“No, Roman.” Logan growled out, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Why not?!” Roman exclaimed. “It’s a good idea!”

“We don’t have access to cannons!” Logan snapped, looking up at him. “The plot of your play isn’t possible!” 

“We use props, Logan! Obviously I wasn’t talking about real cannons!” Roman groaned, exasperated. 

Janus sighed, running a tired hand across his face.

They had been at this cafe for about two hours now, and most of the time was spent shooting down half of Roman’s ideas, Remus occasionally pitching in. This idea wasn’t actually half bad, but Logan seemed to not understand how props worked.

“I-I thought it was a good idea.” Patton piped up. Logan looked at him with an expression that vaguely resembled disgust.

“You are such a suck-up.” 

“What?!” Patton exclaimed, furrowing his brow. “I’m not a--!” 

“Yes, you are.” Virgil spoke up, playing with the straw of his drink. 

“It’s a good idea, though!” Patton insisted.

“Thank you, Patton! At least someone appreciates what my imagination can do!” Roman huffed, blowing a piece of hair out of his face. 

“It’s not plausible, Roman! We have no cannons!” Logan snapped.

“Listen, Logan, I don’t see you giving us any ideas!” Roman exclaimed. “You just sit there and criticize mine! I will not stand for it!” As if to directly contradict what he just said, Roman stood up and slammed his hands onto the table.

“Let’s all calm down.” Janus tried to intervene. “Roman, sit down. Logan, you are being a little harsh.”

“I’m--” Logan cut himself off, releasing a heavy and agitated sigh.

“Hmph.” Roman turned up his nose, but sat back down in his chair. 

“I get it, okay? We’re all a little stressed, we’ve all been here for a long time, let’s just take a breather.” Janus told them as calmly as he could. “Maybe we should try this again tomorrow?”

“We don’t have time to try this again tomorrow.” Logan frowned, crossing his arms. “We’re on a time limit, Janus. We can’t afford to come up with nothing today.” 

“Which is why I’m saying we go with the pirate prompt.” Roman told them. “It’ll work, I know it will!” 

“The cannons, Roman.” Logan growled.

“Do you know what a prop is?!” Roman snapped. “We use a fake cannon, obviously!” 

“Woah--hey. Calm.” Janus placed a hand on Roman’s shoulder. He looked over at Logan. “We aren’t going to get anywhere by being rude to each other. Now, Logan, calmly explain what you’re thinking.”

Logan hesitated, before adjusting his glasses. “I understand that we aren’t using real cannons, I’m not an idiot.” He scowled. “I’m saying that there’s no way we can acquire a cannon that will be able to shoot cannon balls before the deadline.”

Roman huffed. “I’m not saying the cannon needs to be able to shoot cannon balls. We could just find sound effects.” Roman looked away, clearly embarrassed about this whole situation. “It’s a good play, we don’t need real cannons to make it amazing.”

“Good!” Janus gave them both a smile. “See? Was that so hard?” 

“Why are you acting like my mom?” Virgil asked Janus, resting his head on his hand. “This feels patronizing. They’re not five.” He took a sip out of his drink.

“If they act like five year olds, I’m going to treat them like five year olds.” Janus replied, not even glancing at Roman and Logan. 

“So, are we doing the pirate play?” Remus spoke up. “I kinda hope not, watching you two argue was funny.” 

“Shut up, Remus.” Roman and Logan said in unison. 

“Touchy, touchy.” Remus mumbled, crossing his arms.

“Are we doing the pirate play?” Patton asked, tilting his head. “Because it sounds really interesting.”

Roman glanced at Logan, who sighed. “Fine.”

“Yes!” Roman cheered, nearly falling out of his chair in excitement.

“Okay, we need to assign roles.” Logan hummed. “Roman, it’s your play. You get to deci--”

“Patton is Charlie Ellison, Logan is Arlo Merlo, Remus is Azrail Monday, Janus is Halloran, I am James Droit, and Virgil is Dante Monday.” Roman listed off without hesitation.

“What are these names?” Logan murmured to Janus, who shrugged. 

“You seemed to have already had roles in mind for us.” Virgil rose a brow. “Explain yourself, Princey.”

“Charles Ellison!” Roman struck a dramatic pose. “Our main character! An explorer with a heart of gold!” He grinned at them. “A little naive at times, but always ends up doing the right thing. Played by the lovely Patton.” Roman winked at Patton, who choked on his own spit. 

“Okay, that makes sense.” Janus nodded. “Go on.”

“Arlo Merlo!” Roman struck another pose. “The loyal sidekick to Charles Ellison, as well as his guide and source of most knowledge! Presented to us by Logan.” 

“Whatever.” Logan said, writing down all the roles in his notebook. 

“Then we have Halloran, the rugged pirate, who’s life’s goal is to defeat the Monday brothers.” Roman told them. “That’s Janus.”

“I feel like I know what’s coming.” Virgil growled.

“Azrail Monday, the dastardly pirate, who steals and kills wherever he goes. He is accompanied by Dante Monday, his incompetent brother. Played by Remus and Virgil respectively.” Roman deadpanned, not even the bare hint of a smile on his face.  

“Of course.” Virgil grumbled, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. 

“A murderer?! You know me so well, Ro-Bro!” Remus cooed, pinching his brother’s cheek. Roman scowled and slapped his arms away. 

“And who are you, Roman?” Logan glanced up at him. Roman smirked.

“I am so glad you asked.” 

“Here we go.” Virgil scoffed.

“James Droit!” Roman stood up, striking the most heroic pose possible. “Halloran’s best friend, the most handsome man in the world!” Roman laughed. “Not really. But he is very handsome! He is very charismatic.” Roman ran a hand through his hair, giving them all a suave smile. “And is also very good at sword fighting, archery, weightlifting, horseback riding, poetry--”

“We get it.” Janus cut in. 

“So!” Roman clapped his hands together, sitting back down. “Questions? Concerns? Comments?” 

Virgil raised his hand. “Can I change my role?”

“No.” Roman laughed at him. “Any other questions?”

“Can we go home now?” Remus asked.

“Yes, we can.” Logan answered for Roman, closing his notebook. “Roman, I’m assuming you’ve already begun writing a script?” 

Roman didn’t answer, already standing up. “Let’s go, Rem.” He told his brother. “Thank you all for this delightful experience! I’ll see you again tomorrow.” He gave them a wink. “Goodbye, my lovelies. Except for you, Jack Smellington.” He spat at Virgil.

Virgil scowled at him. “Eat shit.”  

With that, Roman turned his heel and left the cafe. 

“Janus,” Remus began, standing up as well. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” He told him quietly. 

Janus couldn’t bring his mouth to form a reply, just staring up at Remus blankly. 

Remus sighed, before turning and leaving as well. 

A/N:

This chapter do be boring tho