my lids flew open, revealing both namjoon and seokjin looking down on me in worry. my brother must've been caressing my hair as i feel a hand on my head, seeing their frown slowly disappear at the sight of my conscious state.

"j-jungkook..." i heard seokjin mutter, his eyes a little bit watery as he stopped caressing my hair and reached to cup my palms in his hand. "how are you feeling?" he asks, hopeful and enlightened to see me now awake.

upon hearing this, i first realised how dry my throat is, causing me to cough for a brief moment. "i'm...thirsty." i tell them. and as quick as lightning, namjoon was already half way pouring water into a glass.

"here drink this," i heard namjoon say, my eyes snapping from seokjin to the glass of water in namjoon's hand. they helped me sit up, making me slightly flinch at the pain on my abdomen.

"other than your abdomen, do you feel any pain somewhere?" namjoon asks, worry laced in his voice as he tilts his head to the side.

and at the mention of pain, my mind immediately wandered to the what happened— or was it a dream? i frowned. "where's jimin, hyung?" i asked, hoping it wasn't just one of those crazy dreams. but it felt so real. it couldn't possibly be just a dream.

"jimin?" seokjin looked taken aback, frowning as he opens his mouth to speak once more when a voice beat him to it.

"i'm here," that all to familiar voice spoke. we all turned to the voice, earning mixed reactions as seokjin gasped while namjoon stayed calm like he knows something like would happen.

i, on the other hand, remained emotionless. i didn't know how to feel. should i be mad at him for leaving me and making a fool of myself. should i punch him for making me lose my mind, trying to find him— castrate him for being an asshole. because he pretty much deserve all of it. he broke my heart in half, left without a single word, not even a goodbye.

or hug him and kiss him because no matter what i do, i'd always be deeply, madly and greatly in love with him– that how hard he pains me, i will always choose the misery of loving him rather than the joy of losing him.

and there he was, standing by the door in all his glory. his eyes full of blues as he stares directly at me, his face sad and crestfallen at the sight of me. he looked away, and i'm sure he was preventing his teas to slip away. he had always hated crying in front of anybody, most specially in front of me.

"j-jimin," it was seokjin, his voice barely audible as he stared at the said man like he just saw a ghost. disbelief written in very eyes. i couldn't blame him though. i also couldn't believe it myself.

after months of searching for him, he was hiding in a hospital all along. but a certain possibility crossed my mind. out of all places, why the hospital? he's even wearing a hospital gown, making him look much more like a patient.

and that did it.

tears hungrily cascaded down my eyes, no longer able to withhold the pain residing in my chest as the many possibilities flooded my mind. i could see namjoon from my peripheral vision as he moves to sling an arm around my brother, whispered something in his ear that i didn't quite get before i felt him pat me on the back and excused themselves to give the both of us privacy to talk.

i kept my eyes on my hands even when i heard the door closed and when i felt the side of my bed dipped, and when i felt his soft and delicate hands cupping my cheeks.

his touch felt right. no matter how pain he've caused, i still find his touch utterly comforting, closing my eyes as i leaned in to his touch, wanting nothing but to curl into him and snuck my head deep into his neck and inhale his intoxicating vanilla scent.

"kookie," he called, his magnificent voice lulling me as i felt him pull me closer to his chest. my whimpers became louder and louder as i sobbed in his chest, missing the warmth he once had brought me before all shits broke loose.

"h-hyung," i croaked, my voice breaking as finally, i found the courage to snake my hands to his waist and pull him close, ignoring the piercing pain on my abdomen. i just want him close.

"y-you're dying..." i stated. "is that it?" i pulled away to meet his eyes. his eyes were wide as if he didn't thought i'd day those words so directly.

he shook his head. "n-no, kookie. no." he immediately interjects, reaching to pull me back. "i'm not going anywhere— not anymore, baby." he whispers.

"t-then fucking why, hyung?!" i found myself wailing, pushing his hand away from me as started throwing weak punches towards him. my heart hurt. it feels like shattering into pieces. "why'd you leave me, hyung? i thought i was special— we were best frien—"

"you were anything but a best friend to me, kookie." he cuts off, making me froze as i stared wide-eyed at him. i could feel a steering pain in my chest. did i really mean nothing to him at all?

"w-what?"

"you were never my best frie—" i found myself slapping the shit out of him, tilting his head to the side. my breathing ragged as i stared at him horrified. my heart being ripped into tiny milliong pieces. "would you please just liste—"

"i was never your best friend?" i ask in disbelief, pulling him by his hospital gown's collar. "was i just a nobody to you?" my voice broke as more tears cascaded down from my eyes. "so that's why you left? to get the fucking hell away from me, right? right, jimin?"

"no!" he yelled, his eyes showing nothing but panic and pain as he reached to cup my face, but i slapped his hand away. "baby, you got it all wro—"

"get the hell away from me," i spat, looking away. "you disgust me, jimin." and the next thing i know, i was being pulled by the back of my neck, and my lips invaded by no other than park jimin.

i squirmed away from him, but he had a strong grip on me, pulling me closer as he tries his best to deepen the kiss. tears rolled down my cheeks, slowly losing myself under the blissful feeling of his lips. i hate this. i hate how fast i could melt under his touch and his contagious kisses. but i love it all at the same time.

he pulled away afterwards, his face still a few inches closer before he breathed the words that i have long been waiting for to hear, "you were never my best friend jungkook." he whispered, his grip tightening like he was afraid i'd slip away. the words pierced through my soul like a blade seeping through my skin. it hurt, so much. "you were never my bestfriend, kookie. simply because you were more than that. i am in love with you jungkook. you mean everything to me, baby. don't ever think less of your worth in my heart."

the way he said those words were full of sincerity. but a small part deep within me coiled with grief. of he really did love me, why did he leave me? if i really meant everything like how he claimed me to be, why the fuck would he leave me?

"t-then why, hyung?" i sniffed, closing my eyes as i felt him pull me back closer to his chest. "i deserve an acceptable reason, hyung. you can't just leave without saying goodbye and come back like it was all nothing, like you didn't just broke me in half— like i was nothing. you can't just leave and make a fool out of me, then come back and tell me you love me. that's just unfair, hyung. please, don't be like this."

i felt him heaved a sigh, his chest arising before i felt him lean his head to rest on mine. "i can't promise to give you an acceptable reason, kookie. but i want you to listen carefully, okay?" i could only nod, too weak and broken to even utter a word.

i heard him sigh for the second time, feeling soft peck on the crown of my head before he pulled me close to his chest. "you know about my abusive father, right?" he started, earning a small nod from me. "well, that was another thing–" he whispers, his voice coming close to a whisper, sounding almost like he's this close to crying.

"well, i never really knew why he was beating the shit out of me every other night. i thought it was because i'm gay and he's just homophobic, and maybe disappointed that his only son, and only child, is gay." jimin held me close, burrying his face in the crook my neck. i could hear him slightly sniffing, like he didn't me to hear him cry at all. my heart broke. jimin— he's always like this. always trying to act tough and strong when he's the complete opposite of it.

"you can cry, hyung." i mumbled, earning a chuckle from him as he pulls away, giving me a clear view of his now glossy eyes.

"anyways, like i said, i never really knew why he does what he does." he cleared his throat, wiping his tears before he coughed. "— but turns out, my mother once cheated on my father with his best friend. and guess what? i am her illegitimate child." he follows, disbelief written in his face as he says the last part. "– and here i thought my father's just an asshole. turns out, he's just broken, lost and betrayed."

"h-hyun—"

"everyday i have to wake up, wondering who i really am." he mumbles, tears cascading down his cheeks as his breathing started to rag. "i don't know what's real anymore, kookie. it just sucks to know that everything i believed in are all lies. i couldn't even tell which is real anymore. everything just seems so dark."

it hurt. seeing him hurting hurts. and the fact that i didn't even have a single clue of what he was feeling. jimin was right. i was never his best friend. because if i really was, i should've known. i should've seen it in his very eyes how broken he was. but instead, i let myself be fooled with his smile. he was broken, yet he smiled, and the worst part was, i believed him.

"i know it sounds stupid, but i needed to find myself, kookie." jimin cupped my cheeks, wiping the tears that now had fallen. "i never meant to hurt you, baby, trust me. i'm just lost, hurt and maybe a little selfish. but i needed to fix myself, kookie."

"h-hyung i'll help you find yourself, just don't shut me out again. it was hell without you, jimin. it felt like i was being ripped away from my heart. it was like the end of the world. i missed you so much, hyung. i don't think i could let you go the second time around," i pleaded, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes as it blurs my vision. "– so i'm begging you, hyung. stay with me, please. no more running away. please stay with me. i love you, hyung. so much. please promise me you'll stay. hyung, promise me please."

"i can't, kookie." he shook his head, "this place has caused me too much pain. i can't take it here any longer."

"— then i'll come with you, hyung!" i found myself wailing. "i'll do whatever it takes just to be with you. just don't leave me, jimin. i can't take another day without you by my side."

"i can't right now, kookie." jimin caresses my cheeks.

"hyung—"

"i'll come back for you," he cut me off. "when the time is right, i'll come back for you. i promise." and that was the last thing i heard before i felt his soft lips pressed against mine.

the kiss was sloppy, with tears slipping down from both our eyes. but it was blissful. it felt perfect. he sealed his promise with a kiss, his lips speaking for him as he pulls me closer, putting the words, his mouth could never find courage to speak, into the kiss.

"you'll come back?" i said in between pants when we pulled away to catch out breaths.

he only nodded at me, pecked the tip of my nose before smiling, his beautiful eyes forming into shaped of crescents, making a wonderful picture of a masterpiece as he pecked my lips one last time. "i promise." he reassured. "i love you kookie." he mutters.

"y-you don't know how much i've waited to hear that, hyung." i mumbled, earning a chuckle from him.

"i'll come back, baby. i promise. i love you."

and with that, he left.