Chapter 43

They said that if you really love the person, you got to set them free. But isn't that a bit hypocrite? If you really do love someone, you should fight for them... But when everything is just too much to handle, you should take a breather and think things over. Maybe there's something wrong, maybe you should change something for the benefit of the both of you.

The silence after the storm was numbing. Hindi ako makagalaw. Hinihintay ko kung ano ang susunod na sasabihin ni Fier. It was as if anytime, I would die from heart attack.

"So, that's it?" her voice was cold as ice.

I didn't hear anything but my own heart beating.

I heard footsteps pacing back and forth. It was Fier walking.

"Well," she said, "Okay. You know what, Drake? You're an asshole. I don't know why people think that you're perfect. Hindi, e. You got me pregnant yet somehow, gustung gusto mo akong mawala sa buhay mo. Yes, I threw myself at you pero it fucking takes two to tango! Ginusto mo din to."

Ang sakit pala talagang marinig na yung taong mahal mo, may nakasamang iba. Kahit sabihin mo kasi na nangyari yun nung wala kayo, nung may away kayo, ang sakit pa rin, 'di ba? Kasi kung mahal ka niya, hindi naman siya susuko. Iyon 'yung ideal. Pero wala naman kami sa ideal world, nasa totoong mundo kami. At dito sa mundo na ginagalawan namin, nakakagawa kami ng kasalanan.

"I'm sorry..." Drake mumbled.

"Ano'ng magagawa ng sorry mo? Magiging tatay ba yan ng anak ko? Hindi, 'di ba?" she said and then paused. "Know what, Drake? You're so selfish. Dahil selfish ka naman, siguro naman okay lang din na magpaka selfish ako, noh?"

My heart was racing so fast. Kinakabahan ako sa sasabihin ni Fier. Ayokong marinig. Natatakot ako at nasasaktan ngayon pa lang.

"I'll give you the freedom you're so fucking desperate to have. Wala ka ng responsibilidad sa akin, o sa anak mo. Pero wag ka na ding umasa na makikita mo yung anak mo. Did you hear me? 'Wag kang umasa, Drake. Simula ngayon, wala ka ng anak. Akin lang 'to. Ako lang ang magulang niya."

Shit. No. Hindi pwede.

"Fier."

"Oh, heck! Don't look at me like that! Ito yung gusto mo, 'di ba? Well, eto na! Binibigay ko na sa'yo! Don't expect me to come on your terms, Drake. I wasn't born to be a saint. Tao ako, masama ang ugali ko. This is the best I could give you."

And then there were noises. Hindi ko alam pero napaupo na lang ako. Ang hirap hirap na. Kahit na para sa iba dapat matuwa ako, hindi ko alam kung saang parte ng nangyayari ngayon ang dapat ikatuwa ko.

"Goodbye, Drake," she said.

Bigla akong nagtago sa gilid. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin si Fier kaya mas minabuti ko na lang na magtago.

Tears were falling down my cheek while I was watching her go away. Dapat ba masaya na ako? Eto na, oh. Siya na mismo yung nagpasya na umalis sa buhay namin ni Drake.

It took me minutes to calm myself down. Gusto kong ayusin muna yung sarili ko bago ako humarap kay Drake.

I stood up and wiped my tear-stained cheek. I need to look brave. Hindi ako dapat mahina. Kung manghihina ang loob ko, mas panghihinaan ng loob si Drake.

"Drake," I called out his name.

Nandun siya sa dulo ng kama ni Fier, nakaupo at nakalagay yung kamay niya sa ulo niya. Parang hirap na hirap na siya. 22 pa lang siya pero pakiramdam ko ang tanda tanda na namin sa lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay namin.

Dahan dahan akong naglakad. He wasn't crying but his face gave it all. He was hurting.

When he saw me, he smiled.

Naupo ako at niyakap ko siya. He hugged me back; he hugged me tight.

I was caressing his hair and told him, "Okay lang umiyak..."

He didn't move a bit and so I just listened to his ragged breathing. I took this opportunity to pacify him, even though I, myself, haven't even digested everything that had happened. Masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari. Ni hindi ako makasunod. Para bang bigla na lang nangyari yung lahat.

Who would have thought that three weeks could change everything? Drastically, even.

"Are you alright?"

He didn't answer.

"Drake, kakausapin ko si Fier, okay. I'll tell her na okay lang sa akin na dito muna siya. Please 'wag kang malungkot, mas nasasaktan ako kapag ganyan ka..."

He held my hand. I could feel him hurting kahit sa simpleng yakap lang. Ganito ba talaga ang epekto ng epic love? Parang kapag nasasaktan yung mahal mo, mas nasasaktan ka... Triple pa nga kung minsan.

For the first time, he looked at me.

"Why are you like that?"

"H-ha?"

He smiled. "Why did I fall in love with such a selfless girl?"

"Sa'yo lang naman ako ganito, Drake. Sa iba? Siguro mas uunahin ko yung sarili ko. Sabi nga nila, survival of the fittest. Pero kapag ikaw na yung usapan? You're my priority. Ganun din naman ang gagawin mo para sa akin, 'di ba?" I asked him. But it wasn't necessarily a question. Kapag nagbigay ka, dapat wala kang hinihinging kapalit. That's when you'll know that what you feel is real. Give but don't ask.

That night, we ended up cuddling together. Kahit na sinabi sa akin ni Drake na 'wag ko ng kausapin si Fier, I have decided to do things on my own. Ayoko siyang makitang magsisi dahil mas pinili niyang unahin ako kaysa sa anak niya. Ayokong pagsisihan niya yun pagdating ng araw.

Kinabukasan, nagising ako na wala na si Drake sa tabi ko pero may pagkain sa bedside table.

Walang note. Ewan ko ba, kahit minsan daig pa ni Drake yung yelo sa pagiging cold, sanay na din ako. Kasi siya yan e. Ganyan na siya nung nakilala ko. Bonus na lang na minsan sweet siya. Ayoko ngang pilitin siyang magbago para sa akin. Ganyan siya, tanggap ko siya.

Umalis ako sa bahay namin papunta kina Cristine. Wala akong clue kung saan nakatira si Fier.

Dumating ako sa bahay nila, pinapasok naman ako kaagad ng guards, siguro dahil nakapunta na din naman ako dito dati nung 'pinaplano' ko pa yung kasal nila ni Drake. Siguro kung pumayag ako dati na pakasalan siya, wala ng ganito.

Pero ano nga ba ang sense ng what ifs?

"Si Cristine po?" I asked one of their maids. Itinuro niya ako doon sa likod, sa may garden.

Naglakad ako at nakita ko sila na nag uusap ni Fier habang nakatalikod sa akin.

Hindi ko gustong makinig sa pinag uusapan nila pero narinig ko ang pangalan ni Drake.

"Are you sure about that?" Cristine asked her.

Fier was holding a glass of water. Kahit nakatalikod, ramdam mo yung lakas ng dating ni Fier. Minsan naiinggit ako sa kanya. Ang lakas ng loob niya. Kapag gusto niya, sasabihin niya. Ako kasi, minsan iniisip ko muna yung sasabihin ng iba, yung mararamdaman nila. Masaya sa loob pero minsan, nakakasakal din. Hindi mo magawa yung kung ano yung gusto mo talaga.

She nodded.

"I talked to the twins already, sila na ang bahala sa papers ko and everything, I'll stay here hanggang sa dumating ang ticket."

"But you really wouldn't tell me what country?"

"No, Cristine. I'm leaving Drake and everything, and you being his friend puts me in jeopardy. Mas mabuti na na wala kang alam."

"But I'm your best friend din naman..."

"We could skype."

"That's not fair! Paano ako magiging ninang ng baby kung wala man lang akong clue kung saan ko ipapadala ang gifts ko?"

Fier chuckled. "Oh, you're such a child sometimes, Cristine. You'll see my baby, okay? We'll videochat as frequent as possible. Siguro after years, kapag okay and settled na, I'll let you know kung nasaan kami."

I didn't know she was this serious. Akala ko hindi niya lang kakausapin si Drake, yung nadala lang siya ng galit niya...

But this?

This was too much.

Aalisan niya ng karapatan si Drake sa anak nila.

"When will you leave?"

"I don't know yet, Cristine. Maybe tonight, tomorrow, or next week. Basta as soon as possible."

I was lost for words.

Dahan dahan akong umalis sa bahay nila at pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan ko. Ano ba ang dapat kong sabihin kay Fier para magbago ang desisyon niya?

Papaandarin ko na sana ang sasakyan ng makita ko yung mga kapatid ni Fier. Sila yung kambal kung hindi ako nagkakamali.

I hastily opened the door of my car and approached them.

"H-Hi," I said.

Napatingin sila sa akin. They didn't recognize me. Nagtago kasi ako nung una kaming nagkita.

'Yung isang lalaki, tinaasan ako ng kilay.

"Why?" he asked.

"Kapatid ba kayo ni Fier?"

"Yes, bakit? Do you know her?"

I took a really deep breath and nodded. "Yes, I'm Alys—"

"Whoa, whoa. You're the Alys Perez?" the other guy asked me.

I nodded.

"Ano'ng kailangan mo sa amin?" sabi nung mukhang masungit na lalaki.

I closed my eyes for a moment and then spoke the unspeakable.

"Please 'wag niyong tulungan umalis sa bansa si Fier."