I was told once that I am broken. Beyond broken, I am a dumpster fire. At the time I didn't know what it meant. Now I do.

A dumpster fire can start small but in seconds it is able to blow up.

I am like a dumpster fire because I can be fine one minute and then a complete wreck the next. I don't know why I am like this. I mean it's not like I want to be this way, but I can't help it.

I have this overwhelming feeling that the people I am near are fake. Fake friends, or just completely made up.

I am weird. I know that, but I am just trying my best to fit into this crazy world.

Fitting in is a concept I have still yet to understand, just like family. I mean people say family is where you are born but then also the family you marry into. So, what is family?

If you have ever heard the saying "blood is thicker than water" and you have thought that it means that your family is the most important thing well then you are only part of the way there. The quote hasn't always meant this and the full quote is actually "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." meaning that your chosen pacts and families are more important than the ones you are born into. 

For a long time, this made little sense to me as family should be the most important thing to me, and it still is but it is not only my birth family I feel this way about. My friends are my family, they may not have been here since day one but since they have been here my life has become better, and my fire has been tamed a bit more. They are my water, and they don't even know it.

A fire may be a way to explain myself. I can overreact at the smallest bit of tension or aggression added to a situation, just like a fire reacts to gasoline, even the smallest amount. My fire has been put out many times, but no matter what a small ember is still lit somewhere inside of me. 

A bit of anger, a bit of emotion is actually good. It is what you do with that fire that can be good or bad. They use fire to do burn offs to stop bigger fires from forming. What I mean by this is that letting out anger in the right way can help from a huge burst of anger forming and destroying everything in its path just like a fire.

My fire is small today but tomorrow it could be huge; I am a dumpster fire waiting to blow up.