flashback;

The cold breeze brushed through my skin, sending a shiver down my body, pushing myself off the comfort of my bed to rush closing my slightly opened window. It is four days before christmas, the white snow scattered all over the ground. I wore five layers of my thickest clothes and warmers, even wore a glove and a scarf to ease the cold, but somehow it wouldn't.

I stood by the window as my eyes caught the wonderful sight of small children playing by the snow, having a snow ball fight and some competing for the best snow man title. I could only sigh. How can they play at this temperature. It's freezing cold.

I turned away from the window and into my study table, reaching for the box of hot packs and placing one on the back of my neck and one on my chest. It somehow eased the cold a little bit and I'm more than grateful for it.

"Hyung!" I called, throwing myself on my bed and immediately went under the covers, curling into a ball. I heard my door opened and a hurdle of footsteps, expecting it to be seokjin when I was welcomed by rudolf, also known as Jimin with his incredibly red nose, matching well with his current red hair. I frowned playfully at him, "what are you doing here?"

"can't I visit my kookie?" He replied ever so casually, sending tons of butterflies in my stomach and heated cheeks. I threw a pillow at him before hiding my face under the covers, hiding the flutter that his smile has caused inside of me. I heard him chuckle before I felt the bed dip down, a pair of arms around me.

I heard him sigh, his grip tightening around me. "So my parents tried to kill each other again.." he whispered, his voice low and dark like he's so close to punching his parents straight in the face. "my mom grabbed a knife this time and it almost did kill my father." I couldn't help but feel disheveled hearing such things. I look up at Jimin to see him in his usual cold and pokerface demeanour. In just a blink of an eye, my smile slowly flattered until it turned into a deep frown.

I've always hated seeing him like this. The way he talk nonchalantly about his parents, with his cold and pokerface mask and all. He tries so hard to suppress it but I know too damn well how much he's hurting right now. I know better than to be fooled by his mask. He's always like this, keeping everything inside in hopes that nobody would notice the tears and the emptiness in his heart.

But I do.

"..as usual they were arguing about me." he smirked, trying to make me believe that he actually enjoys seeing his family slowly drifting apart. I could see it in his very eyes, how badly he wanted for everything to stop— for things to be better. But Jimin being the idiot that he was, he laughed and acted like it never affects him at all. Stupid Jimin.

He was about say much more when I threw the pillow across the room, landing into my vanity mirror and ruined almost every cosmetic I have, some falling to the ground. Jimin sighed, not even surprised, like he was expecting this. I turned to glare at him, his gaze instense against mine. "S-stop it," My voice broke, hurting for him since the jackass is too full of his pride to appear weak in front of anybody. "Just stop it, Jimin." I tell him, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

His eyes widened at the sight of my tears, jolting up from the bed to cup my cheeks. He didn't say a word and just wiped the tears away, pulling me on his lap and caressed my hair back, his eyes expressing something I couldn't quite understand. It was his arms wrapped around me for the second time today, his head burried in the crook of my neck and his grip tight like he has no intentions of letting go.

"Jimi—"

"Just for today, kookie." He whispered, his breath hot against my neck as it sends shivers down my spine. I frowned, confused of his words just now. As of sensing my confusion, he nuzzled closer like our bodies pressed together isn't close nor tight enough for him. "Just once, let me pretend I don't care because sometimes it's too tiring to give a fuck. Sometimes it's too tiring to care. So do me the favour, just for today, let me lie to you." his voice was low, so low that if the children playing outside was loud enough, I wouldn't even get to hear him.

His voice was pleading, telling that if I push it further more, he might just break down right in front of me. He might collapse and it'll be the death of me. He knows how much I hate it when he cries. Sure I love seeing his reactions other than his usual cold and emotionless face, but melancholy and tears are the least reaction I wanted from him.

So with a sigh, I hugged him back, just as tight and as passionate as I could. I felt him kiss the side of my neck, trailing it down to my collarbones, earning a satisfied moan from me. He pulled away thereafter, his eyes gentle against mine as he smiles, leaning in to brush his nose against mine, giving me an eskimo kiss because apparently that has been our thing now.

"I'm so lucky to have you as my bestfriend." He whispers in between, hurting and pleasuring my pretty little heart all at the same time. I never really cared about relationship status and all that shits. I love him, yes. Not in a brotherly kind of love nor the bestfriend kind of love. I am deeply in love with him as a lover to a lover. But I am contented with what we have. As long as he's beside me, I'm more than happy and fine with it. But sometimes, I couldn't help but wish for more— to hope that we could be more than just bestfriends.

I was interrupted from my train of thoughts when the sweet smell of freshly baked cookies filled my nose, followed by footsteps and a knock on my door. It creaked opened, revealing my brother, a tray of cookies and milk in his hands as he smiles at the both of us. "Am I interrupting something?" he scoffed, raising a brow at the both of us.

I heard Jimin chuckled, making me snap my head to him, immediately regretting as we were only centimetres apart, that a small movement could probably bring our lips together. I could feel my cheeks heat, my heart thumping hard against my chest like it wishes to be freed. I found myself gulping, eyes directed on his lips that I have grown to adore so much.

And guessing by how he licked his lips, he feels it too. I could see my brother shaking his head from my peripheral vision, placing the tray by my study table before walking out the door, the loud bang of the door as it shut resonating throughout my small four wall-ed bedroom.

I could feel his breath against mine, my hands tight against his shoulders as I breath in. As usual, he kissed me, not even hesitating nor backing away as he crashed his lips against mine. For bestfriends, it's pretty wierd kissing each other, but not for Jimin. If anything, he enjoys every single second spent kissing me. I could feel it, the desire in his every kisses and the great craving everytime he pushes my head closer to deepen the kiss. He wants this more than anything— we both want this more than anything.

We pulled away afterwards, both breathless and satisfied. My eyes never once left his now sore lips, a small smile creeping in the corners of my lips when he leaned to plant one last peck against my lips before resting his head against mine.

"what are we, hyung?" I managed to whisper with my eyes closed, savouring the moment, the way his arms felt so perfect and home-like.

It was a question I often ask him, and today, his answer was nowhere different than the many times I've asked him. As usual, he says it in such glee, like it was the greatest way possible to describe what we really are. It never was really the answer I longed to hear. It was an answer full of confusion. It was not him asking me out nor it was him rejecting me. It was Jimin being the walking mystery that he was.

"We are just us, kookie." he whispers. "I am just jimin and simply, you are just jungkook. We are just us."