Im gonna talk to her tomorrow...
Im gonna tell her....
Im not gonna talk to her alot..but im gonna tell her.."please speak and be happy towards me again...ur not the one hurting me....its myself..."
Because its my fault im needy its my fault im an attention whore when it comes to dating someone....
I cant help but be jealous...
Out of everyone in our group...
I am payed attention to the least....
I feel like im taking it out on her...
But im human...
I cant help but be jealous....
She can easily be close to my friend marilynn...with no hesitation....
And yet when im there...she doesnt seem to want to be near me....
Sometimes....i dont believe her when she told me she doesnt like her.....but....since she cant express love physically....
U know...she cant hug and stuffs....
She has to tell me....
But over text....
She doesnt seem to talk to me....
She says i should talk to her more....
And she never speak to me...
I assume its cause the stress...
Eh...
Im only boring u am i..?
The reader.....

Well on some other note...wanna hear something?
I was talking to my bro and sis....
And...my sis was drinking her favorite drink...
My brother said..."geez u love it sooo much dont u?..u married to it?"
And i said..."no. Shes already married...to the person she likes...so she would be cheating.."
My sis said "who am i married to.."
Me i said "the person u like..
Ya see im married... the person i like is already mine"
And then i realized...
Soon when the year is over....
We go to different schools...
And she might not like me anymore....
So i cried a lil in my room but swallowed all that pain and emotion...
Also today...i mostly watched YouTube...
I also taught my mother how to scan images onto the computer and make them look right using brightness and contrast...
I know because i scan drawings..and stuff....
And i also....tried and rehearsed how i was gonna tell her....
Because...
If ya know me..
When i REALLY like someone...
I get nervous...
That lovey dovey feeling...
And i dont know what to say..
Like yandere chan from yandere simulator...
Ya know how she is around senpai..
And when i try to speak...
Nothing comes out...or because im so distracted....
I forget what i was gonna say...
Another thing i did today was animate some stuff for a friend....
It was so tiring...
Its a short easy stick figure animation but...i only finished a few frames...and i got bored already....
I couldnt stop thinking of her...
She says we are to young...
And this is why our relationship is bad...
I simply dont want to agree cause im scared...
When shes older...(or at least in highschool)
She might leave and love another...
She wont keep her end of the promise....
And marry me......
I tried to find the text where she made me promise...
I guess...to her that promise no longer exists...its broken...but even if reality is cruel...
I refuse...
I will dream a happy ending...
Also..while looking for it...
I came across our old messages....
If only she would still be like this...
Ya know...not give up so easily...
Be sweet and kind....
And work things out like a team...were we both would forgive each other and be happy...

These were the good times.....
*sighs*...i will miss them when shes gone....
But it doesnt matter right?

Cause when she leaves...
Ill be dead..emotionally...
And maybe physically...
Cause even if we work things out...
Like every other couple..
She will end up in a different school...
Away from me..
Cause shes smart...
And can afford private school
She will fall in love with some sweet adorable. ..other girl...(maybe marilynn)..or some nice...caeing guy....

And i wont know...
Cause ill be dead...ya know...ranting does help...
But writing this is only making her more upset...
And making her understand less...
And thinking its her fault more...
I dont want that...
My goal is to make her see...
That we need to watch eachother...
Work together....
Love listen and pay attention to one another...

And so on....

Thats it....well time to practice my talking for another hour