Chapter 38

I went home and my spirit was more than crushed. Kanina pa sinasabi ni Drake na dapat hindi ako magpaapekto but the truth was, I just can't. Every word, every stare, they all got into me. Kahit na anong sabi ni Drake na wag akong makinig, hindi, e. Maybe because I knew that inside, she's telling the truth. She had something I'll never had.

"Stop thinking about that," he said and then held my hand. "I told you talking to her isn't a good idea."

Ano ba yung mas okay? Yung marinig ko na lahat ng dapat ko marinig ngayon o magbingibingihan lang ako palagi kagaya ng gusto mangyari ni Drake? But I seriously can't. Siguro kung hindi ko nakausap si Fier, habang buhay na akong makukonsensya.

I sit back and looked at him. "Then what's the better idea?"

"I don't know..." he said, "But it definitely doesn't include you stressing yourself over this."

How can I not stress myself? My boyfriend was having a baby with someone else and that someone else wanted him with her. Wasn't that preblematic enough because if it wasn't, I had no idea what a real problem could be.

"Hindi ko kaya, Drake. At the back of my head, naiisip ko yun palagi..." I told him honestly. Ayoko na magsinungaling kasi alam ko na pag nadagdagan pa 'tong problema namin, it would be impossible to resolve. There were just too much involved.

He held onto my hand tighter. "Just don't."

"Paano?"

He pulled me into a hug and whispered in to my ears, "I love you enough to make it through this mess, Alys." I smiled at his affection. He hugged me tighter and kissed the temple of my head. "Just don't run from me."

I hugged him tighter as I could and then looked into his eyes. "Drake, hindi ako tatakbo. Bakit ba palagi mo na lang yang iniisip?"

He took a breath and placed both of his hands on the steering wheel. He looked a lot like my Drake Palma when he's like this. I missed him. Yung pagiging tahimik niya, walang pakielam, minsan nakakasakit siya, oo, pero kapag inisip mo, he was just telling you the truth. He didn't do sugarcoating. When he tells you something, he means well. It's just that people so often misunderstood him because he has his way with words. 

"Maybe because I'm paranoid," he said.

"But why?"

He didn't look at me this time. He kept his eye in front of him. "Because I think I love you way too much, Alys. And I don't think this love is healthy anymore but I can't do something about it because I don't want to do something about it. I love you so much that the thought of you gone again will really kill me."

"Drake," I called out his name. He still wasn't looking at me. I moved towards him and made him face me. "Look at me," I said and then caught his eyes. His eyes were sad and it's making me sad. I leaned in and kissed him softly. What have I done to this man that the mere thought of me being gone was making him like this? "I'm not running away. Don't be scared."

"I wish I could."

I held his face. "Drake, will you marry me?"

I knew this plan was the worst plan of them all pero I didn't know. Words just came pouring out of my mouth. I have always knew I wanted to marry this guy... and now was nowhere near perfect but my heart just kept on telling me to marry him to end all his doubts, and mine as well. 

He stiffened at my question. 

"Drake Sebastian Jimenez-Palma, I knew I rejected you so many times already that I lost track of it. Alam kong mali 'tong gagawin natin considering the fact na magkakaanak ka na... and I know this isn't fair for the baby nor for Fier. But I love you so much. I know myself, Drake, deep inside, I know that one day, when all these are too much to bear, I'm gonna give you up. And the thought scares me. I don't wanna give you up... Ayoko na. I gave you up so many times already. Tama na yun. Ayoko na. 

"Can I be selfish just this once? Can you marry this selfish girl, Drake?"

I looked at him, hopeful. Of all the days and nights I spent in my dire life, ngayon lang ako naging ganito ka impulsive. But I knew I won't regret this decision. Marrying him was my long time dream. Siguro nga I was doing this for all the wrong reason but who cares? I'm doing it for the right person so screw all the wrong reasons. I love this guy. So much.

He was still speechless.

"Drake..." I said.

He wasn't moving nor talking. It was like his tongue got tied and it was scaring me. Ayaw niya ba akong pakasalan? Was marrying me repulsing him? Was he planning on marrying Fier for the sake of the baby?

I didn't know that I was crying until Drake wiped the tears for me.

"Ayaw mo ba akong pakasalan?" My voice was shaking because of the fear that maybe he didn't want me anymore... 

He chuckled and then pulled me and kissed me. "Are you crazy?" he said. "I'd marry you in a heartbeat, Alys. Anywhere, any time."

"E bakit ayaw mong sumagot agad?" I said, punching his chest. "Gusto mo ba akong patayin sa kaba?"

He smiled at me and he was smiling. Just smiling. "Damn, Perez, I love you so much," he said and then pulled me and kissed me long enough that I knew he just took my breath away.

--

We were walking hand in hand on our way inside our house. The smile on our faces can't be denied. We're just meant to be together.

"Where were you?" Mom asked me the moment na makita niya kami. 

There was this worry inside me. I didn't like the feeling. My mom and dad were there, as if they were waiting for us to arrive. 

"Somewhere else..." I said. "Why?"

My mom motioned for us to sit. I didn't like this setup. My heart was racing. 

"Mom, may sasabihin ako," I began. Better end this agony of waiting. "We're getting married."

The look on my mom's face was unreadable, it was like she was happy and sad at the same time. She closed her eyes and said, "Sorry, Alys, you can't."

Right then, the description that my world stopped spinning was very apt. How come my life was this screwed up? I just fixed things with Drake and then now, my parents were making things difficult for me. 

My breathing was being rugged and my head was spinning. Everything was just so messed up.

"Bakit?" I said, looking at her and my dad. 

"Alys..." My dad said.

"Tell me why, Dad! Give me a reason!" I said.

"Don't shout at your dad, Alys!" My mom said. 

I laughed at our situation. Can my life get anymore fucked up? I think not. Sobra na sa sobra lahat ng nararanasan ko. Siguro pwede ng ipasa as movie 'tong buhay ko. Yung tipong drama. 

"Paano akong hindi sisigaw?" I said. I was about to continue explaining myself when Drake held my hand. "What?!" I glared at him.

"Calm down," he said.

"I can't calm down!" sigaw ko. Naiinis na ako. Sa buhay ko, sa sitwasyon ko, sa lahat! Everything was tangled up and it's making me crazy! "Why can't we get married?" I asked my mom.

"Because Drake's having a baby with someone, Alys! What in that sentence can't you understand?!" my mom shouted at me.

I was stunned. The sentence kept on echoing inside my head. He's having a baby. And we can't get married.

Napaupo na lang ako. My whole being couldn't take it anymore. All the stress and the madness were bringing me down. It was exhausting.

"Tita," Drake started but he was cut off by my mom.

"Drake, you just can't."

"Mom!" I interjected. "How could you say that? Kung si Daddy nga tinanggap ka kahit na may anak ka sa iba, why can't you do the same?!"

Before I even knew it, I was slapped by my own mother. No amount of words can explain what I was feeling. I was hurt and humiliated. 

"Alys, I'm sorry," she said.

I stood up and walked upstairs. I didn't know what I was doing. Kinuha ko yung bag ko and packed my things. I love my mom but I just can't do this right now. 

"Alys, baby, don't leave," my mom said nung sinundan niya ako at nakita niyang kinukuha ko yung mga gamit ko. "Alys naman, anak, iiwan mo ba ang mommy mo?"

My mind was closed. Ayoko na. Sumasakit na lahat sa akin, yung ulo ko, puso ko, isip ko. Things were just too hard to handle. I didn't want to breakdown but things were pushing me to.

I was running away. 

"Drake?" I called out his name. "Let's run away."