"Congratulations Alice, you have a beautiful baby boy!" The paramedic, Steven, shouts sounding distracted.

"Why isn't he crying? What's wrong with him?" I shout, looking at my newborn who is laying still and silent. Steven rubs his stomach furiously as he starts to turn slightly blue. "Answer me!"

A piercing cry answers my own cries. My heart feels as though it stops beating for a few seconds as tears stream down my face. My arms are suddenly filled with a bundled towel with a tiny screaming baby.

"Have you got anyone you'd like me to call for you?" Steven asks me, putting his utensils back into his bag.

"No." I answer shortly and then return to cooing my little boy.

"Do you live by yourself, Alice?" He asks, sitting down on the bed and searching the room with his eyes.

"N-no... I live with my husband, Lucas. He's away on a business trip. He should be home later tonight." I lie, and then hang my head in shame. I can't help but hide what has happened to Lucas. It might not have been him. There are many explanations of other things that could have happened, resulting in him still being alive. I shouldn't go around telling people he is dead when he might not be! How can he be, when I got a text from him...

I pick my phone up, searching in my inbox for the message.

He gave me the power, the encouragement, to continue on. It is the hardest thing I've done, and I have always hoped from day one Lucas would have been there with me through it. But, at least he was in one way or another.

I look up from my phone to see Steven closely studying me, although when my eyes meet his, his whole expression changes. I knit my eyebrows together without realising and Steven instantly shakes his head and smiles, "so, have you got a name for your little one?" He asks, looking at me expectantly.

"Not yet. Me and Lucas were going to sit down and make a list but we ran out of time..." I think back to the Sunday afternoon when we sat down to do it, but I put it off to catch up with my favourite TV show. I regret that choice now, we had a nice afternoon, but we didn't decide on any names.

"But, he'll be back tonight and then you can think about it then though... Right?" Steven asks, looking at me wearily again.

"Oh yes, yes of course." I stutter, wishing Lucas would really be coming home.

"Anyway, since he is a few weeks early he is going to have to come to the hospital to be checked over, but I'm sure he will be just fine, so there's no need to worry about it." Steven said in a reassuring voice.

"When shall I take him to the hospital?" I ask racking my brain which seems to have gone numb.

"I can take you right away, if there's anything you need you can go and fetch it and then we'll go?" He said, looking at me questionably.

I stare back at him and then nod; I nod too hard making my neck instantly ache.

I go into the nursery and pick up the bag I had packed to take to the hospital when I gave birth. Climbing into the ambulance I suddenly feel nervous. I look at the tiny creature in my arms, thinking how much my life is going to change now. I look at his tiny fingers and his tiny button nose, not daring to touch either because he looks so delicate, as if he will break when touched. I ponder on the possibilities of if he is not healthy for his age and begin to panic. My heart feels as though it is pumping my blood to fast, my hands begin to shake and I feel as though I can't control my breathing. I look around us, the small ambulance feeling as though it is closing in on me. I feel alone, but I know Steven is just behind the other side of the thin panel closing off the driving area.

I try to focus on the positives and brainstorm a name for him. I pull down the baby grow which is sliding up over his chin, even though it is a newborn size he looks lost inside of it. He half opens his eyes and I smile at how blue they are, catching me off guard. He has Lucas's pouty mouth, with perfect full lips, and he has my chubby cheeks.

Before I know it we are at the hospital and Steven is opening the doors for me. He walks fast and I struggle to keep up. It furies my nerves even more, could his rushing around mean he is concerned about my son?

When we reach the neonatal unit there are two nurses waiting for us, they introduce themselves and eagerly take my baby from my arms. They put him on a table and immediately begin different tests and checks. Steven takes me aside, asking me some other general questions. I click on that he is distracting me and stop listening to him and look over to what they are doing with my baby.

He lays on the weighing scales, his bare skin looking cold. One of the nurses makes a note of his weight and the other shrugs her shoulders. They check his eyes and then pick him back up to dress him again.

"Well, you have a little fighter on your hands here. He seems very well, considering his early birth. We have come to the decision that he will be fine to go home, however he will need more checkups than a baby that is not premature. A midwife will arrange to come and see you and your baby in the next two days. Whilst we write down all of these details for you, Steven will take you to the doctor, just so you can get checked over and make sure everything is alright with you too."

I instantly feel relieved when the nurse says he is healthy and that he is able to come home. I zone out after I hear that, my head feeling fuzzy. I follow Steven, looking back through the tiny circular window to see my baby.

When coming out of the examination room, Steven is waiting outside for me. He tells me he will guide me back to the unit where my baby is being cared for. I feel exhausted, and glad that I can finally go home and be alone without everyone fussing over my baby.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, and pull it out to see a new text message.

My heart stops beating, at least it feels that way. My eyes go wide and I start to hyperventilate. Steven puts his hands on my shoulders and tries to calm me down. Zac? Lucas never mentioned the name Zac to me. How is Lucas texting me? Does that mean he is alive? My mind races a hundred miles an hour as I try to piece everything together.

My phone begins to loudly ring, I only realise when Steven waves me out of my daydream. I ache for it to be Lucas, but unfortunately it's not.

"Lorie?"

"Where are you? I'm outside your house; I've been knocking for the last ten minutes and neither of you are answering. Surely you're not in bed already?"

I consider making something up, but then I see Steven looking at me. "I'm at the hospital."

"Oh. Are you having the baby? Don't you have a few weeks left?" Her pace suddenly picks up and I hear her car door slam shut.

"I've had him; he arrived around two hours ago. He's just been checked over and thankfully he is doing great."

"You have given birth to my nephew and you didn't call me? Wow Alice." Lorie says sounding annoyed.

"I didn't really have chance to call anyone, he came pretty quick and believe it or not I was in a lot of pain." I mutter, feeling too distracted to concentrate on the conversation.

"Lucas could have called me. Anyway, I'm glad Zac is doing well, I'll come and see him first thing tomorrow morning."

"What?" My face drops in shock.

"I presumed you'd be too tired for visitors tonight?"

"No, you called my baby Zac!"

"Well, isn't that his name?"

"I haven't chosen his name yet! Why are you calling him Zac! It's you, Lorie. You're evil. Sending me texts from my dead husband's phone!"

"Alice what are you talking about!?"