Adam and Amanda buried their mother a few days later. Maddie came with me to the funeral home, the church, the cemetery and finally, Amanda’s house for the buffet, which was good since Ashley and Belinda were there. I didn’t have the patience to deal with them today.

Maddie dragged me into Amanda’s kitchen where we helped reheat casseroles, serve drinks, wash dishes and bundle up the trash. I never understood people’s almost visceral need to cook and serve food when someone dies. Eating after a funeral seemed wrong somehow. Like an insult to the person who died. But people always twist it around with biological imperatives coated with the dead person’s wishes. ‘You have to eat something. Grandma wouldn’t want you to make yourself sick.’

Amanda sat on the huge sofa in the family room, Zach wrapped around her. I brought her a plate of ziti. Taylor had Cassie on her lap, quietly reading her a story. I brought them juice boxes and chicken strips. Taylor's mother moved around, greeting guests, thanking them for their various expressions of sympathy.

The only thing missing from the scene was Adam.

I slipped from family room to dining room to kitchen but saw no sign of him until I spotted a cloud of smoke billowed past the kitchen window. I grabbed a bottle of beer, slid open the patio doors in the family room and stepped out on to the deck where Adam sat on the steps, staring at a cigarette burning in his hand.

Wordlessly, I handed him the beer. He twisted off the top, took a swig, all without looking at me. I wished he’d let me in, talk to me, tell me what he was thinking, but that wasn’t Adam’s style. I squeezed his shoulder and turned to go. A hand clutched mine and I froze. He didn’t want me to go? But why won’t he talk to me?

Adam blew out a long sigh. With my heart aching, I sat beside him, my hand still caught in his. I stole a look at him from under my lashes. His eyes were wet. Oh, my poor Adam. He finished the cigarette, snubbed it out in whatever drink had filled the red disposable cup beside him. He tipped the beer again and then offered me the bottle. I took a sip, coughed, and handed it back to him, delighted to see a curl to his lip.

“Light weight.” His voice was a harsh rasp. “You look nice.” When my eyebrows shot up, he managed half a laugh. “Yeah. A compliment. I’m losing my edge.” Another swig from the bottle. His eyes slid shut. “God, Eden, I’m sorry. About what I said the other night. I’m so sorry.”

Tears burned my throat and I pressed my face into his shoulder. “No. No, Adam. It’s my fault. All of this is my fault.”

He wrapped an arm around me, pressed his lips to my head. We stayed like that for a long moment. “It was her, Eden.” He whispered against my hair. “She took that money.”

Oh, no. I lifted my head.

“She admitted it. She’d taken the money to buy me a birthday present.”

A dozen questions circled my mind. His mother spoke to him? But that had to be -- oh. “Why? Why would she let you take the blame?”

“He…he beat her, Eden.” His face turned thunderous. “I never knew. He was careful not to leave visible marks. He threatened us – me, Amanda.”

And then he laughed.

“You know, she put the money back, figuring that would be the end of all the drama. But it only made it worse. She slipped the twenty-dollar bills into the wrong sock. In his eyes, that confirmed my guilt. In the end, she thought it was safer for me to be out of that house.”

Oh, God. She’d protected him. All this time, she’d been protecting him while he thought she’d abandoned him. My poor Adam.

I took his hand and squeezed. “She did love you. Always.”

He sucked in a breath and nodded. “Yeah.” A brilliant smile. “She did.” He swigged more beer. “I think she did the same thing Thursday night.””

I stiffened. Ray.

“She woke up for about half an hour. Got to say goodbye. Said, ‘I wouldn’t tell him where you were, Adam’ and I knew what it meant, Eden.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “She took another beating for me.” He shook his head with a frown. “I wish-“ but he left the thought unsaid.

“What?”

“Forget it. Wishing’s a waste of time.”

What? No. I didn’t believe that. I wrapped my arms around him. “No. No, Adam. It’s human.”

He curled a hand into my hair and hugged back. “Eden, I’m sorry. This… it’s all my fault, not yours. That detective. Nolan. He says this Ray guy sees me as a threat. He was content to just…… just admire you, stare at your pictures, send you a gift or a text once in a while. And then I-“

He pushed away and got to his feet. “I thought I could scare him. Put some Army fear into the little pervert.” He shook his head, staring at the crisply manicured yard. “Instead, I engaged him in a battle I can’t even fight.” He waved a hand over his leg. “I brought this asshole right to my family’s doorstep. My mother, my sister, my niece. And then, I gave him the balls to ring your goddamn doorbell and scare the hell out of you. And if all that wasn’t fucked up enough, I pissed him way the hell off so not even the sainted Detective Nolan can guess what he’s gonna do next.”

He raised the beer bottle, stared at me over the rim. “What the hell are you still doing here?”

I love you.

He took another swig. “Seriously, Eden. Why are you still hanging around me?”

I sucked in a breath for bravery. “Truth?”

He inclined his head.

“I… um. Well, I love you.”

Adam’s entire body went still. The bottle slipped from his hand, fell to the deck with a dull thud, spilling out a foam tide. I righted it, afraid to take my eyes off him. There was a flash of white – a smile, I think – that put the light back in his eyes. Slowly, he moved toward me and my belly dropped. He pulled my hand to his face, pressed a kiss into my open palm. I cupped his cheek, watched his eyes crinkle. “Say it again.” He whispered.

Braver now, I repeated. “I love you.”

The crinkles deepened, reached his mouth, curled those lips into that rare Adam smile, the kind that showed dimples. “You’re the only person not related to me to ever say that.”

I knew the feeling. Maddie was the only one who’d ever said those words to me. “Yeah. Same here.”

The smile slowly faded. He drew the hand on his face up and around his neck. His hands curled around my ribcage, his thumbs igniting a trail of sparks wherever they pressed. His mouth finally touched mine and time stopped.

This.

Oh, this, right here, this was a kiss to get lost in. To drown in. I’d kissed Adam how many times before? Each one seared, branded my soul. But this one was different. Something changed. Shifted. The blood in my veins pulsed to the beat of his heart. My breaths were his, his were mine.

And I knew.

I knew I’d marry him and follow him everywhere and live in base housing because I knew Adam loved me back. I could go to nursing school where ever we’d end up or just find any job to keep me busy until he was home again. We’d take care of each other, be there for each other through the treatments and surgeries, through the pain and it would be incredible.

It would be perfect.

I was grinning, smiling through his kiss and when he pulled back to look at me, I thought my heart would split open and overflow. Dark eyes looked down at me with the most bewildered expression.

“Eden. There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you.”

You love me. I already know.

“I tried to tell you in the car, on the way home from the hearing.”

Yes, yes, I know.

“And I wanted to tell you so many times since then, but-“

The right moment. I get it. Tell me now!

“Eden. I-“

The sliding doors opened with a soft hiss and Adam’s head whipped to his left.

“Well. Isn’t this cozy.”

Belinda.

What was that tone in her voice? Sarcastic, condescending. Malicious.

Belinda plastered on the best phony smile I’d ever seen off the runway. “Oh, Adam,” she frowned. “I am so sorry about your mom. Taylor told me everything. So horrible that she died because of Eden.” The hot jealous gleam in her eyes confused me.

Adam’s eyes went arctic but Belinda went on. “I have to admit, it kind of surprised me to see you two making out like that. Isn’t it hard looking at the person who got your mother killed?”

What the hell was she doing?

“That’s enough.” I said quietly.

“Enough? No, I don’t think it’s enough at all. Why the hell did you tell that detective I know who your stalker is?”

Indignation rose like bile. “I didn’t. He asked who knew I liked Nickelback.”

She scoffed. “Yeah. Right.”

Adam cocked an eyebrow. “Nickelback? What about them?”

“The note. It was a song lyric.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that?”

I shrugged helplessly and Adam made a sound of disgust.

“So.” Belinda clapped her hands together. “When’s the wedding?”

Adam’s jaw dropped.

“Oh, sorry. I figured you’d popped the question already.”

I stared at Belinda, horrified. Have you lost your mind?

“Eden didn’t tell you? Maddie’s crazy about you, Adam. Thinks you’re the perfect guy for her little angel. You’re a national hero. You’’ll boost her image, give her that right mix of sympathy and admiration to kick-start her stalled career. Plus, you’re going back overseas, which will leave Eden free to do whatever jobs Maddie gets for her.” She smiled, a mean curve of her lips. “Eden always does whatever Mommy asks, right, Eden?”

The light in her eyes changed. Not jealousy. Glee.

She was enjoying this. 

I wanted to grab her and shake her until her bones rattled. I wanted to scream and shout, What happened to you? When her dad was killed, I comforted her. I was there when she got that concussion in gym class falling off the balance beam and I was the one who drove her home when she got drunk for the first time. I didn’t deserve this.

“Why?” I choked. “Why would you say that?”

“Why?” She tossed her hair back and waved a hand at Adam. “Because he’s been through enough. He deserves someone who’s with him because she really loves him, not because her mother says it’s good for her image.”

Adam flinched.

Oh, God.

A ball of dread curled in my gut but I turned on her. “Bee, I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing, but this is it for me. I’m done.” I knuckled away tears. “I’ve tried over and over again to make things up to you, to apologize for whatever it is that I did, but you won’t even talk about it. I deserve better.”

I sucked in a breath and turned to Adam.

“You believe her. I saw you. And now I can see it in your eyes, Adam. You believe her.” I stared at him hard. “After all the times you admitted you were wrong about me. After everything I just told you, you believe her.” I wanted so badly to touch and took a step back to make sure I wouldn’t. “I thought you were so brave but I was wrong, Adam. You’re afraid. Nothing I can do or say will change that.”

If I thought he flinched before, he jolted like he’d been shocked now. I waited for him to argue, to deny, to show me I was wrong.

Adam. Please.

He stared at me like he’d never seen me before.

I let out a breath. And then I heard Maddie’s voice, repeating her ‘Nobody will love you but me’ speech. Only this time, I believed it. With crystal clarity, I concluded I always had. There was a dull and heavy ache in my chest, a reminder – no, a haunting of the life I used to have, the one I stopped wanting a long time ago. It suddenly hit me it was the only life I would get. The ache in my chest grew heavier, the need to step closer to Adam, to touch him, grew sharper.

I stepped back. Home. I needed to be home. My legs were encased in concrete. I forced another step out of them. Belinda grabbed my arm and I wrenched out of her grasp.

“I did nothing, Belinda! Nothing that deserves this.”

Belinda’s face twisted. “That’s right! You did nothing, Eden. Absolutely nothing.”

“Did you want to die that night? Is that why you’re so mad at me?”

When her expression turned thunderous, I left her there with Adam.

I did not look back.

“Stay here. I’ll make you some tea.” Maddie tucked me into the sofa with the soft chenille throw and clicked on her high heels into the kitchen. She made it look so effortless, like they’d been born on her feet. She loved it all – the heels, the make-up, the posing, the strutting – she loved modeling with a devotion I never had. And now, never would.

Suddenly, she was back, a cup of hot steaming tea in her hands. I had no how long she was gone. She sat beside me, pulled me against her, stroked my hair.

“Eden, sip this.”

The hot tea warmed a path down to my stomach. I stretched out on the sofa. Maddie put the cup beside her on the end table and tugged the blanket under my chin.

“Maddie, it’s like seventy-five degrees out.”

“You’re still shaking. Are you ready to tell me what happened, darling?”

“It’s hopeless.”

“Shh, nothing’s hopeless unless you give up. Why don’t you tell me what happened and I’ll tell you if it’s hopeless.”

I drew in a shaky breath. “It’s Belinda. And Adam.”

Maddie’s mouth tightened at the sound of her name. “She’s no friend of yours, Eden.”

I nodded. “I know.”I just couldn't accept it.

“What did she do?”

“She went to Adam today. She interrupted a perfect moment. I… well, I just finished telling Adam I was in love with him.”

Maddie’s china-blue eyes widened and then filled with pain. But she said nothing, so I continued.

“She started spewing all this… this venom about Adam and me and you-“

“Me?”

I grimaced. “She told Adam the only reason I was with him is because you thought he’d be good for my career.”

Her eyes went to slits. “And he believed that?”

“Yes. Why wouldn’t he? He spent years believing his own mother didn’t love him. I’m sure doubting I do comes just as easy.”

She drew my feet onto her lap and rubbed them. “Eden, I’m so sorry.”

“Why does she hate me so much, Mom, why?”

Maddie shook her head. “She’s jealous, Eden. She can’t compete with you, nobody can, sweetheart.”

I sniffled, a wet sound of disgust. “She doesn’t have to, mom. She never did. I never flirted with her boyfriend. I never stole anybody from her!” Maddie handed me the box of tissues I never noticed she’d put on the end table and I blew my nose. “Mom, when we fought that night, she was so…bitter. It was like we were never friends at all.”

Maddie nodded. “I know.”

And something in her tone assured me she did. I stared at her, waited for her to tell me. “It’s… our curse.” She smiled and it was a real smile full of emotion, not one of her practiced pageant grins. It was also full of sadness. “There’s a reason I have no friends. Few lovers. Baby, I learned a long time ago there’s no one, no one but me who will ever know what’s in my heart… until you were born.”

A tear rolled down her face. “I knew from the minute I saw you, what your life would be like. It’s why I started you modeling in the first place.” She looked at me with a wry grin. “You know what I wanted to be when I was a little girl?”

“Miss America.”

She laughed. “No. Not even close. I wanted to be a diplomat. I wanted to study international governments, learn new languages, and influence peace.”

My eyes popped. I…I never knew. “Why didn’t you?”

She shrugged. “You know why. I was too pretty.” And she giggled. I was pretty sure I’d never heard Maddie’s giggle. “You’re the only one I can say that too without being called conceited.” She quickly sobered and continued. “No one took me seriously. I was constantly treated as if I were sleeping my way through whoever I had to work with – teachers, bosses, ambassadors, even senators. Men are afraid of me and women despise me.” She shut her eyes but not before I saw the futility etched in them.

“Even Dr. Nielsen?”

At the sound of his name, her expression shifted to joy. “No. Not him. Maybe it’s a maturity thing, I don’t know. But he’s different.”

I nodded. “I’m glad.” Because I did understand.

“When you were born and it was clear that you’d be far more beautiful than I ever was, I decided early on to start you on a career path where your beauty would be an asset, not a liability. I didn’t want anybody ever treating you like a whore, I didn’t want girls to punish you for their own lack of confidence and I never wanted men to look at you as the high point in their sexual histories.”

I sat up for a moment to squeeze her hand. All of that had pretty much happened anyway. But now I understood why she pushed me so hard.

“But you were never happy doing that work.” She nudged my leg with her shoulder and my mouth fell open. “Don’t look so surprised. You haven’t exactly been subtle about it. So tell me. What it is that you want to be?”

I stared at my mother, astonished. “You’ve never asked me that before.”

“Well, as long as I can’t convince you to try cosmetic surgery-“

“You can’t.”

“Then, I’d really like to know.”

I took in a deep breath. “Um. Nursing school, mom. I want to be a nurse. And work in the burn unit.”

Maddie stared at me and slowly nodded. “Okay.” She sat up a bit straighter, smiled. “Okay. Stay here.” She got up and left the room, came back a few minutes later with some papers in her hand. She sat down, handed them to me.

“What’s this?”

“Open it.”

I unfolded the papers. They were bank statements, I think. For an account with some money. I flipped to the last page. Uh, a lot of money. I flipped back the first page and read the documents this time. My name was on them. My lips moved as I read. God. Oh, my God.

“You… you started a trust fund.”

“Yes.”

“But you told me there was nothing… no money for college.”

“Yes. I was hoping you’d change your mind. But I see now that it’s made up. You know it’s going to be difficult, right? Even more difficult than school’s been for you so far. Belinda… she’s just the beginning.”

I nodded, not sure I understood anything anymore.

“Then it’s yours.”

My hands shook and the papers I was clutching flapped in the air. “You… really mean that?”

“There’s more.” She handed me another envelope. It was marked with the logo of a college I’d applied to. “This came earlier this week. I opened it because I just had to know.” One look at her sheepish expression and any ire I felt disappeared.

“You got in, baby.”

I stared, agape, at the letter in my hand. Oh, my God. I did it. I got accepted.

And I wanted to call Adam and share the great news and got depressed all over again. Instead, I reached over and hugged my mother.

“Love you, mom.”

“I love you too, baby.” She squeezed back and I heard the hitch in her voice. “Now come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

I followed Maddie into the kitchen and let her scorch me some toast.

I ate every last crumb.

On Monday, I drove to school in my loaner car, ignored pretty much everyone until I heard someone call my name.

“Oh. Hey, Taylor.” I muttered without enthusiasm.

“Oh, Eden. I’m so sorry. Amanda and I have been trying to make him see all night, but he’s-“

“Bull-headed.” I couldn’t help the grin that lifted my lips and she rolled her eyes. “I know.” And when the pain stabbed through my heart again, as it did whenever I remembered the way he’d stood there, I gasped.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Taylor took my hand and squeezed. “Come on. Let’s cut class. We’ll go treat ourselves to a mani/pedi, eat too much ice cream and watch chick flicks and bawl.”

I looked at her with wide terrified eyes. “Is that what girls do after a break-up?”

Taylor shrugged. “Usually works for me.”

“Thanks but I can’t cut anymore school. I have tons to make up as it is.”

“I’ll help you. We’ll suffer through today, I’ll come home with you after school and help. Then we can watch chick flicks and bawl.”

Ridiculously touched, I stared at Taylor.

“Breathe, Eden. It’ll be okay.” She smiled. “I’ll meet you at your locker for lunch.”

A nod was all I could manage.

Four periods later, we weaved our way through the lunch crowd to a quiet table in the back of the cafeteria. I took a bite of whatever sandwich I’d bought and sat back. My mind drifted. I saw Adam’s cold dark eyes bore through me and shuddered.

“Eden.” Taylor’s hand grasped mine. “It’ll be okay. He’ll come to his senses.””

I snatched my hand away like she’d burned me all over again. “I’m sure he will. But I won’t be waiting around for that to happen.”

Taylor stared silently at her water bottle for a long moment. “You… you don’t really mean that. You’re insanely in love.”

“Past tense. Now, all I am is bitter.” I turned on her, abruptly furious. “How could he do that, Taylor? How could he believe her so easily? He loves me, I know he does. But he never said it.” My voice cracked and I pulled myself together, sucking in great gulps of air, forcing them past the lump that had been in my throat for days. “He knows Belinda hates me. He knows why she hates me. But he still believed her over me.” The pain of that simple truth cut me in terrible gaping and bloody strips.

“Because you scare him.” Taylor murmured.

I snapped my head up. “Scare him?” It was laughable. Impossible. Adam, the big brave soldier, afraid of a little girl like me? Adam, the gravely injured man fighting the odds to keep his leg and walk without aid?

“Yes, scare.” Taylor insisted. “Do you know the story behind why he enlisted?”

I shrugged, nodded. “He said he got kicked out of his house when his mother remarried.”

Taylor sighed, shook her head. “Should have known that was the only part he’d tell you.”

“There’s more?”

With a roll of her eyes, she said, “Oh, a lot more.”

Did I want to hear it? Every mention of his name was like another kick to my gut, another twist of the knife he’d thrust through my heart.

“My uncle, Adam’s dad, was killed during Desert Storm.”

I gasped. “Let me guess… Army infantry?”

Taylor pursed her lips and nodded, a single jerk of her head. “Got it in one. Adam was a year old and doesn’t remember him.” She shook her head with a rueful smile. “When my aunt remarried, Adam didn’t take it well. He was about thirteen, maybe fourteen. There was a lot of arguing. He was cutting school, getting into fights, even got arrested a few times. When they kicked him out of the house, Amanda says he enlisted to flip off his mother but I don’t think that’s true. I think he did it because he wanted a connection with at least one of his parents, you know?”

I looked down at the food I hardly tasted. I could understand Adam’s reaction. I never knew my father, either. I didn’t even know his name. I wished for, even craved, any detail, no matter how insignificant, about my father’s life, personality, mannerisms –– something – anything- that would make me feel connected to him. But knowing trivial stuff about his dad would never be enough for Adam. He’d want more.

It made sense.

And hurt that much more.

Time dragged its ass slowly forward the way it does when you’re someplace you wish you weren’t. I endured the stares and whispers, the cold shoulders, even the occasional teacher calling on me. Finally, the day ended.

My phone buzzed.

It was the first time in days it had shown any signs of life. I lurched for it, my heart thudding in my chest. A text message from a number I didn’t know. My heart fell like a deflated balloon.

I want to see you. Tonight. Come alone or I will do something you’ll regret.

My poor heart kicked into over-drive while I forwarded the message to Detective Nolan, as he’d instructed me. I did not reply. Seconds later, the phone range.

“Detective Nolan, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“Eden, you did the right thing. Do not reply to him. Do not engage him. Just send me all messages, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Check your email, too. I’m sending a patrol to your house. Are you home yet?”

“No.”

“Don’t. Come straight here, to the precinct. If he’s nearby, that’ll spook him.”

“Okay. School just ended. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

I reached the loaner car, surprised to find Taylor there, smiling and waving.

Oh. Right.

“Taylor, I’m sorry. I can’t. I have to see Detective Nolan.”

The grin dripped off her face. “What happened?”

“I got another text. I’m heading straight to the precinct.”

“Go straight home and be careful. Please, Taylor. I don’t know what this creep’s next move will be.”

She nodded and suddenly grabbed me in a hug that hurt. “You, too.” She ran off to grab the bus before it pulled away.

The phone buzzed again.

I’m waiting. Thought you might be interested to know where.

There was an image attached. I scrolled down, waited for it to load, and felt my mouth turn to cotton.

Belinda’s house. Jesus, no.

I called Belinda. Naturally, she did not pick up. I tried Ashley but she, too, refused to pick up. I scrolled through my contacts list, frantically searched for someone who knew Belinda and was also still talking to me. Matt Lambert. I waited for the call to connect.

“Eden? What’s up?”

“Matt! It’s an emergency. Listen, I don’t have time to explain but you have to call Belinda right now. Tell her not to go home. He’s waiting for her. The guy who’s stalking me is waiting for her.”

“What? Eden, come on.”

“Matt, I’m really not joking around here. Belinda’s still pissed at me and won’t answer the phone. If you call, she will.”

“Uh. Doubt that.”

“Try. Please, just try.”

“Whatever.”

Matt ended the call. My phone buzzed again and my heart jumped, taking my stomach on the joy ride with it.

Adam. Oh, God, it’s Adam.

“Eden. Taylor told me what’s going on. Where are you?”

Oh. Taylor told him.

“The school parking lot.” I started the loaner car.

“Stay there. I’m coming to get you.” Soldier Adam was taking command.

“No.”

He waited a beat. “No?”

“No, Adam. I don’t need you.”

I heard his sharp breath. “Fuck that. I’m coming to get you.”

“Look. You do whatever you need. I won’t be here.” I pulled into traffic.

“Goddamn it, Eden, stop acting childish. This guy’s a whack job and we know what he’s capable of. I don’t want you by yourself.”

By myself? I choked out a laugh. “Adam, by myself is how I’m going to live my life. May as well get used to it now.”

More cursing.

My phone beeped. “I have to go.”

“Go where?” He growled.

“I’m going to the precinct. Detective Nolan is aware of the situation.”

“Situation? What situation?” Adam’s voice went low.

“You’ve made it clear – painfully clear – that my situations are no longer your concern.”

“No. I didn’t. You’re the one who walked, Eden.”

I exploded. “Why would I stay, Adam? Why would I want to stare at that look on your face for one more second than I had to?”

“Eden, I was surprised. That’s all. Doesn’t change a thing.”

Right. Only my heart.

“Adam, you believed her. Every flippin’ word she said, you believed.”

“You said you love me. I believed that, too.”

I waited for the rush of anger to ebb. “Are you suggesting I lied, too?” I whispered.

“No! Damn it, Eden, stop twisting everything. I’m saying we both over-reacted, okay?”

Again, my phone buzzed.

“I have to go.”

“Eden, no, don’t-“

I ended the call. When I stopped for a red light, I checked the display. Two more messages.

I’M WAITING.

All caps. If I didn’t get that point, the second message was designed to assure that I did.

My new friend and I wait for you to join us.

This message had another image attached. Belinda, her mouth bloodied, her eyes frightened, stared back at me. The panic rose on a swell and then, the phone rang.

Oh, fuck.