Okay so please bare with me, I don't know what I'm doing here-

This is my first real post on here, as well as the first fanfic I've written on here as well, so wish me luck :')

The Fear Of Being Feared

Word count: 1811

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR NEW SANDER SIDES EPISODE!!!!!!! but that's about it :,)

Ship: None (Demus if you squint)

Janus rose back up into the dark sides area. Glancing around, he smoothed out his cape as he entered the living room. Strangely, it was silent.

Too silent.

As much as the deceitful side would usually love the peace and quiet, he knew that it being this quiet couldn't mean anything good.

Janus made his way down the hallway, glancing at the doors as he went by them.

The purple door was still fading, as it had been since Virgil had left them.

His own room, fairly basic, with a plain wooden door that Remus had painted for him. The creative side had painted his own logo on the center of the door, giving it a more professional feel to it. It gave Janus a sense of pride almost. When Remus had done it without asking, he had originally worried that Janus would've repremanded him for vandelizing his door, however he didn't expect the deceitful side to grip him in a tight hug.

'Thank you,' Janus had said. He knew Remus didn't know why he was so emotional over this door. But to Janus... It was a sign that someone finally had accepted him as a side. And the little act of painting a simple design on a door... Well, Remus didn't know how much that would continue to mean to Janus.

With the fond memory in his mind, he continued down the hall, ignoring the orange door on his right. Finally, he ended up in front of the farthest door. The green paint was chipping, but the sword was still engraved into the wood, courtesy of one of Remus's knifes.

Janus rapped on the door 3 times, staring at the punctures and wounds in the wood as he awaited for Remus.

Strangely, he got no response.

'Odd,' Janus pondered. 'He usually is awake right now.'

"Remus? Are you alright? May I come in?" The yellow-themed side spoke, staring at the door.
Before he could get a response, the door whirled open, revealing a discheveled Remus.

"What do you want, Janus?" He spoke, his voice small as he kept his hand on the door, not letting the scaly side in his room. Janus frowned, tilting his head.

Janus blinked in response. Remus had never reacted like this before.

"Remus, what's wrong?" The creative twin laughed, although it was clearly forced. He glared down at Janus, his door still only partially open.

"'What's wrong?' Oh, you little snake, I'm surprised you've forgotten already." He snapped, anger clear in his voice. Janus took a step back. Where was this attitude coming from?!

"Listen, Remus, I want to know what's wrong, but I've had a bit of a rough day-" a bark of a laugh erupted from Remus yet again, forcing Janus to go silent.

"I'm sure you did." He snarled at Janus. The side huffed as Remus crossed his arms in the doorway.
Janus was terribly confused. He stared into the eyes of his close friend, the one he counted on.
All he could see was... Hurt. And lots of it.

"Remus, please," he pleaded. "let me in."
It was silent for a good while. After nearly a minute of silence, he relented with a huff, allowing Janus to enter his room.

Upon entering, Janus could sense the feeling of anger in the room. The ripped curtains, his pillows looking as if they'd been punched, belongings scattered across the room and some even lodged in the walls.
Remus didn't glance at him as he went immediately to his desk, taking a seat in the broken chair. Janus walked towards him, putting a gloved hand on his shoulder.

"Remus... What's going on?" He asked again. This time, Remus's laugh was less harsh and more weak, as if he was on the verge of crying.

"Janus... Have I done something for you to not believe in me?" He asked hollowly.
Janus's expression shifted to one of pure shock. What kind of question was that?!

"Remus I- of course not, you've always supported me, and I've always supported you." He answered, standing next to Remus now, his hand still on his shoulder. He tracked Remus's eyes to the laptop on his desk. He noticed that the application YouTube was open.

"...So why would you say that, Deceit?" Janus immediately pulled his hand back.

Janus's heart dropped. Remus hadn't called him that ever since he confided in him, and admitted his name to him.
And he didn't laugh. He didn't mock his name. He didn't even smirk.
Remus just nodded, and shook his ungloved hand, saying something along the lines of 'Well, Janus, would you like to go call some of the others whale penises with me?'.

So what was the problem now? Remus knew how the title Deceit made him feel, so what could be wrong?

"Remus?" He spoke, not knowing what else to say.

"Y'know, when you told me you were going to go be in a video, I was excited for you," Remus began, his eyes still glued to his screen. Janus could see his eyes beginning to become glassy.
"And, I remember wishing you luck, and telling you to have fun... Did you not think I would watch the video?" He asked, his hands gripping his own thighs tightly. Janus glanced at his shoes, trying to figure out where Remus was going with this.

"Remus, I'm not sure I follow-"

"Well let me /spell it out for you,/" he growled, standing abruptly, causing the chair to topple over. He took a step towards Janus, towering over him. He finally made eye contact with Janus, with both anger and sadness clear in his glare.
Janus had never been scared of Remus before, but now? Having him tower over him, with the pure anger pouring out of him as he glowered at him? Janus couldn't help but take a step back.

"'Thank god you don't have a mustache,'" Remus began, his voice shaking slightly. Janus's face dropped, as well as his heart. "'Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to tell who the evil twin is.' Does anything ring a bell now, Deceit?" He spat out the title, with little regard as to how Janus flinched at it.

Janus, in response, glanced down at the ground.

He had done it.

He had let down the one friend who had never, /ever/ let him down.

"Remus..."

"I don't want to hear it. I want you out of my room." The creative twin whispered, all confidence deflating out of his body.

"I know you do, and you have every reason to, but-"

"No, no no no, I don't want to hear your fucking excuses, I want you /out!/" He began, shaking his head as he screwed his eyes shut. Janus took a single step towards him.

"Remus, /please,/ let me try to explain myself," Janus pleaded, staring up at him, who only threw up his arms in anger.

"And why should I?! What right do you have that you get to say that? /What have I done wrong?!/" He screamed, his hands fisting in his hair.

The room was silent, other than Remus's panting to get his breathing back to normal.

Janus took a steadying breath, looking Remus back in his eyes. Before he spoke, he took another moment to calculate what to say.

"Remus... You have never done anything wrong to me. /Ever/." Remus stayed silent, choosing to collapse on his bed as he stared at the ground. Janus continued.
"What I chose to say was out of line, for both of you. I know I should've held it back, kept it to myself, especially when I said it to Roman, but... I didn't know how else to get to Roman, I... He had mocked the one thing, the /one thing/ I had chosen to share with them, the thing I've been keeping to myself for years and-" He took a shuddering breath.
He couldn't turn this conversation back to himself. It wasn't about him.
This was about Remus.
"My point is... What I said, to Roman... I shouldn't have said. not only was it not fair to him, but I didn't even take into consideration how you probably felt about it." Janus spoke. He glanced back up at Remus, who was now staring Janus directly in the face.
He took a breath before he spoke.

"...Why does everyone think I'm evil?... What have I done wrong, what do I need to change about myself so that people will accept me?" He asked. Janus bit his lip as he stared Remus in the eyes.
He had the same look he did years ago, when Roman and him had first split apart.
The look of pure confusion and pure hurt.

And Janus had caused it.

Remus had never told Janus that his name was stupid.

Remus had never called him snakeface.

Remus had never not supported him.

And Janus? Well, he confirmed one thing that Remus was afraid of.

The fear of being feared.

"Remus... I can't apologize enough for what I've done. I.. don't even know where I would start. However... I do know one thing." He began. He slowly sat down next to Remus on his bed, carefully watching Remus's reactions to everything. He made no effort to shove him away, so he continued.
"You should never, /ever/ change yourself because of what anyone else thinks." He stated. Remus finally took his eyes off the ground to stare at Janus. His fringe hung in front of his eyes, leaving Janus to stare at his face.
"You need not change yourself because others might think you're evil. It doesn't matter what the hell the light sides think. What matters are your intentions. You never intend to hurt Thomas, and frankly, I don't believe you ever will. It's not in your nature." He continues.
"You deserve to know that you are perfect the way you are," Janus spoke, trying to not think about the light blush that appeared on his face as he said that.
"If the others can't accept you for who you are, then screw them. You don't need them to respect you, so long as you respect yourself. Mistakes will be made, yes, but everyone will make them. What matters is that you understand and learn from them, as should everyone."
"I've made a terrible mistake today, and it's cost me one of my most dearest companions. And I truly hope that he can find it in his big heart to forgive me." Janus finished, his hands clasped together in his lap.

The room was silent, for a good minute or two.

Finally, the creative twin ran a hand through his hair, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. He looked at Janus for the first time in a while, and a sad smile rose on his face.

"I think your friend will forgive you."