#JustTheStrings

Kabanata 33

It had been days since Kuya said that he wanted to move out at hindi pa rin pumapayag si Mama. I wanted to tell Kuya that I didn't want him to go but I was afraid to talk to him... Pakiramdam ko kasi baka may magawa o masabi na naman ako na hindi niya magugustuhan... Tapos lalayo na naman siya. O kaya ay mas lalo niyang hindi na ako kausapin. And I didn't want that. It was torture enough that he wasn't talking to me for weeks. Paano kapag umalis na nga siya tapos hindi niya na rin talaga ako kausapin?

Nakaupo ako sa sofa sa sala habang nag-eedit ng mga pictures sa laptop ko nung biglang tabihan ako ni Finley.

"Ate," he called and I looked at him. Mayroon siyang kagat-kagat na snickers.

"Why are you eating chocolates? 'Di ba bawal ka?" I told him. Pareho kasi sila ni Riley na hindi na pwedeng kumain ng chocolates. Si Riley lang naman talaga ang hindi pwede dahil mataas na agad iyong sugar level niya pero unfair naman kung si Riley lang ang pagbabawalan na kumain. Since kambal naman sila, pareho na lang sila na bawal kumain ng chocolates.

"Kuya gave it to me," he replied.

"Why?"

"Because I helped him pack his things."

My heart sank with what he said. Aalis pala talaga si Kuya. Akala ko kasi masama lang iyong loob niya kaya nasabi niya 'yun... pero nag-aayos na siya ng gamit niya. Suddenly, it felt all too real.

"Do you know where Kuya is going?" I asked Finley. Mukha kasing mas nakakausap niya si Kuya kaysa sa akin, e.

He shook his head.

"But he told me he'll bring me there!" he said and then beamed. Nginitian ko na lang si Finley at saka ginulo iyong buhok niya. I hugged him tight hanggang sa nagreklamo siya na hindi na siya makahinga.

After that, bumalik na siya sa taas para tulungan ulit si Kuya na mag-ayos ng gamit dahil gusto niya raw ulit na mabigyan ng chocolates. Gusto ko rin na sumunod sa taas... Kung gusto talaga ni Kuya na umalis sa bahay, wala naman akong karapatan na pigilan siya. Siguro mas maganda na tulungan ko na lang din siya. Baka kapag ganoon, kausapin niya na ako.

Isinara ko na lang iyong laptop ko dahil hindi na rin naman ako makapagfocus sa ginagawa ko. Huminga muna ako nang malalim ng ilang ulit bago ako nagsimulang umakyat. Pagdating ko sa harap ng kwarto ni Kuya, huminga ako nang malalim ng ilang ulit bago ko nagawang kumatok.

"Why, Ate?" si Finley ang nagbukas ng pinto at mayroon na namang snickers siyang hawak tapos kukurap-kurap pa siya habang nagtatanong sa akin.

'Kaya mo 'yan,' I told myself.

"Si Kuya?"

Binuksan niya nang mas maluwag iyong pinto at mas nalungkot lang ako nung makita ko na puro boxes iyong kwarto ni Kuya. Sa kama niya naman ay tatlong boxes iyong nakapatong at nandoon na iyong mga sapatos niya sa loob.

"He's still deciding if he's going to bring his xBox and playstation," sabi ni Finley.

Sumilip ako at nakita ko si Kuya na nakaupo sa harap ng TV at hawak iyong mga gaming consoles niya. Gusto kong lumapit pero kinakabahan talaga ako. Ilang beses ko na kasi siyang sinubukan na kausapin pero palagi niya na lang akong sinasabihan na mamaya na lang kami mag-usap... na hindi naman nangyayari kasi palagi siyang halos wala sa bahay palagi.

"Fin," pagtawag ni Kuya. Nakatalikod pa rin siya kaya hindi niya alam na nandito ako. "Do you want these?"

"No," sagot ni Finley. "I'm trying to have an active lifestyle like Kuya Saint."

Bigla akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko.

"Tss. Fine. I'll bring these."

Bakit ba kasi kailangan pang banggitin ni Finley si Saint? Masyado pa kasi siyang bata kaya hindi niya naiintindihan na hindi friends si Kuya at Saint... Tapos naiipit na talaga ako sa gitna. Kahit hindi naman dapat kasi kapatid ko si Kuya tapos gusto ko si Saint. Hindi ba pwede na pareho na lang? Bakit kailangan na may aalis pa? O bakit kailangan na may iiwasan ako para may hindi umalis?

Ang hirap naman.

Kaya imbes na lumapit ako kay Kuya, tumalikod na lang ako at saka pumasok sa kwarto ko. I didn't think I had the guts to face him. Nanliliit kasi ako sa sarili ko dahil pakiramdam ko tama siya. Na mas inuuna ko pa si Saint kaysa sa kanya na kapatid ko.

Na baka traydor nga ako.

--

Buong araw lang akong nasa loob ng kwarto. I didn't even bother opening my phone dahil baka may message doon si Saint. I just wanted today to be about Kuya. Kahit hindi niya alam, ganoon pa rin iyong ginawa ko. I was beginning to feel guilty for spending so much time with Saint. Kung sana hindi si Saint ang kasama ko halos araw-araw, baka hindi kami nauwi sa ganito ni Kuya.

When I heard some noises, I stood up from the bed. I had been moping for hours kahit na sa totoo lang ay gusto kong lumabas para kausapin si Kuya. Bakit ba kasi ganito ako? I didn't have the guts. I never had. Palagi na lang mahina ang loob ko. If I had half of Mom's guts, e 'di sana kausap ko na si Kuya ngayon. Bakit ba kasi kay Papa lang ako nagmana.

Binuksan ko ng kaunti iyong pintuan at nakita ko si Kuya na nilalagay na sa labas iyong mga box. Si Manong naman ay binababa na iyong boxes.

"Are you sure about this?" Papa asked Kuya. Wala si Mama. Kagaya ko kasi ay hindi rin siya pinapansin ni Kuya.

Kuya nodded.

"You really don't want to tell them?"

Kuya shook his head. Ayaw niya talagang sabihin sa amin? Ganito ba talaga ka-galit si Kuya para kahit man lang address ng lilipatan niya ay malaman namin? The thought made me really sad. Buong buhay ko kasama ko si Kuya tapos... ganito na lang. Biglang aalis na siya. Tapos ni hindi man lang niya ako kinakausap.

"At saka na, Papa. I'll fix it first then I'll tell them."

Papa sighed... and that made me wonder about what they're talking about. Tungkol pa rin ba 'to sa pag-alis ni Kuya? Kasi parang iba na iyong pinag-uusapan nila.

"Alright. Samahan na kita."

Umiling si Kuya.

"I'll just call you when I get there," he said.

"Sige... Ingat ka."

Pinanood ko si Kuya hanggang sa makababa siya sa hagdan. Tears were swarming on my eyes. I didn't want to cry but I couldn't help it. It felt like he just walked out from my life. And I couldn't do anything about it because in some ways, maybe I asked for this. Baka nga kasi tama iyong sinasabi nila na you can't have it all...

Pumasok ako sa kwarto at saka nagkulong buong araw.

...and that was how I spent most of my sembreak.

--

Nung limang araw na lang ang natitira sa sembreak ko, habang kumakain kami, tinanong ko si Papa. Hindi na kasi ako nakatiis pa talaga. For the past days, I tried my best not to ask him anything. I didn't want to put Papa in the middle of this drift. Masama na nga na hindi kami nag-uusap ni Kuya at ayoko na madamay pa doon si Papa. Ano na lang ang mangyayari kay Kuya kung pati si Papa ay hindi na niya kakausapin?

So I tried to contain everything inside me. Hindi ko rin masyadong kinakausap si Saint. I told him that I needed to do something so I wouldn't be able to talk to him for a while... Mukhang naintindihan naman niya kung ano talaga ang nangyayari. He also told me that he'd wait for me. At saka ayoko rin kasi makita ni Kuya na parang wala lang sa akin na umalis siya. I didn't want him to think that it was nothing... when in fact he really hurt me when he left without so much as a goodbye.

"Pa..." I called him.

"Hmm?"

I pursed my lips first. I had been practicing how to say this pero ngayon na sasabihin ko na, mas lalo lang akong kinabahan. But I could do this... because I needed to do this.

"Saan po si Kuya?"

He looked at me.

"Why?"

I frowned.

"Pa naman... Can't I know where Kuya stays?"

He looked at me as if he was weighing if he'd tell me where Kuya was. Bakit ba hindi ko pwedeng malaman? Hindi naman ako pupunta kung ayaw ni Kuya... I just wanted to know where he was. I didn't like the feeling of being excluded from his life. I wanted to be as involved as he wanted to be. Kausapin niya lang talaga ako, promise ko sa kanya na hinding-hindi ko na uunahin si Saint. Alam ko naman na maiintindihan ni Saint, e. Siya pa nga iyong nagsabi sa akin dati na sa game ako ni Kuya pumunta. Had I listened to Saint, hindi sana 'to nangyayari ngayon.

But I didn't want to blame the decisions I made before anymore. Basta babawi na lang ako kay Kuya... once na kausapin niya na ako.

"He's in QC."

"QC?"

He nodded.

"Bakit ang layo?"

We're in the South tapos sa QC pa talaga siya lumipat? Ganoon ba niya gustong mapalayo?

"Nasa Luzon pa rin naman siya," sabi ni Papa.

"Pero malayo pa rin..." I said.

Papa smiled and patted my head.

"It's just a matter of perspective. Just look at it differently instead of thinking na malayo na ang Kuya mo. He's doing this because he needs to."

I frowned and sighed.

"But why do I feel like he's doing everything just to avoid me? Sobrang nagsisisi na nga ako sa mga nagawa ko..."

Papa laughed at what I said tapos mas lalo lang bumigat iyong pakiramdam ko.

"Preston loves you," he said and then I hugged him. "He's just really doing something important. It's not about you. Kapag maayos na, he'll let us visit."

I looked up to him and said, "Talaga?"

Papa nodded.

"Talaga."

And somehow, that pacified my extremely guilty conscience.

--

Nung ilang araw na lang at matatapos na ang bakasyon, napagpasyahan ko na buksan na iyong cellphone ko. Sinabi rin kasi ni Papa sa akin na malapit ng magsimula ang klase kaya dapat tigilan ko na ang pagkukulong sa kwarto ko. Sabi niya rin sa akin sobrang putla ko na raw. He was practically forcing me to go out.

Once I opened my phone, sunud-sunod iyong pagdating ng messages. Some of them were from my friends. Tinatanong lang ako ni Kath kung ano ang gusto kong pasalubong from Barcelona habang si Liza naman, nagtatanong kung may gusto daw ba ako from Italy. I smiled. Kahit pala hindi ako nagpaparamdam nitong mga nakaraang araw, hindi pa rin ako kinalimutan ng mga kaibigan ko.

When I was done replying to my friends' messages, pinuntahan ko naman iyong message ni Saint. I had to scroll back because he sent tons of messages.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: it'll be fine. I'll stay put and play basketball while you do your thing :) Just message me when you need anything

I stopped when I saw that message. Iyon kasi iyong huling pag-uusap namin... And it had only been a little more than a week but it felt so long. Ano na kaya ang nangyari sa kanya? Wala kasi talaga akong balita. Nagkulong lang ako sa kwarto buong sembreak at saka nag-edit ng mga pictures. I also finished reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I almost despaired dahil ni hindi man lang ako nakabili ng cake para i-celebrate iyong birthday ni Harry at JK Rowling... Mabuti na lang kasi binilhan ako ni Papa ng libro dahil alam niya na hindi ako lalabas ng kwarto. It was some form of act to make Kuya believe that I was truly sorry that I didn't spend much time with him before. Hindi ko man alam kung alam ba niya iyong ginagawa ko, I still did it because I needed it for my conscience and sanity.

After that last message before I detached myself from the (online) world, sunud-sunod na iyong messages ni Saint.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: As promised, I'm just playing basketball

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: This is a daily update, btw. I'll keep on messaging you until you reply so if you're already annoyed by my pics, paramdam ka naaaaaaa. I miss you hehe also, here is a pic of me doing a shoot. I dabbed after that *wink*

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: Day number 3 without Mary update: I went to the clinic because there's a stray pimple on my chin. I think it's because I've been staying up late because I'm stalking your accounts hehe. And mom's bugging me about it. I still look cute tho.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: Day number 4 without Mary update: Psalm was really pissed at me because according to him, I looked like a stray puppy. But Cohen's grades are all flat 1 so we went out. Here's my chocolate cake. I'll bring you here once you decided to go out of your cave

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: Day number 5 without Mary update: new caaaaaaaar! Dad learned about the ducks. And kahit na tinawanan niya ako, it's fine. He bought me a car para daw 'di na ako malungkot kaya mas lalo nainis sa akin si Psalm 😀 Also, I miss you. Kahit seen naman dyan oh

I was smiling while I was reading his messages and looking at his pictures. Why was he like this? He's just making it harder for me na 'wag siyang kausapin muna. I knew I needed to put family before him. Sinasabi rin naman sa akin ni Saint palagi na dapat unahin ko si Kuya o ang pamilya ko. He'd understand kasi kahit naman siya, mahalaga iyong pamilya niya sa kanya... but he's just making it impossible to stop talking to him.

So I took a deep breath and replied.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Baka suntukin ka na talaga ni Psalm

And before I could even close my phone, nakita ko agad na may replying icon doon sa message. Online si Saint.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: How are you? Okay ka na?

Mary Imogen Suarez: No. Lumipat na si Kuya

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: He's still not talking?

Mary Imogen Suarez: Hindi e...

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: Are you sad? You want me to send you ugly pictures of Psalm?

Napailing na lang ako habang napapa-ngiti. Si Saint talaga.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Susuntukin ka na talaga non

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: It's okay as long as I can make you smile =)

Mary Imogen Suarez: Mas nagiimprove na 'yung bola mo

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: Grabe. Di kaya. I'm honest.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: btw, are you free? Okay ka na ba?

Hindi agad ako nakapagreply sa kanya. I wasn't okay. And I didn't think I'd be okay hanggang sa hindi kami nag-uusap ni Kuya... but Papa also assured me that whatever's happening with Kuya, it didn't concern me. But I was still bothered. I didn't like not talking to my brother because I grew up with him nagging me all my life.

So I replied with a no. I was choosing my brother first.

Mary Imogen Suarez: maybe next time

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: oh. Alright.

Mary Imogen Suarez: galit ka ba?

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: ha? No. Why would I be mad?

Mary Imogen Suarez: because... i'm always unavailable.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: Mary, it's alright. It's alright if you're unavailable sometimes. It's okay if you need to do your own thing. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere... so stop feeling sorry just because you have a life of your own. It's fine. I have a life too. And I like you so so so much. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to be selfish and have you all for myself. Though it's tempting. But I won't. Because you're too precious to be kept. So just do your thing without worrying about me, alright? I'm not going anywhere. I promise.

I was holding my breath as I read his message. Hindi ako makapaniwala na ganito siya mag-isip. He's too much. He's too understanding and I couldn't even understand why he was like this. It made me feel inadequate.

Saint Iverson Gomez de Liaño: okay?

I sighed and smiled.

Mary Imogen Suarez: okay.

--

Tomorrow was the last day of the break at wala man lang akong nagawa. Most of them went to the other country while I didn't even go outside our house. Pero ngayon, kinausap ko si Kuya Benj. Kung hindi sasabihin sa akin ni Papa kung nasaan si Kuya, sa iba ko na lang itatanong. I had enough of the silence. I just really wanted to talk to Kuya. Bahala na kung hindi niya ako pansinin o kaya naman ay sigawan niya ako. I just wanted to see him.

"Kuya?" I said.

"What's up?" Kuya answered. Kakabalik niya lang kasi galing Japan.

"Alam mo ba kung nasaan si Kuya?"

Natigilan siya.

"Why?"

"I want to visit him."

Ilang segundo akong naghintay ng sagot niya pero wala akong nakuha.

"Kuya naman..."

I heard him sigh.

"I'm sorry, Princess. I can't tell you."

Halos malaglag iyong panga ko. Pati ba naman si Kuya Benj?

I just thanked him at saka lumabas ako sa bahay nila. Naglakad-lakad lang ako sa village nila habang nag-iisip. Bakit ba lahat na lang sa paligid ko ay ayaw sabihin kung nasaan si Kuya? Top secret ba na kahit address lang ay ayaw nilang sabihin? Ano ba sa tingin nila ang gagawin ko? Hindi naman ako mag-e-eskandalo. Ni hindi nga ako nakaka-sigaw, e.

Naglalakad-lakad lang ako nung biglang kumunot ang noo ko. Sila Saint ba 'yun?

"Got you!" narinig ko na sabi niya. Humarap siya kay Psalm. "Ilan na pikachu mo?"

"2."

"I got 4!"

"Tss. You went to Tagaytay just to get that pikachu. You're the real loser."

"Whatever, Psalm, whatever. Magsawa ka sa rattata mo."

Mas lalo lang kumunot ang ulo ko. Ano'ng ginagawa nila?

"Oh, hey, Mary!" biglang sabi ni Psalm nung nakita ako. Nag-angat din ng tingin iyong tatlong GDL. I saw Saint's face habang nakakunot iyong noo niya habang unti-unti siyang napapangiti. "Why are you here?" Psalm asked.

"May pinuntahan lang. Kayo?" I asked. Hindi naman kasi ito 'yung village nila, e.

"Ah. May naglagay kasi ng lure dito," sagot ni Psalm na hindi ko naman maintindihan. Bigla naman siyang siniko ni Cohen tapos nagtinginan sila. "Anyway, we better get going. There's a gym nearby," sabi niya bago umalis si Psalm, Cohen, at si Austin na busy pa rin sa kung anuman ang ginagawa niya sa cellphone niya at kung bakit may goldfish doon.

Nung makaalis na sila, napatingin ako kay Saint.

"Hi," I said.

He blinked. And again. And again.

"Ayos ka lang?" I had to ask. Hindi kasi siya nagsasalita.

"You look... pale."

My jaw fell.

"It had been days since you last saw me tapos iyon ang una mong sasabihin sa akin?"

"I just noticed," sabi niya tapos ngumiti siya. Tinago niya iyong cellphone niya tapos naka-tingin na lang siya sa amin. "Bakit ka nandito?"

I sighed before I told him why I was here. Naka-tingin lang si Saint habang nagkukwento ako. I tried not to look too sullen dahil ayoko naman na magaya sa akin si Saint. Ayoko na isipin niya na kasalanan niya. It was enough that I was feeling really guilty. Ayoko na madamay pa siya.

"Bakit kaya ayaw nilang sabihin sa akin?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "But Tito said that it's not about you, right?"

I nodded.

"Pero—"

He cut me off.

"Just trust Tito's words, alright? I don't think Preston's the kind who will ignore you for something as small as that."

Hindi na lang ako kumibo. Kung si Mama nga mula pagkabata hindi masyadong pinapansin ni Kuya, e. Ako pa kaya?

"Anyway, where are you going after this?" he asked.

"Uuwi..." I said with a very obvious sadness laced in my voice. Mamatapos na kasi bukas iyong sembreak tapos ni hindi man lang ako nakapunta kahit saan. We were supposed to go to the US para pumunta sa Wizarding World pero hindi na rin iyon nangyari. Walang nangyari sa lahat.

"Wanna go somewhere?" he asked.

Hindi agad ako nakasagot. It felt like I was betraying Kuya again kapag pumayag ako...

"I promise to bring you back before 7pm," he said before he held my hand and gently dragged me towards his car. Binuksan niya iyong pintuan at saka pinapasok ako sa loob. He leaned in and then did my seatbelt. "There. Safe and sound," he said before closing the door. Pumasok siya sa driver's seat at saka kinuha iyong phone mula sa pocket niya. He was talking to someone and then I just realized that he was talking to my dad... Of course kakausapin niya si Papa. Palagi naman niyang sinasabi kung saan kami pupunta.

"He thanked me," sabi ni Saint.

"Ha?"

"He thanked me and told me not to bring you home before 8pm."

Kumunot ang noo ko. Imposible na sabihin ni Papa 'yun.

"Tss."

"Totoo! You probably scared him with you hiding inside your room kaya gusto niya na 'wag ka munang umuwi."

Mahigit isang linggo lang naman 'yun...

"Saan ba tayo?" I asked him. Nagtaka na kasi ako kung bakit nasa SLEX na kami. Malayo ba iyong pupuntahan namin?

"Secret," he said.

"Saan nga?"

"EK."

"Ha?"

He was still concentrating on driving but for a second, he held my hand and then kissed my knuckle.

"I don't like seeing you sad... and I wanted to bring you to the happiest place on earth but sadly, there's no Disneyland here. But Enchanted Kingdom's the next best choice so let's go there."

I smiled. Hindi ko na mapigilan.

"Okay," I replied.

Pagdating namin doon, mahaba iyong pila pero okay lang. Saint was telling me all these absurd stories. Bigla kong na-miss iyong mga kwento niya tungkol sa mga nababasa niya sa facebook... Minsan iniisip ko na masyadong nagfefacebook si Saint, e. Ang dami niya kasing nababasa. At sa dami ng kwento niya, hindi ko napansin na nasa unahan na pala kami ng pila.

"So... where to first?" he asked nung nakapasok na kami sa loob. I had been so long since I went here. Parang 7 years old pa ako nung huli akong pumunta dito. Hindi ko na maalala.

"Hindi ko alam, e. Ikaw, san mo gusto?"

He shrugged.

"I have no idea. It's my first time here."

"Talaga?"

He nodded.

"Ikaw?"

I shook my head.

"Sayang naman. Akala ko may first ulit ako," sabi niya at napailing na lang ako. Sobrang saya niya kasi nung malaman niya na siya ang first hug, first holding hands, at first kiss sa cheeks ko. Iyon lang pero ang saya-saya niya na.

Sumakay kami sa lahat ng pwede naming masakyan pero pinaka-nag-enjoy ako doon sa may EKstreme dahil nasuka si Saint pagkababa namin. Kakatapos lang niya kasi kumain ng hotdog sandwich nung turn na namin.

"Okay ka lang?" I asked him habang hinahagod ko iyong likod niya. His face was red and he looked like he was about to pass out. Hindi naman pala sanay sa heights pero nag-aaya. Inabutan ko siya ng tubig.

"I'll never," he said while breathing hard. "Ride that little shit again."

Natawa ako.

"Bakit ka kasi sumakay?" I asked him.

"You wanted to."

"You could've said no."

"And let you ride alone? No way," he said.

Pinigilan ko iyong sarili ko na ngumiti dahil baka mapansin ni Saint na kinilig na naman ako sa sinabi niya.

Umupo muna kami sa gilid dahil gusto ko na maka-recover muna si Saint dahil mukhang hilung-hilo siya sa nangyari. Balak ko pa naman sana na sumakay kami sa anchor's away pero 'wag na lang. Baka himatayin na talaga si Saint, e.

"Wait, Mary," he said. He was fiddling with his phone again. He asked me if I was tired and I nodded. Nakakapagod pala kasing maglakad dito. "May huhulihin lang ako. Dito ka lang, ha?"

Naka-kunot iyong noo ko. Sino ang huhulihin niya? Nandito rin ba sila Psalm?

"Don't talk to strangers. I'll be fast," sabi niya tapos hinubad niya iyong cap niya tapos sinuot niya sa akin. I quietly sat down there at saka tinignan ko rin iyong phone ko. I was so tempted to ask Parker... baka kasi tama si Kath, e. Baka sabihin sa akin ni Parker kung nasaan si Kuya. Kung hindi sasabihin ni Papa at Kuya Benj, baka sabihin ni Parker.

But a part of me didn't want to. Deep inside, I wanted to wait for a longer time bago kami mag-usap. Baka kasi kapag ganoon, maging maayos na talaga. I wanted my friendship with him back and that wouldn't happen if there're still unwarranted feelings.

So I put my phone back inside. Sinubukan ko na lang tignan iyong ibang mga tao at napaawang iyong labi ko nung makita ko na mayroong duck stuffed toys doon sa mga booth na may kailangan kang patumbahin. Agad akong pumunta doon.

"Kailangan niyo pong mapatumba iyong pito bago niyo po makuha iyong stuffed toy," paliwanag nung babae. I paid for the first round pero isa lang iyong napatumba ko. Ano ba 'yan! Ang hirap naman pala nito!

Nakaka-tatlong round na ako pero so far, apat pa lang iyong pinakamataas ko na napapatumba. At nagmamadali na ako dahil baka hanapin na ako ni Saint. And I really wanted to give him the duck stuffed toy. I knew he's still a bit sad dahil nawala iyong tatlo niyang anak.

"Need help?"

Napatingin ako sa likod ko at may nakita ako na lalaki. I politely shook my head.

"You sure?"

And I was about to verbalize my no nung biglang nasa harap ko na rin si Saint. At nakakunot iyong noo niya.

"Saint," I said. Napatingin din tuloy iyong lalaki kay Saint. At mukha namang naintindihan niya na dahil umalis naman siya agad. "Nahuli mo na?"

He didn't answer.

"Galit ka ba?"

He still didn't answer.

"Hindi ko naman siya kinausap, e."

He was looking at me hard before he sighed.

"I left you for five minutes and guys are already flocking."

Kumunot iyong noo ko.

"Hindi naman," I said. Isang lalaki lang naman iyong kumausap sa akin. At saka dahil iyon halatang-halata na yata na frustrated na ako sa nilalaro ko.

"You're too oblivious," he said tapos tinignan niya iyong hawak ko. "What's that?"

Itatago ko sana sa likod ko iyong pellet gun na hawak ko pero dahil sa sobrang gulat ko, bigla ko siyang naitira tapos nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nung biglang sa ano ni Saint tinamaan.

"Holy—" sabi ni Saint habang napa-upo siya.

Oh my God.

Hindi ako agad naka-galaw. Hindi ako makagalaw habang si Saint ay namumula na iyong mukha at mukhang namimilipit na sa sakit. I was too stunned to move. Did I just...

Oh God.

Hindi na ba magkaka-anak si Saint dahil sa nagawa ko?! Kakamatay pa nga lang ng mga bibe niya, tapos pati mga future kids niya, napatay ko na rin ba?!

Dahil hindi ako makagalaw dahil na nagawa ko hanggang sa may dumating para dalhin si Saint sa clinic. I was assisted to go there and I was sitting and waiting for the nurse. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mangyayari kay Saint. What if may permanent damage? What if hindi na siya magkaanak? Ano ang gagawin ko? Bakit ko ba kasi siya nabaril doon?

"Where's Saint?" agad na tanong ko sa nurse nung lumabas siya.

"He's fine," she replied.

"Can I see him?"

Pumasok na ako sa loob at papasok na sana ako sa tinuro nung nurse na kama kung saan nandun si Saint... And I was about to open the curtain pero hindi ko magawa dahil hinihila ni Saint.

"Saint, papasok ako," I said.

"No," he said.

"Bakit ayaw mo akong papasukin?"

"Basta."

"Masakit ba?" I asked, worried.

"Basta."

Tumingin ako sa nurse sa likod ko. Sobrang seryoso ba nung nangyari? Bakit ayaw niya akong papasukin?

"Bakit po ayaw niya akong papasukin?" I asked the nurse.

"Uhm... there's a slight swelling."

Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Masama po ba iyon?"

Baka magaya na siya kay Kuya na hindi rin ako papansinin. Bakit ba kasi sa dinami-dami ng mababaril ko ay iyon pa?

"Just give him a few minutes..." sabi nung nurse.

Naupo ako doon sa katabing kama nung kay Saint.

"Are you mad?" I asked. Mayroong kurtina na pagitan dahil ayaw niyang magpakita sa akin.

"No," he replied.

"Talaga?"

"Yes..."

"Bakit ayaw mo akong papasukin?"

I heard him sighing.

"Baka matakot ka."

"Bakit naman?"

"Basta."

"Basta hindi ka galit, ha?" I asked again.

"Yes. I'm not mad."

Naupo na lang ako roon habang hinihintay ko na matapos si Saint sa kung anuman ang ginagawa niya doon. Pero dahil medyo matagal siya, nahiga na lang ako sa kama. I was fiddling with my phone when there's a notif.

saint_gdl posted a new photo

Agad kong binuksan iyon.

Hindi ko napigilan na mapa-ngiti. Si Saint talaga.