#CTG29 Chapter 29

"My head's fucking spinning," Lui said, fishing a pack of cigarette from his pocket. "You want?" tanong niya sa akin.

I shook my head. "No, thanks. Kailan ka pa nanigarilyo?" I asked, just curious because as far as I was concerned, hindi naman naninigarilyo si Lui. Both his parents were doctors so he's kinda health conscious plus the fact that his undergrad's nursing. Ni hindi nga umiinom 'yan kasama ng mga classmates namin dati.

"Last year lang nung review class. 'Di ko kinaya 'yung bilis ng phasing," he said, lighting his stick. "Ayaw mo talaga?" he asked again. "Nakaka-stress, e."

Hindi ako sumagot. I was so stressed, too, but I promised I'd never try cigarette... Well, there was this one time before with Iñigo, but that's all in the past. I couldn't afford to get sick now.

Maya-maya, may tumabi sa amin na iba naming kasama sa review class. I just stood there silently as I listened to the stories they talked about. Hindi kasi papasok si Jax ngayon dahil may kailangan siyang puntahan. Si Rory naman, kahit na nag-enroll din siya, hindi rin naman siya pumapasok sa review class. I was worried for her... but there's nothing I could do but wait until she'd get better. For me, well, I was stuck with these people.

"Alis muna kami, Cha," Lui said. I nodded at them. Okay lang naman sa akin na mag-isa. I needed silence to think. Sumasakit na rin ang ulo ko sa dami ng ginagawa ko. At times, I felt like I was suffocating. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na ako maka-hinga sa dami ng ginagawa ko. Kung hindi ako nasa review center, nasa trabaho naman ako. I felt like I needed to rest... to relax... but I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how to stop. Makaka-hinto lang ako kapag may Atty na naka-dikit sa simula ng pangalan ko.

A few minutes later, bumalik na iyong reviewer namin. I returned to my seat and began recording the whole session. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay wala na akong maintindihan kaya naman papakinggan ko na lang ulit kapag nagkaroon ako ng time.

In the middle of the discussion, I stood up to pee and walk around. I needed coffee, too. Kanina pa ako nagpipigil humikab dahil sa sobrang antok. Anong oras na rin ako naka-tulog kagabi dahil sa dami ng binasa kong contracts dahil for signing na 'yun lahat.

"Bilisan mo naman, Lui!"

My forehead creased. I looked around to see where the familiar voice came from. The hallways were empty. Tinapik ko na lang ang mukha ko. I must be hearing things now dahil sa sobrang pagod.

"Oh fuck... Shit, Jan..."

My eyes widened.

Did—

What?!

I felt my whole body froze upon the realization. That's Lui's voice! And did he just call Jan's name? Were they... fucking? Since when? Ni hindi nga nag-uusap iyong dalawa na 'yun sa room.

Mabilis akong naglakad palayo. That's their business... but shit. 'Di ba may girlfriend si Lui na doctor? And Jan just broke up with her long term boyfriend.

Pakielam ko ba.

Binilisan ko iyong kailangan kong gawin. I needed not meddle with their business. Matatanda na kami. Alam na nila iyong tama sa mali. If they're cheating on their partners, they're old enough to know that there'd be repercussions.

"Shit!" biglang sabi ko nang magkasalubong kami ni Lui nang papalabas ako ng CR at papalabas din siya ng CR. He was looking at me with his forehead creased.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded and started walking. I really shouldn't meddle with whatever he's doing. Matanda na 'yan. Alam niya na kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Sana lang magtanda siya. Did he forget about the case we read kung saan na-disbar iyong lawyer dahil nakipagrelasyon sa may asawa? Sa hirap ng pinagdadaanan namin para lang maging abogado, sana lang ayusin niya.

"You're acting weird," he said. Naka-sabay na siya sa 'kin ngayong maglakad. Nasa dulo pa ng hallway iyong review room namin.

"Pagod lang," sagot ko.

"You know, you should find a way to de-stress, Cha. Delikado 'yang ginagawa mo."

"Ano ba'ng ginagawa ko?"

He shrugged. "You work and review... Literally. 'Yan lang ang ginagawa mo. Baka magsnap 'yang utak mo," he said, even making sound of exploding. "Ikaw din."

I shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"Bahala ka..." he said.

* * *

Despite everyone's unsolicited advice of me getting a life, I managed just fine. Mabilis na lumipas ang mga linggo dahil busy naman ako palagi. At one point, it felt like I was just waking up to wait to fall asleep. Para akong robot na pumapasok sa trabaho at nag-aaral pag-uwi.

God, I couldn't wait to become a lawyer. I was so tired already with this set-up.

"Ms. Viste," Atty. Cabo called. "It's already October next week."

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. May deadline ba? But I was pretty sure that I finished all of my projects... ahead pa nga ako dahil ayokong inaabutan ng deadline. Ayoko ng biglaan dahil baka may maka-limutan ako. Life and property of other people were at stake—I couldn't slack off.

"You said you'd take a break to focus on reviewing," he continued.

My lips parted. Shit. Iyon pala.

"Ah, yes..." I replied. "I completely forgot, Sir."

He laughed. "It's fine. Kindly brief Mr. Borromeo about our pending and you're done after that," sabi niya kaya ngumiti ako. "Good luck, future pañera."

I couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of being an official pañera. Konti na lang. Matatapos din 'to.

"Iñigo," I called when I saw him staring at his phone. He seemed startled. "Are you okay?" tanong ko nang makitang parang problemado siya.

Working in the same office, minsan ay nagkikita kami. Hindi naman kami nag-aaway... hindi lang kami nagpapansinan. Hindi rin naman kami madalas magkita dahil mas madalas na nasa kung saang lugar siya kasama ni Atty. Buenasher.

"Yeah, why?"

Ibinaba ko iyong ilang folder sa harapan niya. "Sa 'yo ko raw itransfer iyong pending cases na hawak ko," sabi ko. "Nandyan na 'yung mga notes ko sa cases. I'll email you the others. If you have any question, just email me and I'll get back as soon as possible."

"Nagresign ka na?" tanong niya.

"No," I said. "BAR."

His lips parted. "Right..." he answered. Mukhang busy din siya kagaya ko kaya nawala na rin sa isip niya na October na sa isang araw. Really, when you're busy, hindi mo na namamalayan ang pagtakbo ng mga araw. "Babasahin ko mamaya."

"Okay," sagot ko.

Tumalikod ako sa kanya. I wasn't expecting him to say good luck or anything—

"Cha," I heard him say. "Go get that title."

Damn him.

"Thanks," I simply answered before walking away.

* * *

Before completely shutting the world down, I sent a text to a few people saying that I'd disappear for a while to focus on reviewing. Baka kasi isipin nila na patay na ako dahil hindi ako nagpaparamdam—although hindi naman talaga ako nagpaparamdam madalas. I just didn't want them to worry because I turned off my phone and shunned any kind of technology to truly focus on studying.

The walls of the condo were covered with papers that contain pertinent provisions that I should memorize. Kahit habang naliligo, nakikinig ako ng lecture. I couldn't leave anything to chance—Imustpass.

"Seriously, Cha," sabi ni Lui na inaabutan ako ng tissue. Pati si Jax ay napa-tingin sa akin dahil sa tono ng boses ni Lui. "Ilong mo."

Agad akong napa-tingin sa notebook ko.

Damn.

Here we go again.

I quickly stuffed my nose with tissue, but when it wouldn't stop bleeding, I had to stand up and excuse myself. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal sa CR. Pakiramdam ko ay dine-drain iyong dugo sa buo kong katawan.

"Punta tayong hospital," Jax said. He was standing outside the CR like he was waiting for me.

"After na," I said.

"Namumutla ka."

"Ironic coming from you."

He pressed his lips. "Seriously..."

I wiped my nose with another batch of tissue. "See? No more blood," I explained. "Besides, gusto ko marinig 'yung lecture. You know commercial law's not my favorite."

Jax looked like he's ready to carry me on his shoulder and forcibly bring me to the hospital. I had to walk past him. Normal lang naman na nangyayari 'to. I was just really stressed these past few days dahil palapit na nang palapit iyong BAR month.

"Take care of yourself," I heard him say. "Di ko kayo kayang parehong alagaan ni Rory."

Bigla akong napa-hinto. I turned around and smiled at him.

"I'll go to the hospital after," I said. "Then puntahan natin si Rory, okay?"

He nodded at sabay kaming bumalik sa conference room.

Nang matapos iyong review namin, dumiretso ako sa hospital. Jax had to go first to Rory's place dahil rereviewhin niya pa si Rory. Hindi na kasi talaga pumapasok iyon sa review, but we couldn't just let her give up like that. Kaya naman pinupuntahan namin si Rory and give her our notes and sometimes, nagrereview kami ni Jax sa tabi niya para kahit papaano, marinig at baka ma-retain niya iyong mga sinasabi namin.

I really wish that we'd all be lawyers together... That's been the dream since we were in our first year in law school...

Nang matapos ako sa check-up and was given plenty of vitamins, pupunta na sana ako sa condo ni Rory kaya lang ay biglang nagtext na available na raw iyong results nung isang mock exam namin. I have a new number duly dedicated for announcements. I told Jax na dadaan muna ako sa review center para kunin iyong results namin.

Pagdating ko roon, kinuha ko na agad iyong exam namin. Tinignan ko iyong grade ko. Pasado naman... but not good enough for me. I needed high grades. I needed to top that fucking exam and get a good job with good salary. After everything I went through, there's no acceptable result other than topping that fucking exam.

"It's okay, babe..." narinig kong sabi ng isang lalaki. "Mock exam pa lang naman 'yan..."

"Syempre kung ano result nito, ganun din sa totoong exam!" galit sa sabi nung babae.

"Sorry... kain na lang tayo? Tapos review ka na ulit."

"Akala ko may pupuntahan tayo?"

"No, it's okay. Re-sched na lang natin."

"Di ba bayad ka na dun?"

"Okay lang, babe. Samahan na lang kitang magreview after natin kumain sa favorite resto mo, okay? 'Wag ka ng malungkot. Papasa ka."

Mabilis akong naglakad. Tss. Paglabas ko sa review center, marami akong nakitang magka-holding hands. Seriously! Nasa park ba ako? Ang daming umiiyak na babae na kino-console ng mga boyfriend nila.

"You look murderous," Lui said. I almost jumped in my place. "Ang bilis naman nito magulat."

I glared at him. "You're so fucking weird."

He laughed. "Thank god you went to the hospital," he said when he saw the paper bag I was holding. "Kung ayaw mong magrelax, at least bawiin mo sa vitamins or something," he said, shrugging.

"I'm relaxed, okay?"

"Sure, very convincing."

"I just don't smoke or drink."

"There are other ways of relaxing, you know?"

"Wala akong time magbakasyon."

He laughed, shaking his head. "Charisse Faith..." he said with an amused face. "My innocent girl," he continued, draping his hand on my shoulder. "Go get yourself a boyfriend."

"Wala akong oras."

"Friends with benefits, then?"

"The hell, Lui!"

"Hindi naman ako!" he said. "Someone else. Just to relieve stress!" tawang-tawa niyang sabi. "Second week pa lang ngayon. Mas nakaka-stress sa mga susunod na linggo. Baka hindi na lang ilong mo dumugo."

"Ugh. Bakit ba kita kinakausap?" sabi ko habang inaalis iyong kamay niya sa balikat ko at nagsimulang maglakad paalis.

"Think about it!" he shouted behind me. "It's fun!"

Baliw!

Mabilis akong pumunta sa condo ni Rory. We tried our best to review her. Thankfully, may nareretain naman kahit papaano sa mga sinasabi namin sa kanya. I just wish she'd do better para sigurado na papasa kami... And that whatever happens, hindi sila magkikita ni Yago sa BAR month. God knows what would happen kapag nagkita silang dalawa. I'd hate to see Rory breaking down in the middle of November.

"Di ka sasabay?" Jax asked while we're waiting for the elevator.

I shook my head. "Nope. Sa study hub ako. Baka maka-tulog ako sa condo," I replied. Kailangan ko pang reviewhin iyong mga mali ko sa mock exam. Baka doon pa ako madali sa mismong exam.

"Okay. Hatid na lang kita 'dun."

Pagdating ko sa study hub, I was bummed when I saw the same couple na nakita ko sa review center. The girl was studying habang iyong lalaki nasa tabi niya na nagbabasa ng kung ano. I hated that I was seating adjacent to them so I could see their every movement—kung paano iyong lalaki iyong naglilipat ng page na binabasa nung babae, kung papaano siya iyong nagrerefill ng tubig kapag nauubos na, kung paano siya iyong nag-aayos nung index card kapag nagugulo.

God, this was making me feel lonely!

Mabilis akong lumipat ng pwesto para hindi ko sila makita. Nang dalawin ako ng antok, lumabas ako para hintayin iyong sasakyan ko pabalik ng condo. While I was waiting, again, I saw guys picking up their girls from the study hub. What the hell was happening? Why was I suddenly surrounded by couples?!

I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

Nope, not going there.

I wouldn't get myself a friend with benefits— and if ever I'd get one, I knew that there's only one person in mind... And hindi kami nag-uusap ngayon. Ayokong ma-stress sa kanya.

Pagbalik ko sa condo, I decided to watch a movie. Masyado na siguro akong nasobrahan sa pag-aaral. I needed to chill... I microwaved a popcorn and readied to watch any movie. I just needed to relax—like what everyone's telling me.

"Oh, yes, yes, faster!" the actress on the screen shouted.

Oh, for fuck's sake! What the hell did the world want me to do?!

Mabilis kong pinatay iyong TV at dumiretso sa kwarto. I forced myself to sleep, but to no avail. Paikot-ikot ako sa kama pero hindi ako maka-tulog. I finally decided to go down and buy liquor—anything to put me to sleep and to get my mind to freaking shut off.

I knew I should only be going to the convinience store... but my treacherous feet brought me somewhere.

Hanggang makita ko ang sarili ko na naka-tayo sa harap ng apartment ni Iñigo. I watched as the colors of the sky changed from orange to blue.

Iñigo looked confused when he saw me standing in front of his house, wearing white shirt and pajamas. I was confused, too. Bakit ako nandito? I should be preparing to go to the review class.

"Cha?" he asked, confusion was written all over his face. He was wearing his usual attire in the office—while long sleeves and black slacks. He looked so mature... damn him.

"You said you owe me, right?" I asked. He was standing before me, clueless as to what I was about to ask from him.

He nodded, slightly confused. "Yeah... but I said that three years ago."

"What? Are you saying that the obligation has prescribed already?"

Umangat ang gilid ng labi niya. "No, not what I was saying," he said. "But seriously... what are you doing here? And are you wearing pajamas?"

"Di ako maka-tulog."

"And your first thought was to go here?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "No."

"I thought we're not friends? Just... colleagues? Or whatever your term is."

"Well, we're not enemies, are we?"

He shook his head, slightly amused. "So, what do you want from me?"

"BAR month is coming..." I began. He just continued to stare at me, waiting for me to finish what I was saying. "I need you to be my slave. Buy me food. Get me my reviewers. Gisingin ako before the exam. Maghintay sa akin after. My slave."

His brow arched. "You mean BAR buddy?"

Umiling ako. "No. I want you to be my slave."

"But you do know that that's a violation of Art 273? Forced labor?"

Umirap ako. "Ang dami mong sinasabi. Are you in or not?"

A grin appeared on his face. "Deal."