#COMM

Chapter 34

I needed to talk to a lot of people. A whole lot of them.

"Where's Evan?" I asked Nico who was quietly resting. As much as I wanted to send him home to his family, hindi ko magawa. I was beginning to think na Mama was being suspicious with Jasper's disappearance already, so I couldn't risk na pati si Nico hanapin niya.

"Umalis po kanina, Ma'am. Baka mamaya babalik," he answered. "Bakit po? Aawayin niyo na naman?" nagbibiro na sabi niya.

I sighed. Buti nga kung ganoon lang. But my problems were more than that already. Gone were the days na ang problema ko lang ay kung bakit ayaw sa akin ni Evan para kay Jasper. Kasi ngayon, it felt like everyone's doing their thing to keep us apart.

And deep within me, I felt like I was doing a part, too.

I just didn't know what I'd rather do. If I should just let the world burn and be happy, or to think about what's going to be the best for everyone.

"Are you sure? I went here yesterday din, pero hindi ko pa rin naabutan si Evan," I said. The doctor already gave clearance para makalabas si Jasper sa hospital. He still needed to rest to heal, but he's already safe from any major problem.

Well, not really. He's really keen on telling my family about us para tigilan na ako ni Justin. And I'd be all for that, too, if only my Abuelo wasn't desperate for the influence that Justin's family has, sadly.

"Di ko po alam, Ma'am, e. Simula po nung na-ospital si Sir Jasper e palaging umuuwi sa kanila si Sir Evan," paliwanag ni Nico. Maybe his wife needed him, too, but it was out of character because not once did I see Evan sa hospital ever since naka-salubong ko palabas sa room ni Jasper iyong babae. But maybe that was just his wife.

I stayed at the guesthouse for a while, but Evan didn't come home. Hindi na rin ako umalis sa bahay because all my brothers were out. And with what happened to Jasper na kinuha sila ni Justin, I just really felt ton safer inside the confines of our home.

I thought my day would be a waste again, but when I saw Papa emerging out of the car...

God.

Bahala na.

"Pa," I managed to say in the most inaudible way possible. I knew my dad loves me, but I also knew that it's an entirely different matter now that the family name's involved. There's just too much at stake already.

"Yes?" tanong niya.

I stared at him for a second. "Can we talk?"

He stared back with his forehead creased a little. So... Mama hadn't said anything yet. I didn't know what to feel about that. If paano ko sisimulan na sabihin or what. "Is it serious?" tanong niya ulit.

"I guess..." mahina kong sagot.

"Are your brothers in yet?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not yet," I replied.

Kumunot lalo ang noo niya. He eyed me like he was beginning to realize things. I made no attempt to hide the thing that I was feeling—heck, I couldn't even properly name what I was feeling. Parang magkahalo na kaba, takot, excitement. I was feeling so many things all at once that it made me feel dizzy.

"You're usually the last one to be home," he pointed. "But now, you're always around," he continued. "Are you in trouble?"

Tinignan ko si Papa. I didn't want to lie to him—when it comes to my family, I try to do all the right things whenever I could. And I knew that Papa would help me naman... I was his only girl! I mean, except for Cindy, but still.

"Is Abuelo in trouble?" I asked.

"Papa?" he asked. I nodded. "Why?"

I sighed. Gosh. 'Di ko na mabilang if pang-ilang sigh ko na 'to! Feeling ko I aged so much ever since Justin entered my life!

"Kasi..." I began, trying to find the courage to tell him what happened last time. Abuela still hadn't came back, but I was afraid when she came back tapos tatanungin niya kung kamusta na ba kami ni Justin, e wala naman talaga! And if they really wanted that much coveted North, then magcampaign sila nang sobra doon! Bakit kailangan kasama ako?! Kailangan ba ng validation ng mga Ramirez bago manalo si Abuelo?

"What?" he asked. "Come on. What's the problem?"

"Kasi... Abuela went here the last time. She was asking about me and Justin."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Justin?"

I nodded. "Justin Ramirez? The son of Congressman Ramirez?"

"And why are you associated with that person?" biglaang sabi ni Papa. Tignan mo na! Kahit siya ayaw niya sa mga Ramirez! Si Justin pa lang kasi, e! I mean, if the fruit really doesn't fall far from the tree...

"I don't know," nahihirapan na sabi ko. I looked at Papa, and he looked really concerned now. My heart melted. Gusto kong umiyak kasi kahit sobrang busy niya palagi sa work niya, kapag kailangan ko talaga siya, he's always there.

"Just... one day, he approached me. Then, hindi ko na alam. He's everywhere. He keeps on telling me that he wants to be close to me," I continuously said although my chest kept on tightening with every word that came out of my mouth. I just wanted to tell him everything so that it would be one less baggage inside my chest.

When I couldn't speak anymore, I stopped. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman na sobrang dami kong dinadala sa dibdib ko. Na parang biglaang, nagsabay-sabay sila.

"I don't want to be close to him," I said, staring into Papa's eyes. "I don't even want him in my life."

Nagulat ako nang biglang ibaba ni Papa iyong hawak niyang brief case, at marahan akong hinatak papunta sa kanya. He enclosed me inside his arms, and gently patted my head.

"Then don't," he said.

"But Abuela said—"

"I'll talk to them," Papa said.

"Takot ka rin sa kanila, e..."

I mean, who's not? Kahit nga si Auntie Beatrice na medyo baliw, takot din kila Abuela, e. I believe nga na sila Abuela iyong dahilan why nabaliw si Auntie. They're that scary. They didn't even have to say a word; they'd just make you feel... things.

Papa laughed. "I know, but you don't have to be involved, and they certainly can't force you to do anything against your will."

I tightened my hug. I love my dad... I love my family...

"One more thing..." I said, slowly breaking the hug. Tinignan ko si Papa. Huminga muna ako nang malalim. My heart was racing dangerously inside my chest, but I tried to pacify the storm that was brewing inside.

I needed to get this over with.

I couldn't forever hide it.

"I..." dahan-dahan kong sabi. "I have a boyfriend."

Parang may malaking tinik na nawala sa chest ko. But my shaking hands were telling an otherwise story. I was almost shaking in fear whilst waiting for a reaction from Papa—just literally freaking anything! His face giving me nothing was making me thing of everything!

"Is that the reason why you just can't tell them that you don't want to?" tanong ni Papa matapos ang ilang segundo na halos pumutol sa hininga ko.

Dahan-dahan akong umiling. "No..." I said, and then I began to tell him about the real reason why I couldn't just tell Justin to just back the fuck off.

* * *

Following my father's advice, the moment that Jasper was out of the hospital, I dragged him to see my cousin.

"I want to rest," Jasper said.

"Later, promise," sabi ko habang katabi ko siya sa sasakyan.

"Just tell me where we're going," he asked again. I shook his head. He eyed me. "What are you planning?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't telling him anything until I was sure that everything would be done accordingly. I wanted us to get out of this mess unscathed—physically and legally.

But the crease on Jasper's forehead was still there. I twisted a little, tapos inilagay ko iyong kamay ko sa noo niya. I tried to straighten his forehead.

"Don't worry na, please? This will be fast lang naman. We'll just talk to someone, tapos ihahatid na kita sa house niyo," sabi ko. I was also kind of excited since first time kong ihahatid si Jasper sa house nila. It was kind of unfair na alam niya na almost everything about me, pero ako basic details lang 'yung alam ko.

"I'll stay at Evan's."

"Ha? 'Di ba he's married? Makikitira ka sa kanila?"

He nodded.

Ayaw niya bang malaman ko kung saan siya nakatira?

Was he still mad kasi akala niya hindi ko pa rin sinasabi sa parents ko iyong tungkol sa amin?

I stayed silent after that. Mamaya ko na sasabihin. Gusto ko lang naman na kapag sinabi ko na sa kanya, maayos na lahat. I just didn't want to give him false hope until everything's certain.

Pagdating namin sa unit ni Addie, sandali kaming naghintay. I couldn't meet them at our house, nor at theirs. Hindi rin pwede sa public. This was the safest place.

"I didn't study law to fix this family's mess," sabi ni Maven nang makita kami ni Jasper. I just smiled at him. Ganito naman talaga si Maven. This was his way of saying hi.

Jasper looked at me, confused with what's happening.

"Thanks for seeing us, Mav," I said. Umupo siya sa harap namin. He was looking at us like he was already bored. Tiniis ko na lang because we're the ones who needed him.

Tinignan ko si Jasper na hindi pa rin alam kung ano ang nangyayari.

"Aspen already told me na sabi mo, hindi naman makukulong si Jasper—"

"What?" biglang putol ni Jasper sa sinasabi ko. I knew he didn't know about this. I begged Nico and Kellan not to tell Jasper about anything tungkol dito kasi ang gusto ko lang ay magpagaling siya.

Besides, I thought I could handle Justin alone.

Not until that devil decided to take advantage of my grandparents.

"Yeah," Maven said. "It's self-defense."

"Sure ka? I mean, baka they'd play dirty and do something para makulong si Jasper..." nag-aalala na sabi ko.

"What's happening?" biglang sabi ni Jasper. Mas lumakas iyong boses niya. Like he was demanding to be answered.

I looked at him, and took a deep breath before starting. "Justin threatened to sue you since you kind of shot him..."

"He was swinging a bat at me!" Jasper exclaimed.

"I know..." pilit kong kalmado na sinabi kahit kumulo iyong dugo ko. Hindi ko alam 'yun, ah! Gagong lalaki talaga 'yun! "But you shot him—"

Maven began to speak kaya natigilan ako. It looked like he didn't want to spend another minute here, so he began to tell me things I wasn't sure I exactly understood.

"He won't face any charges," Maven said.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

He almost rolled his eyes kasi bakit nga ba hindi ako naniniwala? He's Maven! Of course he's right! Never naman siyang nagkamali... except when it came to emotions... rather the lack thereof. 

"It's obviously self-defense," sabi niya na naman.

"But what if sabihin niya na he was shot naman?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes at me na talaga. "Article 11 of the Revised Penal Code states that anyone who acts in the defense of his person or rights do not incur criminal liability—"

"Pero what if—"

"I heard about what happened. It's self-defense, and there are lots of aggravating circumstances against that Ramirez. If he's smart, he'd know that filing a case will just backfire," he said, now looking utterly bored. He stood up. "But if worse comes to worst, I'll represent your boyfriend," Maven continued.

"Sigurado ka, ha?"

Maven didn't answer. "Go consult another lawyer," sabi niya bago umalis. Tss. Sungit.

But when I turned, I saw Jasper whose jaw was clenched. I didn't know what to do! He looked mad at me, but I was doing what I thought was right naman! Syempre I got scared when Justin threatened to sue! Ayokong makulong siya e nadamay lang naman siya dahil sa kung anuman ang habol sa akin ni Justin!

"What?" Jasper asked, his voice dark.

I looked at him, finding just an inch of light, but his face was grim with darkness. "I just..." I trailed. "I just didn't want you to worry," I said, sighing.

"And you thought keeping this from me would make me feel better?"

"Hindi naman sa ganon... You just got badly beaten up—"

"I can take care of myself."

"You didn't see yourself, Jasper," sabi ko habang nagsisikip iyong dibdib. I pointed at him. "But I saw you."

My eyes began to water. I suddenly remember how I felt when I saw him.

When I saw him half-dead from what Justin did to him.

Could he blame me for thinking this way?

Could he blame me for doing everything just to keep him safe?

"I almost lost you," I croaked. I stared at him. My eyes were watery, but I still wanted to see him. To know that he's still with me. "I can't lose you."

I waited.

I waited to hear something from him.

But all I felt was him pulling me close, and trapping me inside his arms.

"You won't lose me," he whispered. "I promise."

But aren't all promises made to be broken?

* * *

I decided not to confront Jasper kung bakit sa bahay nila Evan ko siya ihahatid. I kept myself busy by bugging Maven para magprepare if ever mabaliw si Justin. We just needed receipts to show what really happened that night kasi that lunatic might twist the narrative in his favor.

A week later, both my parents were in Madrid when Abuela unfortunately caught me at the house alone. She told me that there's this party that I should attend because it's for the supporters of Abuelo's campaign. Succinctly said, those who would fund Abuelo's campaign and in return, get favors. Ganoon naman talaga.

I purposely didn't tell Jasper about this kasi magpupumilit 'yun na sumama e he's still in the process of healing. But of course, to pacify him kahit hindi niya alam, I brought both Kellan and Nico with me. I knew naman na Jasper trusted both of them.

"I'm seriously gonna stab you kapag hindi mo tinanggal 'yang kamay mo," I told Justin whose hand was comfortably resting on the small of my back. I was smiling while saying this because all eyes were on us. If I didn't know better, si Abuela iyong nagpakalat ng gossip na meron daw something sa amin ng nawawalang anak ng kadiliman.

Justin laughed. "Oh, Mags."

"Why can't you just get someone who's willing? Do you get off forcing yourself on someone?" I asked. "Like your brother? Ganoon ba?"

His face darkened.

Fuck! I hit a nerve! After a lot of tries, dito lang pala ma-o-offend 'yung bwisit na 'to!

"Does being a rapist run in the blood?" tanong ko habang naka-tingin sa mukha niya. His jaw was dangerously clenched, but if he's gonna force himself on me, I'd make it worth his fucking while.

Unti-unti niyang inalis iyong hawak sa likod ko.

"Careful there, Margarette."

"What?" I asked, my eyes wide whilst still looking at him. "Hit a nerve, Ramirez?"

"Don't forget that I—"

I cut him off. "What? Sue Jasper?" tanong ko kaya nagulat siya. "Iyon ba?" tanong ko pero hindi siya nakapagsalita. I cocked my head to the side, and stared at his face. I wanted him to see that I wasn't someone he could just push around when he felt like it.

A devious smile dawned on his face.

Chills crept up my spine, but I forced myself to look brave in front of him.

"You wanna play that game?" he asked. I didn't say a word. "Alright. We'll play," sabi niya, at saka iniwan ako.