#JustTheStrings

Kabanata 36

Papikit-pikit pa rin ako. He's typing. He's actually going to reply. After a month of complete silence, nag-uusap na kami... 

Parker Adrian Palma: You can now eat your cereal in peace

Mary Imogen Suarez: How did you know?

Ilang segundo ako na naghintay sa sagot niya pero puro typing... lang iyong nakikita ko. As I was waiting, I poured myself a cup of milk. Might as well drink this since binigay niya na naman sa akin... Kahit na nagtataka talaga ako kung paano niya nalaman. And at the same time, I found it weird. Bigla tuloy akong napatingin sa paligid ko kung may hidden cameras ba dito at nakikita lahat ng ginagawa ko.

Parker Adrian Palma: I... have my ways.

Mary Imogen Suarez: You do realize that you sound creepy.

Parker Adrian Palma: I know. But at least you got your milk

Napa-ngiti ako. He was right... At least, something good happened. Akala ko kasi ay wala ng magandang mangyayari sa araw na 'to. I knew I shouldn't focus on the bad things but it was so hard to do kapag puro negatibo iyong nangyayari sa paligid mo. It was like you're finding a needle in a stack of hay. It was practically improbable but still plausible.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Well thank you.

Parker Adrian Palma: You're welcome.

Napa-titig ako sa screen ng phone ko pagkatapos noon. Biglang na-blangko ako kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. It was so weird. Dati naman ay hindi kami nauubusan ng pag-uusapan ni Parker. We could talk to each other about practically everything. He was my confidant—well, he used to. Pero baka naman pwedeng maging close ulit kami.

We're still the same people. We still have the same memories together. 

Pero bakit kaya ganoon? Kahit na gaano kayong katagal magkakilala ng isang tao, dahil sa isang pangyayari, biglang mababago iyong lahat. From being friends, you would be demoted to something depressing.

We used to be inseparable... but now we're just strangers with memories.

Parker Adrian Palma: Anyway, enjoy your milk.

He must've sensed my discomfort. Hindi ko naman kasi alam kung paano sisimulan. Gusto ko siyang kausapin pero hindi ko kasi alam kung saan magsisimula. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang una kong sasabihin.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Okay. Thank you.

Iyon na lang iyong sinabi ko.

Parker Adrian Palma: Good night, Imo.

I smiled and sighed.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Good night, Parker.

It was a start, still. After a month, nakapag-usap na ulit kami. 'Life was still good,' I thought as enjoyed eating my cereals. Nakatulog ako nang iniisip kung paano nalaman ni Parker na kailangan ko ng gatas. Imposible naman na psychic siya... Imposible rin naman na may hidden camera dito sa bahay dahil sobrang invasion of privacy naman iyon. Pakiramdam ko tuloy may nagsasabi kay Parker kung ano ang ginagawa ko... but that would be pushing it too far.

I should just be thankful that he was there for me. That he lent a hand when I needed someone the most. Sobrang lungkot lang kasi talaga kahapon.

The next day, we attended mass. I was praying na sana maayos na iyong mga problema ng mga tao sa paligid ko. At saka sana maging maayos na sila Mama at Papa dahil sila Finley kasi iyong mas naaapektuhan. Kung okay lang sana kami ni Kuya, malamang nagsumbong na ako sa kanya at saka humingi ng tulong. Nahihirapan kasi ako sa kambal lalo na kapag umiiyak na si Finley. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko papatahanin. Si Kuya lang ang may alam dahil siya naman iyong madalas mag-alaga sa dalawa.

We ate outside—which felt a little weird dahil sanay ako na kasama namin si Kuya at siya madalas ang magdemand kung saan kami kakain. Since he left, the balance had been disturbed. Para tuloy ang weird kahit na ginagawa lang naman namin iyong mga nakasanayan na.

Pag-uwi naman namin, natulog iyong kambal dahil napagod yata. I also told my parents na sa kwarto muna ako. Mas napapagod lang kasi ako kapag nakikita ko silang dalawa na hindi nagpapansinan. Pagdating ko sa kwarto, gusto ko rin sanang matulog pero hindi ko magawa. Wala rin naman akong assignments na gagawin dahil tapos ko na lahat... Pati iyong pictures na-edit ko na lahat.

I missed my friends.

With that thought inside my head, I opened my facebook account. I was just quietly browsing. It seemed like the other people were living their lives normally... good for them. Si Kath, hindi nagpopost ng mga selfie niya kagaya ng dati. Liza's been really mum lately, too. Sila Kuya Benj at Jackson naman, hindi naman talaga mahilig sa facebook. Tapos pagdating ko kay Kuya, walang recent activities iyong account niya.

Nafu-frustrate na ako pero buhay naman nila iyon. It wasn't as if I could force them to tell me something. Feeling ko lang talaga alienated ako.

Tapos iyan pa. May mga pictures na naka-tag si Saint kaya nakikita ko sa newsfeed ko. It was an irrational thought, really... Ilang beses na kayang sinabi ni Cohen na friends lang si Dani at Saint pero hindi ko pa rin magawang tanggaling iyong nasa isip ko. Nagconfess na ako kay father kanina tungkol dito pero umuulit na naman ako. Mukhang magiging staple na ito sa list of things to be confessed ko... Hindi ko kasi mapigilan talaga na magselos kapag nakikita ko mismo kung gaano ka-close si Saint at Dani.

Picture lang naman iyon ng magkatabi sila habang nasa boodle fight. Tapos iyong isa, partners sila sa sack race kaya nasa iisang sack sila. Too close for my liking... but it was just a game. 

But in order to drive the nasty thoughts away, bumaba na lang ako. Thankfully, wala sila Mama sa baba dahil nahihilo ako sa tension sa pagitan nila ni Papa. Pumunta na lang ako sa kusina at saka humanap ng mga gagamitin ko para sa muffin. I figured that I should just channel all these energy into something positive. Kagaya nga ng sabi ni father kanina sa sermon, it's always a matter of perspective... if we'd choose to see the bad thing or the good thing in someone.

Hindi ako ganoon ka-galing sa pagbe-bake pero napapanood ko naman si Mama so I believed I'd do well. I just placed the iPad in front of me and religiously followed the steps. When I was done, I looked for mini-baskets. Dito kasi nilalagay ni Mama iyong muffins niya. Madalas kasi siyang magbake tapos dinadalhan niya sila Uncle Quin at Tobi madalas.

"Pa." Napatingin sa akin si Papa. "Alis lang po muna ako."

He nodded. He looked so tired.

"I left some in case gusto ni Mama," I said. He smiled at me. "Magiging okay din 'yan, Pa."

They were just words but sometimes, they mean everything.

Since I prepared 3 baskets of muffins, nauna akong dumaan kila Liza.

"Good morning, Tita," I said to Tita Jaq.

"Oh, Imo," she said and then sabay kaming pumasok sa loob. "Thank you," she replied nung inabot ko sa kanya iyong basket of muffins. Napansin niya siguro na patingin-tingin ako sa paligid kaya sinabi niya na, "If you're looking for Liza, she's in the garden. Go there and I'll just prepare these for snacks."

Gaya ng sabi ni Tita Jaq, dumiretso ako sa garden... pero kumunot agad iyong noo ko nung mapansin ko si Kuya Jackson. I wanted to call their attention but they were rather... engaged in whatever they were talking about. Nag-uusap lang sila. They weren't even touching but something felt awfully wrong.

Bakit nandito si Kuya Jackson? Kailan pa sila naging close ni Liza?

Ano na naman itong nangyayari?

I had all these questions inside my head but I couldn't address them. Was I supposed to just go and ask them what was happening? What was I supposed to think? I wanted to call Ate Jas para tanungin kung ano ang nangyayari but I knew I wouldn't even be able to tell her what I just saw. Ang gulo. So I did what I had to do. I told Tita Jaq that I had to leave. Hindi ko kayang kausapin si Liza and ask her what she was doing.

"Tita, I'll get going na po," I politely said.

"You won't talk to Liza?"

Umiling ako. I bit my lower lip. I shouldn't...

"Tita, kasama po ni Liza si Kuya Jackson?"

Napatingin si Tita Jaq sa garden kung saan nandun pa rin iyong dalawa. Binaling naman niya iyong tingin niya sa akin.

"Si Jackson?" she asked and I nodded. The smile on her face told me so many things. "Nitong sembreak, yes, they've been spending time together. I think it started nung iisang flight lang pala kami papunta sa Italy," she explained.

Was that the reason why I wasn't able to contact her during the duration of the break? Dahil magkasama sila ni Kuya Jackson?

Ayokong mag-isip ng masama. Baka naman naging friends sila nung sembreak... Hindi ko naman kasama si Liza palagi kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa niya kapag wala siya sa paningin ko... And she's been my friend for so long. She wasn't the kind to do ill things towards other people. At kagaya ko, alam niya rin na may Ate Jas sa buhay ni Kuya Jackson.

She wouldn't do that.

I was trying so hard to convince that she wasn't that kind of person.

I said my goodbye again at saka pumasok sa sasakyan. I closed my eyes for a moment. I knew there was a reason why they said that you shouldn't ask a question if you're not ready for the answer... because I wasn't ready. I wanted to understand her. Kaibigan ko si Liza and I knew there's a reason why. Kakausapin ko siya kapag handa na rin siyang sabihin sa akin.

Pagpunta ko sa bahay nila Kath, si Tita Min iyong naabutan ko.

"Good afternoon, Tita," I greeted but I was... ignored? Tinignan lang ako ni Tita Min at saka diretso na pumasok sa loob ng bahay nila.

Okay. What was happening? Nasa alternate universe ba ako? Hindi ko na maintindihan talaga! Nung una, si Liza... tapos pati si Tita Min? Ano ba ang ginawa ko? Gusto kong pumasok pero hindi ko magawa dahil masyado akong nagulat sa hindi pagpansin sa akin ni Tita. Sigurado naman ako na nakita niya ako. Binati ko naman siya at napatingin siya sa akin. She knew I was here but I was blatantly ignored... But why?

With the basket of muffins still in my hand, tinawagan ko si Kath. I was silently praying that she'd pick-up because I wanted to ask her if there's something I did wrong. May nagawa ba ako sa kanya o sa Mama niya para hindi ako pansinin ni Tita Min because I would apologize. I wouldn't intentionally hurt her or her mother... But she wasn't picking up my calls.

Mas lalo lang sumasakit iyong ulo ko.

Gusto ko na sanang umuwi dahil parang sasabog na iyong isip ko sa pag-iisip sa mga nangyayari. Why was Liza with Kuya Jackson? Alam ba iyon ni Ate Jas? Bakit galit sa akin si Tita Min? Nasaan ulit si Kath? Si Kuya, kailan siya magpapakita? Kailan magiging okay ulit sila Papa? All these questions begging to be asked but I had no answer. I had none to offer. It was sending me into an overdrive.

"Nandito na po tayo."

Napatigil ako sa pag-iisip nung sabihin ni Manong na nasa bahay na kami nila Parker. Since he's in Cali, I figured I'd thank him for the milk pero kila Auntie Kach ko na lang ibibigay. She'd always liked muffins dahil palagi siyang binibigyan ni Mama.

"Good afternoon po," bati ko. "Si Auntie po?"

Napa-kunot iyong noo ni Manang.

"Ay, Ma'am, nasa Amerika po."

Kumunot din tuloy iyong noo ko.

"Sila din po?"

Tumango siya.

"Sila pong tatlo nila Ser Tripp. Nauna po sila Ma'am at sumunod na lang po doon si Ser Parker dahil hinintay pa po iyong graduation," paliwanag ni Manang.

Bakit nasa Cali din sila Auntie? Sa pagkakakilala ko kay Auntie, sobrang workaholic niya kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung paano niya magagawang iwanan iyong law firm nila. Mas lalo lang tuloy na nadagdagan iyong mga tanong sa isip ko.

Ibinigay ko na lang kay Manang iyong muffins at saka nagpahatid pabalik sa bahay... but before we even reached the house, I asked the driver to pull over. Dumiretso ako sa park at saka naupo doon sa swing. Ayoko lang kasi na pag-uwi ko sa bahay, sila Mama na naman iyong maaabutan ko. I needed some silence. And fresh air.

And Saint.

I needed to talk to Saint.

Inilabas ko ulit iyong phone ko at saka sinubukan siyang tawagan. I tapped my fingers as I waited for him to answer my call. Alam ko naman na busy siya ngayon sa teambuilding nila pero kahit isang minuto lang. I just needed to talk to him. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to remind myself that amidst all the confusing things and the questions lingering, there's still a reason to smile. I just needed to hear him tell me that everything's going to be fine because I couldn't do that for myself now. Litung-lito na kasi talaga ako. Mas marami pa iyong tanong kaysa sa sagot.

But after few attempts, he didn't pick-up.

I closed my eyes and took a really deep breath.

"Kuya?"

I called Kuya Benj. Hindi ko makausap si Kath at Liza tapos pati si Saint, hindi ko makausap. I was running out of options. I needed to talk to someone. I just couldn't simply sleep it off.

"Yeah?"

"Nasan ka?"

"Cebu," he answered. "Why?"

Napa-buntong-hininga na naman ako.

"Wala... Akala ko nasa Manila ka lang, e."

"You need anything?" he asked, worried.

"I just need to talk to someone," I replied. And it seemed like a very hard thing to do.

"You tried calling Parker?"

"Kuya naman..."

"What? You need to talk to someone and I'm sure he needs to talk to someone, too," he explained. He'd been telling me a lot na kailangan ng kausap ni Parker. I was beginning to get really worried.

"It's weird if I'll just call him all of a sudden," I answered. "And besides, it's 3am there."

I was pretty sure he had better things to do aside from listening to my ramblings and hypothetical questions.

"Just... try. Malay mo sumagot," Kuya Benj said before ending the call dahil tinatawag na siya ng Papa niya. He's in Cebu for groundbreaking ceremony of their new gasoline station. Sila kasi halos ang may-ari ng gasoline stations sa Visayas at Mindanao—one of their many businesses. 

Umuwi muna ako sa bahay. Naglakad na lang ako dahil nasa loob na naman kami ng subdivision. Pagpasok ko sa gate, nagulat ako dahil nasa labas sila Finley at Riley. Naglalaro silang dalawa.

"Why are you two outside?" I asked them. They were still busy playing.

"Mama and Papa are fighting. We went out because they were loud," sabi ni Finley habang nakikipaglaro pa rin kay Riley.

I sat down with them and hugged Finley but he said he's a big boy na. Tinabihan ko na lang sila habang naglalaro sila. They seemed so carefree and so clueless about everything that's happening. And I wished they'd stay the same. They're too young to understand the reality.

Pinaglaruan ko na lang iyong cellphone ko habang busy iyong dalawa sa lego game nila. I was trying to avoid facebook dahil baka makakita na naman ako ng picture ni Saint and Dani and I had enough for this day. Hindi naman sa iniisip ko na may kung anuman sa pagitan nila pero quota na talaga ako. I didn't need another reason to feel down because I was already at my lowest.

"Ate," tawag ni Riley sa akin.

"Hmm?"

"Did you get the milk?"

Kumunot iyong noo ko.

"What milk?"

"Kuya Parker—"

Tinakpan ni Finley iyong bibig niya.

"That's a top secret!" he said.

"I can't breathe!" sabi naman ni Riley. "And your hand tastes salty!"

"Why did you taste my hand! It's not food, Riley!" sabi naman ni Finley tapos nagtatakbo papasok sa bahay para hugasan iyong kamay niya.

"What do you mean Kuya Parker?" tanong ko kay Riley. I just had to look him in the eyes and he'd tell the truth... Hindi kasi magaling magsinungaling si Riley. Among us, he's the purest. And kindest. He's the total opposite of Finley.

He looked at me and sighed.

"Kuya Parker said that I should tell him about you..." Mas kumunot ang noo ko. "But promise, Ate, I only tell him when you look sad! I don't want you sad."

Napa-ngiti ako. I hugged him. Pumapayat na siya ng konti.

"He's lying, Ate! Kuya Parker promised him a box full of chocolates! He already sent Riley a box of twix!" sabi naman ni Finley tapos nag-away silang dalawa. Napa-iling na lang ako sa kambal na 'to.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Riley's on a diet. Don't give him more chocolates.

It's already 40 minutes to 4am. I wasn't expecting that he'd answer.

Parker Adrian Palma: He snitched on me? Unbelievable.

Mary Imogen Suarez: He didn't. I just asked him. He doesn't lie, you know.

Parker Adrian Palma: I know... I should've asked Fin. He's the more devious one.

Napatawa ako. Finley sure was devious. He's following Kuya's footsteps. But I was sure Finley wouldn't cooperate with him. Nabili na ni Saint ang loyalty ni Finley. Kulang na lang maging Finley Angelo Gomez de Liaño na rin siya, e.

Mary Imogen Suarez: Well, anyway, thanks for... spying on me. But don't give chocolates to Riley anymore.

Medyo natagalan iyong reply niya.

Parker Adrian Palma: Oh. Okay.

Mary Imogen Suarez: If you want to know what's happening, ask me instead.