#CTG22 Chapter 22

I could feel my entire body shivering as I felt his lips against mine. I couldn't move... I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know what I was doing! Ano ba ang gusto kong patunayan? I should walk away. I should turn my back on this. I should focus on my subjects, on my grades, on taking the BAR.

But when it came to him...

It only took him a split second before he moved his lips. Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa likod ko, hinahatak ako palapit sa kanya.

This kiss... it was nothing like the first time he kissed me. Nothing like the kissed earlier.

Nothing about this kiss was friendly.

It was rough.

And punishing.

I could feel his frustration on me—with how deep he was kissing me as if he wanted to rob me off air and just fucking kill me right there and then... but I was equally frustrated on him. I was frustrated because he's blaming me for something I had no control over. He wanted me to understand him, but why couldn't he understand me? Didn't he see me living day in and day out just studying? Didn't I sacrifice enough? Bawal ba akong magreklamo? Bawal ba akong mapagod?

In the middle of the kiss, I bit his lower lip... so much so that I started to taste rust in my mouth.

"Fuck!" sigaw niya nang kagatin ko siya. I could see his brows furrowed. His jaw was dangerously clenched.

"Don't do that to my grades again," I warned him. "If you're pissed at me, be pissed at me. 'Wag mong idamay 'yung grades ko."

He swiped his thumb against his lip and his jaw clenched even more when he saw blood. Ibinalik niya ang tingin niya sa 'kin.

Humakbang siya palapit.

"Sumosobra ka na..." mababang sabi niya habang papalapit siya nang papalapit sa akin. Sinubukan kong umatras, pero wala na akong maatrasan. I could again feel the cold wall behind me. I looked around and realized that there's nowhere for me to run...

"Tatlong beses mo na kong sinampal... Tinawag ng kung anu-ano..." he said, his tongue briefly swiped against his lower lip. "Ngayon, kinagat mo pa ko."

My entire system was telling me to run. I knew it was useless. Wala akong madadaanan. But I should make a break for it. The Iñigo right in front of me looked real pissed. It wasn't very smart to stay here.

I tried to push him out of my way and walk away, but he quickly grabbed my arm and put me back against the wall. Nang subukan ko muling umalis ay hinarang niya ang magkabilang braso niya sa pagitan ko. I was trapped in between his arms.

"Aalis na ako."

"Hindi pa tayo tapos."

"Tapos na ako sa 'yo."

He didn't answer immediately. I looked up and saw how he was staring at me. I hated how I started to tremble with the intensity of his stares. I hated that I was letting him do this to me. Just because I like him.

"No, Cha," he said, lowering his head until we're only inches apart. "I already gave you the opportunity to leave earlier, remember? You're estopped from leaving now. Even barred by laches."

I tilted my head to look him in the eyes. "Ano'ng gagawin mo ngayon? Pipilitin mo ako?"

His lips were pressed into a firm line. "Walang pilitan na mangyayari dito, Charisse Faith. Kung gusto mong maging abogado, gusto ko ring maging abogado. I won't risk my future title," he said, his hand tracing patterns on my arm.

Was he trying to seduce me? I could feel his face going nearer and nearer—his lips were merely centimeters away from mine. I could feel my heart beating—I could hear it even.

"Stop," I whispered.

"Really?" he whispered back. His lips barely touched mine.

"Yes. Stop..." I breathed. I could barely handle myself right now. I was all kinds of frustrated at him... And he's close... So close...

But he wasn't stopping. One look at his eyes told me that he wasn't going to stop. He's going to taunt me and frustrate me and I couldn't let him do it.

I couldn't let him control this... whatever this was.

So, I pulled his collar down and just fucking went with it.

I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never kissed anyone... just him. Siya iyong unang humalik sa akin dati. I didn't care. It was just his lips touching mine then.

But this?

This was different.

Altogether fucking different.

His lips began to move and I just copied what he was doing. His hands were on my waist... and then I felt his skin against mine. I could feel him caressing my back. I could feel the heat of his skin against mine.

I couldn't let him win this. Ipinasok ko iyong kamay ko sa loob ng damit niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko nang maramdaman ko ang balat niya sa kamay ko. He's so hot... Literally hot... Like his skin was burning against my touch...

"What are you doing?" he breathed as I touched his stomach. I could hear him panting and groaning.

"Whatever you're doing... Just better," I replied. I didn't even know what the hell I was doing. I just hated that he's trying to control me with this. Did he know that I like him? Was he using this against me? If he knew, then he must understand why I was so disappointed at him... Because I had high expectation of him...

Pero baka nga kasalanan ko.

Masyado akong nag-expect.

Bumaba iyong kamay niya sa likod ko. His hand was almost resting against my ass. I clenched my jaw and grabbed his ass.

"The hell!" sigaw niya sa gulat.

"Stop messing with me!" sigaw ko sa kanya. "Stop messing with my grades, Iñigo Borromeo! Isang sem na lang, 'di mo na ako makikita sa school na 'to, so, please! Leave my grades alone!"

"Tangina, Cha?!" he shouted. "Tangina. Tangina talaga. Three years na. Nakaka-gigil ka pa rin."

I didn't know what he'd do, but with both hands, he grabbed my face and began to kiss me again. My eyes widened when he thrusted his tongue inside my mouth... And I thought he was done, but he pushed me against the wall... Pushed me so hard that I could feel something against my stomach.

"I'm not gonna fuck you," he whispered as he was kissing my neck. "You'll beg for it, Cha... Miss Fucking High and Mighty... Once in your life maranasan mo namang magmakaawa..." he said as he gently bit the skin on my neck.

"Screw you."

"Soon, Viste. Soon."

I didn't know for how long we were kissing. All I knew was that whatever he was doing, I just did it better than him. I was so pissed off at him being better in class!

"Shit."

Agad kaming napa-tigil nang maka-rinig kami ng mga boses na papalapit. I quickly took a step away from him. Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko. I could feel my heart racing inside my chest. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko, pero nagawa kong pulutin iyong bag ko sa sahig at mabilis na lumabas.

What the hell just happened?

* * *

"Thank god..." I whispered when I saw a message from the beadle from Torts saying na may ipapagawa lang sa 'min si Sir kasi mawawala siya ng 3 weeks para sa isang convention. Deemed discussed na raw iyong ilang topics. I didn't care. Ayokong pumasok sa class na 'yun.

"Ano'ng meron?" Rory asked.

"Wala."

She arched her brow. "Ang secretive, ah? 'Di na nga kita kinulit d'yan sa chikinini sa leeg mo," sabi niya sabay turo sa pulang marka sa leeg ko. Mabilis kong tinabunan iyon ng buhok ko. Kitang-kita ko na natawa si Yago habang nag-iwas naman ng tingin si Jax. Ang ingay talaga ni Rory.

4 years of being seatmates with Rory taught me that the best way to make her shut up is to ignore her. Kahit ano pa ang tanong niya sa akin ay hindi ko pinansin. Mabuti na lang at dumating din agad iyong prof namin kaya doon na nabaling ang atensyon naming lahat.

By the end of the review class, we were all tired from the information dump. Nawala na sa isip ni Rory iyong nasa leeg ko. I hated myself for not thinking about that! Hindi ko naman alam na nag-iwan pala ng marka doon si Iñigo!

Mabilis akong lumabas. I didn't want to be asked of questions I had no plan of answering... At ayoko ring makita si Iñigo. It had been a full week after that happened. I really didn't want to see him. I didn't want to look at his eyes and remembered everything that went down.

He'd make me beg?

I'd make him beg.

"Cha." Halos mapa-talon ako nang marinig ko iyong boses ni Jax. "Aral tayo?" he asked and I nodded. At least with Jax, kapag sinabi niyang aral, mag-aaral talaga kami. I didn't want to stay inside my condo... Kung anu-ano lang ang iniisip ko na hindi ko naman pwedeng isagot sa BAR exam.

We ate first, and then went to a coffee shop... But it seemed like all coffee shops near our school were full. Hahanap pa sana ulit kami nang mag-aya si Jax na sa bahay na lang nila kami.

"Nandun ba kapatid mo?" I asked because for some reason, Joey didn't really like me... It was okay... Baka may nagawa ako na hindi niya gusto. But it would be nice to know kung ano iyong nagawa ko. I'd been wondering for so long kung bakit parang galit siya tuwing katabi ko iyong kapatid niya.

"Wala. Nasa Cavite," he replied.

Dumiretso kami sa bahay nila. Pagdating namin doon, sobrang tahimik. Both his parents were still at work kaya iyong kasama lang nila sa bahay ang nandun. We just ate what was available and began studying.

After a few hours, I stood up and stretched. I told Jax na pupunta ako sa kusina para humingi ng tubig. Wala ng tao sa kusina. I looked at my watch, it was 1am already... Kaya pala. Tulog na iyong mga tao. I took the liberty of going to the kitchen. Binuksan ko iyong ref para sana kumuha ng tubig pero naagaw ng canned beers iyong atensyon ko.

"Sa 'yo 'to?" I asked as I returned to the receiving area, two cans in hand.

Napa-tingin si Jax. "Kay Papa," he said. "Gusto mong uminom?"

I shrugged. Jax stood up. He grabbed one can from my hand. Naglakad siya at sumunod ako sa kanya. Dumiretso kami sa likod ng bahay nila pero basa iyong damo dahil umulan pala. Bumalik kami sa loob, pero dumiretso si Jax sa labas. He looked around and decided to open the backside of a Ford Ranger.

"Sa 'yo 'to?" tanong ko nang maupo siya doon. Lagi kasing iyong Range Rover iyong dala niya... O kaya kapag sinusundo siya, iyong Mercedes Sedan iyong gamit.

"Kay Joey," sagot niya. "Regalo nila Mama nung nagmed, pero 'di rin ginagamit, e. Ayaw umuwi dito."

Naupo na rin ako doon. Tahimik kaming naka-upo. Tumingin ako sa langit. Walang masyadong bituin.

"Kuha pa ko?" Jax asked when he saw me crushing the can in my hands. I just nodded and continued to sit there. Kung sa bahay pa ako naka-tira, siguro iniisip ko na iyong curfew ko ngayon pa lang. It's liberating... quite. But I knew that I still needed to address this problem. Kapag naka-tapos na siguro ako. Para masabi ko naman kay Papa na kaya ko... Na responsable naman ako... Na hindi niya kailangang kontrolin ang bawat aspeto ng buhay ko.

Jax returned with six pack of them. We sat in silence as we drank our beers. I'd always appreciated this silence with him. He's one of the few friends I'd keep for life. Probably the one I'd call if I ever get in trouble with law.

"Naalala mo iyong sinabi sa 'tin dati nung orientation?" I asked.

"Alin 'dun? Madami 'yun," sagot niya sabay inom.

"Yung sabi ni Atty. Libera... Na kapag nasa 4thyear ka na, kung ano iyong relationship status mo, dapat imaintain mo na lang 'yun hanggang matapos iyong BAR... Bawal makipagbreak o kaya magkabagong relationship," I said. Jax nodded in agreement. "Sa tingin mo tama 'yun?"

"Siguro," sagot niya. "Mahirap kapag distracted."

"Ah..."

"Ano ba gusto mong marinig?" tanong niya.

"Wala."

"Okay."

Silence.

Again.

"I like him," I said. Alam ko naman na alam niya. 'Di siya tanga... 'Di lang 'din mahilig magtanong hanggang hindi sinasabi sa kanya.

"But?" he asked.

"But what?" I asked back.

"Of course there's a but," he said. "You're the most decisive person I know. The fact that you're even talking to me about this means that there's already a huge but," he continued, shrugging.

"We're just so different," I began.

"If you two are the same then won't it be boring?" he asked back.

"Whatever... This is a non-issue," I said, finishing another beer. "I have to focus on studying."

Natawa siya nang sandali. "Okay. Sabi mo, e."

Natahimik ulit kami. And with that silence, my mind brought me once again to that scene that I badly wanted to erase from my mind... But I couldn't do it. I hated how I knew every detail, every movement of his hand, every word he said.

I looked at Jax who was silently looking at the space in front of him.

"Wala ka namang girlfriend," I said before I turned his head in my direction and kissed him. Our lips touched, but I couldn't feel anything... Pinakiramdaman ko iyong sarili ko, pero wala akong maramdaman bukod sa nangangawit ako sa pwesto namin.

This was really bad... Kung kahit si Jax wala ng epekto sa akin, ibig sabihin sobrang lakas ng kontrol sa akin ni Iñigo... Mas dapat ko siyang hindi makita sa school. I needed to focus on graduating and then reviewing. Sana nasa convention na lang si Sir hanggang matapos 'tong sem na 'to.

"What the hell?" tanong niya nang bumalik ako sa pwesto ko. I reached for another can and opened it.

"Nothing. Just needed to confirm something," I said before I sighed, realizing how badly I got it for Iñigo.