Five | Like Love in my Arms

Thank fuck, today was Saturday. I decided to go to the coffee shop today rather than the usual Sunday. I ordered a cinnamon latte, which was not a smart call on my part because I couldn't bring myself to drink it. It just reminded me of Otto and thinking about Otto made me think about how he transferred me out of his class and into a completely different English class across campus. The worst part about it was that my new English teacher Mr. Robinson didn't even acknowledge me the whole class period. I'm pretty sure he didn't even notice that he had a new student. It was beyond frustrating and I knew that if I had to tolerate his class for the rest of the semester, I would end up hating English once the year was up.

What also sucked was that I didn't have English with West anymore and he refused to transfer to Mr. Robin-snooze, which was West's nickname for the teacher. The only class I had with West now was art. And I guess we could spend lunch together, but even then it felt like I barely got to see him. And that was something I was not okay with.

I was working on my psych essay, my eyes intently focused on my laptop screen, when I heard the chair across from me screech as someone pulled it back and sat down. When I peeled my eyes away from the laptop, I made eye contact with him. Also known as the last person I wanted to see right now.

"What do you want?"

Otto sighed. "Harrison, I wanted to talk."

I raised my eyebrows and shook my head, trying to refocus on my essay. Maybe if I ignored him completely he would get the memo and walk away, realizing I didn't want to talk to him at all. But he didn't move. He sat there and I knew his eyes were on mine even when I wasn't looking at him. I felt his intense gaze as if his eyes were sending jolts of warmth to my face. It was hard to ignore him, hard not to look at him, when his face was so tempting to take in. It was hard to hold my ground when all I really wanted to do was look up, close my laptop, reach forward, and touch his face.

But he had kicked me out of his class and therefore, was a complete asshole.

"You ordered a cinnamon latte," he commented, sounding smug.

"Go away."

He stayed put.

After a while, I closed my laptop and slipped it in my backpack before putting it on. I stood up and Otto stood up as well, holding his own cinnamon latte I presumed.

"We have nothing to talk about," I muttered, brushing past him and heading straight for the door. I made it outside and to my car, but I knew Otto was right behind me.

"We should talk. It's not nothing."
I opened the passenger side of my car and tucked my backpack inside, then slammed the door and met Otto on the concrete sidewalk in front of my car. When I looked at him, I wanted to be mad at a high school English teacher for kicking me out of his classroom. But all I really felt when I looked at him was the urge to press his mouth against mine again. I didn't even think of him as merely an English teacher. I thought of him as the man who, for some reason, I had been intensely attracted to for much more than just the way he looked.

"It's nothing to me," I retorted. "The reason is clear why you kicked me out of your class. I don't think we need to talk and recap the entire situation when you already made your decision and didn't even apologize for it."

Otto sighed. "Harrison, let me–"

"No! I'm not going to let you get the chance to explain yourself or apologize or talk. Fuck your stupid English class, fuck your amazing cinnamon latte, and you know what? Just fuck you, Otto!" I snapped, then hurriedly walked over to my car and got in, slamming the door shut behind me. I drove off, pulling out of my parking space way too fast, nearly hitting the car behind me.

I could have given Otto a chance to talk to me. A part of me wanted to hear what he had to say and whether he had the same shameful desires as I did. But it would have been wrong to hear him out, and what would he have said, anyway? I mean, seriously, what was his play? Kick me out of his class, then talk to me off campus about our mutual hookup? No thank you.
I had come to the conclusion: Otto was a huge dick wad.

•••

The next day, I lay in my bed for quite a while. Hours and hours passed and all I did was go on Twitter and watch Netflix. I didn't get out of bed unless it was to go to the bathroom or get something to eat or drink from my private stash. That was literally all I could do until I saw my doorknob turning and West barged in.

"What the hell, West?" I exclaimed, pausing my show and taking my earbuds out.

"You're the one who gave me an extra key in case of emergencies," he said. "So here I am, and this is a serious emergency."

"I'm not going to another party, West," I muttered.

"It's not another party, geez! Calm down, woman," West said. "And it isn't a me-emergency, it is a you-emergency! Ever since you ran into you-know-who at the coffee shop, all you've done is tweet, watch Dexter nonstop, sleep, eat, and drink. You've done pretty much nothing, Harrison."

"I think that sounds like a lot."

"It's not. You need to get out into the real world," he said. West walked over and opened up my curtains, letting the bright sun shine through, and I squinted my eyes. "Look at the beautiful hills we have on this campus. We'll go have a picnic, take some online quizzes, and we can even recite our favorite quotes from Bridge of Clay. Just the two of us. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like I would rather be watching season 5," I said, attempting to put my earbuds back on, but West stopped me before I could. He yanked them out of my hands and threw them across the room.

"Hey!"

"No. There will be no season 5 today. You're going to come with me and we are going to have a lovely picnic with your favorite food!" he exclaimed.

I instantly sat up. "Pineapple pizza and the toffee brownie from the cafe?" West answered me with a simple nod. I sighed and stood up. "I guess now I have no choice but to come."

West smiled, fully satisfied with his ability to bribe me with food. "Good, let's go!"

When we got to the hill that sat on the edge of campus, we settled down and West revealed a large amount of food he had gotten for us to share. A large pizza as well as one of the giant, delicious toffee brownies that had my mouth watering already.

We did everything West promised, starting with the dumb online quizzes. We took stupid ones about how many kids we would have, and ones that said If you were to fall in love with one former Bachelor, who would it be? West practically died on the spot when he was matched with Ben Higgins. He'd gone all the way to Colorado years ago to meet him at some outlet mall.

We enjoyed the food. Pineapple on pizza was the best invention and no one could change my mind on that. And after we ate, we did in fact recite our favorite quotes from Bridge of Clay, a book West and I had read together the previous summer.

"'And I held him, like love, in my arms,'" West quoted. "I think I started bawling profusely at that point in the book."

Hours passed and it was suddenly getting dark. The stars were coming out, and the sun had gone down. At this point, West and I were simply laying in the grass. Side by side, staring up at the breathtaking night sky. Taking in every star and constellation.

I pointed up. "There's the Big Dipper."

"We can totally go inside if you don't want to be out here," West said, realizing that the stars still reminded me of Otto and the time we spent together. Although it had only been a one night situation, we both knew it had meant something more. And I tended to hold onto the little moments with everything I had. It was likely I'd hold onto that moment between Otto and me for years to come. Because in the past, I hadn't had many little moments that were enjoyable enough to keep a hold of in my fond memories.

"No, I can enjoy the stars. I can enjoy the constellations. Just because Otto was the one to show me the Big Dipper and now I absolutely hate him doesn't mean that I can't still enjoy the night. And how beautiful it is," I said.

"Sure, I know," West said. "I just wanted to make sure that I was right."

"I'm sure that's it."

•••

Otto Landry was going to be the death of me.

Every day while I was walking to lunch, he would stare at me, smile, and then walk past me towards the Subway. I hadn't been able to go to Subway for the past week because I'd been avoiding him. But today I didn't have a choice. Sadly, West had been insanely craving something other than Chinese food and Taco Bell, so Subway was our only on-campus choice. I tried to convince him that we could go somewhere off-campus, but he refused. He said he would only eat at the on-campus Subway.

Thanks a lot, West.

"I can't believe you're dragging me across campus to Subway when there's also a Subway in town that's a 2-minute drive as opposed to a 5-minute walk."

"Stop whining, you need to man up. Grow a pair," West said and I groaned. "You know what I've been thinking? There is no possible way you had sex with him, and I think you both are just delusional."

"Shut up and let's just get this over with," I said. I peered inside the Subway window, and Otto surprisingly wasn't there. I took a deep breath, thankful for that.

"See? He isn't even here, you wimp! Let's go."

I finally let go of West's arm and ran into Subway, immediately getting in line. Otto wasn't here, and I was finally allowed to eat an amazing sandwich in peace. We got our food and sat down at my favorite spot: the spot right by the window in the back corner, and of course, it was a booth. For maximum dining comfort.

Of course, right as we sat down and got ready to dig into our lovely sandwiches, a certain someone walked through the Subway doors. And that certain someone was Otto. So my immediate reaction was to try and get West to leave the restaurant with me as fast as possible. Unfortunately, West wasn't exactly on board with my plan.

"No freaking way, you chicken. It's time you face your damn fears, Harrison Woods. Meaning we are not leaving this fine-dining establishment."

I groaned and reverted my attention towards Otto as he stood in line. And with just my luck, he looked over at the same time and our eyes connected. He looked at me as I looked at him with his incredibly gorgeous, bright green eyes. I was a sucker for green eyes.

I reverted my attention back to West, not wanting to look at Otto anymore. I hated him for taking me out of his class. I couldn't make eye contact with him like I was unbothered.

"We can eat in my apartment and watch season 5 of Dexter."

West rolled his eyes. "No Harrison, that is all you have been doing lately. You need to face the real world instead of hiding in the comfort of your bedroom watching Netflix shows you've already seen! This is how life is, you can't always hide from your problems."

"But you can always run," I said and West shot me a glare. I groaned. "I don't like the real world. I don't like this new concept you're forcing on me. And I definitely don't like the fact that the man who shall not be named is here."

"Well, if you don't like the mere fact that he's in the same room as you, then you really aren't going to like this. So don't panic," West said, which sent me into an instantaneous panic, "but Otto is coming over here. Like right now."

"Oh god, no. Leave, leave, leave," I mumbled, feeling every muscle in my body tense at the mere thought of Otto walking over to where I sat.

"Okay. I'll leave." West smiled at me and then stood up. And then that asshole had the audacity to actually leave me alone.

"Wait, wait, West I didn't mean you!" 

But he was already gone. And that's when Otto, or Mr. Landry, took a seat across from me.

"Meatball sub with parmesan on top?" he asked.

"How the hell do you know that? Are you stalking me?"

"No." He chuckled. "It looked a lot like my sandwich, probably the same as yours. I could accuse you of stalking me, too."

"No, you couldn't. If you haven't noticed, I've been avoiding you, not following you. If anyone is stalking anyone here, it's you stalking me."

"I just wanted to talk to you about the situation. You know, with–"

"I know what you're talking about, so you don't have to say it," I said, forcing myself to look away and take a sip of my drink. "Also, I thought I made myself pretty clear the other day when you stalked me at the cafe. I don't want to talk about things that don't matter."

"Harrison, please. This matters," Otto said. I looked into his deep set eyes, this time unable to look away. Something told me he wasn't asking because he wanted to get rid of the awkwardness. Rather, he was pleading for the silence to end. And I didn't know how to feel about that. I didn't know how I should feel about that.

"I already told you where I stand, and I'm not going to change my mind just because you're persistent. You can't just kick me out of your class and expect me to talk to you in my own free time. We have no reason to talk. Nothing to talk about," I said.

"You know that isn't true."

I stood up and threw my trash away, ready to leave. Before I completely left, I turned back to him. "I have to go. Because I'm not going to waste my time talking about something that doesn't even matter."

"Harrison–" I heard his voice and chose to ignore it, leaving before he had the chance to continue speaking to me.

Nearly running out of the Subway, I finally caught up to West who was halfway to the boys' dorms and tugged on his arm.

"Hey! Thanks a lot for ditching me back there!"

"You told me to leave," he replied, looking at me with a satisfied smirk on his face. He knew exactly what he had done, and he had done it on purpose.

"You're a literal asshole, you know that? And even so, you shouldn't have left me alone with Otto. What a good friend you are," I said.

West stopped walking. "Maybe," he got closer to me and whispered, "you should just face the fact that you're going to have to talk to Otto at some point. What happened at the party, Harrison? It was a big deal. It's still a big deal, and you're gonna have to talk about the fact that you two decided to get it on." West went on to make unbearably sexual hand motions. I slapped his hands and he held them up in defense.

"You did not have to word it like that," I said.

"Whatever. You have to talk to him," he said and continued to walk, so I followed behind. "You have to talk about why it happened in the first place. If you liked him, if he liked you, or if it was honestly just because the two of you were bored and needed a distraction. Things have to be discussed."

I gulped. "What if I don't want to talk about it?"

West now pulled me into a small corridor outside of the boys' dorms, once again keeping his voice low. "No one cares, Harrison! Especially him, he's going to make you talk at some point."

"He can't make me do anything."

West sighed. "Look. You'll see him again. Off campus, at the coffee shop, the library, the freaking park or wherever," he pointed out. "Most definitely at another party."

"West, no. You didn't–"

"I'm sorry, okay? I know that you don't exactly like parties and you don't exactly like seeing Otto, but you know that I like Jason a lot! I need to see him, Hare. And he told me to bring a friend and you are my best best friend," West said. "Please? Do it for me."

I sighed. "Will he have my ale?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Duh."

I waited, knowing surely I would regret attending. But at the same time, I could use a fucking drink. "I guess I'll come."

West smiled and giddily clapped his hands. "Beautiful! Now let's go watch a movie or some shit. I'm not doing any homework today."

I rolled my eyes and off we were as if there were no problems. Although, that couldn't be further from the truth. West's words made me think about Otto even more. About why we slept together that night. If it was more than just the two of us needing a distraction. And I wish I could have avoided the thought, but it was impossible to deny.

I liked Otto despite my attempts to force myself into hating him (because hating him would have made things so much easier). More than anything, I was intrigued by him. The first time I'd seen him at the coffee shop when he spoke his first words to me, I knew I was curious about him. The way he had sat there judging me for drinking a black coffee, his left leg crossed over his right, to-go cup in his right hand filled with his proclaimed cinnamon latte. I was deathly attracted to a man that I wasn't supposed to be attracted to. And I didn't know what to do about it. I was sure after our encounter at the coffee shop I'd never see him again, but fate had other ideas, forcing Otto and I to cross paths; first as my English teacher and then as the compelling and handsome man at the party. I couldn't deny that the night we'd spent together hadn't been meaningless. It wasn't like me to go around sleeping with random guys at parties, and I usually had a hard time letting people in through my protective barrier. It was rare for me to take a liking to someone and actually do something about it.

I had taken an instant liking to Otto that night. It wasn't all about the sex or needing a distraction, although that certainly had been part of it. But the bigger part of our rendezvous had been because being with Otto felt good.

Ignoring Otto felt bad. It should have felt good. Like I said, hating him would have been much easier. But I didn't hate him. Even though he kicked me out of his class (like a dick), I couldn't hate him for it. It was his job he was protecting and it was hard to get mad at him because of it. Even ignoring him purposefully knowing how hard he was trying to talk to me made guilt surge throughout my entire being. I needed to talk to him and because of the strong attraction I felt towards Otto ever since that night (our presumably one-night-stand that I didn't want to keep as a one-night-anything), I needed to give whatever this thing between us was a shot.