#CTG12 Chapter 12

"Si Katherine?" I asked upon arriving at the place where Katherine's parents' wake was held. Agad akong dumiretso dito nang marinig ko iyong nangyari. It took a couple of days before the wake was held because they still tried to search for the remains...

"Pinilit umuwi ni Jax kasi hindi pa natutulog," Rory replied.

We all seated in silence—no one wanted to say a word. Hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin ko... I knew I wanted to offer words of comfort, but I didn't know where to start. My mom died when I was young—I didn't even have any memory of her. I really didn't know the feeling of losing someone I love.

A little while later, Jax returned with Katherine. Her eyes were swollen from all the crying and Jax patiently stayed by her side. He was the one who talked to those who paid their respect. Tahimik lang akong naka-masid sa kanila, hindi alam ang gagawin. But even then, I knew that my presence was enough... Sometimes, words were not needed. It's enough that they know you're there.

"How's your summer?" Rory asked when we went out to get some air. It felt like it's been decided that we'd stay here for the entire night. It was the start of the school year, but that didn't matter. This was far more pressing.

"Okay naman," sagot ko.

"Yun lang? San ka buong summer?" she prodded even more.

I mere shrugged. I just spent the whole summer learning as much as I could from Atty. Cabo. He's really brilliant and though he asked too much from me, it's okay because I really learned a lot.

"Hey," Rory said when we saw Jax. There were bags under his eyes. He looked really tired. "Si Kitty?"

"Kausap ni Iñigo," he replied. He was holding a bottled water. Pinapanood ko lang iyong bawat paggalaw niya. I hadn't been able to talk to him, but he knew I'd been here... That he's my friend and if he needed anything, he could count on me.

Rory began to ask Jax and I was thankful. I couldn't do what she was doing. Tahimik lang ako na naka-tayo doon nang makita ko si Katherine at Iñigo sa isang gilid. My eyes watched every little movement. I knew there's nothing behind it—he was just being a friend... but I just didn't understand. Buong summer, ilang beses kong nakita na sinundo si Iñigo nung Gracey... But looking at this, it seemed like Iñigo still had feelings for Katherine.

Maybe I really did make the right decision.

I didn't need that kind of complication.

"San ka pupunta?" Rory asked.

"I'll just get coffee," I replied. "We're just here, okay?" I told Jax and tapped his shoulder before I walked past him. I was pretty sure I saw a coffee shop on my way here. I needed caffeine because I wanted to stay awake all night... May sine-serve naman na coffee sa wake pero hindi ako kumportable na kumain o uminom ng kahit ano galing doon. It just felt... weird.

Naglalakad ako papunta sa coffee shop nang makita ko si Iñigo na naka-tayo sa isang gilid. May hawak siyang sigarilyo. I stood there for a few seconds, not knowing what to do. Ngayon ko lang siya nakita na naninigarilyo.

"Hey," he said with a gentle smile when he saw me. "Alis ka na?"

Umiling ako. "Bibili lang ng kape."

"Mag-isa ka lang?"

Tumango ako. "D'yan lang naman."

He took another drag before he threw the cigarette in the bin. "Samahan na kita."

I shrugged. We're still friends. Halos dalawang buwan din kaming magkasama sa office. Although medyo madalas na wala siya dahil kung saan-saan siya sinasama, pero sa tuwing aalis siya, inuuwian niya ako palagi ng key chain kung saan man siya nanggaling. So far, binigyan niya ako ng Alaminos, Nueva Vizcaya, Cagayan Valley, Bataan, and Bulacan. Pakiramdam ko buong summer, nag-Luzon tour lang si Iñigo.

"You smoke?" I asked to fill the silence.

"Minsan lang kapag stressed," he replied. "Ang baho ko ba?"

"Amoy sigarilyo ka."

He laughed and took a step away. "Sorry na," he said, smiling. "Minsan lang naman."

"Buhay mo naman 'yan," sagot ko sa kanya.

I really thought I liked Iñigo... but I didn't like complications—never had. My life at home alone was already very complicated... the last thing I wanted was a complicated love life.

Siguro talent ko na iyong mabilis mawala kung anuman ang nararamdaman ko... Kagaya nung crush ko kay Jax na nawala nung biglang nagkaroon ng Katherine... Kagaya lang nitong kay Iñigo nung nagkaroon ng Gracey.

Alam ko kung saan ilulugar ang sarili ko—that's one of the few things I love about me.

"Thanks pa rin sa concern," sabi niya. "Pero gulat ako nandito ka... Akala ko 'di kayo friends ni Kitty."

"Hindi nga," sagot ko. "But that doesn't mean that I can't be there for her."

He smiled. "Improving ka na, Queen Elsa."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not made of ice. I have feelings... I just have better control over them."

He nodded. "Alam ko," sagot niya habang naka-ngiti pa rin. "Kaya ang hirap mong basahin, e. Lagi ka lang poker face. Isa sa mga highlight ng buhay ko 'yung umiyak ka sa harap ko, alam mo 'yun?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "That's weird."

"I know..." he said, and then looked at me. "How's third year?"

"Wala pang pumapasok na prof."

"Honor section ka pa rin?" I nodded. "Nice. Talino talaga!"

I shrugged. Hindi naman patalinuhan sa law school... It's more of who works harder... Kasi kahit gaano ka pa katalino, kung hindi ka naman nagbasa ng assigned readings, wala ka pa ring maisasagot sa klase.

"Is she okay?" I asked. I was curious... I knew she wasn't okay... Sino ba ang magiging okay sa ganoon? But I couldn't ask her because we're not exactly friends... And I couldn't ask Jax because he looked so tired already...

Iñigo tried to smile, but it was the kind of smile that brings pain to your heart. Iyong tipo ng ngiti na may kasamang sakit. Iyon 'yung tipo ng ngiti na ayokong makita.

"Not really," he said. "But she'll be fine... Eventually..."

"She has Jax," I said.

"Yeah..." he replied.

"She has you."

He looked at me. "We're friends."

"I know."

"Good," sabi niya. "Magkaibigan lang kami nun. Close kami kasi magkaklase kami ng isang taon. Blockmates. Napapanood tuwing napapagalitan sa klase—sabay kinakabahan kapag may recit. Sabay nagdadasal na sana stranded kung saan man iyong prof."

We continued to walk in silence. I knew what he meant kasi ganoon din ako kina Rory... I have some friends from college... But my friends from law school? We have a different kind of bond. We've seen each other at our lowest—we've watched each other grow from that scared freshman to a more dignified version of our current selves... We sincerely wish each other the best because we know all the hardship we go through just to get that elusive title.

But I think the difference is that I don't look at my friends the way Iñigo looks at Katherine.

"Gusto mong coffee?" I asked when we finally reached the coffee shop.

"Upo ka na; ako na lang pipila," he said. "Americano sa 'yo, 'di ba?" I nodded. He knew my order already. Sa dalawang buwan ba naman na magkasama kami sa trabaho.

Habang naka-pila si Iñigo, naghanap ako ng pwedeng upuan. Pakiramdam ko ay tinakasan ng kulay ang katawan ko nang may makita akong pamilyar na mukha. I quickly turned my back, desperate to exit the coffee shop.

Dad never interfered with my personal life, but that's because he knew that I didn't have time to date... I was so busy fulfilling his unrealistic expectation of me... But I was aware of who he wanted me to date—it's either I date someone who's Chinese or someone who's rich... It's just either of the two.

And I knew that if he'd see Iñigo with me, kahit wala naman talagang kahit ano sa aming dalawa, he'd start to wonder... And I seriously didn't need him setting me up with his friends' son.

Sobrang bilis kong maglakad. Halos palapit na ako pabalik nang maramdaman ko iyong pagvibrate ng phone ko.

"San ka?" he asked.

"Bumalik na ko."

"Galing, ah. Iniwan mo ko dito?"

"Sorry... May ano... si Rory," I said. I knew I didn't make sense, but I really didn't want to see my Dad there. He'd just ask questions I didn't want to answer. It's better this way.

Iñigo said na babalik na rin siya. Dumiretso ako sa loob nung chapel. I didn't want to risk na makita ko ni Dad sa gilid ng daan. Ni hindi nga niya alam na nasa lamay ako... Ang alam niya ay may biglaang presentation kaya kailangan kong mag-all nighter kasama ang groupmates ko.

"Okay ka lang?" Rory asked.

I nodded. "Yeah... Si Jax?"

"Kasama si Kitty," she replied. "Okay ka lang? Weird ng itsura mo..."

I just shrugged. Weird siguro yata talaga itsura ko... I looked pale—sometimes paler than Jax kapag hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay. Singkit kaya madalas mapagkamalan na masungit—although the truth is that I didn't have time for non-sense things. My height's average. My hair's always just below my shoulder because I didn't like it too long or too short...

Overall, I'm average at best... Siguro kaya 'din ang tagal bago natandaan ni Iñigo iyong itsura ko... Nothing's exceptional about me... Maybe except for my grades which I work so hard for.

But I'm okay. I made peace with it already. I just have to deal with what's given.

"Oh." Ramdam ko iyong pagtaas ng kilay ni Rory nang iabot sa akin ni Iñigo iyong kape ko. "Iniwan na naman ako."

"Thanks," I said. "Bayadan ko mamaya."

Iñigo shrugged. Alam niya naman na wala siyang magagawa. Every time na babayaran niya iyong pagkain ko sa office o bibilhan ako ng kape, tina-transfer ko iyong bayad sa bank account niya. I just didn't like him spending his money on me when I knew for a fact that he's working to pay for rent and for his allowance.

"Ano 'yun?" Rory asked as if on cue. Chismosa talaga.

"Wala."

"Ano'ng wala?!"

"Wala naman talaga."

"Charisse Faith!" she said. "May love life ka na ba?!" she asked habang hawak iyong magkabilang braso ko. I tried to get away from her, but her grip was hard.

"Wala akong love life..." I answered, still trying to get her hands off of me.

"Bakit parang close na kayo?"

I shrugged. "Di kami close..."

"Siguro naman sa dalawang taon na blockmates tayo, alam mo na na hindi kita titigilan hanggang 'di mo sinasabi sa 'kin?" she asked and I sighed because she was right... Sometimes, she's unbearable. Kaya minsan tinataguan namin ni Jax silang dalawa dahil ang ingay nila. Gusto lang naman naming mag-aral.

"Nagsummer job ako... And 'dun din pala siya nagta-trabaho. End of story."

But I was wrong. My three-sentencestory was followed by endless question from Rory's end. I felt like I was a defendant in a case and I was under inquisition dahil sa dami ng tanong niya. At first, I patiently answered her questions...

"Nothing's going on," I said after a few minutes of her trying to insinuate that there's something when in fact, there's nothing. "We're friends. That's it."

"Wala talaga?" Umiling ako. "Bakit?"

"Ano'ng bakit?"

"Bakit wala? Okay naman si Iñigo... He's super cute... Matalino... Mukhang mabait naman... Ano'ng ayaw mo?"

My eyes went to Iñigo who's standing at the opposite side of the room. His right hand was inside his pocket while his left hand was holding a cup of coffee. He was gently blowing against his cup—palaging hot coffee ang binibili niya. Akala ko dati dahil iyong lang ang gusto niya, but I later learned that it's because mas mura iyon kaysa sa frappe or cold drinks.

And he's wondering why I was keen on paying him back every time. Sobrang tipid kaya niya.

"It's complicated," I answered.

Rory laughed. "When is love ever not complicated?"

"He likes someone else," I said.

"Sinabi niya 'yun... o sinasabi mo lang sa sarili mo?" Rory asked.

"Why does it even matter?" I asked. I'd spent 2 months with him... "It's impossible, anyway," I continued before I stood up and went outside to get some air.