#PTG26 Chapter 26

"Kier..."

I kept on calling his name, but he wasn't moving. Nanginginig ang buong sistema ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Tumingin ako sa paligid, pero puro kaguluhan lang ang nakita ko. Puro basag na gamit... sirang mga upuan... at ang hawak kong kutsilyo.

"Kier..." I called again, tears streaming from my eyes. I tried to wake him up, but nothing I did work. He wasn't moving... and I felt fear.

Sinubukan kong tumayo. Ilang beses. Paulit-ulit na bumibigay ang aking mga tuhod. Pero hindi ako huminto. I needed to call someone. I needed help. I didn't know what was happening anymore.

"What?" galit na sagot ni Anj nang magawa ko siyang tawagan. "I'm still pissed at you."

"Anj..." I said, my eyes on Kier. On his bloodied body. Fuck. My whole being was shaking. My chest was tightening.

"Kitty? What's wrong?" she asked, noticing the difference in my voice. My eyes wouldn't leave Kier. Blood was pooled around his body. Sinubukan kong magsalita... pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan. Hindi ko alam kung paano ipapaliwanag.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari.

"I..." I began, but words failed me. "I..."

"What? What's happening? You're making me worried!"

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. Pilit na huminga nang malalim.

"I think... I think Kier's dead."

"What?!"

My hands were shaking as I tried to reach out to him again. He... he wasn't breathing.

"I think... I killed him."

Silence enveloped us both. Pinipilit ko ang sarili ko na kumalma. Pilit na inalala ang mga nangyari, pero wala akong mabalikan. Everything happened so fast.

"Okay. Shit. Fuck. You're the lawyer. What the fuck do we do?!"

Hindi ako maka-sagot. Pinipilit kong paganahin ang utak ko, pero hindi ko magawa. Ni hindi ko magawang ialis ang mga mata ko sa katawan ni Kier. Sa dugo. Sa kutsilyo. Wala na siya. Hindi... hindi na siya humihinga... hindi gumagalaw...

"Katherine! For God's sake, now's not the time to be scared! Nasaan ka ba?!" she shouted from the other line.

I couldn't feel anything but fear.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of the uncertainty.

I didn't know what happened.

I didn't know what I did.

"In Batangas," I replied. "It's the one I told you before..." sagot ko.

"Okay. Stay in this line, okay? 'Wag mong ibababa. I'll just get the other phone para matawagan si Matt. Alam ko nandyan siya sa Tagaytay. He's near," she said before another stretch of silence enveloped me.

* * *

Everyone was asking me questions. Everyone was expecting for answers. I got none. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginawa ko. They kept on telling me that I killed Kier... maybe I did. Hindi ko alam.

"Mrs. Ramirez."

Agad akong napa-tingin sa pulis sa harapan ko. Alam ko na nauubusan na siya ng pasensya sa akin. Wala akong maisagot. Wala akong sagot sa bawat tanong nila.

"I want my lawyer," I repeated. I wasn't in the right disposition. I didn't know what I'd say.

But... but if I killed Kier...

"Tinawagan na namin iyong ibinigay mong number, pero hindi sumasagot. Wala ka bang ibang pwedeng tawagan?"

Hinawakan ko ang sarili kong kamay, pilit na nagmakaawa sa sarili ko na tatagan ang sarili. I shouldn't break. Not right now. Not after everything that I've been through.

"Can you please try again?" pakiusap ko. Atty. Villegas was my only lawyer. I knew I couldn't call our other lawyers. Alam ko na lahat sila ay sa pamilya ni Kier. They weren't mine.

"Kanina ko pa nga tinatawagan. Kung wala kang abogado, pwede kang—"

"Si Kier..." mahina kong sabi.

Hindi agad naka-sagot iyong pulis. Mukha siyang naaawa sa akin. Pero dapat ba akong kaawaan? Paano kung nagawa ko nga iyon? Hindi isang beses lang na pumasok sa isip ko na gumanti sa lahat ng ginagawa niya sa akin... Natatakot ako na baka nagawa ko nga. Na baka gaya niya, bigla na lang ding nagdilim ang paningin ko.

"Misis, may iba pa ba kayong abogado?" imbes ay tanong niya.

"Please..." I pleaded. "Ano'ng nangyari sa kanya?"

He sighed. "Papagalitan ako nito, e," bulong niya. "Patay na. Iyon lang pwede kong sabihin sa ngayon. Ikaw, sumagot ka naman. May iba ka pa bang abogado o ano? Malilintikan ako nito. Kanina pa dito, hindi ka pa rin ma-process."

Parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ang buong pagkatao ko.

Patay na siya.

Ng ganon lang.

Biglang hindi ako maka-hinga.

Mabilis akong inabutan ng tubig, pero hindi ko magawang inumin iyon. Nahihilo ang buong pagkatao ko. Hindi ko magawang ipasok sa isip ko ang lahat ng mga nangyari.

"Misis, kumalma ka muna."

"...can I please talk to my friend?"

"Pasensya na, hindi pwede, e. Abogado mo lang ang pwede ngayon. Wala ka ba talaga? Pwede naman kasi kaming magbigay kung wala ka."

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. May isang maliit na boses na bumubulong sa akin, pero pilit ko iyong iwinawaglit.

"I'll call someone," I answered.

They wouldn't let me see anyone. They wouldn't even let me get take off the clothes I was wearing. I could smell the blood. I could still feel Kier on my body. It's as if I could hear his voice, feel his skin.

He's dead... but he's still around.

"Kitty!" nag-aalalang tawag ni Deanne nang bumukas ang pinto sa detention area. "Bakit siya naka-posas?" tanong niya sa pulis. Hindi agad naka-sagot ito dahil sa gulat sa talas ng boses ni Deanne. "Naka-file na ba kayo ng kaso? Hindi pa, 'di ba?" pagpapatuloy niya habang naka-taas ang kilay. Walang nagawa iyong pulis kung hindi sumunod sa kanya.

Hindi ako makapagsalita. Patuloy pa rin sa pagbalik ang isip ko sa mga nangyari. It had been a long night. Pakiramdam ko ay papasikat na ang araw... Ngunit hindi pa rin ako makaramdam ng pagod. Gusto ko lang malaman ang nangyayari, pero walang gustong sumagot sa mga tanong ko.

Nang iwan kami ng pulis ay mabilis na naupo si Deanne sa upuan sa harap ko. Bakas ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya.

"I'm sorry ngayon lang ako."

I smiled. "I'm thankful you still answered the call."

Umawang ang labi niya. "Kitty..." she said.

I forced the smile to remain. "No... I know the situation. Just... just be honest with me. What is happening?" I asked her.

Deanne took a deep breath. I knew she pitied me, but pity was the last thing that I needed right now. I wanted to know what was happening—needed to know what was happening.

"Nothing's concrete yet. The investigation's still underway. But so far, parricide's the case."

Agad kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko, at humugot nang malalim na hininga.

"Kier's family?"

"I don't know. News blackout. They didn't want to get involved... After the other Ramirez's case just got dismissed..." sagot niya.

I knew that they were probably condemning me to hell. They never liked me for their son. But Kier was stubborn. He married me despite their objections.

And now he's dead.

Maybe they were right.

I bring nothing but death.

Kagaya nila Mama. Ngayon, si Kier.

"Kitty," tawag niya sa pangalan ko. "I'm not a criminal lawyer. I want to help you, but I don't think I'll be a big help."

I smiled. "You coming here is already a big help," I said. No one dared to answer my call for help. Everyone knew me when Kier was still alive... but now that he's dead, I knew no one wanted to do anything with me.

No one wanted to get on the bad side of the Ramirez.

"Pero seryoso, wala ka bang ibang pwedeng matawagan?"

Umiling ako. "No one's answering."

Kita ko ang galit sa mga mata niya. "Fuckers. Magagaling lang talaga ang mga tao kapag may kailangan."

Pilit akong ngumiti. "Can you help me? I want to talk to my friend."

Bumungtong-hininga siya. "Fine, I'll see what I can do... but you have to remember na kakausapin ka na ng prosecutor. We need to straighten your story."

Tumango ako. "I... I can't remember what happened."

She pressed her lips. "You have to remember... or else, the prosecution will tell the story. You're not guilty, Kitty."

"...but what if I am?"

She reached for my hand, and held it. "You're innocent until proven guilty. Stop thinking that you are. Let the prosecution do its job."

Iniwan ako ni Deanne para isipin ang mga nangyari... pero kahit na ano pa ang gawin ko, wala akong maalala. Ang huling nasa isip ko lang ay ang galit ni Kier sa akin dahil sa nakita niya. He was raging mad when he saw me taking pills. He pulled my hair. He pushed me around.

And then there was nothing.

I couldn't remember getting a knife.

I couldn't remember stabbing him.

I... I couldn't remember anything.

Mayamaya pa ay bumukas na muli ang pinto. Agad kong nakita ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Anj doon. Agad niya akong sinugod ng yakap.

"God, you're really good at making me worry!" she said, crushing me inside her arms. Nang yakapin niya ako ay saka lang nagsimulang tumulo ang mga luha. Para bang ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng karapatan na maging mahina. Dahil nandito na si Anj. Nandito na iyong mga kaibigan ko. Nandito na ang pamilya ko.

Anj wrapped me inside her arms until the tears subsided. Worry was etched on her face. And that alone was enough to tell me the gravity of the situation.

"Kitty, tell me. Ano'ng pwede naming gawin?" tanong niya. "Nandito kami. Lahat kami. Nasa labas lang sila. We're just waiting to hear kung ano ang pwedeng gawin."

"I... I don't know."

Her jaw clenched in anger. "You're a lawyer! I know you didn't practice, but you studied for years!" galit niyang sabi. "Tell us what we can do!"

Muling tumulo ang luha mula sa mga mata ko. Sa gitna ng lahat ng nangyayari, masaya ako na nandito siya. Na nandito sila.

"Can we get you out on bail?"

Umiiling na pinunasan ko ang luha ko. "No... It's parricide. It's non-bailable."

"Shit. Ibig sabihin dito ka lang?"

Tumango ako. "I'll be okay."

Umiling siya. "No. This is not okay. You didn't kill that devil of a husband! There must be some other explanation!"

"The knife was in my hand," I barely uttered.

She was adamant on shaking her head in disagreement. "Then someone must've put it in your hand. There's a reason. We won't give up."

Hindi na muli akong sumagot. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang paniniwalaan ko. Alam ko... alam ko na kaya kong gawin... iyon. Sa lalim ng galit ko sa lahat ng ginawa ni Kier sa akin, natatakot ako na nagawa ko nga.

He hurt me.

He made me suffer.

He made me wish he were dead.

"Deanne!" Anj said when Deanne got back. "Tell me, ano'ng pwede nating gawin para kay Kitty?"

"I told her to get a lawyer—a damn good one—because I just saw the whole Ramirez family outside... and they're out for blood, Kitty. They want you dead."

Takot na napa-tingin sa akin si Anj. Kita ko ang takot sa buong mukha niya. Takot para sa akin. Takot para sa maaaring mangyari sa akin. Ngunit hindi na bago sa akin ang lahat. Hindi na bago sa akin ang makaramdam ng takot para sa pamilya ni Kier.

"Jax... We have to call Jax..." Anj said, running outside, ignoring all my attempts to stop her.