The beatings continued each day, still asking where the dope was. Sometimes it was just Juan. Other times there were others joining in. Sometimes they spoke english. Sometimes they spoke spanish.

Spewing out insults and terrible names. Carlos had tried to retaliate but Juan immediately set him in his former place and Carlos was forced to watch as I was hit and screwed around with.

But heck I didn't know where the drugs were! It didn't get through that man's tiny brain! He was too drunk maybe. Reeking of alcohol each time he came back late at night at random hours. Sometimes he would use the butt of his diamond etched hand gun to swing at me.

It hurt so badly. The pain was awful and each time it seemed like it wouldn't end. But there wasn't just me crying. There was a woman frequently. Holding a baby who was crying in fright also. She just stared fearfully as they hit me.

When Juan would get pissed off at the noises of the kid he shout and bark at her and order the woman to go upstairs. But I could still hear that kid cry from upstairs. Even as the mother tried to console her baby and whisper that everything was going to be alright.

I think it was sunday....day seven was what Carlos had told me. It was getting close to be late in the evening when we heard drunk laughter come from the other side of the door and shrieking. The woman with the baby stood from the couch. I hadn't gotten the fact that she had been there. I was aching each day and everything stung. Many times I'd cry when Carlos was not around. I'd just break down thinking of my family and friends. Each day grew harder and harder to bare on. It seemed to just get worse.

I was starting to get weaker despite the little rations of food Carlos would go buy when Juan gave him a few pesos to leave so he wouldn't cause trouble while the repetitive interrogation commenced and continued.

Carlos said he couldn't go to the police. He was too afraid to do so. He said Juan had spies inside. He said he didn't know who to trust.Carlos didn't even know the rest of Nuevo Laredo and he was too afraid to leave and go and venture too far or the small rival gangs might shoot him if he was alone. Carlos was frightened. Each time he came back after an hour or two I'd be bleeding from ear to ear sometimes unable to say anything.

Yet that Sunday night was awful. Carlos stood stumbling as the door was barreled open and it collided with the adjacent wall making a clatter. A girl screamed kicking and thrashing.

She was crying and sobbing. The tall thin man held her tightly smiling and laughing at her retaliation. He held her waist carrying her across the room with three other men following him laughing and hold beer and smokes.

The girl was screaming and trying to make as much noise as possible. One of the men laughed kissing her on the cheek but the one holding her shouted at him.

"¡Hey! Ella es mía! Yo voy primero! Si usted no puede esperar obtener su propia!". (Hey! She's mine! I go first! If you can't wait get your own!)

She cried out as the man carried her, half dragging her up stairs. The other two followed snickering and shouting at the first.

"Deje un poco de tiempo para nosotros!" (Leave some time for us!)

A door slammed shut and the screams and cries were muffled after a few moments. The sound of whimpering and sobbing began to fill the home. I swallowed shaking. Oh god...oh god...I wanted to yell. I wanted to shout. I wanted to tell him to pick on someone his own size and age....but...I was frightened myself. Too scared.

The other man still down stairs stared at the woman with the child but he moved forward but then he noticed the child wailing with his mother who had stepped back fearfully into the corner.

He turned staring towards me. His mouth immediately curled up into sneer. He slugged over stumbling and grabbed my waist to pull me. But the cuffs kept me to the bar.

I kicked him lashing out as best I could. Carlos stared frightened on the floor holding the wall.

The man wasn't satisfied and I screamed when he pull at my heavy cargo pants grunting and pushed my legs apart. I was shouting in pain and in fear. I knew what he was trying to do. He pulled harder and harder.

His drunk brain seemed to realize that I had a belt on and his hands went to that and he began to make frustrated noises and grunts just pulling at it with force and heavy jerks. I tried to kick him again but he position himself on his knees lifting me up and continued to try and get the belt loose.

My heart pounded and I screamed scared. I was going to be...I was going to be--!

Bang!

The man's head snapped forward and I felt blood splatter on my shirt and face as I shut my eyes and turned my head. The baby was cry and the mother shrieked at the sudden sound closing her eyes and shielding her son.

Carlos rushed over moving the dead body of the stranger away. I breathed spitting and sweating. I had goosebumps prickling up. He had the pistol in his hand.

He had pulled the trigger.

"¡¿Qué fue eso?!", shouted a voice. (What was that?!)

"No sé! Vayas a verlo que culo!", yelled another. (I don't know! Go check it out you ass!)

I heard the sound of running from upstairs as feet and bodies stumbled too drunk to be able to understand where they were going.

"Go! Go! Go! ¡Fuera de aquí! ¡Fuera de aquí!", I yelled. (Go! Go! Go! Get out of here! Get outta here!)

"! Pero señora no me puedo ir - !!!", (But senora! I can't leave-!!!)

I interrupted Carlos, "No es exactamente lo que te diga Carlos! Ve! ¡Tienes que ir! Tome ese parche fuera del chaleco! Arrancarla y correr a la frontera! Tiene que ejecutar a la frontera y conseguir la atención de alguien en el otro lado. Dile les estoy vivo, les dicen donde estoy Carlos! Ahora vaya! ", (You do exactly as I tell you Carlos! You go! You need to go! Take that patch off the vest! Tear it off and run to the border! You need to run to the border and get someone's attention on the other side. Tell them I'm alive, tell them where I am Carlos! Now go!)

Carlos stayed stock still and he looked at me worried and scared he pulled at the cuffs, "¡No! ¡No! Señora no lo haré! No puedo ir solo!", he pleaded. (No! No! Senora I won't! I can't go alone!)

"Escúchame maldita sea! Si no vas te vas a morir! Si no vas, entonces no vamos a salir de aquí! Ahora ve maldita sea! Go! Corre y no mirar hacia atrás ! no se preocupe por mí que acaba de ir y se preocupe por ti mismo! ", I shouted angrily. (Listen to me damn it! If you don't go you'll die! If you don't go then we won't get out of here! Now go damn it! Go! You run and you don't look back! You don't worry about me you just go and worry about yourself!)

The sounds of footsteps were getting closer.

Carlos swallowed staring at the steps as the sound got closer. His lips trembled and he was crying. He jumped up and ran to the porch door darting down those steps.

Carlos went down the old fire escape jumping onto the dumpster when there was no more to climb down and use. He sprinted down the street into the dark wheezing. And he didn't look back despite all the shouting.

The men came down and the first was pulling up his pants with their pistols out as they stumbled down the stairs. They looked around and saw the body of their other trio member on the floor bleeding.

Juan burst through the door shouting and demanding answers. He saw the body on the floor as well and glared.

"¿Qué demonios ha pasado ?! Quiero respuestas! Alguien me responda! ¡¿Dime lo que pasó?!", he shouted angrily waving his gun around. (What in the hell happened?! I want answers! Someone answer me! Tell me what happened?!)

The woman with the baby spoke her voice trembling, "Fue Carlos .... fue Carlos quien le disparó" (It was Carlos....it was Carlos who shot him)

She then pointed at me her finger shaking as she glared at me with tears in her eyes, "Fue esa mujer! Fue ese agente de policía! Ella lo alimentó miente! Ella le obligó a hacerlo! Ella le obligó a hacerlo! Carlos hizo porque de ella!" (It was that woman! It was that police officer! She fed him lies! She made him do it! She made him do it! Carlos did it because of her!)

Juan glared at me, he came up and smacked my head with his gun, "Where are the drugs?", he asked again coldly.

I clenched my teeth opening my eyes and turned my head towards him slowly. I glared at him tears in my eyes from the pain and the sweat went down my throat.

"For the last time, I...don't...know!", I hissed spit and blood flying out against his face.

Juan wiped the spit and blood contents off and stood saying, "Sujetarla", (Hold her down)

The other men in the room grabbed my shoulders pulling me back against the railings. Another gripped my hair pulling my head back. I struggled screaming and pulled out of their grasp but they snagged me again their fingers tight.

Juan came back after tearing something he had a knife in his hand. My nostrils flared as I shook trying to get the men off. But he put it away. My mind was screaming at me to fight. To try and run. But I couldn't no matter what I did I couldn't.

I stared up at Juan turning my head away as he brought his hand forward. There was a white contents in his palm. Coke; a white powdered substance of cocaine that can be used to snort or inject.

No! No! No! No!

I turned my head away as he brought it forward yet they snapped it back forward and up. One of his inmates clamped his hand over my mouth and Juan held my nose shut.

I was shaking as I couldn't breath. I stared in fright as Juan brought that powder up to my nose. I tried to shake my head. To scram to do anything to get out or at least screw up what he was planning to do.

I couldn't breath. My lungs hurt and Juan let go shoving his palm into my nose as I gasped.

I screamed as I felt the powder go up my nose. I coughed spitting trying to get it out and pulled out as the men let go. But they snagged me again. Juan came again with more. He did this four or five times.

I don't know how many times.

I was shaking and twitching. I could barely recollect that he had told them to let go. My head fell back as I was unable to hold it up. I felt my heart rate soar and breathing increase rapidly. I was shivering and having random twitches. There were powder flakes on my lips and around my nostrils.

I felt....odd....I didn't know what to think. I felt happy....but mentally I knew sort of that....this wasn't the right kind of happy. I was frightened. Filled with fear. What was happening?! I could barely feel my own body. I feel restless. I could feel my heart pounding and pounding in my chest as if to try and force blood through my system that was wheezing to get around and through.

All I could manage were short quick delayed breathes. That's all I could manage...I could barely breath. I could barely feel where or who I was. I was just in a haze....trying to hang on.

It's as if that little white stuff was trying to snag every bit of life out that it could while still whispering...

"It's alright"

"This feels good"

"Your happy"