my eyes trailed every detail imprinted on the ceiling hovering above me, the dim brightness illuminating my room, making it feel a lot more lonely and dark. as though, i was in some kind of a prison cell, suffocating and the least place i would want to be.

it barely reached a day ever since he disappeared for the second time. yet my heart already ached and longs for him. i knew letting him out the door was a huge mistake. i should've ran after him, begged him to stay and maybe even lock him up just so he wouldn't get away.

everything seems so dull. i feel hallow. like a hole was inscribed in my heart, making me feel incomplete. the loneliness of the room didn't help either. it only added up to the huge pain in my chest, multiplying the piercing pain residing in both my heart and mind.

regret consumed me. how could i just let him leave that easily. i'm so stupid. he was there, right in my arms. and being the dumb fuck that i am, i let him go. just what the fuck, jungkook. could you be more fucking stupid? i literally had him wrapped in my arms, and i'm just too much of an idiot to let him slip away for the second time.

"you haven't touched your dinner," i heard my brother's sigh, snapping my gaze from the ceiling and turned to seokjin who's busy eyeing the untouched food with pity.

i barely even noticed him enter, too engrossed with my fucked up feelings to even care about my surroundings— too broken and consumed with regret to even give a damn about anything.

i watched from my bed as his shoulder slumped, sympathy flashing in his eyes when our eyes locked. he looked hesitant, like he wants to say something but chooses not to. i know he badly wanted to confront me about jimin, especially when they came back earlier only to see him drowning in tears after jimin left for the second time around.

"uhh, t-the doctor said you could check out tomorrow morning." he started, his complexion contradicting his words. seokjin didn't care about me being able to go home at all— or maybe he do. but the way i see it in his eyes, he wants me to tell him everything, being the caring and worried brother that he is. but i know he's just refraining himself from asking, probably afraid that he might hit a nerve and make me a crying mess.

"i'm fine, hyung." i tell him honestly. he looked taken a back for a moment, confused as his brows scrunched together. but after a second, he realised what i was pertaining too, the worry back in his eyes as he took slow strides closer. "– it hurts, yeah." i nodded, smiling up at him when he reached to cup my hand. "but i'll live, hyung. don't worry." i tried to reassure him. though, it felt much more like i was trying to convince myself. because right this moment, i could feel myself internally dying— slowly but thoroughly, i am withering.

"when will the time i'll see you smile genuinely again, sweet cakes?" i heard him sigh, using his nickname for me as he pouts, caressing the back of my palm before bringing it up to his lips. "i miss it— you, i miss you, jungkook-ah." he whispers.

i could only give him a pained smile, looking away as i felt tears pooling in the corners of my eyes, slowly clouding around my gaze as it blurs my sight. "yeah, hyung." i found myself slowly nodding. "i miss myself too,"

seokjin just pulled me to his chest, resting his head atop mine as he cradled me, like how he used to when we were kids and our father has gone back home in his usual drunken state. my brother played with my hair, again, like he used to when he tries to comfort me and block all possibilities of hearing our parents' wild bickerings and arguements. only this time, he's doing this in hopes of maybe lifting at least a few burdens off my chest.

—

i watch the many trees we pass by, gaze jumping from one to another, and seeming to slowly feel nauseous. i looked away, eyes immediately directed at both hoseok and taehyung who's now all over each other, long forgotten the huge misunderstanding they both encountered a month ago.

we're on our way to the min's residence since today is jooheon's sixth birthday, and both seulgi and yoongi wanted to throw a small party for their child. namjoon sat in the driver's seat, and i could see him from my peripheral vision, casually slowing the drive down to peck seokjin in either the lips of the cheeks from time to time.

taehyung must've noticed my intense stare, glancing towards me and smile, showing me his beautiful boxy grin. hoseok glanced my way as well, chuckling as he shook his head. "how are you, jungkook-ah?" he asks, resting his head just atop taehyung's shoulder blade. "the last time we met is when you were discharged from the hospital, which were a two weeks ago."

i only shrugged. "fine, i guess?" i found myself sounding unsure. taehyung only grinned at me, reaching to pat me on the back. "– but i guess i'm okay, hyung. i've gone back to school, though i have to stay back for another year since i didn't manage to finish my studies last school year."

"oh, that's great, kook!" taehyung excitedly clapped.

"yeah," i sighed.

"...and jimin?" hoseok lowly asked, sounding hesitant to even ask.

"he calls me sometimes," i tell them honestly, recalling the call we had three days ago. "he updates me about things. he got a job somewhere i don't know. he wouldn't tell me." i sighed, that familiar swelling of my chest back again as i look away from the couple.

"hey, are you okay?" i felt a hand on my shoulder, i turned to see taehyung giving me a worried look, his brows furrowed as he stared back at me in utmost worry.

i could only smile at him, the pain still lingering fresh in my dear heart. "i'm trying, hyung." i tell him. and that was enough for him to pull me to his chest, cradling me as he plays with my hair.

jimin promised he'd come back. and no matter how stupid it might be or how much of a martyr i may seem as of this moment,

i'll wait for him.