I remember when I was young, my brother was afraid of the dark. It always seemed so strange to me because the dark always felt comforting. The night sky for example. It is just like a massive blanket over the world.

As I grew up the dark became even more of a friend. The darkness was consistent in my life full of change.

The darkness wasn't just no light, but it soon seeped into me. I felt myself grow darker. I went from colours every day to everything being black. Cartoons to true crime. Video games to cold cases, and books on murder.

It wasn't a separate thing anymore. The darkness was me. It is me.

I have grown with the darkness and have learnt to control it. I can fake a smile, a laugh, a joke. It is easy to fake when you know what others expect. 

I have slipped up a few times while talking to friends or acquaintances. They gave me looks of horror, disgust and concern. I have mentioned the need to feel pain, to see the deep red colour of blood fall from a body. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just tell the truth. To show the darkness. To be myself no matter who is around. 

Then I remember that society has standards, rules, and regulations that must be followed. They must be followed, or you'll be locked away. You'll be called crazy, psychotic, even mad.

You. the person reading this may be shocked by this writing, but you also may feel welcomed into the darkness just like I was. My home is the night, my home is the pitch-black sky, and my home is the gory details in the life of killers. I know my home is wrong for some people but for me it feels safe. I didn't know where I belonged until I became friends with the dark.

I live with the knowledge that I am different, that I am not normal. But I know what's wrong and right. I may love being in the dark and feeling the way I do, but I would never kill anyone, I would never harm anyone, I will always follow the rules. AND SO SHOULD YOU.