---- [T -> J] ----

T: What is a jester with no audience? When a clown jokes in an empty forest does the little honk have any meaning
J: clowns honk not for others, but for themselves

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J: Well, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to

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T: If I was a bird, I'd fly into the ceiling fan

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J: What am I supposed to do out here?
T: Why don't you go meditate on the poor life decisions you've made?

---- [T -> R] ----

T: Hey Legal adult
T: u should get me alcohol so I don't have to pay Dickie $150 to get it for me bc I can't afford that
R: I'm not getting you shit, you underage fuck
T: Doesn't sound like the Roy I've heard stories of...
R: Do you know what Dickie will do to me if he finds out I'm taking his costumers?
T: Help me and I'll upgrade ur bow
R: Deal but you don't let Dickie find out and you pay me back for the alcohol
T: Deal
R: K, you fuck, what do you want
T: Jay has been talking about how he wants to try cooking with wine so some good red wine
T: Also vodka cause my coffees been lacking that punch lately
T: and bourbon for sad boy hours
T: also whiskey
T: and brandy and rum
R: K, meet me at the cave in 30

---- [J -> R] ----

J: Hey Roy
R: No you can't drive my bike. You can never drive my bike. Die mad

---- [T -> J] ----

T: What r u on about?! I was the smoothest about acting like I didn't know ur secret! U had no idea I knew till I said so!
J: One time I saved you from a mugging and you asked me if I had any less dangerous hobbies, and then asked if I'd ever heard of Jason Todd and told me he was a dick
T: heh I just wanted to remind you, in case u started to think I liked u or smth
J: We're dating

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J: Making a coffee run, what do you want?
T: a venti nine-shot three-shot-decaf one-and-a-half-pump sugar-free amaretto hundred and seventy degree two percent seven Nutrasweet with whip extra caramel extra sprinkles caramel macchiato with a twist of lemon
T: pls

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T: Look at that fucking hilf
J: Hilf?
T: historian i'd like to fight

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J: So are we going to the villa? I haven't been up there in years but Dickie insisted on having the chateau for himself and the BoyToys and I want to be as far away as possible from that shit show
T: Hmm is the yacht still an option or have Bruce and his Superhusband claimed it?
J: They'll take whichever option we don't pick so, the choice is up to you
T: Look at that, you talk like a natural born-billionaire
J: Shut up and tell me how you want to spend the holidays
T: I think Dickie has the right idea with staying out of cities, not rly in the mood for one of the places in the mountains
T: Ya, let's go with the villa. Not sure we'll get much actually berry picking done but wine is wine man

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T: Tomorrow????? ANOTHER day?????!!!!?,?!????????????((??(?!)))!(;;()$$$;::?)$&,:;??'mlnfdsjkaavytesvjjhrefghjjjkjtfghj im good thNks

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J: Did it hurt
T: yes
J: You didn't even wait for the "when you fell from heaven part"
T: everything hurts

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T: What r u doing
J: eating a family-sized bag of chips and watching house hunters
T: that is definitely not a family-sized bag
J: every bag of chips is family-sized if your an orphan

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J: What was the thing you wanted me to tell M'gann that you could not stop laughing about last night?
T: every time someone deadnames/misgenders you hand them an infraction slip
J: their eyes got very wide and then they immediately turned around to look at Dickie, who was already in the process of printing them off in mass numbers
T: brilliant

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T: I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL WITH BRUCE TO CHECK OUT CLARK AND HE TALKED TO THE NURSE AND
T: "I'm his emergency contact."
T: "So you're here to pick him up?"
T: "I'm here to be removed as his emergency contact."

----

J: so we we dragged Conner out to a bar and some asshole overheard what we were talking about and was like "how can someone be acesexual?? It doesn't make any sense" and Conner got that look in his eye where you could tell he was about to do something Dickie taught him
J: So he stands straight up, looks this guy and the eye, and says "I can't speak for every ace, but I for one lost my sexuality in a drunken game of hopscotch with God."

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T: No better way to start the day than checking pandemic death stats amirite

---- [The Schuyler Sisters] ----

T: Hey
D: gay
J: You have a whole bf
D: shit u right

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D: Did you tell him you caught our dinner?
T: Yes I did
J: Thin ice, Timmy. Thin ice.
D: Did he tell you that he went alone?
J: And you fell through the ice.

---- [J -> W] ----

J: I said "neat," Walls. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat, but I said it anyway because I'm fucking stupid.
W: Don't beat yourself up too much, Jay. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what happened when Dick confessed to me?
J: Didn't you, like, thank him?
W: I fucking thanked him

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: To the Papa John's Pizza delivery driver who told me "see you tomorrow" when he dropped off my pizza last night, I wanna let you know;
R: That was both painful and accurate, and were it not for the laws of this land you would not be getting a tip
T: Technically the idea of tipping is just a tool used by the fat capitalistic owners so that they can underpay workers- and the actual origins of tipping is that it used to be considered dishonest and bribery
D: Yes, Timmy, we all know, but we still tip out of not only social obligation and bc the waitress doesn't care about the upper class or social justice, she just needs her tips to afford rent that month. You never seen Princess and the Frog?
J: Technically that's a general statement about the quality of life for service-workers, but ya, if you're gonna go after the tipping business you have to make up for the budget change. Also you've gotta acknowledgement the small percent of employers that is local family-run smaller business that cant afford to pay their workers a higher wage
W: As a working-class citizen and not a billionaire like the resta ya'll- ya, tipping is rigged and causes stress for workers and customers, and carrying around handfuls of coins sucks, but things would be a lot tighter if it was suddenly dismantled
D: Is this why you always take me to nameless restaurants in the middle of nowhere
W: You tip in $100 bills, there's a certain level of solidarity between the working-class, babe. I gotsta help my ppl out
R: Guys I just wanted to call out Johnny Jr. why are you having a entire debate about this. Do you guys want pizza tonight or not?
D: yes we want pizza
W: was his name rly Johnny Jr?

----

D: This is the year we start oppressing people who make their hot chocolate with water
W: If you're lactose intolerant u can stay but ur on thin fucking ice
R: Dickie wtf not all of us are rich I'm a broke college student I can't afford milk
T: I eat the powder straight from the pack
Seen by all at 1:23AM
J: Hey so do you know how horrible what you just said was?

----

W: hmmm guys, who do you think could be cuter, Dickie or Roy
J: But they're like, the most attractive guys in the entire world, aren't they??
T: Tut tut tut
T: Foolish fool
T: Neither of them are cute
T: Attractive, but not cute
W: exactly
J: ?????
T: They're attractive, but in different ways
T: Roy's hot
T: Dickies pretty
T: Sometimes they can cross categories at times and stuff, but they'd never fit into the cute category
J: Why are you so educated on this matter
W: Isn't Babs hot then?
T: No no NO, she fits into the pretty aesthetic, and in that category, scaling from nice to ethereal, she ranks at about a gorgeous, which is much higher than the average, but below an elegant
J: I see, I see
W: Wait, so who did we decide could be cuter??
D: Only one fucking way to find out
J: O shit, Walls your gonna wanna get to the Manor REAL quick

----