#COMM

Chapter 41

I repeatedly stared at the address Addie gave me. It was an address of a high-rise building in BGC. I didn't want to believe that this was the workplace of Jasper...

But what did I know? Ilang taon kaming hindi nag-usap si Jasper... Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano... I knew that if I ever decide to talk to him, I would tell him about our son... I could never lie to Jasper...

"Ma'am, nandito na po tayo," the driver said.

I felt nervous all of a sudden. Pero mas importante pa ba iyon kay JJ? I needed to think about his feelings first... He waited so long for this... He wanted to see his Dad... I needed to be brave and face Jasper... Para kung magalit man siya, sa akin na lang... Hindi kasalanan ni JJ na hindi siya nakilala ni Jasper...

That's my choice.

I'd take the consequences of my choice.

I alighted from the car and took nervous steps. The receptionist greeted me. I didn't know what to expect... Addie didn't tell me anything—as per my request. I didn't like hearing about Jasper. Kasi marinig ko pa lang ang pangalan niya, parang gusto ko na agad siyang makita...

And I couldn't do that before. I needed to stop thinking about myself... about what I wanted... I needed to put JJ before anything else.

"Good afternoon," I greeted.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am, what can I do for you?" she asked.

I adjusted the wig that I was wearing. I knew I was probably paranoid, but I just couldn't risk it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari kay Justin... I knew my Dad promised to take care of him, but the Ramirez were just as powerful as they were crazy... I couldn't take that chance.

"Is there..." I trailed. I looked around. Everything looked so... modern. Hindi ko maisip na dito nagta-trabaho si Jasper. "Is... Jasper Ybañez here?"

My heart was beating profusely fast as I waited for the answer. I could feel my hands starting to get cold as seconds passed by. Parang biglang sumikip iyong suot ko. I felt like I needed to go out to breathe.

"Do you have an appointment with him, Ma'am?"

Holy—he's really working here?

I clamed up. I suddenly felt dizzy.

"Because if you don't have an appointment, Ma'am, I suggest you make one first before you can see him," she said, looking concerned as I began to have a panic attack. "Ma'am, are you okay?"

I nodded, trying to control myself.

"Y-Yeah... Do you have a rest room here?" I asked.

The receptionist politely pointed me at the direction of the rest room. With my shaking knees, I managed to go there. Thankfully, walang tao sa CR. I removed my freaking wig and splashed some cold water on my face.

"You're doing this for JJ," I reminded myself as I stared at my reflection. I kept on breathing deeply, constantly telling myself that I should suck it up... This wasn't just for me... This was for my son... My son who's begging to be introduced to his father.

I needed to do this.

But when the door swung open, I panicked and hid inside one of the stalls. Shit, Justin! Even the slightest movement was enough to send my system into a fucking overdrive! Pakiramdam ko ay matatahimik lang ako kapag nawala na si Justin sa mundo!

"Sobrang hot ni Sir grabe."

My forehead creased. Something was telling me to listen.

"I know! Too bad he's already with someone, no?"

"Hindi pa naman sila kasal. He's still fair game, if you ask me."

"Still. 'Di man sila kasal ni Ma'am Helene, may anak naman sila... Saka 'di naman mukha si Sir Jasper na magcocommit ng adultery. Ni 'di nga tumitingin 'yun sa mga babaeng employee dito."

My chest quickly began to tighten. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Hanggang sa muli kong marinig ang pagsara ng pinto ay hindi pa rin ako maka-galaw.

M-May... may anak siya kay Helene?

Shit.

My vision started to become blurry. I had to sit on the bowl. Shit. Jasper has a child... with someone else. Shit. What do I do?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nanatili sa loob. I just... I just didn't know what to do! I knew that I needed to talk to Jasper... I owed JJ that much... but it suddenly felt like everything has changed!

It wasn't about me... not just about JJ...

It's about Jasper's family—his own child.

'But JJ's his child, too...' a voice inside me said.

Gulung-gulo ang isip ko. I knew that I needed to get out of here. I needed to get out fast. Mabilis kong kinuha ang mga gamit ko. I couldn't talk to Jasper. Not now. I wasn't in the right mindset. I needed to process what I just heard.

"I'm so—"

My heart began to quicken its pace when a familiar face appeared before me. My lips parted in recognition. I saw her once before... just once... but I could never forget her face.

"Helene."

"You're back," she said. "Are you here to see Jasper?"

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. How do I even do it? How do I tell her that Jasper has a son with me? How do I tell her that when she's in a wheelchair? It felt so wrong...

"Helene—"

"He has a meeting all day. I suggest you go back after 5. He's parked at basement 2," she said.

Nanatiling naka-kunot ang noo ko. Hindi ko maintindihan... What was she doing? Why was she helping me with Jasper?

"What... what are you doing?" I asked.

"You want to talk to him, right?" she asked.

I nodded. "I don't... I don't understand."

Her face remained impassive. It almost felt like I was gone for too long—far too long for things to have changed drastically... Hindi ko na alam ang mga nangyayari... Hindi ko maintindihan...

"You go see him for you to understand," she said before she rolled herself away from me.

Even when she was gone from my vicinity, I still couldn't move. What happened? What happened to Jasper for her to act that way? Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba...

Addie told me that I needed luck...

And now... Helene's words felt like warning...

It felt like I needed to prepare myself... sa kung anuman ang nangyari kay Jasper.

* * *

I stayed in a cafe. My hands were already shaking from consuming too much caffeine, but I couldn't help myself! Kanina ko pa iniisip kung ano ang mga posibleng mangyari kapag nagkita kami ni Jasper. What happened to him? I felt like something big happened... something so big for the people around me to speak of him like he turned... like he turned into some kind of monster...

And it scared me. It scared me to think about what he became... but I needed to see him... I needed to talk to him...

He needed to know about JJ...

I almost jumped from my seat when my phone alarmed. It's 4:30. I needed to go back to the building. I needed to see Jasper.

Against my shaking knees, I forced myself to walk back to the building. Panay ang paghinga ko nang malalim habang naglalakad ako papunta roon. Sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko nang makarating ako sa basement.

"It'll be fine..." I kept on telling myself, but my own words weren't enough to calm me down... Panay lang ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko...

I didn't know where I should be waiting. There were only a few cars here in the basement—all of them luxury cars... Did Jasper drive one of these? I couldn't imagine... but then again, I didn't know much about him...

All I knew was that I love him... I didn't need to know much to know that my feelings for him are true.

"Do I need to go there myself to close that deal?"

I froze.

My entire system froze when I heard that voice.

"See me when the deal's closed. Otherwise, I expect to see your resignation letter on my desk."

I could hear his footsteps. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Hindi ako maka-galaw. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

Jasper... Jasper walked passed by me. He didn't even stop. He didn't even notice that I was there... And I couldn't even recognize him.

He didn't look the same...

He didn't feel the same...

And I felt scared.

Narinig ko ang patuloy na pakikipag-usap niya. Patuloy ako sa paghinga nang malalim. Kailangan kong lakasan ang loob ko... I knew I couldn't run from this... I couldn't keep on delaying this... One day, I'd have to talk to him. I'd have to tell him about JJ...

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at huminga nang malalim.

"Jasper."

I could feel my heart in my throat.

I could feel my hands starting to get cold.

I couldn't see Jasper... but it was as if I could feel him freezing. It was as if he could recognize my voice...

It was as if he was almost scared that it was me...

"Jasper," I repeated myself. I could see him grasping on his phone like he was holding on to his dear life. Even from a distance, I could feel the weight of the emotions surrounding us... And it was making it so hard to breathe...

I couldn't move. I wanted him to turn and look at me.

"We need to talk," I said.

I waited for seconds. I waited for seconds before he turned to look at me. I almost fell on my knees when I felt his eyes on me...

His eyes...

I could see the anger in his eyes.

I could see him looking at me like I betrayed him...

But it wasn't like that... I never betrayed him... I never loved anybody else since him...

It's always been him... Kahit hindi na ako ang gusto niya... That wouldn't change the fact that for me, it's just him... It's just him and our son...

His chest was desperately rising and falling...

I could feel how he wanted to say something, but his emotions wouldn't let him. Pilit kong nilakasan ang loob ko. Pilit akong humakbang palapit sa kanya.

"Jasper..." I called again. I could feel my entire system shaking in fear as I got nearer. My mind was telling me to stop, but my own heart betrayed me...

I wanted to be near him.

I needed to be near him.

I didn't care anymore if he'd get mad at me.

I just wanted to give in to my feelings.

"I need to tell you something," I said. I fisted my hands. I needed to do this. "I know... I know you have a family now... but I know that I needed to tell you this..."

Huminto ako at tinignan siya sa mga mata niyang hindi umaalis ang tingin sa akin. I didn't know what he was feeling... but the intensity of his stares were enough to send fear across my system. Maybe they were right... Jasper's different now...

"We have a son."

I could see his lips parting. I could see the disbelief in his eyes.

"He's named after you, but I call him JJ... He's turning 4 in a few months... He's a very smart kid. He looks so much like you..." I said, staring back at him. "And he wants to meet you, Jasper."

Tahimik akong naghintay sa salita na magmumula sa kanya. Tahimik akong naghintay sa kahit ano mula sa kanya.

I silently counted each second that passed by.

I silently cherished the opportunity to stare at his face.

"My lawyer will get in touch."

Confusion washed over my face. "W-What?"

He looked at me, his face again full of anger. He was looking at me, his chest heaving in unmistakable anger. "If you're telling the truth, I'd want the custody of my child," he said before walking towards his car and driving... as if he couldn't wait fast enough to get away from me...