#CTG19 Chapter 19

I wasn't superman.

I'm just a human.

And I have my limits.

And this was my limit.

My hands were shaking as I stared at the paper in front of me. It was my quiz in Torts. I barely passed. 75. Hindi 'to pwede. I couldn't fail this subject twice.

"Okay ka lang?"

I quickly hid the paper behind me when I heard Iñigo's voice. I looked at him and simply nodded. I didn't make the habit of broadcasting my failure to people. It's mine to think about.

"Yeah," I replied quickly. Napa-tingin ako sa hawak niyang papel. 92. I wasn't surprised... Nakaka-sagot naman talaga siya sa recit.

"May class ka pa after nito, 'di ba?"

"Yes."

"Ano'ng oras tapos?"

"9pm."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Sigurado ka bang okay ka lang?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Sure ka, ha?" he asked again and I merely stared at him. I was looking at his face but my mind was already drifting to my next class. I hated how I was always sacrificing my Torts class dahil sa dami ng inaaral ko para sa review class. I needed to better manage my time. Hindi pwede na ngayon pa ako ma-delay dahil sa isang subject. Wala sa option ko ang pagiging delayed. I needed to graduate this year and then take the BAR. I needed to work. I needed money to support myself.

"Yes, why?"

Iñigo's eyes were looking at me as if he was trying to figure out if something was wrong—but nothing was wrong. I was just tired, I guessed. Unlike before, I needed to wake up earlier to prepare my food because I needed to save money. I also begin to walk to school because I just realized how expensive commuting was. Pag-uwi ko sa condo, diretso nakaka-tulog ako sa sobrang pagod.

Damned Torts. Bane of my existence.

It was like 360 degree change my life, but it was okay. I just needed getting used to my new routine.

"Di ka na kasi nakikipagtalo o kaya binabara ako gaya ng dati," he said, shrugging. "You sure na okay ka lang?"

I stared at his face again. That face.

'After BAR,' I reminded myself.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied. I shoved the paper inside my bag. But even before I could do that, mabilis na nakita ni Iñigo iyon. I watched the expression on his face change—like he understood why I was in such a mood. I knew that he thought he knew me... and probably he's right. Siguro nga kilala niya ako. Siguro. Sana.

"Quiz lang naman 'yan," he said like he was trying to make me feel better. It was not working. I wasn't the kind of person who'd feel better because there's another opportunity to make up for the loss... Because why would I waste the opportunity in the first place if I could already do better?

"I'm fine," I replied, not wanting more of his 'cheer up' words. I knew he meant well, but I just wasn't in the mood. I already re-arranged my sleeping schedule inside my head. I'd subtract two hours from my sleep so I could focus on Torts. I really couldn't afford to fail this subject—not only because I didn't want to be delayed, but also because I didn't want to be immensely disappointed in myself.

"If you need help—"

"I appreciate it, pero may klase pa ako," sabi ko sa kanya bago nagmadaling umalis dahil may review class pa ako. I knew he meant well... but I was just really busy.

Pagdating ko sa classroom, naupo ako sa tabi ni Rory. I opened my codal and read it again while waiting for the professor. Pagdating niya, nagsimula na iyong review class. It all happened so fast—attendance checking, recitation of both concepts and jurisprudence, then quiz to cap it off.

God, I was going crazy!

My mind was already so tired but I still needed to walk back to the condo. I wanted to eat but I just remembered that I forgot my wallet and I didn't think I had any energy left para bumaba pa ulit. I guessed I'd just sleep with an empty stomach. Bukas na lang ako babawi.

"Ano 'yan?" tanong ko nang makita ko bigla si Iñigo sa harap ko. He was holding a small paper bag and was grinning like an idiot. My eyes were already so tired and I felt like I'd unconsciously fall asleep while talking to him. I was that tired.

"Pares." Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. He grinned. "Pagkain lang talaga katapat mo, no?"

I pursed my lips. He's making this hard. I already told myself that whatever business I had with Iñigo, it had to wait after I take the BAR. But he's really here making this hard.

"Wala ka bang klase?"

"Tapos na," he said. He stood beside me like he's preparing to walk beside me. "Cheer up food... and apology food kasi iniwan kita nung Sunday."

I didn't reply. Sabi niya sasamahan niya ako sa paghahanap ng condo, but after just looking at one, he received a text from Gracey—he didn't tell me it was from her, I just accidentally saw her name when he got his phone from his pocket. Sabi niya na aalis siya pero babalik din daw siya... But I had no energy to wait for him. I just read the contract and signed the lease to the first condo we saw.

"In my defense, babalik naman talaga ako. Bakit ka kasi pumirma agad? Marami pa namang condo dito."

I shrugged. "The unit's fine."

"Kahit na—"

I grabbed the paper bag from his grasp. Baka mainis siya sa akin tapos maka-limutan niyang ibigay iyong pagkain. I was really hungry... I'd been eating canned goods for the past few days... I needed real food.

Narinig ko na naman iyong tawa niya.

"Thank you," mahina kong sabi.

"Ano?" he asked even though I was sure that he heard me. I ignored him. He laughed. "Kung 'di ka marunong magluto, may mga delivery service naman para 'di ka magutom."

I remained quiet. I continued to walk. Sumabay siya sa akin. Sometimes, I wonder if he's just really nice... Or if he likes me the way I like him...

But I didn't want to think about that. I really had too much on my plate already. I couldn't add him on my list.

"May kulang pa ba sa unit mo?"

"Fully furnished."

We continued to walk in silence. I could already see the condo building. Ihahatid niya ba ako?

"Galit ka ba sa 'kin?" he asked. "Emergency lang kasi 'yung kay Gracey kaya umalis ako. Bumalik naman ako kaya lang pagbalik ko sabi naka-pirma ka na raw sa lease," paliwanag niya.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't know how my friends did this whole 'love life'... It's so complicated and time consuming and not to mention confusing. He told me we're just friends but he's also doing all these things. And I didn't want to ask him and risk getting hurtin the middle of all the things I needed to do. I needed to prioritize and this thing was definitely not my priority.

BAR muna.

Title muna.

"Hindi ako galit," I began. "Pagod lang talaga ako."

I didn't want to describe to him how tired I was, but I was pretty sure that it was very evident on my face. I was almost dragging my feet habang naglalakad pauwi. Sigurado din ako na halos pasara na iyong mga mata ko sa sobrang pagod.

"Sa Torts ba 'yan?"

"All of my subjects."

"San ka pinaka-nahihirapan?"

"Sa lahat."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "San nga?"

Kumunot din ang noo ko. "Sa lahat nga."

"Ikaw pa? Talino mo kaya?"

"You're in law school, too... Do you seriously think I can survive with just being smart? I have to work hard for my grades. Napapagod din ako," I said and as words came out of my mouth, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders... I had long been wanting to say these words but for some reason, I had always pretended that I was okay... Because why wouldn't I be okay? I didn't worry about my tuition and my allowance like some of my classmates... Ang tanging kailangan ko lang gawin ay ang mag-aral. I felt like I didn't have the right to complain.

But I was tired.

I was really tired.

"I didn't—"

"I know," I said, cutting him off. "I'm just really tired, Iñigo," I continued, hoping that he'd listen to what I was saying. I didn't want to argue to with him—I just really wanted to rest. It had been a long day, a long week, a long month. I wanted to sleep.

He nodded, then we proceeded to continuing our walk. Wala ng nagsalita hanggang sa makarating kami sa harap ng building. Hawak ko pa rin iyong paper bag na may lamang pares.

I looked at him and forced a smile on my face because he deserved that, at least. He didn't even need to get me this but he did because he thought I needed cheering up.

He's really nice to me.

I couldn't wait to graduate and finish the BAR.

"Thanks," I said, pertaining to the pares.

He showed me a small smile. "Wala 'yun," sabi niya. "If ano..." He looked at me like he wanted to say something but he acquiesced. He drew a deep breath. "If you need anything, please text me."

I pursed my lips.

'Don't ask,' I told myself. Discussion about this whole confusing thing should be done after I take the BAR. Not now. This could and should take a backseat.

"Noted."

"Seryoso."

"Okay."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Seryoso kasi, Cha."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Seryoso nga din ako."

He blew air that made his bangs fly. My lips parted for a second. That was—

He's just really attractive, isn't he? From that tanned skin and easy going smile... And that perfect teeth that seemed like he wore braces for years to achieve...

Or was I just crushing on him so hard that everything he does looks good in my eyes?

When did he start being cute and stopped being annoying? I was pretty sure that everything he did before annoy me... What happened?

"Sinave mo na ba number ko?" he asked.

Hindi ako naka-sagot. Hindi ako mahilig magsave ng number. Hinuhulaan ko lang base sa conversation. Konti lang iyong naka-save na number sa phone ko—iyong mga tao na palagay ko ay importante sa buhay ko.

"Save mo na number ko."

"Okay."

"Seryoso kasi."

"Seryoso nga."

He squinted at me. "Save mo na ngayon."

"Ano ka? Bata?"

"Kapag may kailangan ka, kahit ano, text mo ko," he said instead. I remained silent. Mabuti na lang may microwave ako. Lumamig na iyong pares ko sa sobrang dami ng sinasabi ni Iñigo. I was fighting the yawn that was threatening to come out. I was already really sleepy.

"Chat mo na lang ako sa messenger kung ayaw mong isave number ko," he continued. I nodded. He groaned in frustration. What did he want me to do? I was already as cooperative as I could get. Tumatango na lang ako sa lahat ng sinasabi niya.

"Kulit naman nito," sabi niya na parang naiinis.

"Umuwi ka na nga," sabi ko na naiinis na rin. Nagugutom na ako. Gusto kong maligo. Gusto kong matulog. Gusto ko na lang talikuran si Iñigo at iwanan dito... pero hindi ko magawa.

Nagbago na yata talaga ako.

"Cha..."

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa pag-iiba ng tono niya. It sounded... softer. My name sounded different this time...

Iniling ko ang ulo ko.

After the BAR.

"I know I call you Miss Independent... but please? Call me?"

"Oo nga, 'di ba—"

"Yung seryoso kasi."

"Bakit ba ang kulit mo?"

He pressed his lips firmly. My lips parted. I didn't like his serious side—it was throwing me off. Mas gusto ko iyong hindi siya seryoso. This was making me feel things and I hated it. Not when I perfectly knew I couldn't do anything about it yet.

"I'm worried," he said, barely audibly. He was looking at me with those eyes and I breathed in the sight. All in perfect timing. "I feel like this... sort of... happened because your Dad saw you with me."

"Don't flatter yourself," I responded quickly. Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa paper bag. "This has nothing to do with you," I simply said. I just really didn't want to talk about my Dad with him—or with anyone outside the family. It's a family problem and it would be solved within the family... Not now, that's for sure. But I still wouldn't talk about it outside. It's a private matter and it would remain that way.

Iñigo simply nodded, but I was sure that he still wouldn't drop this. He had this look on his face that told me that he wouldn't stop it until I promise him that I'd call him if I ever needed something.

"Fine," I said. "You want to help me?"

He nodded. Quickly.

"If you have any reviewer for Torts—and detailed digests that I can read, that will be very helpful," I said. I normally wouldn't want to ask for help, but Iñigo was very persistent... And maybe help would be nice... Kaya ko naman siyang aralin... Pero sobrang dami ko nang inaaral para sa review class. I really didn't want to sacrifice Torts, but review classes were very demanding.

"Done," he said. "Anything else?"

"Okay na."

"Cha—"

"I'm serious," I said, cutting him off. "I'm good. Thank you for the concern, but I'll be fine."

He nodded. "Okay..."

I looked at him. "Good night," I said and turned my back on him, but I stopped when I heard him call my name.

"Sorry ulit na umalis ako nung Sunday. Bumalik naman ako."

I pursed my lips. He's just so confusing. "It's fine. She's your ex," I said. I didn't know why I said that. I must've been too tired already because words just kept on slipping from my mouth.

There was this amused look on his face. I knew he's about to say something smart so I quickly turned my back on him again and walked quickly inside the building.

Pagdating ko sa unit, mabilis akong naglinis ng katawan. I wanted to eat but it's already too late so I decided to just put it inside the ref. At least may kakainin na ako bukas.

I was already preparing to sleep when I received a text saying to check my messenger. I sighed as I did as I was asked.

Iñigo Borromeo:

Torts_Midterms_Samplex.docs

Torts_Finals_Samplex.docs

Torts_QuizCompilation.docs

Torts_Digests.pdf

Torts_Reviewer.pdf

Torts_RecitQs.pdf

Iñigo Borromeo:

Good night, Cha! Sino mga prof mo sa rev class mo?

Kumunot iyong noo ko sa mga sinend niya na files. Curiously, I clicked on the finals samplex. Wala talagang finals samplex... Hindi nagbabalik ng booklet iyong school kapag finals. Sanay akong makakita ng samplex ng midterms dahil marami naman talaga niyang nagkalat.

My eyes widened when I realized how awfully familiar the finals file was... This was the exact exam I took just last year... Maraming version ng finals... Bawat taon... What the hell? Bakit siya may kopya nito?

I opened all the files.

Almost all looked familiar.

Why the fuck did he have this? Kaya ba halos perfect lahat ng quiz niya? Kaya ba alam niya na lahat ng tanong sa recit?