The weight of a large hand on my shoulder woke me up. I was confused at first until I recalled the night. I must have fallen asleep on the way home. The sad part was I didn't even realize it. He softly nudged me again. I rubbed my eyes and sat up straighter.

"Hayden, you're home," he said.

I heard him, but my mind couldn't process what he was saying.

"Huh?" I said groggily.

"You're home," he repeated.

"Oh... thanks," I mumbled.

He got out and opened the door for me. I struggled to get out of the car. It seemed as if everything hit me at once. My feet were killing me and I was drunk and a little dizzy. I finally stood up and stabilized my self. Again, I started to feel self-conscious and nervous around him. We stood there for a few moments staring at each other. Then I took a step forward.

"Trent, thank you for taking me home. It was really nice seeing you again," I whispered.

"It was no problem at all. Actually, I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you hated me," he said.

I thought he hated me all these years. He never contacted me nor did he ask about me.

"Oh... I could never hate you. Is that why you stayed away?" I asked.

"Yes. I just thought it was best for me to leave you alone after we broke up. I didn't know I broke your heart. I'm sorry. I thought you just wanted to work on your schoolwork and that you were too young for a boyfriend. I should have reached out to you sooner. I was pissed about how we ended. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Tell me the truth, Hayden. Why didn't you want to be with me?" he said.

I always felt that I should have told him everything that day. I guess was too afraid to hear the truth directly from his mouth. It didn't hurt to tell him now. We weren't going to get back together, but I didn't mind seeing his fine self more often.

"I knew you were cheating on me. I was hurting and I wasn't happy anymore. And you were acting like you didn't like being around me. That is the real reason why I broke up with you," I explained.

He looked down as if he was ashamed. That confirmed that my suspicions were true. He was cheating, but I still had no clue with whom or why. I don't think I could handle knowing right now.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm not that arrogant, cheating, selfish jerk anymore. I didn't know what I was doing back then and what I was losing. If I could just go back and change every stupid thing I did, I would," he said.

"It's okay we were both young and naïve, well, I was very naïve. Thanks for being honest now." I shrugged.

It still stung to be cheated on, but what could I do. I didn't know what else to say to him. We were just staring at each other in silence. I enjoyed looking at him. The attraction was still there. I always loved his thick full lashes. I was awestruck by his beautiful eyes. They were hypnotizing and warm, I was so lost in them. The longer you looked in them the more you noticed. They were like light honey with flecks of gold.

Then I focused on his perfect lips. They were full and soft. I remember how they felt on my skin when he used to kiss me. I loved kissing him. His kisses used to make everything right in my world. Suddenly, I wanted to relive those moments. I didn't understand why I wanted him so bad now. It must be the alcohol. I rarely thought about him. I didn't have time to think about what could have happened. It had to be the nostalgia and not seeing him after so long that had me like this.

Out of nowhere, he grabbed me and kissed me on my lips. His touch sent shivers through my body. That feeling came back making me light-headed. We kissed deeper as he placed his arms around me. Then he quickly pulled away from me, making me feel empty. I wanted more. I love that feeling of lust and desire burning deep within.

Well, that sobered me up!

"I'm sorry. You are drunk and I don't want to take advantage of you... Goodnight Hayden," he said, taking a step back.

We couldn't stop. I didn't care how drunk I was or wasn't, I wanted this. I grabbed him and kissed him passionately. I wanted to do something unlike me for once in my life. I never did anything fun or adventurous. All of my friends seemed to be happy living their lives and sleeping with whoever they wanted so, why shouldn't I?

I have been holding on to my virginity in hopes to give it to someone I truly love and who loves me just as much. It seemed pointless now. In this world, no one values intimacy and sex as something between two people that love each other anymore. You seemed to be shamed for being a virgin more than being promiscuous.

Sex seems to be as intimate as a handshake now. It seems that people only want pleasure, satisfaction, and just a release. Every guy I encountered only wanted sex from me, nothing more. I didn't see any prospects of love anytime soon. I couldn't even get a respectable date.

Why am I holding on to my virginity?

It didn't mean anything anymore. Sadly, I thought about having a one night stand, but with someone that I knew just to get it over with. Just to say I did it. So my input on relationships would have some merit with my friends and to get my sister off my case. I've known Trent for almost two decades. So why not him? I'm obviously attracted to him and I trust him enough with this.

"I am fully aware of what I'm doing, Trent. I'm not really drunk anymore. Actually, I'm pretty sober now," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

He was quite hesitant and I didn't understand.

What's wrong with him? Didn't guys only want sex?

"Yes, I'm sure. I have never been more sure in my life. I want you to go park your car and come upstairs with me. Then I want you to make love to me." I urged.

His eyes went wide. Then he scrunched up his face.

"Hayden, I don't care what you say, you are drunk. I'll walk you up to your place, but that's it," he said.

"You still need to park your car to do that," I reasoned.

He helped me get to the lobby. I told him where to park. A few moments later, he parked his car in the guest parking spot and came back into the lobby. Without another word, he escorted me up to my sixth-floor apartment. I was hoping he would change his mind and take my offer. I was nervous and fumbled with my key. He noticed and helped me out. Once the door was finally opened, we walked into my living room. I stared up at him pleading with eyes for him to stay. He looked away from me and yawned.

"Alright, Hayden. You are home safe. I'll see you later," he said.

I wanted to be direct and ask him to stay, but it was clear as day that he still didn't want me. He didn't want me back then either. I guess Trent still saw me as that stiff boring girl from back in the day. I gave up and smiled at him. Deep down I wanted to be seen as fun and adventurous or even spontaneous. I wanted to shake my reputation of being 'Miss Perfect' or the "miss goody-two-shoes". I am tired of it. My plan to do something unexpected, perhaps crazy for once didn't go as I would have liked.

"Thanks again for the ride home... I'm sorry about earlier. You get home safely," I whispered.

"You don't need to be sorry. We just- Maybe under different circumstances," he said smiling.

"Yeah, maybe." I sighed.

He gave me a hug and gently kissed me on my cheek. I walked him to the door and watched him leave. I felt incredibly stupid and more embarrassed as I sobered up. I don't know what I was thinking. Trent probably thinks I'm crazy and desperate.

I'll probably never see him again.

I took off those painful shoes and got undressed. I took a shower and got in bed. It took a while for my mind to stop overthinking about my night and finally relax. My body couldn't take anymore and I finally fell asleep.

I woke up to the worst headache in my life. I vowed to never get drunk again. On top of that, I didn't have anything to cure my hangover. I couldn't believe I didn't have coffee or aspirin in the house. I begrudgingly got up and got dressed. I went to my local liquor store for something to cure my hangover, but it was closed due to construction. I had to walk back home and get in my car to drive to a 7-Eleven. I found a new one not too far from my house.

I got my coffee, Powerade, aspirin, and rushed out the door. Without looking I bumped into some guy and almost spilled my coffee. I was thankful I didn't burn him or myself. Before I could apologize he spoke.

"Bad night huh?"

I felt awkward and slightly bad for running into this guy, so I didn't look up. That voice was so familiar that at first, I thought I was going crazy. I slowly looked up hoping I wasn't.

"Trent? What the heck? Are you stalking me?" I asked in shock.

"No! Are you stalking me?" he asked jovially.

I was fidgeting with the bag I was holding hoping he wasn't weirded out from last night. I was a desperate mess last night and I wanted to disappear.

"Look, I work at that building," he said pointing to the tall building across the street. "I came in here to get an energy drink. You know since last night was such a long night." He grinned.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Especially about last night I must have looked like a fool," I said sheepishly.

"No need to be sorry. It's was fine. I must admit you weren't the girl I thought I knew... Drunk Hayden is different... I don't mean that in a bad way... you were fine," he rambled.

I felt awkward around him and wanted to run away.

"Um, yeah... I have to go," I said awkwardly.

"Hayden, wait. I didn't mean-" he said as I walked away from him.

I swiftly got in my car and drove away. At that moment I felt if I never saw him again that would be a relief. I totally embarrassed myself. As soon as I got home, my mood changed. I thought about all those years we spent together. I wished I wasn't so awkward with him. I missed our friendship and aspects of our relationship, like kissing and touching. I dismissed my hormones and reflect on our other parts of our relationship. We were really close until the last six months. I am still confused about what went wrong and what came between us.

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