was sure na she wouldn't want Jasper to beat himself too bad because of it. Kasi if ako 'yung mamamatay? Ayoko na sisihin ni Jasper 'yung sarili niya.

We were offered sake pero I declined kahit gusto kong painumin si Jasper, so that he'd loosen up. But Jasper being Jasper, he just contented himself with a glass of water.

"So, bakit may ganyan 'yung brow mo?" I asked tapos tinuro ko 'yung gilid ng brow niya. Ang daming battle scars ni Jasper... I wonder kung saan pa siya may tinatago...

"I was almost stabbed in the face," sabi niya na parang wala lang.

My lips parted. "You were what?!" sabi ko na napalakas kaya napatingin 'yung iba sa amin. I bit my lip. Kasi naman!

"Almost, Siobhan. I didn't die," sabi niya sa akin. I stopped myself from feeling kilig dahil mas nangibabaw 'yung gulat ko na he was almost stabbed! Who dared stab him?!

"What happened? Who stabbed you? Is he still alive?"

"He's rotting in prison, I think?"

"You're not sure? That person stabbed you, Jasper!"

"I get stabbed and shot. It's normal," he said casually.

"No, it's not normal," I argued. How would it ever become normal?!

"That's my life."

Natigilan ako.

Somehow, that hit me.

And then there was a pang.

"So, that's it? One day, maybe you'll get shot or stabbed or God knows what?"

Jasper stared at me and said, "Yes."

"And ganon na lang 'yun? Aren't you even worried?"

Jasper shook his head. Napa-abot ako sa sake and drank it in a gulp. "You're unbelievable."

"I won't die," he said.

"And how do you even know that? You don't even eat. Maybe you'll die of starvation bago ka pa man masaksak or mabaril."

I was starting to fume, but Jasper, for some reasons, found this amusing. I really couldn't believe him! He just told me na pwede siyang mamatay anytime, pero parang ang saya niya pa!

"I won't die," he repeated. "You're still here. I won't die."

Napaawang ang labi ko. "H-ha?"

"You're here to feed me. I won't die of starvation," he said, slightly smiling. I frowned. Panira. Kainis.