#CTG20 Chapter 20

They say you can do 100 good things and it only takes 1 bad thing to ruin all the good that you did...

When I saw Iñigo at school, I pretended that I didn't see him. I quickly turned around and took a detour. I just didn't know what I'd say to him. It was like I was seeing a different person.

He's been nice to me—really nice...

I didn't want to think about it. It's his business—it's his life. I knew I didn't have a say in that the same way he didn't have a say in my life... I was just pissed... but mostly disappointed. Why did he have to cheat? I knew he's smart. I'd seen him in class. Magaling siyang sumagot.

Why did he have to take the short cut?

But it wasn't as if I could completely ignore him. Ilang araw ko na siyang hindi nirereplyan sa mga texts at messages niya. And it was normal for him...

Pero sa personal?

I purposely waited for our professor's arrival bago ako pumasok sa room. I didn't want him sitting beside me and asking me. I didn't approve of what he did... but I couldn't exactly get mad at him.

He'd been unconditionally nice to me. That had to mean something in my dictionary.

"Viste."

I immediately stood up. My traitor eyes saw Iñigo who offered me a small smile and mouthed 'Kaya mo 'yan.'

"Does Article 33 of the Civil Code on separate civil action for damages arising from injuries require that there be a reservation in the criminal case to file a separate civil action?"

I drew a deep breath before I answered. I woke up really early para makapagbasa ako sa Torts. I knew I could take the easier way by reading the files Iñigo sent me... But I just wasn't that kind of person. I'd rather lose sleep than go about with life knowing that I took the easier way instead of working hard.

"No, because such action for damages are separate and distinct from the criminal action and may proceed independently from criminal action. Such is a substantive right and cannot be rendered nugatory by the Rules of Court," I slowly said, making sure that I said the right words because at this point, every recitation was crucial.

Alam ko na kaya kong ipasa iyong Torts... I survived CivPro and Tax... This should be easier. I just needed to exert more effort and not neglect it in favor of my other subjects.

"That will do," Sir said before I took my seat. I was careful para hindi ako mapa-tingin sa gawi ni Iñigo. Iyong huling natawag para magrecite, hindi naka-sagot nang maayos. She's probably unprepared—or not lucky enough to get ahold of those files.

Hindi ko alam pero parang ramdam ko iyong tingin ni Iñigo. I kept my gaze in front of me until the class ended. And when it did, I quickly gathered my things and headed out.

Akala ko mabilis na akong maglakad.

"Cha!"

I closed my eyes and continued walking as if I didn't hear him. But he was quick and in a second, he's already right in front of me.

"Ganda ng recit mo kanina," he said, grinning at me. I looked at him. He still looked the same—sporting that easy smile... The kind that could make me feel warm.

But something's different.

I just... couldn't see him the same way.

"May class pa ako," sagot ko. His smile fell, but he was quick to land on his feet. I wanted him to just get out of my way so I could be out of here already. I didn't want to talk about what he sent me. I didn't want to say the wrong words.

I knew it was normal here in law school...

Hindi naman ako inosente.

I just thought he was better than that.

"Sino'ng prof mo sa rev class?" he asked again. I pursed my lips. 'Don't go there,' I reminded myself. "Nabasa mo ba 'yung sinend ko sa 'yo? Nandun 'yung mga tanong kanina..."

I pursed my lips even closer.

"Ayos ka lang, Cha?" tanong niya.

"May class pa ko," I repeated.

I didn't want to lie to him. I didn't want him thinking that I was fine with what he's doing when I wasn't. It's his business, I knew, but this was my feelings.

It's my choice to work for my grades... And it's his choice to take the easier road... But this just felt so unfair. It's so unfair that I lose sleep just to finish reading the coverage... I get crazy repeating the provisions over and over again just to memorize and understand... Tapos...

Shit.

"Okay..." he said. "May nagawa ba akong mali?"

"Wala."

Wala naman talaga. Ano ba'ng pakielam ko? Problema niya 'yan.

"Sigurado ka? Bakit parang galit ka?"

Umiling ako. "Inaantok lang ako," sagot ko. I looked at my watch to indicate that I needed to go—or wanted.The more I stood there in front of him, the more I was inclined to ask him why he was doing this.

He's smart.

He's hardworking.

But... why the shortcut?

"Si Justice Taniaga ba prof mo sa CivRev?" he asked.

I looked at him. Why was he so persistent? I didn't want to discuss this with him.

"Send ko—"

"Wag na," mabilis kong sagot.

Kumunot iyong noo niya. "Ha?"

I pressed my lips together and drew a deep breath. "Okay lang ako."

"Cha—"

"Sige. May class pa ako," sabi ko bago mabilis na umalis. But even before I could build a distance between us, I heard his voice. Calling my name. And my feet stopped. Automatically. When I heard him saying my name.

"Did... I do something wrong?" he asked. "Gusto lang naman kitang tulungan."

Humigpit iyong hawak ko sa mga librong dala ko. Sa mga libro na inabot ako ng umaga kakabasa para lang maintindihan. Sa mga libro na kasama ko mula araw-araw.

"Thanks... but that's not the help I need," I said, quickly regretting the words as they rolled off of my mouth.

"What does that mean?" he asked. I closed my eyes again and begged myself to stop speaking. This wasn't my business. This was his choice. Why was I inserting myself in the situation? This was his—entirely his.

I resumed walking but he followed my pace.

"Ano'ng ibig nun sabihin, Cha?" tanong niya habang sumasabay sa akin maglakad.

"Wala," sagot ko pero alam ko na ramdam niya kung ano ang ibig kong sabihin. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I wasn't good at hiding disappointment... especially with him because I'd always been impressed with him—with how he's studying so hard and working...

Tapos ganito naman pala.

"Gusto lang naman kitang tulungan kasi nahihirapan ka sa Torts. Bakit parang ang sama ko naman, Cha?"

I hated him saying my name.

I hated because he's right—tinutulungan niya lang naman ako.

But I was self-righteous to a fucking fault. And his shortcuts didn't sit well with me who, despite even getting hospitalized for studying relentlessly, still failed a fucking subject.

This was unfair to me.

So fucking unfair.

I quickened my pace. He quickened his, too.

Pero bigla siyang huminto.

"Gusto ko lang tumulong," rinig kong sabi niya. Hindi ako huminto sa paglalakad. I wanted to walk away from this. I never wanted confrontation if I could avoid one. "Di naman ako mandaraya, Cha. Nag-aaral din naman ako. 'Di naman ako papasa kahit kabisaduhin ko 'yun kung 'di ko naiintindihan binabasa ko."

I quickened my pace... but why could I still hear him?

"Sakit naman niyan, Cha..." rinig kong sabi niya kasabay nang mahinang pagtawa. "Ni 'di ka maka-tingin sa 'kin, ah. Ang baba na ba bigla ng tingin mo? Gaya ng mga classmates ko? O baka narinig mo na rin 'yung chismis tungkol sa pagcurve? Ako na rin may kasalanan bakit maraming natanggal sa section namin? Tangina, kasalanan ko lahat?"

My hold tightened.

'Walk away,' I told myself. Nothing good ever comes from confrontations. It's just irrational and illogical and nothing good could come out.

"Parang gago. Tangina. Ang unfair..." he said and I heard his footsteps getting fainter and fainter.

* * *

"Okay ka lang?" Jax asked when he saw me. He was standing outside the room, reading the Rules of Court codal. Hindi pa rin ako maka-galaw. I felt my head pounding. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but to no avail.

This was why I didn't want to get involved.

I just really wanna fucking graduate.

I should've really stayed on my lane...

But I was so fucking disappointed and I hated that I was this disappointed. I just hated that I felt deceived when in reality, I deluded myself into thinking that he's ideal...

When he's just human—human who's flawed and prone to making mistakes.

"Yeah," I lied, not really wanting a rehash of what transpired between Iñigo and me. "Late si Sir?"

Umiling siya. "May meeting bigla. Cancelled class. Quiz next meeting," he replied.

"So, walang class ngayon," I stated. I wanted to go to class. I wanted to study and drown in concepts and words until I feel so tired that the only thing my mind would think about was sleep...

But life wasn't on my side.

I kept on thinking about Iñigo.

And how I felt like I was being unfair.

"Yeah," Jax replied. "Nauna na sila Rory. Kumain ka na ba? Kain tayo."

I looked at him. Maybe I should talk to him about my dilemma with Iñigo. I needed his insight—or maybe he wasn't the best person to talk about this because I was pretty sure that he's not Iñigo's biggest fan. He's still not over Katherine and it's not as if he's making an effort to get over her. I could remember him sulking when he called his sister and he heard Katherine's voice on the background—that really pissed him off to the point that he didn't call Joey again.

Still clearly not over.

"Mag-aaral ka ba after?"

He nodded. "May bagong café," he said as we began walking. Jax was asking me about something that our prof didn't answer the last time, but my mind was drifting somewhere else. I just kept on nodding at whatever he was saying.

Pagdating namin sa Maya's—iyong lagi naming kinakainan na malapit sa school—I couldn't help but to finally ask Jax. I couldn't be bothered about this anymore. I needed to concentrate on school. This shouldn't even have a space on my mind.

"Samplex—cheating or not cheating?" I asked.

He looked at me weirdly. "What?"

"Do you think having a samplex constitutes as cheating? Defend your answer with legal basis."

Binaba ni Jax iyong menu na hawak niya. He looked at me even more weirdly. But I knew Jax—whatever I'd say to him wouldn't get out of this table. Hindi naman kasi siya madaldal... minsan lang. But he knew when to keep his mouth shut.

"If you can't study hard, study smart," he replied.

"So... okay with samplex?"

"Samplex are just supplements. Kung 'yun lang ang aaralin mo tapos 'yun nga iyong lumabas sa exam, e 'di swerte... But remember that we're studying not just to pass the subject but to ultimately pass the BAR," he said, shrugging. "I personally don't like taking shortcuts, but I don't share the same experience with other people. We have some classmates who are also working. They don't have the same time as we do. It ultimately all boils down to what works best for you, I guess."

I pursed my lips. Tama naman siya. Why was I being such a hypocrite? Iñigo's working... I'd been there. It wasn't easy. So what if he's cheating—

Why was I trying to justify his wrong?

Kailan pa naging tama mandaya? We're about to become lawyers... And if he's already cheating while we're still in school, who's to say what he'd be capable of when we're already outside? Of what he'd do when offered money?

Because that's where it'd all start.

School.

Cheating.

Until you couldn't control it anymore... because you keep on telling yourself that it's okay because everyone's doing it. But why are we normalizing what's wrong? When it's clearly wrong because it's wrong?

"It's still cheating," I said. "Don't you think it's unfair? Na nagpapaka-hirap tayong mag-aral at pumasa tapos sila pumapasa lang dahil nandadaya sila? Na alam na nila kung ano iyong lalabas sa exam? Mga itatanong ng prof?"

I was breathing heavily. I hated how I was so affected with this.

Why was I so affected? It's his choice. It's in his conscience.

"Of course it's not fair... but if they keep on taking shortcuts, in the end, it will catch up to them. That's not something we can control," sabi niya habang naka-kunot ang noo habang naka-tingin sa akin. "Are you okay?"

And I couldn't answer... because I wasn't okay. And I hated that I wasn't okay. Because as much as Jax tried to explain to me why some people opt for that, all I could think about was that Iñigo's a cheater... And I'd never be okay with that.