#CTG27 Chapter 27

Today was Christmas... and I wasn't with my family.

Panay ang buntong-hininga ko. As much as I kept on telling myself that it's okay that I was alone on a Christmas day, I couldn't help but feel bad. Why didn't my dad call me? It's Christmas... I knew he's mad at me, but he really could go through this holiday without even asking me if I was okay?

Ganoon siya katigas?

I kept on staring at my phone, debating if I should give in and call first... It's Christmas, after all. It's about family and I wanted to be with family. And I just felt sad... so sad that I was alone during Christmas. Kasi kahit tahimik lang sa bahay tuwing Pasko, at least I knew that I wasn't alone.

But that's not the case now.

I was alone.

Because I kept on pushing people away from me.

Deciding against calling my Dad, I stood up and grabbed my jacket and wallet. I didn't know where I'd go, but I knew that I couldn't be alone in my condo. I didn't want to be sad the whole day. I needed to see other people.

It was probably a stupid decision, but I went to the mall and watched some Christmas movie. I felt some people staring at me because indeed, I stuck out like a sore thumb. They're all with their families habang ako, kayakap iyong bucket of popcorn. I just ignored them and went inside and tried my best to enjoy the movie. And then I got another haircut because I was feeling sad. My hair always got the brunt of my emotions. Malapit na akong makalbo sa sobrang pagpapa-gupit.

It was almost dinner time when I decided to go home. I tried to look for a resto to eat at, but all the places were full with families celebrating Christmas. I was sad for myself, but I was happy for them. Good for them for having a close family relation—God knows that's all I ever wanted.

Bumili lang ako sa convenience store ng pagkain. I'd just probably watch some movie in Netflix and then go to sleep... And then review again tomorrow para handa na ako kapag nagsimula iyong second semester. I couldn't wait for this break to be over. I couldn't wait until I was busy again, so I wouldn't have time to ponder and be sad.

Pagdating ko sa lobby, I was about to tap my card when I heard someone calling my name. Agad akong napa-talikod para tignan kung sino iyon. My forehead creased when I saw Rhys waving at me.

"What... are you doing here?" I asked, a little confuse because I was pretty sure he didn't live here. Gracey shared too much information that I didn't ask for kaya naman alam ko na nasa ibang building naka-tira si Rhys.

He smiled. "Merry Christmas, Charisse."

I smiled, feeling a bit thankful that at least someone greeted me today... At least, personally. My brothers greeted me. My friends greeted me. But nothing could beat hearing those words in person.

I may show that I didn't care, but deep inside, somehow... I care. A lot. And I hated it.

"Thank you," I sincerely replied. "But still, what are you doing here?"

He shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Well..." he said, dragging. "We had dinner in your house and Chase mentioned that you haven't been there for months."

"So?"

"And it's Christmas."

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko. I appreciated that he's here, but really, why was he here? I hated people meddling with my family's business. I'd never do that to other people. You could probably meddle with other parts of my life, but not with my family. I really didn't like sharing that details of my life... since it's really messy.

"My family's hosting Christmas dinner," sabi niya. "You're invited."

"Rhys—"

"Come on, Charisse. It's Christmas," he insisted. "Consider this my thanks since I know it was rude of me to request for you during barops."

"Buti alam mo."

Tumawa siya. "It's just that seeing your face relaxes me," sabi niya. I chose not to comment on that one. The sooner he'd realize that I really wasn't kidding when there's no chance forus, the better. I like Rhys as a friend, nothing more.

"So... what do you say? Just dinner at home," he continued. "It's Christmas."

Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita.

"If not for your Dad..." he trailed, looking at me. "Gracie's asking for you."

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. Gracie's asking for me? If then... sigurado ako na nandun si Iñigo. He was the one who told me himself that he's impossibly indebted to Gracie's family. That's the reason why I didn't reply to any of his texts this whole of December. I just couldn't deal with whatever it was. It was obvious that he got lots of problems he needed to address first. We're both problematic and it would just end up blowing up in our faces if we force it.

"It's just dinner," he said. "An hour tops."

I chewed on my lower lip. And then I looked at the paper bag I was holding—inside it was a sad cup noodles and a bag of chips.

God, this was sad.

"Fine," I said, giving in because what the heck, it's Christmas.

* * *

I didn't really know what the heck got into me that I let Rhys talk me into having dinner at his house. But deep inside, I knew the reason why. I was craving company. There's just something extremely somber about being alone during the holidays.

"Can we drop by the mall?" I asked.

"Why?"

"I'll get something for your parents."

He looked at me and smiled. "Don't bother. It's fine."

Even without Dad here, it's as if I could see his disapproving looks kapag pumunta ako kina Rhys ng walang dala na kahit ano. Ano rin ba kasi ang pumasok sa isip nila Dad para pumayag na magdinner doon? It's uncharacteristic of him.

"Kahit sa flower shop na lang. May madadaanan naman siguro tayo," I insisted. He finally got that I was serious, so he nodded.

Rhys struck out conversation, but I was really in no mood to talk to him. I just felt like I'd be leading him on if I exchange in conversation with him. I didn't know what else I could do. I'd been really direct with him when I said that I didn't like him before and I still didn't like him now. I didn't know what I could do more.

Pagdating namin sa bahay nila, agad na lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko nang makita ko ang pamilyar na sasakyan ni Dad. Rhys looked at me, smiling, but for some known reason, his smiles didn't pacify me.

"It's just dinner," he said.

"I know," sagot ko. "You go ahead."

"You sure?" he asked and I nodded.

Reluctantly, he left me inside his car. I rested my head against the headrest and closed my eyes. It's been too long since I last saw my Dad. I didn't know how to greet him. He didn't even have the initiative to ask me how I was. Ever since the night I walked out, he didn't try to contact me or anything.

Maybe I was a sucker because I kept on telling myself that maybe he was keeping tabs on me through my brothers... but who was I kidding? Even when my brothers left our house, I was pretty sure he never once mentioned them. It's like once they graduated, he's done with his responsibility.

Ganoon din ba ako sa kanya? Responsibilidad? Na ngayon na umalis na ako, he's just done with me?

I stayed in the car for a while before I decided to get out. Dahil ngayon lang ako naka-punta dito, I didn't know where I'd go. I just began to walk and hope that I'd stumble upon the dining room.

"Ouch!" I heard a familiar voice. "The hell, Gracey!"

"Sorry!"

"Seriously! How the hell did you become a doctor?! Ang sakit!"

"Sorry! Sabi naman sa 'yo sa school na ako magpa-practice, e."

I knew I should step back and leave them alone... but curiosity got the best of me again. I took a step closer and saw what the fuss was about. They were in the living room... and it seemed like Gracey was practicing on Iñigo's arm... There were syringe and other med things I wasn't familiar with.

"Kawawa mga pasyente mo. Ang bigat ng kamay mo."

"Ang sama ng ugali?! Tusukin kita d'yan, e!"

I bit my lower lip. Why was this pissing me off so much? I chose to step back because this was exactly what I was avoiding. There's something about them... As much as they both tell me that there's nothing, I just couldn't stop myself from believing that there's something more.

My eyes didn't lie to me.

They're more than just best friends.

And I refuse to get in the middle of that.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I decided to make my presence known. I smiled as Gracey stood up and hugged me. I averted my gaze from Iñigo's stares. I just needed to get through this damned holiday and be back to normal again.

"You're here!" Gracey exclaimed. "I really didn't believe Rhys when he said that he'll get you to come here. That ass could be persistent when he wants to, no?" she commented. I stayed silent. Kung alam niya lang kung gaano kakulit iyong kambal niya.

"Merry Christmas pala," Gracey greeted. "Dito muna kayo, okay? I'll just check sa dining room if ready na." Sobrang bilis niya sinabi iyon and before I could even utter a word, she sprinted away already. I almost covered my face. She was so obvious. Gusto niya kaming iwan ni Iñigo dito.

I stood there awkwardly.

I stared at the floor.

I thought he'd talk to me... or at the very least greet me Merry Christmas. But then I began to hear his footsteps. I looked at him. And even before I could stop myself, I uttered the words, "Merry Christmas."

Huminto siya sa paglalakad.

Tumingin siya sa akin.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?"

"Greeting you."

He pressed his lips together. His jaw clenched like I did something extremely horrible to offend him. All I did was greet him.

I could see the rising and falling of his chest. Muli niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya, and when he opened his eyes, it was like... whatever he was controlling was gone.

He smiled at me. "Merry Christmas."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ano'ng problema mo?"

He shrugged. "Nothing," he said before he began to walk away from me. I stared there, watching at his retreating back. I knew I should stop and just let him get away from me... That's what I wanted. That's the reason why I ignored him for the better part of the month.

But it felt like my feet have mind of their own. I just found myself walking after him.

"Seriously?" I asked while he was walking in front of me. I didn't even know where we're heading at. I just knew that I needed to follow him. I hated that I was doing this because this was exactly what I knew I shouldn't do.

Iñigo stopped in front of a door.

"Magccr ako. Susunod ka rin?" he arrogantly asked me.

I pursed my lips. "Why are you being an asshole again?"

His lips parted. "I'm being an asshole?" he asked like he couldn't believe what he was hearing from me. "You ignored me for a whole month, in case you forgot about that!"

Hindi ako makapagsalita.

It was true.

I ignored him... but only because I was trying to protect myself.

But maybe by trying to protect myself, I ended up just hurting myself even more...

"So?" I replied, holding my head up high. "May responsibilidad ba akong kausapin ka?"

Nakita ko iyong pagkuyom ng kamao niya.

"You know what, Cha? I used to think that you're just this... misunderstood girl. That under all that layer, you're someone good," he said, looking straight into my eyes. "But I guess I was wrong. Maybe you're just an asshole."

It felt like a punch in the gut.

Hearing the person you like call you an asshole.

When all I ever really did was protect myself from him.

"I told you my story. I bared my soul to you. And you walked out on me," he said, his jaw clenching in unmistakable anger. "That shit hurt."