---- [T -> J] ----

T: HA HA HA! HA HA! TWAS MEEEEEE!

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J: Dickie says I have to apologize for pushing you into the lake instead of talking about my feelings, but I'm not sorry and I wish you'd drown so

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T: The classic sewer escape
J: Don't follow
T: Damnit, I was about to jump in

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J: Souls are expensive
J: They cost like an arm and a leg
T: Is that why u dont have one, u broke ass bitch?

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T: I want to be like my grandfather
J: because of his success?
T: Because he's dead

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J: Is this a good time to mention that I brought chocolate to make up for it if I said anything really unforgivable?

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T: U CaN'T jUst DeStROy EnTIrE CitIeS, TiMMy

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J: Don't die
T: Don't tell me what to do

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T: I'm too emotionally unstable for jury duty. can I be excused?

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J: How do I ctrl-alt-delete a person

---- [All the single ladies] ----

D has hidden the chat history from new participants
D has added J into chat [All the single ladies]

J: A groupchat?
J: With you people?
J: This isn't what I ordered
D: Shut up, we have an idea
J: I'm listening

---- [T -> J] ----

T: So u remember the plan if I ever get shot right?
J: Yes
J: In the case of you ever being shot, as you fall to the ground, I sing MMMMM WHATCHA SAY no matter the circumstances. I will revive $20, 000, 000 upon doing so, plus you'll be dead
T: Perfect

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J: As Scar once said, "Be Prepaaaaaaaaaard"

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T: New glasses, new me

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J: HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD

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T: ema
J: omw

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J: You're an idiot
T: (◞‸◟)

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T: u drive, it would be consistent with my luck if the car exploded when I tried to start it
J: Yeah, really. You navigate, then, because I don't know where the hell we're going
T: Neither do I, I only had the one backup plan. I've never needed two. Maybe u should decide where we're going and I'll sit very still and try not to curse anything.
T: How about that?
J: Sounds good
J: ...
T: ...
T: It is my car, clearly we shouldn't have taken my car. Clearly nothing associated with me is safe. This is the evening everything I touch goes to shit
T: It's lucky we left the party early, before someone spontaneously declared war

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J: Oh wait! I'm perfect except for the fact that it's been years since I've dated, so I'm super lonely. Well? Are you interested now?

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T: Sorry it's been so shit. U'd think the dating gods were out to get u or smth. Or me, more like. Seems like lots of gods are out to get me
J: I thought you didn't believe in gods
J: Also, don't phrase it as if this is a real date, I'd rather die than date you

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: Listen up ladies, my third husband just died and you know what that means
R: It's time to party
D: third? I thought u married that Rathaway dude when u got drunk in Vegas on ur 18th birthday??
R: ya but The Law doesn't need to know that
D: Yeah ok fair, where are we partying?

---- [T -> J] ----

T: This was brought to u by the Kirito is always right foundation

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J: What fucking world am I in

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T: I'm prepared to forgive u
J: I'm not prepared to apologize

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J: Timmy, put down the la croix and back away

---- [All the single ladies] ----

W: goodnight
D: Goodnight? I just woke the fuck up
W: IT'S LIKE 4AM????
J: What's your fucking point though???
T: I, for one, am just eternally woke
W: Good god you people need s l e e p

---- [T -> J] ----

J: You ever get that compulsion to hit your sibling whenever they walk into your room?
J: Like, they come in and your like, "whoops, looks like I gotta end you"
T: The Cain instinct
J The what

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T: tbh if someone can hit me really hard with a shovel rn it would be great

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J: This is basically the bar fight scene from Home on The Range only at least three people are dead

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T: no seriously fucking hit me with a shovel. do it hard. fucking hurt me. fucking kill me in one swing.

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J: I'm the type of person who likes to think things through.
T: Oh, u r?
J: Yes
T: I once saw u eat a marshmallow that was still on fire
J: Yeah but I thought it through
J: I just made the wrong choice

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T: die in a fire

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J: Don't do anything stupid until I get back
T: How can I? Ur taking all the stupid with u

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T: sometimes I ask 'what would Jason do?'
T: usually the answer is punch someone in the face

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J: You're really campaigning for Asshole of the Year, aren't you?
T: As defending champion, r u nervous?

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T: Writing things down is nerdy? What do u do?
J:  I forget stuff, like a cool person.

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J: Who wants to make five bucks?
T: How?
T: What did u do?
J: Yes or no? No questions asked!
T: Make it $10 and I'm in

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T: Jason, that is literally soda what r u doing
T: why did u blow on it

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J: Take big steps
T: I have small legs leave me alone
J: Take small steps faster
T: Ur the one in a hurry, not me

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T: u sure about this?
J: Have I ever let you down before?
T: All the time
T: ur very unreliable. it's like one of the hallmarks of ur personality

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J: I think our rivalry could withstand some drunken sexual experimentation
T: I agree

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T: Someone's halls are about to get DECKED

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: Can't believe I'm about to do this
R: Wally
W: You called?
R: I need to cash in on one of those favours you owe me
T: Owo? What's this?
W: Alright hoe what do you need
R: cinnamon candle
W: Omw
J: Wait wtf does that mean???
T: I don't know??
D: He needs Wally to pretend to be his boyfriend and find him cheating and cause a scene so he can follow him out and get out of a bad date
W: We're gonna catch a movie, Dickie you want us to come pick you up????
D: Nah I'm in the middle of a report for Bruce so enjoy your movie
D: But if you watch Frozen 2 without me I'll kill you :)
W: Noted, Roy your paying for popcorn
R: You're the one dating a billionaire???
W: You are a billionaire???
R: Fucking fine, but only because you pulled off a really fucking nice heart-break look
W: Thanks I know

----