Author's Note: Sorry this chapter isn't as long or good as the others, but it's to pave the way for a thrilling Valentine's Day chapter. Shoutout to all of my Americans getting a day off from school today as well as a shoutout to Martin Luther King Jr.

03 • petitions

Surprisingly so, Blaise looked adorable in his admiral uniform, almost like a romantic hero as he led my by the hand through the deck of his ship.

All around us, there were faceless people partying, swaying to upbeat jazzy music in their bright dresses and dark suits, the Louisiana air stifling and hot yet something about that made it even easier to breathe.

Or maybe because here I was, at Blaise Cohen's Baton Rouge boat party before he left for the Navy.

"You want a drink," he asked me as we broke out of the dancing crowd, finally making it to a less congested area. "I could really go for one right now."

For a second, I couldn't even respond, as if the loud music had taken me away and I was nothing but taken space but reality sunk in and I nodded. Sometimes you had to let go of dreams and realize that love was there in the moment, that you needn't waste a waking moment in case love escaped you. I should've known as much, considering how he was going to leave me again. Once for London, this time for war.

I smirked at him as his figure retreated, leaving me on the outskirts of the dance floor. Whenever he left, he had to take something with him. This time - like the last time - my biggest fear wasn't whether he would come back, but whether he was taking my heart with him.

Hayley giddily came to my side, wrapping one of her hands around my wrist. "Come on, you've been with him all day. Blaise this, Blaise that, blah blah blah. What about us? Your friends?"

She tugged on my arm harder and I knew something wasn't right. It was sensible that Hayley wanted me to spend time with her and Rachel, but to not have interest in my love life? She was the president of the Blottie (Blaise and Lottie) fan club, always getting me to go out on dates with him and make him all types of gift baskets. One time, she heard him say that he liked bologna sandwiches, so she made him one pretending that it was me who did it.

It hit me like a bullet, that this was all a dream. Nothing was real here, hell, Blaise didn't even like the military. And why the hell would we be on a boat in 1920s St. Louis?

Because you want this, my conscience reminded me, more than you think you do. More than anything.

This was turning out to be a nightmare.

♕ ♕ ♕

Martin Luther King Jr's birthday wasn't exactly the most festive holiday and it was more based in reflection, but I was thankful for the day off. More than anything, I needed to clear my head of all thoughts filled under 'Blaise Cohen,' get him out of my system - contrary to my dream-self's beliefs.

If December was cold, then January was an ice age, the ground frozen solid, the air sharp enough to cut through three layers. I normally would've used the day off to my advantage, kicking my feet up and chilling with a movie and the heating on. But duty always called and I found my phone ringing with a request to meet my friends at Glenn's, the bookstore on campus. So here I was, bundling up, piling on scarves and sweaters as if my life depended on it and I could tell that I looked like some type of abominable snowman.

In fact, the excess clothing made it hard to move, something I belatedly realized while hobbling my way over to the elevator. Each step was heavy and my legs seemed to move ahead of my body, the weight making me lean slightly backwards. The only thing that lightened the situation was that I was wearing one of the beautiful cashmere sweaters that my mom sent me for Christmas, and when I got all of these coats off, I would be able to stun my friends with how it looked.

Another pitfall however, was the fact that it was rather warm inside the apartment tower. While it was great that someone decided to crank up the heat, wearing multiple layers in this heat was hazardous, making me sweat and feel light-headed, like I could pass out at any given second.

I sneezed before pressing the elevator button, waiting for it to come down from the top floor to meet me here at the second. It was exceptionally slow today, but then again, it was a day off and people were sure to be either out and about or wrapped up in the covers right now.

Rachel and Hayley are likely going to be pissed, I thought with a sigh. They always wanted me to study with them, but I just wasn't the studying type. I always looked over my notes every now and then, but I couldn't properly study the way they did, it just wasn't my style. Maybe they were more alike than they thought.

After a few minutes, the bell finally rang and the doors of the elevator widened open for me. At this stage in my life, these things shouldn't have been able to get to my head, but when the doors swung open to reveal Blaise talking with some other girl, I was beyond surprised. Especially since she wasn't just some other girl, she was tall, blonde, and pretty, with long hair that curled down in a wave past her shoulders and glassy blue eyes. She was the type of girl I could see him with: any girl who wasn't me.

"Hi," the girl waved at me with cheerfulness as I stepped in quietly, retreating to the far corner of the elevator. "What floor?"

While it was rude of me, my heart sank when I realized that I wouldn't be able to avoid talking to either of them. If Blaise was seeing another - if he was planning to go out with her, I didn't want any part of it. I didn't want him to leave with any piece of me again.

"Lobby," I said.

She pressed the button with some type of expert grace and I could only think of how she could somehow make even a mundane act like that look beautiful. I shouldn't have been looking at her, but looking at the floor would be rude, so that left only her or Blaise. It was like weighing the lesser of two evils and with Blaise and I's track record, there was no choice but to choose her.

The elevator whirred softly on its way down, accompanying the sound of my breathing as the only noises between us.

"I'm Bentley," the girl said when the silence was beginning to get unbearable. I could only guess that she and Blaise were talking about something before I got on.

Hating to be that girl, I smiled. "I'm Charlotte, nice to meet you."

"She goes by Lottie," Blaise piped up, causing me to blush. He had no reason to do that and yet he did. Maybe because of all the times I had asked him to address me by my nickname during our relationship, it had become instinctive for him to correct others and fight that battle for me.

Even if it was against myself.

The fact that he was defending me, even if it wasn't much of a battle sent a nervous rush through me, like maybe he wasn't ever going to leave. But it was foolish - everyone did at some point, I just had to make myself okay with it.

All of the excess weight I was wearing was long forgotten, the motion of the elevator making me feel almost weightless, like I was falling hard, ready to crash and burn at the bottom. Bentley was checking her phone with one hand, the other running through her hair. Clearly I must've set her off and made things awkward by being so standoffish. I didn't even want to see what was up with Blaise.

The bell ringed to signify that we had stopped at the first floor above the lobby. Blaise and Bentley must've been getting off on this floor by the way she looked up at her phone and turned to face Blaise with an expectant look on her face.

But when the door opened, she was the only one getting off, leaving us alone together.

"So," he said, crossing the space beside me so he could step in front of me. "I was looking for you."

I rolled my eyes. Only Blaise could start a conversation like that with me after being with another girl. It was reminiscent of the Blaise before we dated, the charming and elegant player who I had fallen for, he wasn't tied down and it brought out all the worst in him. Like his cluelessness about how other people operated, how some people could be undone over and over again even if they don't piece themselves together.

"I didn't notice," I said truthfully. It was the first real look I spared him. Somehow, he didn't seem to be freezing to death like I was, wearing only one jacket with a beanie over his hair and blue scarf tucked into it.

"Yeah," he said with a gulp, "well, I have some mail to deliver to you."

And if the elevator didn't hit the bottom, it must've been my heart. Because the weight of his words was crushing - he clearly wanted to kiss me. He still must've believed in us or at least something about us. He must've been getting off on the first floor but he told Bentley that he would wait for me. It was enough to make my heart do a somersault.

"You could've called me," I deadpanned, trying to dance around the tension between us.

The space between us had decreased, Blaise now so close, close enough to touch - or hell, even kiss. I could feel his warmth radiating out from him and a few beads of sweat tracking down my sides because it was too much to bear. I wasn't even wearing deodorant, I was just doing my best to get out of the house and to my friends.

I usually never would've cared either, Blaise had been back for only few months and yet him being here brought me back to habits I thought I'd broken before his time. He was like the reverse function to everything. Now we were only inches apart and I could feel myself becoming that same girl from freshman year and all I could do was wonder why I wanted to change so badly.

"You blocked my number, remember," he accused although his tone was light-hearted. He didn't seem bothered, not with the new or old Lottie, because maybe he just wanted me back regardless of whether or not I was no longer the girl who could trust him. "But none of that matters, we're wasting time."

And sure enough, the door slid open to our sides, revealing a slightly empty lobby for this time of day. Only the doorman and a few of the senior citizens who lived in our building were present, but none of them were paying attention to either of us.
My fingers quickly shot out to press the button for the tenth floor, not even waiting for the door to close before jumping ship and crashing my lips into his like if they were the jagged rocks that would damage our hulls and sink us.

My hands gripped for the sides of his face, pulling him so close that he couldn't escape and he returned in same, pushing me up against the wall to deepen it. I had no clue what force propelled me into him that way, but at that point, it was too late. I had stumbled forward, over the edge, freely falling to an uncertain doom.

Blaise seemed to have an inkling of an idea for where things were going if the hands raking my back as they slowly pushed underneath my shirt were anything. It was surprising, how long it's been and yet he could navigate me as if I were the road home, his fingers always seemed to know where to go.

And exactly when to let go, my subconscious reminded me.

"Shut up," I blurted out, belatedly realizing that no one had spoken for the past two minutes and that I meant to say that to myself.

But thankfully, Blaise didn't even seem to notice, continuing his assault on my lips without a word. I thought I was off the hook until he whispered against my lips, "if you say so."

It wasn't much, he still dropped me off in the middle of nowhere years ago, but he picked me up again and I had the feeling that maybe he was holding on a little bit more tightly.

♕ ♕ ♕

NEXT UPDATE: February 14th, 2016