Never in my life have I ever found so difficult to find a job because I knew what I wanted to do in my life. Why was it hard to find a job knowing that the only thing that you're good at was the thing you cannot do anymore? I was getting terrified of knowing that I won't be as good as my previous work.

I loved it every second of it. I planned my whole life serving the country I loved the most. I loved being with the people who pursued the same goal. And I loved that thanks to my job I met the love of my life. But that was just it. A verb in the past tense: loved. I loved being a soldier.

And that's the thing. How could you dislike something that you once loved?

"Allys," I heard Judy say my name from afar, my eyes still on my laptop. "Allys, can you please look at me? I have good news." She walked to my bed and shut down my laptop. 

"Hey, what was that for?"

"I found you a job." I gave her an incredulous look as she sat on my bed. "Now, you're paying attention, don't ya? I was offered to another job before your parents-"

"Please, don't say it," I told her. I was not healed yet, and I'll probably never be. My heart was still broken into a million pieces, and it seemed that nothing can put it back together, not even with glue.

"I couldn't do it, so I politely rejected it. I called this morning, and guess what? The job is still available, so-"

"Are you cheating on me?"

"Can you please let me finish? My goodness, you're impossible!" she exclaimed and amusingly shook her head. "You got the job."

The thing I've continuously admired about her was that she was always one step ahead of me. She's my angel, she never failed me, and it was amazing what she just did for me.

"For real? What is the job?"

"It's a simple job: you'll be me," she smiled.

"So... I'll be cooking and cleaning?" I asked, but it sounded more like an affirmation than a question. "Okay, I can do that. When do I start?"

"There's something else you have to know first, you have to travel whenever he needs to go."

"May I ask why? I mean, I don't have a problem with that. I'm just curious."

"He's the CEO of the hotel chain named The BlackMoon. So, he needs to attend some meetings in different countries."

"BlackMoon," I whispered to myself the name. My mom mentioned it to me when I was younger. I grabbed the laptop and typed the name of the hotel on Google. A lot of images and reviews appeared on the screen, and I clicked on his website.

The description on the website said: 'It is a luxurious and sophisticated 4-star hotel. It is renowned for its big building, its luxury Presidential suites, and its modern and sophisticated rooms.' Judy was also looking at the screen as I kept reading in silence: 'Berlin, Rome, New York, Chicago, Manila, Madrid, Amsterdam...'. And the list kept going.

"Are you in for the job, then?" she asked, and I shut down the laptop. "I know it's not a job you thought you could-"

"Yes," I interrupted her. "I know every recipe that you and my parents have taught me, I know how to keep the house clean because I have learned from the best since I was little." I smiled, not revealing how sad I was on the inside just by pronouncing the word that was no longer present in my life. "And I have no problem with traveling with him."

She took a deep breath and hugged me. "For a moment, I thought you were going to turn it down."

"I wasn't, but I can't say no when you did put all your efforts to get me that job without me asking. Thank you."

I've never thought about taking a job like this, but I know it will be a big step for me, just like when I had joined the military.

"I'll always be here for you, sweetheart." She handed me a piece of paper. "You'll start next Monday, March 20th, at 0700 am. You can wear anything as long as it is something comfy and not too revealing. You'll have your own room, so pack your bag with some clothes, and you can always come here to rest, though I do not recommend it." I chuckled at her and started getting nervous just by looking at the paper.

Questions like 'what if I was not the fit person to do this job? What if I was not ready yet? What if I was going to screw it up on my first day?...', were passing through my mind, making me more worried and afraid.

"Good night, sweetheart."

I was curious to know more about the man I was going to work for, but I knew she was exhausted, so I answered, "Good night, Judy. Thanks again for everything." 

She smiled at me and left my room.

I kept staring at the paper as I asked myself: 'Would my parents be proud of me?' They would be yelling at me right now for taking this job. 'Go to medical school, that was your dream.' 'If you're looking for a job, why don't you work for me?' I shook my head and placed the paper in the drawer of my nightstand.

I laid down on my bed and hugged my teddy bear. I barely got any sleep these days. Since the day my parents had died, I've been having these nightmares that kept me from sleeping, mostly about dead bodies and blood, but especially him. I would wake up in the middle of the night, just like every night since I've been here; sweaty with my heart beating fast, and some nights I would find myself on the floor looking for him.

Psychotherapy has helped a bit since he had died. I started going for three months after that traumatic event, and it looked like I needed to get back.

***

"OMG, I'm exhausted!" Shannon exclaimed exaggeratedly. She threw herself on the couch, panting heavily. "H- How are you not tired?"

She was living in my old apartment and came to stay over for the weekend. We went shopping at the mall yesterday and grabbed a cup of coffee to catch up on everything we've missed these past years. This morning, she encouraged me to go to church with her right before hitting the gym. She knew I didn't want to, but I went anyway. It seemed useless for me to go and pray when the only thing you want to pray for were the ones that God took away.

I remembered going to church every Sunday when I was little. I was always excited to go to a place where everybody was kind to me, where I made friends with kids my age and played with them. And the day when something tragic had happened, I stopped going and attending. I started questioning my faith from the day I lost him, even now that my parents were gone.

"That's because I'm used to working out." She rolled her eyes. I sat next to her and drank my water. "Besides, it's your fault because you were the one who asked me to train you. So, don't blame it on me now."

"Because I want to be in good shape before my wedding day!" 

She's been dating her high school boyfriend for six years, and Vince finally asked her to marry the love of his life two years ago. Since I've been away for too long, I noticed she gained a little weight from work-related stress, but she looked perfect to me. And it's not as if she ever needed to work out because she's perfect. Not too fat, not too skinny. The difference between her and me was that she was curvier.

"You will thank me later."

She raised one her brows. "Thank you for what? For being so sore tomorrow or probably my entire life?"

"Been there, done that!" They knew the struggle that I had to become a soldier, the pain that marked my scars and soul, and the tears I've been shedding on my pillow night after night.

"And that's why I admire you so much, but today's not the day because you've been kicking my ass in the gym that I can barely walk," she grumbled in annoyance. "I'm gonna take a shower. Or try to."

I got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to greet Judy, who's listening to music while making us waffles with maple syrup and wild berries.

"Hi." I leaned my elbows on the white and shiny countertop.

She looked up and turned down the music on the radio. "Are you girls hungry?"

"Very. I opted to listen to Shannon's stomach, loudly roaring, instead of music at the gym."

She chuckled and took the plates to the dining room, and I followed her holding the two glasses of banana smoothie in my hands. She was always like this: cooking sweet treats every time we come home after being out most of the day.

"You better enjoy these waffles, then!" She squeezed my cheek and walked away.

"Come and eat with us," I told her.

"Don't be silly. I already had one. Those are for you, girls. And I know you and Shan must be extremely hungry, especially her."

We laughed, and I knew she might say no to what I was about to say, but at least I had to try. "Please, stay. There's something I need to tell you."

"About what?" she asked, her face white as she had just seen a ghost. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" She grabbed my hands and started looking up and down my body.

"I'm better than okay."

"What is it, then? Are you going to-?"

"No! Of course not, that's the last thing I'd do to you after all these years."

She let out a sigh of relief, placing her hands on her chest. She thought I was gonna fire her. That's something I would never do to her. EVER. "So, what is this about? You scare the bloody hell out of me!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," I chuckled. "I think-"

"You don't want the job? I can find another job if you want. Is that the reason why you wanted to talk to me?"

"Please, let me finish!" I exclaimed, frustrated.

"Now you know how I feel when you keep interrupting me, don't ya?" she laughed, crossing her arms in front of her chest and waited patiently for what I was about to say. 

"When was the last time you had a vacation?"

"Mmm... I dunno." She looked up, thinking, but I knew exactly the last time she had a vacation. And it was not a few years or months, nor last year.

"I think you deserve a vacation. You work so hard every day, and I'm very grateful for everything you do, but I think you also need to see your family. I'm sure they miss you as much as you miss them."

She smiled at me and grabbed both my hands. "Don't worry about that, honey. I'm fine, and they're fine. I don't wanna leave you alone."

I shook my head in disapproval. "Judy, please. I won't be staying at home because I'll have my own room, due to the new job you got me. So, I think there's no need for you to stay here, at least for a month."

"But that's too much! I can't afford a one month vacation."

"You do now," I said before walking to my bedroom, and then came back with an envelope in my hands. "Open it."

She took the envelope from my hands and opened it with a gasp of surprise and eyes wide open. "Is this for real? To Hawaii?"

"You deserve a trip with all expenses paid for you and your family. You can do scuba diving; your kids can take surfing lessons and swim with the dolphins. And you can have a romantic candlelit dinner on the beach with your husband," I smiled at her. "You can do anything you want, Judy. You deserve this and more."

She started jumping in excitement and pulled me into an embrace. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to, just go and enjoy the trip," I pulled her apart with a smile. "Go and call your family, I'm sure they're excited to hear the good news."

She talked a lot about her family that I decided to give her this gift. I've never seen her family in person, but I knew her kids missed her a lot. I would too if my mom was never home. I was sure they were good people, and I wanted her to have a good time with her loved ones, to cherish the moments while they were still here.

"What's happening here?" asked Shannon, her dark brown long curly hair wet, as she entered the kitchen. She was wearing a leopard onesie pajama, the one I gave her for her 17th birthday.

"I'm going on a vacation! To Hawaii!!" exclaimed Judy as they both started jumping in unison, excited and yelling Hawaii.

"Please, take me!" begged Shannon, and placed her hands on Judy's shoulders. "I mean it. I can fit in your luggage with no problem."

"You wish," I mockingly said, and then turned to Judy. "Go and tell your family the news."

She rushed to her bedroom with excitement as Shannon sat on the chair.

"That was nice and sweet of you to do, Allys." 

I sat next to her. "It's my way of showing my gratitude for everything she's done for me these years."

I remembered the day I turned 19. I was happy and excited, and Judy was sad because I was leaving her and my family. I cried every time I received their letters, especially Shannon. They sent me cute stuff like teddy bears or pictures from my family, and I still kept all that stuff in a box placed on my shelf.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" she inquired, referring to my first day of work. I was still chewing my waffle, so I just nodded. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Always."

"I want to quit my job," she said before putting a slice of banana into her mouth.

"Is really that bad?" I asked, grabbing the cup of coffee to warm my hands. "I thought you liked it."

She studied Fashion Design. She was not a spoiled rich girl like many other girls I knew, and I knew she worked so hard to be in Vogue's Internship. She took every opportunity she was given to become the person she was. She was intelligent, and she faced every obstacle by herself.

"I do like it, but it's not what I expected. My coworkers are all pretty bossy, yelling at me and giving me the bitch face just because I'm the intern," she sighed. "And with the wedding going on, it's very stressful to keep up with everything." She covered her face with her hands.

I realized now how stupid I was. I should've been helping Shannon to plan her wedding and not leave her on her own. I should've been there for her instead of being selfish and always thinking about me.

"I'm your maid of honor. You shouldn't be planning your own wedding."

"I couldn't let you do that. After your parents died, I thought of giving you space to mourn and process everything, and that's what I did," she paused. "You needed it."

I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "You shouldn't have to."

"I wanted to," she smiled. "It would seem insensitive of me to ask you to plan my wedding when you were having a rough time. That's not who I am, and you know that. Besides, my mom is helping me, so, if you feel like you're better now -which I hope so-" she chuckled. "If you feel like you can handle my bridezilla, then you're very welcome to join us in New York for my fitting dress."

"I will be there."

"Perfect! Cause I need you to try the maid of honor dress. You're gonna love it!"

"I'm sure I will." She knew from head to toe my style, so I was not worried about it. "How about we watch a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon, some drinks, eat a lot of popcorn, fries, and candy, just like the old times?"

"Eat junk food after spending the day working out?" She raised her brow and stood up quickly that she almost threw the plate on the floor. "I'll go and make popcorn, then!" And ran to the kitchen, leaving me laughing at her.

The common thing that we had was that if we want to get drunk, we would just make some drinks and watch Sex and the City, or do a marathon of Pirates of the Caribbean. That was our thing: simple and boring, but meaningful to us.

We fall asleep by the end of the second movie, but I woke up the instant I had a nightmare. The clock said: 0300 am. I glanced at Shannon to make sure I didn't wake her up. She was peacefully sleeping, her curly hair in a bun and her mouth half-open. I dried the sweat dripping from my forehead with the sleeve of my black shirt, went to the kitchen with plates on hand, and put them in the dishwasher.

This could not keep going. My phsychologist said that it was completely normal to keep having dreams, especially if I just left the military.

"Why do you think you have these kinds of dreams?" asked my therapist.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. To torture me? To make me remember how painful it was to watch the love of my life die?"

"Regret. Guilt."

"Excuse me?"

"You feel you're guilty of his death because you couldn't do anything about it. You tried to help him. You wished you could have done something to save him, but you couldn't. It was too late."

That was what my therapist told me. Regret and guilt. And she couldn't be more right about it.

Hi! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much I enjoyed writing it. I will be entirely dedicated to this story so let me know what you think of it, your opinions matter so much to me :)

English is not my mother tongue, I'm from Spain so I apologize for any grammar mistakes, vocabulary...etc jaja. Hope to be a better writer in the future XD

Question: What do you think of Allys and what's your favorite thing to do with your best friend?

THANK YOU SO MUCH! <3
XOXO