---- [T -> J] ----

T: Oh to be a dead bee floating gracefully in a 5ft deep swimming pool, riding the waves as children play Marco Polo around me

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J: CALM DOWN
J: JUST CHILL OUT FOR TWO SECONDS DAMNIT

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T: let's leave now pls, this sounds like a cult and u know what Bruce will do if we join another one
J: Dude you know what's in cults tho?
T: What?
J: Money

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J: I'm :) trying :) to :) be :) a :) better :) person :) but :) some :) people :) keep :) testing :) me :)

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T: Birth is a curse and existence is a prison
J: life is a party and I'm the piñata

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J: the eagles won last night
T: oh. u watched the game?
J: What game?

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T: how dumb do u think we r?
J: Sometimes I have to leave Roy pictures of food instead of a shopping list

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J: Congratulations! You just won a lifetime supply of tangerines!
T: But you only gave me one tangerine
J: Yep!

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T: hey.,, bro?? can u uh .., tRY not..,, being an ASSHOLE for one (1) minute.. uh idk,,., if u accept Constructive™ Criticism on ur texts ? just a thought :))

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J: Living with Roy means you'll find unexpected weapons everywhere
J: I lie down and something pokes my head, it's a gun
J: I try to pull the remote out of the sofa, I get a forgotten knife
J: I go to get milk and the fridge and there's an arrow
J: The carpet curls up, theres a dagger
J: it's alright, really. People hoard different things. I hoard traumas, Bruce hoards children, Dick hoards unrealistic expectations. Roy hoards weapons, it's fine.

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T: must u always attack me with words?
J: Would you prefer I use rocks?

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J: I hit the hay all day motherfucker. 24 hour sleep cycle. If you awake you fake. It's bedtime bitch.

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T: Dickie took me grocery shopping with Wally and Roy and let me tell you, it was wild

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J: There's chocolate cake in the fridge, bring it here
T: u have to eat something healthy
T: like whatever the fuck this is
T: a hairy apple? What kind of fucking food is that?
J: Thats a kiwi, Timmy. How long have you been awake?

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T: can I offer u some gay yearning in this trying time

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J: "It'll be fun," he said
J: "It'll be a good bonding experience," he said
J: "I'll tell Bruce how you trashed his Bentley," he said
J: This is the worst day of my life

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T: Obviously I am filled with a joie de vivre and making the best of my cinematique high school years

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J: It tends to do both physical and psychological damage
T: just like my father

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T: How can I know so much about the bonds of chemicals yet so little about the bonds of friendship?

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J: Thats not what I meant
T: so ur saying u meant something?
J: Your death is going to mean something after i'm finished with you

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T: Sike bitch I'm going to the club

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J: SELF CARE, KICK SOMEONE DOWN THE STAIRS

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T: words over 6 letters make me dizzy lol
J: do acronyms count
T: u r on trial for the usage of a 8 lettered word

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J: yanno what? I'll let that slide
T: because i'm cute and u love me?
J: because you'll complain and I don't want to have to deal with that

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T: I think my therapist is a ghost
J: elaborate
T: I told her about this dream about a wall I've been having and she said "maybe you could walk me through it"

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J: Johnny Cash I think you mean Jonathan Currency

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T: You know what I don't understand? The phrase "bone dry"
T: Like, bones spend more of their time being wet
J: Well, when you touch a bone it feels very dry because bones are porous, so they actively suck the moister out of your fingers
T: Thats so much more unsettling

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J: Thats absurd!
T: Ur absurd!
J: say that to my face!
T: Ur absurd!
J: that's absurd!

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T: it costs $400 to go see a therapist but it costs $0 to tell myself "it be like that sometimes"

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J: I learned how to shoot a gun today so now you got a man that will protect you
T: nothing sexier than a man that can put me out of my misery

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T: have you seen my waste paper basket?
J: ask me that again and look into my eyes

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J: I take super hot showers because I like to practice burning in hell

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T: yea we're matchy
J: matchy matchy
T: matchy matchy!!

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J: I'm a serial killer who murders heroes
T: do you take requests?

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T: I read through half a library last night and only found more hatred towards authority

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J: "I'm angry now and I want to punch" qualifies as a strategy

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T: At any given moment, you do not exist. Your body exists, temporary though it may be. Still, you are not your body. You are merely an electrochemical process of your body. The continuity of your separate self is manufactured every few milliseconds by a hunk of warm grey meat between your ears. In the time it takes you to read this sentence, your brain has created you a thousand times, and it has left behind a thousand ghosts of you.

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

W: Please stop making people cry!
T: how about no
D: try that answer again
T: I mean, of course my lord and saviour Walls we will stop

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R: Timmy StOp
T: Your not even my real dad
D: gasp don't talk to ur father like that
W: Yeah Timmy you'll hurt his feelings
R: I'm not his father tho???
T: So your saying I'm adOPTED
J: We should have told you sooner, we're sorry
T: I cannot believe this

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W: One time Roy fought me behind a gas station at midnight for calling Jason's  shouting annoying
T: one time Roy roasted me with Bruce's barbeque pit for calling Jason a dick
D: one time Roy banished me to the pits of Tartarus for telling Jason to stfu

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W: What a beautiful fucking man
J: That he is
T: Not as beautiful as the slowly approaching fate that is inevitable death

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R: Still single lads
D: But HOW? You're so likeable
J: AND HOT?????
T: AND MYSTERIOUS???????
W: AND FUCKING DESERVING OF EVERYTHING???????

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T: Roy is the type of guy who brings in all the bags at once or dies trying
J: One time he kicked our apartment door in because he didn't have a hand to open it and refused to take two trips from the hallway to the kitchen

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R: I'm a really fast driver, I have nothing to live for and I drive like it. You know this

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D: unrelated but im so fucking gay
J: mood
W: mood
T: mood
R: mood
D: I know I was OP but mood

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R: I can't believe Dickie hacked into the internet and broadcasted a worldwide message to every device saying "Hello, I just found Timmy Wayne crying on a roof, and whoever did it: please prepare to die. - D.G" and Jason bolted to the door and pushed a dresser in front of it
R: Wild

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W: Timmy, you drink all this coffee, but does it actually do anything to u or
T: no lmao adhd Vibes be too strong for that nonsense
D: timmy, ur truly a master of the English language

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