---- [T -> J] ----

J: I don't drink hot liquids of any kind
J: That's the devil's temperature

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T: You showed up on the doorstep with a bloody nose, one shoe, and a bucket of chicken. Nowhere near here even sells buckets of chicken
J: That would explain the bones in my backpack

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J: I know your deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are
T: it's not a joke. i'm a legit snacc

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T: were you even watching in front of you?
J: No. I was watching you

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J: let's talk about reality
T: I don't care for it

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T: do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn u on

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J: big deal, look at me. Psychological damage up to here

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T: honestly this is fine and I am completely unaffected right now, currently, as we speak

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J: pears weird me out, dude. Where do you start with a pear? The top, the bottom?

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T: Some of you have never lived with a guy who on a regular basis puts you through life-threatening situations and the other guy constantly using them to murder others and it really shows

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
T: no
R: would you like to?

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J: Give me one reason I shouldn't punch you in the face right now
W: I'm the last of my species
T: When you move to punch me, I'm going to hold a bucket up in front of my face. And then your first will just punch the inside of an empty bucket and you'll look ridiculous
R: You'll be late for dinner
D: Bruce specifically instructed me to have a good day

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T: I'll take finger food for $600, Alex
R: These come in six, ten, or twenty pieces
T: what are chiccy nuggies?
R: You are correct!!

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D: Where is Timmy?
W: I'll do you one better... WHO is Timmy?
R: I'll do you one better... WHY is Timmy?
T: but no one ever asks HOW is Timmy

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D: The board of directors when Timmy arrives wearing a buttoned-up bright teal Hawaiian shirt with flamingos on it under a (designer) red glen plaid basic five-button vest, beige khakis, classic Doc Marten lace-up boots with rainbow shoelaces (status of socks unknown), Jason's leather jacket and a choker: ...what are you wearing?
D: Timmy, taking off his fedora to reveal a flower crown: it's my ass-kicking outfit BITCH

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R: *opens the groupchat at breakfast to backread like its the morning paper*
R: why the fuck were u guys fighting about marbles

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D: Timmy truth or dare
T: Truth
D: How many hours have you slept this week?
T: Dare
W: go to sleep
T: I don't like this game

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R: Can ya'll be miserable quietly, please?

----

D: How Timmy figured out Jason was Red Hood (a true story):
D: timmy: so, Jason, you're a villain now
D: jason: I am, so what?
D: timmy:
D: jason:
D: timmy, sprinting: im telling bruce-
D: jason, chasing: nO DON-

----

R: Nobody let me drink anymore whiskey tonight
J: I can literally see you drinking whiskey across the room right now
R: Shhh

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T: I'm pretty sure 90% of my friends hate me
J: Me
T: I sent the message, so it's actually me, not you
J: You dumb bitch I meant I'm your friend and I hate you. This is why we hate you

----

W: Your vibes, m'lord...
D: Check them for me, court jester
W: *faint jingling, followed by a loud thud*

----

W: Bruce after adopting Dickie: This is Dick. He's a kind young man with rectitude and determination
W: Bruce after adopting Timmy: This is Tim, he's a fastidious kid with resiliency and remarkable intelligence
W: Bruce after adopting Jason: This is Jason, I found him in the garbage

----

J: Of course I support Timmy's rights
J: Timmy's rights to shut the fuck up

---- [T -> J] ----

T: U do it all for free?? What are you, Gotham's friendly neighbourhood??

----

J: I was legally dead for months and I met God
T: Cool. What did they look like
J: ethnically ambiguous

----

T: But ur supposed to be in jail rn?
J: Yeah, and you're supposed to be dumpster diving for ham scraps, you six-piece chicken McNobody

----

J: I know that you say "ow" every time u touch Dickies soft little cactus on passing to encourage its confidence

----

T: I know you can't feed gremlins after midnight but what about time zones
T: nvm I figured it out

----

J: I'm going to kill you
T: my door is unlocked, feel free to attack my defenceless body at any time

----

T: i have,, objections??

----

J: Who are we killing? I only need a picture and a vague last known location

----

T: Sad Boy Hours: [O P E N]

----

J: can't remember what my personality is supposed to be like I wish I had written it down

----

T: I will not condone murder!
T: I will sometimes condone murder!

-—

J: PETITION TO FREE TIMOTHY WAYNE FROM THESE SHACKLES KNOWN AS LOVE

----

T: why do you assume i understand the law

----

J: Superpower??
T: ESP but for dumbasses exclusively

----

T: im kinda disappointed. i would be awesome in a cult
T: 1) i love chanting
T: 2) i look great in a cloak
J: You talk like you have experience
T:

----

J: I don't think you understand how much I can physically not do that.

----

T: You have no proof.
J: Actually, I screenshot it.
T: Ah, the familiar feel of betrayal.

----

J: I'm disappointed but not surprised.
T: Thats what my father says

----

T: this day just keeps getting worse and its not even noon yet

----

J: How can you do this to me?
T: I'm sorry, I really am
J: I can't deal with this. You think everything is a joke
T: knock knock
J: ....whos there
T: regret

----

T: I didn't not sleep
T: I closed my eyes
T: Briefly
J: okay so you've just been bending the truth
J: nice

----

J: Aaaand your drunk
T: No I'm not
J: Yes you are
T: It was one drink
J: It was twelve

----

T: I would not call whatever this is "pleasantly surprising"

----

J: Has anyone ever told you that they love you?
T: Does family count?
J: Yes
T: Then no

----

T: Just heard a customer two aisles over go "Hey, I think this is that special glass that doesn't shatter when you drop it" followed by the sound of shattering glass. I don't even work here and I hate retail.

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J: Don't talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the whole street

----

T: yes honey your evil laugh is utterly diabolical and will definitely strike terror into the hearts of all your enemies now will you please come to bed

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J: Timmy Wayne
J: what THE FUCK, exactly, do u think ur doing

----

T: Just met a friend of yours
J: friend?
T: an enemy
J: oh
J: which one?

----

J: What are you doing?
T: poking around
J: You?? Can't just do that??
T: I can do whatever I want. I'm cute

----