2 years later

Meaghan's POV

"park! park! park!" Shane, my little 1 in a half year old son, screamed. He looks just like his father, who i left 2 years ago today. Of course Niall still doesn't (and wont) know about Shane being born. Shane has Niall's beautiful ocean blue eyes that i use to adore very much. Now it pains me to see them. Shane looks alot like Niall.

"ok babes, go put on your shoes." i said and pointed to were his shoes were on the floor in front of the door. Shane nodded giggling and i watched him put on his little shoes. He knows how to put them on, but like any other toddler, he puts them on the wrong feet sometimes. He doesn't know how to tie his shoes, but that is alright. He doesnt need to know yet. So i removed the laces on the shoes and put curly laces on instead. So all he needs to do is put on his shoes. He graabed his jacket and i smiled as he struggled to put it on. I went up to him and took the sweater out of his small hands.

"turn around babes." i intstructed, gently placing my hands on his shoulder and spinning him around so his back is facing me. I took his left arm and pulled it through the left arm sleeve. I took his right arm and pulled it through the right arm sleeve. I graabed the end of his coat and zipped up his zipper. I found his small green beanie and put it on his small head.

I put on my shoes, first left then right. I didn't need to put on a sweater because i was already wearing one. I gabbed a white scarf and wrapped it around Shane's neck.

"It is cold out babes." i explained, knowing he doesn't like to wear scarfs. Shane stuck out his bottom lip, pouting. I sighed as memories of Niall came into mind. He would always do the same thing too if he didnt want to do something he didnt want to do. I grabbed Shane's matching green mittens and put them on his small fingers. Shane pouted again and i just kissed his forehead.

Sometimes I wish that i could afford more for Shane. He only has a couple of toys, and a small bedroom. His bedroom, well i would call it a bedroom. It is so small, that it can be a little hallway. All i have in his room is his crib. I know pretty soon he is going to need a big boy bed. I cant get one for him because of the money, and the space. This apartment is small and everything is fading and ripping. The couch is old, it is ripping and the colours are fadding. It looks like a puke colour. All walls are white, but there are so many cob webs and tears and holes in the walls. The floor is an old maroon colour.

The tv is small. I only use it for Shane. He likes to watch some shows. I am mainly cleaning the apartment. I am trying to get all the spiders that crawl around, the cob webs, hidding the holes. Another disaster is the kitchen. I have a small dinning table to eat at, its only made for 2. The cooker (oven) is old and rusty. I clean as much as i can of it. The fridge is small. It can be a mini fridge. I have a counter so i can chop food up ect.  

The bathroom, well, its only made for 1 person to be in. The hot water doesn't work anymore so i have to use cold. The toilet brakes alot, sometime the flush handle doesn't work. I cant afford a new toilet so i just replace the flush handle. The shower/bath is can only be used for cold water. I am use to it. But for Shane, i need to put less water in the bath and wrap a towel around him so he wont freeze to death.

Sometimes, i wish that i wouldve never left Niall. He was my everything. He helped me, and i helped him. We both loved each other very much. I left him because it was getting to much. I was getting so much hate. Niall never noticed anything. He was never home. He was on tour with his best mates. It was Louis who helped me out. He stood up for me to the fans. That only got it worse. Louis was noticing i was acting different. Louis is the one who found out i was cutting. Not Niall. All of that shouldve been Niall. Niall wasnt there to hold me, tell me to stop, tell me that is was ok. Niall was pushing me away. He was getting drunk every night. He was coming home drunk, and sometimes, he would hit me.

I knew it wasn't on purpose. But one night, changed my life. I was a week pregnate with Niall's baby. Niall came home. This time, he wasn't drunk. He was annoyed. Not at me, at management.

All of that, i was trying to avoid for years. I was abused for my childhood. It haunted me. What hurts the most, is that Niall said he wouldn't lay a hand on me. But he did. Even when i was carrying his baby.

A tear fell out of my right eye, that got me back to reality. I smiled at Shane and picked him up, setting him in this stroller i got at a yard sale for 1$. It was still in good shape, it still is (besides the muddy tired). I dont know why they would make it a dollar. I put on the buckle around Shane to keep him from falling and getting hurt.

I opened the door and pushed the stroller out in the hallway. Behind me, i closed the door and locked it. I put the keys in my pocket and turned around to push the stroller down the hallway. The walls are like big cinderblocks that are coloured a lightning blue. Lightning blue is Zayn's favourite colour. I remember one day i bought him a lightning blue colour scarf for his birthday for the winter. In pictures i still see him wearing it.

I pressed the button that opens doors for people who have disabilites. I walked outside and shuddered as the cool air hit my body. I pushed the stroller onto the sidewalk that leads to the park.

I smiled as all the trees leaves started to turn a red/brown colour. Fall is a beautiful season, but cold. A small breeze is nice too. I gripped the strollers handles and stopped at the corner. I just have to cross the road to get to the park. I looked to my sides and saw no cars coming, so i walked forward pushing the stroller. I stopped beside a bench and Shane squelled when she saw the little kids running around, on the swing sets and slides. I unbuckled the seat belt and picked Shane up and set him down beside the stroller.

"go play with the other kids!" I said pointing to the payground. Shane giggled and ran as fast as he could. I smiled when he went up the stairs and down the slide, just like the other little children.

"hi."

I jumped and turned my head. I bit my lip.

"What do you want?" i growled.

"i just came to say hi. i thought youd-"

"just go away! dont come back, please." i begged.

"but Meaghan, we had everything. We loved each other and-"

"yeah, loved." i said. He sighed. Shane ran up to me, hugging my leg. I picked him up and set him back down in the stroller.

"who's baby is that? is it yours? am i the father?" he asked. I bite my lip again and buckled Shane.

"this is not my baby. im looking after him for my neighbor. I have to get going!" i said. I gripped the stroller and ran. No cars were coming so i ran back to the apartment. I pressed the button to open the door and went inside. I went to my apartment door and dug out my kees. Once i got them, i unlocked the door and pushed Shane inside. I slammed the door and then i heard a sob. I looked down and what i saw was heartbreaking. Shane's eyes were glassy and full of tears.

"no baby, mummy is sorry." I said and unbuckled him from the seat and picked him up. He wrapped my arms around me, crying. I rubbed his back and sat down on the vomit like couch. I hummed. Humming calmed Shane down whenever he was crying, just like Niall.

I smiled as I heard little soft snores leave Shane's small lips. I carried him to his room and set him in his crib. I put an old red blanket on him and left his room. I sighed. The more i think, what am i going to do? i cant raise a child in these conditons. I have to give him up.