Oh gosh, I'm seriously so nervous right now. I don't even know why...wait, yeah I do, maybe because I'm about to be texting my ex, with whom I haven't spoken in years, the lyrics to a very suggestive song.

Oh wow. Shit. Remind me why I signed up for this again?

*Inhales deep breath* Okay, so first off, when my author @Eclipse501 came to me and told me her idea for a prank that she has, I must admit I was a bit skeptic, because you know...*shrugs* But after listening to her, I thought it was a super cool idea that would no doubt be funny as fuck. So, then I thought, hey why not? Plus, when I picked that strip of paper out of the hat and saw the category, I instantly had the best target for the job. My ex-girlfriend, Camille, with whom my relationship ended after I left high-school.

This should be good, since I know for a fact that Camille loved me, and, hopefully, still has some feelings for me. So, in order to test how far she'll go, for my song of choice I selected Closer by The Chainsmokers.

*Laughs out loudly.*

Wheew. Okay! Let's start.

First let me check if she's online. Hopefully she didn't change her number since the last time we spoke. But I doubt it though, since Camille isn't really one for changes. She cried for days when I broke up with her. And to think of it, I think it's less from the fact that I was leaving her after four years together, and more from the fact that she would have to find a new boyfriend.

Okay, great, she's online.

Eclipse501: Why did you chose Closer?

Well, I chose Closer because, to be honest, it kind of has a lot of things that connects with us, you know? Because even though things happened and we had to part ways, I still cherish the years we spent together, bro, I mean, sis? She was like my first real girlfriend. In fact, we were each other's first everything, so we'll always have that connection. Yeah, so that's why.

Eclipse501: *smiles* Wow. Okay, I'll leave you to do your thing then. Hopefully nothing goes wrong.

Dude! Now you're making me more nervous! Look at my hands, they're trembling and I haven't even started typing yet.

Eclipse501: Sorry!🙏

Okay. Let's do this. So, I don't want to seem too jumpy and suspicious, you know, so I'll start off easy.

Here goes:

Hey.

Hey, stranger.

Shit. That was fast. I didn't think she'd reply this quickly. Oh wow, and she kept my number. Can I just take a minute to give myself props?

*Looks at company suspiciously* Don't say I kept hers too, so it's nothing. 'Cause it is.

Eclipse501: *Holds hands in surrender* I didn't, and wasn't going to say anything.

Right. *glares suspiciously*

I was doing just fine before I met you.

Um, okay.

Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?

I drink too much and that's an issue.

What do you want, Brandon?

Did you just text me to tell me that I ruined your life? Because you don't have the right.

You just show up out of the blue, and start talking shit.

Are you drunk?

And when the fuck did you start drinking?

Oh damn. *Laughs* She's not taking this easily. I always thought she was cute when she cursed though.

I'm okay.

Um, okay. But when did you become such a drinker?

Hey.

You said that already.

Are you really drunk?

I don't think you should be texting me when you're drunk.

Tell your friends it was nice to meet them.

Well...all my friends that you know are your friends too. And the rest you haven't met, so...

But I hope I never see them again!

Holy fuck. You're starting to creep me the hell out.

I know it breaks your heart.

Well you can say that. I still care about you.

As a friend.

Ooooh. She dropped the I-still-care-about-you-as-a-friend card.

I'm moving to the city in a broke down car.

You're moving. Why?

I thought you loved your place.

And what happened to your car?

Four years no calls.

Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar.

What hotel?

What bar?

Why are you talking like this? And why aren't you answering my questions?

And I...I...I...I...I can't stop!

WTF. CAN'T STOP WHAT????! ARE YOU OKAY?

Where are you? Do you want me to call your brother to come pick you up? Or do you want me to?

Oh my God, are you driving?

Tell me you aren't driving!

I'm going in for a little suspense, so I'm going to wait a bit before I reply.

BRANDON!??

Holy fuck, man, she really is freaking out!

Brandon, if you're driving please pull over to the side of the road and text me where you think you are and I'll come get you!

No I...I...I...I...I can't stop.

Brandon, I'm serious. It's dangerous to be drunk driving.

Baby, pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover.

Rover? No. I drive the same car from high school. A bit beat up. But it still moves. Lol 😁

Oh gosh, I shouldn't be laughing right now.

Are you okay?

Rover. That I know you can't afford.

Well you don't have to rub the fact that I'm broke in my fucking face.

And here I am worried sick about you.

I guess drunk you is a real dipshit, aren't you?

Gawh.

Why are you bothering me, Brandon? What do you want from me?

That tattoo on your shoulder.

Well shixt just got a helluva lot weirder.

And P. S. I don't know if it's because we haven't seen each other in four years, but in case you've forgotten, I got a tattoo on the small of my back, NOT on my shoulder.

We ain't ever getting older!

Um...😏

This is classic. I can't stop laughing. I can imagine her face right now.

We ain't ever getting older.

Have I mentioned being really creeped out?

You...

What now? What about me?

You look as good as the day I met you.

Um, thanks?

No. Seriously what's going on?

I'm confused.

Don't you like have a girlfriend, or something?

I forgot just why I left you.

...

Dot, dot, dot. Damn.

I could use a reminder too. No, wait I remember. It's because you felt like you needed a change. A chance to see the world, stretch your balls and spread your wings. And I wasn't good enough for you, suddenly.

I did not say that. In so many words. Spread my balls? What the heck is that?

Well someone's still a bit bitter.

I was insane!

Well damn. You're Einstein now.

Are you saying you've found sanity now? What, did you need four years to do that?

Okay.

I know I broke your heart, when I moved to the city in a broke down car. And, four years no call...

But I...I...I...I...I can't stop.

No, I...I...I...I...I can't stop!

So baby pull me closer...

Omg. You're fucking with my head and heart right now.

And you've got me saying 'OMG'!

I want to bite that tattoo on your shoulder.

LOL if you ever get one there.

So, I just remembered she told me it wasn't on her shoulder, so I had to fix my mess up. Don't wanna sound suspicious, right?

Um...

Pull the sheets right off the corner, of your mattress...

Are you serious right now?!

Are you suggesting we should have sex?

Are you, Brandon?

Again, don't you have a girlfriend?

We ain't ever getting older.

That doesn't make any sense. It's a simple yes or no question.

We ain't ever getting older.

This is getting annoying.

And FYI we ARE getting older. We get older every year. I should know.

We ain't ever getting older!

You know what, amma go 😔 😦.

Talk to you when you're sober. Or probably never.

Bye. Enjoy your day.

*Laughs hysterically* This was so fun, man. I swear. I swear to God. I thought she would've flipped from the get go, considering the type of person she is.

Hey, Camille. Sorry about that.

What? 😕

😂 I didn't mean any of that. It was just a joke. I was dared to play a prank on you. Those words were just song lyrics. Didn't mean any of it. Haha 😂

It wasn't funny.

😂 I know. But it kinda was. Lol

You know what, Brandon, I realize why we couldn't be together til today.

Why's that?

Because you're still a child!👶

Don't bother me again.

Bye...

And fuck off.

Thanks.

Holy fuck she's pissed.

Psssh. I'm a child! I'm a child? Is she kidding? I'm a stud muffin.

That kinda hurts though.

Crap.

...