She's sitting across from me.

She hasn't talked to me yet.

She's washed the blood away and given me new clothes.

I've avoided eye contact.

But I have to speak to her.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly."

She looks up, her gaze gentle.

"Oscar, I'm not mad at you. It's not your fault."

"But it is."

She stands up and places her hand on my shoulder.

"Oscar, you had to help him. It doesn't matter if it was on our wedding day. I don't want to marry a man if he hates me for not letting him help his best friend through depression."

"But, Lilly."

"Stop worrying. You had to help him. I don't care how much time it takes. I love you. I'll let you go."

"Lilly, I-"

"Shh". She hugs me.

I feel the guilt bubbling up inside of me. She doesn't know what happened. But I can't bring myself to say it. I love her so much.

She talks with me for a while, and I feel better.

My heart has stopped racing. I've come back to my senses.

I'm sitting on the sofa, sipping my cocoa. I'm wrapped in a blanket and she's sitting next to me.

I feel safe with her.

She knows what's best for me.

We stay up till eleven. Then we go to bed.

The room is dark. I can hear a few people outside.

The few people still awake.

The few people who still haven't found what they need.

And I need Lilly.

I need her to live.

The sheets are light. I can feel the wind though them.

I'm staring at the ceiling.

I can still feel the guilt.

But it's dissolving.

It's leaving me.

I'm getting angry.

I can't believe Logan now.

Logan was the one who made me do this.

He lulled me into this love.

He's just going through a phase.

It's just the way he is.

He doesn't love me.

It's exhilarating for him.

He likes playing around with people's feelings.

So much power.

Power he would never have.

Power he doesn't deserve.

And I'm not gay.

I can't be.

It's not right.

Lilly was right.

I love her not him.

He's just toying with my emotions.

I really can't believe him.

I can't.

I can't accept it.

I thought he actually cared about me.

He's good at lying.

But I can't just leave this situation be.

Lilly is lying on the other side of the bed. She's stiff. That's just how she sleeps. I move slowly towards the side of the bed. I grab my phone and head for the bathroom.

I ring him.
"Logan?"

"Oscar! Where are you? I made space at my place!"

"I can't do this."

"Oscar."

"Logan. Stop."

"You can't do this to me."

A long pause.

I hang up.

I go back to Lilly.

I fall asleep.

"Oscar? Are you awake?"

I moan.

"Oscar, get up!"

"Can't you just leave me here?"

"Oscar, come on I made breakfast."

I slowly pull myself up. The light is bright, the room white.

I like eating breakfast with her. We're a proper functioning family. I feel happy.

I have to leave what I did behind me.

I can't let Logan rule my life anymore.

I push my fork around my plate.

She looks up and smiles at me. I like her smile. She's so forgiving. Even though she doesn't truly know what happened, she didn't get mad at me for abandoning her on our wedding day.
No one should have to do that.

The house phone rings.

I go to stand up.

She tells me to sit down.

She picks it up.

I try to analyse her emotions to see who it is from. I like doing that.

She looks worried. She puts the phone down form her ear.

"It's for you."

I don't know why but I start shaking again. I bring the phone to my ear quivering.

"Hello? Is this Oscar White?"

"Yes?"

"You are recorded as the person we should contact in case of an emergency."

"For who?"

He paused.

"I thought you knew.

Logan Michaels is here."

My heart stops.

"He won't make it."