Author's Note: This is the third lap, who knew? I can see some of my participants have been falling behind (I totally get that because I'm definitely pushing it with this update - pat yourself on the back because it's harder than any of us thought). Thank you everyone who thought this was a cool idea because you guys really make me not regret it.

02 • packages

Things had intensified enough already, and yet surprisingly so, I still had my underwear on and so did Blaise. I liked it like this, we were as wayward of lovers as they came, the words no longer fit to describe us. I'd never dare to remove what little clothing we had, and yet the intimacy of our exposed skins chafing against each other was enough to send delicious chills down my spine, ones I weren't ready to cease.

But all good things came to an end, and so did all the things that you couldn't morally place, like Blaise and I. It happened for us when I felt his fingers hook the waistband of my underwear as if he were to pull them down like he was so used to. And I would've had no problem with it, had it been someone else or if these circumstances were different than they were in the moment.

"Blaise," I said as my scooted backwards forcefully, ripping myself from his grasp. "We shouldn't do this."

He looked up at me in shock before realizing how just that one kiss by the door turned into us in only our underwear on the bed. If I were being kind to myself, I would say that it was his fault for reading into things too deeply, but when I asked him to kiss me, what was I supposed to expect? Maybe not everything that was seconds from happening, but what else happened when two years of tension and angst resurfaced?

"Alright," he said in a matter-of-factly voice, sitting up and climbing off my bed to fetch his clothes which were discarded all over the floor. "I think I have a class, so I'll be heading over there anyway."

I nodded - and could only nod - not wanting him to squander his academic prospects. I wasn't that selfish. "Make sure to grab your mail on the way out."

And as easily as he came, he left. Maybe things weren't that different after all.

♕ ♕ ♕

As much of a blabber mouth as I was, I was surprised that I lasted a week without telling my friends about when Blaise came over.

"I think it's a sign," Hayley said before taking a sip of hot chocolate. "You know what they say about love, it's best when delivered at your doorstep."

I never heard that, but then again, I didn't spend countless hours surfing through Pinterest boards and being a hopeless romantic. Maybe I was fitting of the hopeless part, but in this day and age, love was out of the question.

"You know what they also deliver to you, bills and taxes," Rachel said before Hayley could go on about any of her sappy mantras. "We can't just allow Lottie to walk down memory lane with one of her exes, especially Blaise the Bastard. She should be an independent, free woman."

"Which is why it's her choice to make and not ours," she responded back before turning to me and gripping my hand in hers. "Choose love, dear."

The door to Delish was opened, a cold gust of December air sweeping over the room and causing me to shiver. There was also a severity to this situation that I found overwhelming. Sure he was just one man and I had a while before I would need to be self-conscious about being alone because not having anyone would put me in danger, but Blaise could be so much more if he put forth the effort.

He had left me undone and unraveled and yet here he was again. Maybe he wasn't going to fix me directly, but having the right people in your life could feel like the hurt would go away. And it wouldn't be easy to get him back, not because of unwillingness to participate - that kiss was enough to tell me everything - but because I had no idea how long and how many times I could keep trying with him.

♕ ♕ ♕

You couldn't be saved from yourself, that much I knew.

I hadn't made any verbal declarations, but my heart was set on Rachel's advice, or at least a paraphrased version of it. Instead of kicking Blaise in a rather sensitive spot - oh, I would know - I decided it would be much more effective if I decided to sever all ties between us and be my own self.

Blaise was a force of nature, just like a storm, he had ruined me and in the midst of my rubble, he took my heart and casually left for London where bigger adventure waited and taller buildings were to be destroyed.

Of course, my head and my heart were always at war and I came to realize that my usual haul of letters around the Christmas season had diminished to zero and there had to be an explanation of some sort. At first, I thought I would almost call up my cousins and aunts and attempt to casually remind them that Christmas was approaching and I hadn't gotten a gift or a card yet, but I was stopped by a quick realization as well as the shock of the memories from last month.

Blaise and I's addresses were nearly identical, offset from each other by only the placement of one number. I would definitely have to find out who sorted our mail and have that person fired, because this was ridiculous. I understood how people needed their jobs, but when you couldn't do them properly, your mistakes put those who rely on you in danger.

It was the same with relationships and when you could no longer give your partner solace or satisfaction. There was always a time when you just needed to take flight and disappear. Blaise knew that better than anyone did.

But I wasn't like him, my situation was drastically more precarious. Because in the sense that Blaise was a storm, I couldn't fight him off. The sky was sure to darken one day and he would come down quick and strong like the rain.

That day happened to be today for I was standing outside of his door, currently waiting on him to open up. His hallway was eerily similar to mine, the same checkered tiling on the floors and white walls decorating it, his mail slot the same gilded plastic rectangle set into the wall, the same placard up higher that had his address typed on it in the very same font. The fact that we were on the same floor could only bring us closer and that wasn't what I wanted.

The door swung open, revealing Blaise standing there in his varsity jacket, running a hand through his hair at the sight of me. "Lottie, you're here. On what occasion?"

My mind was ready to say a multitude of things, along the lines of "my mail, you bastard," or "give me my damn Christmas cards," but my heart had relented, knowing it wouldn't be able to keep up in such high-intensity situations.

"Well," I started, subconsciously digging my heel into the ground because a part of me was terrified that he would sweep me away. "I think the post might've mixed things up again and gave you some of my letters."

"Oh," he said, his lips forming an 'o' shape and his cheeks hearing up with a light blush that only meant he was remembering the last time, including the part where we found ourselves down to our underwear and ready to go further than that on my bed.

What had I said? Seal it with a kiss? I was instantly flooded with regret, the realization that knowing Blaise's feelings would only complicate things - especially considering that those kisses led to nowhere because I didn't even know them yet. If anything, I only reaffirmed how bad I had it for him.

And that was the last thing I needed to be constantly reminded of.

"Hey," Blaise said, opening the door a little wider. "I'm actually stepping out right now. I have to buy some Christmas presents. Do you want to come with me so we can talk about this?"

♕ ♕ ♕

The speed it took for me to agree to go Christmas shopping with him and to run back to my dorm room for my coat would make light speed jealous. All the way there, I could only curse myself for my insolence and rabbit heart, but if my head were a wildfire then my heart was the storm to put it out.

I had scrambled through my room like a tornado, making sure I had everything I needed and making my way out the door and down the steps where he said he would wait for me in the lobby. If Rachel were here, she would've pushed me down them to remind me of the pain he caused me when he left for London, and that was what I needed. Not exactly physical pain, but some type of reminder that while love wasn't for the weak, feeding what bit your hand only meant you allowed yourself to get used to mistreatment.

I found Blaise in one of the sleek lobby chairs, reading a newspaper with a frown on his face. "What's wrong," I asked, not because I cared but because it would likely assuage the awkward tension between us.

"It's just everything about the election. A lot of these candidates seem off their rockers. Like, God forbid, Donald Trump. How could people sit here and think someone like him would be fitting as a president?"

He continued to ramble on about politics and a bible quote he read about treating immigrants with respect which made his touting of his Christian faith ironic, as well as many other things he had just read about, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the paper with said politician's face on it. In all honesty, I hadn't even been paying attention to the twenty-sixteen presidential elections save for what I could grab from headlines I came across every now and then. In fact, admits everything he was talking about, something about Blaise talking about politics to me was kind of hot.

"Blaise," I said, cutting him off before we never left the place. "Are you ready to go?"

A flustered Blaise was a Blaise worth saving, one who made me realize the severity of how much I loved him before. Beneath the charm and confidence, he was someone who you could really see yourself spending time with, falling for him like the snow outside.

He sat up straight and nodded, avoiding my eyes as he set down the paper. "Ready when you are."

♕ ♕ ♕

Rachel's advice was a lot easier said than done. Especially walking around in a winter wonderland with the very same guy who was the king of my heart, who it was my mission to overthrow. There was just something about falling snow, the way it came down and covered what the autumn season had ruined. It covered up all of the ugly and made it seem pretty if for a while.

And it seemed to do that to my past with him. Walking through the glade, between skinny trees towering over us, side by side - it was like we were putting the whole ordeal behind us.

Of course, things were bound to get cold. Those things meaning my hands. Because I was in such a frantic rush to get here, I had forgotten my gloves in my apartment, still sitting on my bed where I deposited them after getting back from Delish.

"Blaise," I said, "can I run back to my room really quick? I forgot my gloves there and my hands feel like they're going to freeze off."

He looked over the distance we had just crossed, that long courtyard that led from the apartment to the main street which we were coming upon now. For a second, I was scared he was going to tell me no because he didn't feel like walking all that way through the cold. So when he plucked one of the leather gloves from his hands and held it out to me, not only was I taken aback because he defied my expectations but because of the absurdity of the action.

"Only one?" I didn't mean to sound greedy, I was just genuinely confused.

He seemed to have caught on with that, taking my hand and putting the glove into it forcefully. "So that both of us are equal, so that no one person has the advantage, or well, both of their hands."

I frowned. The idea was cute, but like all cute things, there was something immature about them. Going from having both hands to joining the Skywalker family? Definitely immature. With Blaise's return, I found myself in a place where I just couldn't allow myself to be childish anymore. When he left me for London, the storm had passed and I had to pick up all the wreckage he left behind, the scattered pieces of my heart that begged to be fixed and for someone to fix them.

"And what would we do with my right hand and your left hand? I mean, I don't know if you're left handed, but I guess I could still write. However, that doesn't change the fact that we'd only have one hand."

"Well, for starters," he said with a cheeky grin, "they could hold each other."

And there it was, Blaise's infamous sweet talk. He always seemed to have an appropriate response to everything, a counterattack whenever shots were fired his way. And maybe there once was a time where I wasn't so bad at keeping up with him, but the scarlet blush on my cheeks was enough to prove otherwise.

I cursed under my breath, ducking my face down to avoid him seeing my face for any longer than he needed to. Sometimes, even the most intangible things were fragile enough to break. The right person just needed to come along so they would.

♕ ♕ ♕

The fact that Blaise's idea for a good place to buy presents was at an antique store was enough for me to burst into a fit of giggles. But they were thankfully stifled by the wonderment that all of the bits and bobs on the walls gave me.

Shelves of them, they were everywhere, it was like a whole olden age encapsulated in one closed space. Something about was suffocating, but at the same time, it was beautiful. Toys from different eras, artifacts that once belonged to someone else, there was something about it that I couldn't place. Almost like if it were magic.

"You like this place," Blaise asked me absent-mindedly. "My parents are really into old stuff, so I usually knock out my shopping in antique stores since I don't really have any siblings."

The mention of siblings made me remember my younger brother, Richard, and how he was turning sixteen this year. Was that still young enough to buy him a toy while I was here? I had no proper recollection of those years, high school had blurred into one straight line of memory unlike the twisted, rocky path it was back then. Maybe the things we actually put behind us were the things we knew we'd never really miss as hard. Whereas I would probably find myself missing Blaise for forever and always.

I picked up an ancient looking clock and held up in front of him. "Does this look like a cool gift for a teenager? A teenage boy, at least?"

"Guys like cute gifts too," he said with a shake of his head. "We just pretend not to. So you should get him something sweet, maybe not too sweet, but sweet enough."

His eyes scanned the room before they caught sight of something. He walked over and grabbed it before coming back to me with a tall wooden penguin wearing a top hat, a monocle, and a a dress coat. "No one can resist a fancy penguin, can they?"

I took it from him, those giggles fighting their way back up again, but I knew better, I knew how much I had to lose.

"Thank you, Blaise," I said.

"You said something about letters, didn't you," he asked, taking a step closer, his lips parted, his breath fanning my skin. He smelled like spearmint gum and for a second, I wondered if he had been chewing any or if he just managed to somehow always be so perfect. "They're right here if you want them."

I stood up on my tiptoes, my face coming up close to his so that are lips were but seconds from collision. And in the most seductive voice that I could manage seriously, I said, "what I really want is for you to help me pick out a nice Christmas gift."

I relaxed back on the balls of my feet, standing at my normal height so that he would have to stoop in order to catch my lips in his. "Let's go."

♕ ♕ ♕

Blaise was an awkward, blushing mess after our little close encounter, and just seeing him after, gave me the biggest sense of pride in the world. So to see him awkwardly adjusting the front of his pants as he began to follow me out of the store sent me over the moon.

Not bothering to wait up for him, I walked out of the door, feeling the cold brush over my skin before barreling against it, making me shiver and wrap my arms around myself.

"Sorry," I heard him say as his voice came closer and closer, with blatant sexual frustration in his tone, "but I don't do that tease shit."

I felt his hand grab one of mine as it spun me around before pulling me closer, our lips crashing into each other with tremendous clash. Blaise was a force to be reckoned with, that I knew. It made the stakes of this game much more dangerous.

As if we were playing for keeps this time.

♕ ♕ ♕

NEXT UPDATE: January 18th, 2016