I feel suffocated,

...like air was immediately cut off of my lungs and I'm unable to breath. Tears are pricking on the corners of my eyes, the sound of my heart beating slowly going fainter with each millisecond that passes.

I hate this.

I hate feeling this.

I know I'm getting bad again when the aggressive banging of my door rang through my ears and the obvious concern in seulgi's voice as she calls my name echoed through the thick wall of my room yet I am unable to move, stuck staring at this stupid plain white wall for like hours now.

"Jungkook-ah?" She calls, "You need to eat, please even just one bite. You need something in your system." I hear her whisper through my door, her voice sad and defeated.

I remained silent, not really giving a fuck if I starve myself to death. I sighed, pulling my knees closer to my chest, wet tears dripping down the side of my face.

But just as I was about to close my eyes, the door bursted open and revealed an irritated yoongi. "Lock yourself one more time and I swear I'll destroy this motherfucking door." he warns.

"Language!" Seulgi scolded, landing a weak slap on her boyfriend's lips. Yoongi could only roll his eyes, pecking her cheeks before turning back to me.

"C'mon, I need to babysit my son and you need to eat." he points at me, a firm yet pleading look on his face as he beckons me over.

"I really appreciate you both being caring and all, bt I just don't feel like it." I tell them honestly. "I don't think I can stomach anything as of this moment. I...need space— for a while, a day or two maybe?"

"Jungkook you've been locking yourself in your room for a week now." Yoongi rolled his eyes, giving me a look as if to ask if I'm crazy or anything. "Instead of moping around, why the hell not help us search for jimi—"

I didn't know what came up to me to throw a pillow on yoongi's face. May it be because he's talking too much or he's just being plain stupid right now; I don't know.

"Jimin doesn't want to be found," I found myself gritting every word. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that?"

"So?" He nonchalantly raised a brow. Shrugging as if he didn't just hear me, as if he just didn't care. I frowned, anger slowly residing in me. "What's the point of looking for someone who doesn't want to be found?" I spat, hoping for him to flinch or feel even just an ounce of sympathy for me....but he didn't.

"That shouldn't stop you from looking," he tells me as a matter of factly, eyes stern as he shoots daggers towards me; challenging me. "Everybody wants to be found, jungkook. Nobody loves to be in the dark. Everybody hates it."

"—but Jimin clearly doesn't." I argued, mad at jimin, at myself and at the world.

"He hates the dark, trust me." He retorted, voice now a slight gentler than earlier, "He had just grown used to it— there's a difference."

That shut me up. I didn't know how to respond to that. From the corner of my eye, I could see seulgi walked towards yoongi and whispered something in his ear. Yoongi spoke thereafter, "Jimin is somewhere out there, waiting to be found— to be brought back to light." He whispered as gentle as he could. "— now, if you're done being stupidly pathetic, come down and eat."

Then he left.

I look up to meet seulgi's eyes. She seems sad, her gaze feels blue as she stares at me. "Everybody is a walking mystery, jungkook-ah." she said. I frowned. Now what the fuck does that mean. she must've realised my confusing, earning a giggle from her. "I mean, everybody has secrets they never dare to tell. Not even their best friends. He might've left but it doesn't really mean you were doing a lousy job as his best friend. Sometimes people needs to be lost to be able to find themselves. Maybe he just needs time, is all. So why don't you come down and eat, yeah?"

I sighed. "I was an ass, was I?"

"Kinda," she shrugged. "— but I understand. You're hurt and sad and you miss him. It's okay to be an ass sometimes, although I prefer dicks but yeah it's alright." I couldn't help but laugh at her silliness.

"I'm sorry about hyung." I sighed, "He was right, I am being stupid and pathetic."

"Oh, he'll come around." She reassures. "He's not one to hold grudges. He's just pissed off. You did threw a pillow at him." She smiled.

I chuckled. "Yoongi's really lucky to have you, noona." I tell her. "You're a really great catch."

"Yeah," she trails off, "Now c'mon buttercup, let's eat. Seokjin's gon kick my bootiful ass if I can't get you to eat for breakfast."

...and so we did.