Six | Bittersweet Mistakes

Jason's big party was tonight and he was determined to make it insane. For some reason, despite my dislike for parties, I was actually somewhat excited for tonight. I was ready to have a good time after a long week and Jason was equally as confused by my attitude as I was.

It was early in the day, and we were at the liquor store buying beer because, unlike the last party, this one was actually being thrown at our place, which meant that Jason wanted to show up every other college guy in town with the amount of beer he could get. He was always one to outdo everyone else. And he succeeded every time. I was looking through the beer selection when I turned around and saw Jason grabbing 2 cans of the bitter ale. Immediately, I tensed at the thought of Harrison.

"Just 2?" I asked even though I didn't need to.

"It's just for one girl, Otto. She's not gonna drink a whole damn case herself. And this shit is nasty," he said, wrinkling his nose. He looked up and noticed my expression, then realized who he had been talking about. "Oh shit! Harrison! You fucked her! Right, I almost forgot."

"Shut up, it's not funny. She's my student and it shouldn't have happened," I said. "Well, she's not my student anymore, which I feel shitty about. I feel even shittier for kicking her out of my class. And even shittier when I walk in the classroom and don't see her sitting beside West. But regardless, what happened between us was a mistake. Nothing more, nothing less."

Jason squinted his eyes at me and then scoffed. "Holy shit."

"What?"

"You like her."

"I don't."

"But you do." Jason placed the 2 bottles of bitter ale in our cart. "You can't fool me, Otto. I know you like you're my dick."

I wrinkled my nose. "Please never say that again. Being compared to your dick isn't exactly a compliment."

"Being compared to my dick is the biggest compliment you could ever receive," Jason told me. "What I'm saying is that I know you too well to be fooled by your rambling. You like Harrison."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the beer and grabbed a pack of Corona. "So what if I do? I can't do anything about it. She was a student of mine and, not to mention, a minor. It would be highly illegal to be with her for more than one reason."

"No one needs to know, Otto," Jason said. "It can be a secret."

"A secret that if anyone found out, could you imagine the trouble I'd be in? I would be fired and I could go to jail," I said.

"Get a grip," Jason said, leaning up against the shelves. "I can't necessarily be having a relationship with West, can I?"

I thought. "No, not exactly."

"Yet, I am," he said. "You keep it on the DL and nothing happens. No one can touch you if there's no proof of anything. If you're both on the same page, that is."

I knew what Jason was saying wasn't wise, but did I really like Harrison? I couldn't deny that each time I had seen her walking on campus, my heart fluttered just a bit. And when I had found her at the coffee shop recently, she brushed past me and I caught a whiff of that addicting flowery scent on her like I had at the party. I had to admit, Harrison that entranced me. There was something about her that I couldn't quite leave aside, and I wanted to believe, despite her constant avoidance of me, that she felt the same way. I knew that our night together had been mutually enjoyed even though the morning after proved to be intensely awkward.

If there was a hope I could hold on to, it was the hope that Harrison felt something for me similar to what I felt for her.

Jason lowered his voice, "Hey, you are a teacher after all. Maybe just... take her back into your class and then, I don't know," he smirked, "give her a few tutoring sessions." He shot me a wink and then grabbed a few more cases of beer, setting them gently in our cart.

"Maybe I'll teach her how to try something new," I said, entertaining Jason's idea. Jason couldn't have looked more pleased.

"That's the spirit!" he exclaimed, patting me on the shoulder. "Now, let's get this goddamn beer! We've got one hell of a party to set up."

•••

I saw Harrison at work later that day. Every time I thought about how I kicked her out of my class, I felt a sense of regret. And ever since Jason's weird pep-talk earlier, the only thing on my mind had been Harrison and the possibility of being with her.

She was walking to Subway with West, and I came to the conclusion that it was time to tell her. Not that I liked her, but that she could come back to my class. It was heartless putting her with that other teacher, what's-his-name. He was a pain in the ass in the teacher's lounge, and no one could ever stand being in the same room as him for more than 10 minutes. I could certainly vouch for that.

Running over towards them, I stood in front so they were forced to stop. "Harrison! Can I borrow you for a second?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, West said, "Meet me in there, I'll order for you," and left.

"Dammit, West," she cursed. She waited before turning her attention towards me, immediately locking her eyes onto mine. "What do you want now?" She definitely didn't want to talk to me.

"I wanted to tell you that you can come back to my class. I talked to the Dean and he allowed me to get another transfer slip for you. It was wrong of me to kick you out," I said. "I shouldn't have made things personal."

"What makes you think I want to come back to your class?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. I loved her stubbornness when it came to me. Perhaps, her feigned attempt to prove to me that she wanted nothing to do with me when in reality, she wanted more from me.

Or perhaps that was all a fantasy in my head.

"I just thought you'd rather spend time with your friend, but if you like Mr. Pain-in-the-ass, then I guess–"

"Okay. Thanks, Otto. I mean– Mr. Landry," she said, then half-heartedly smiled and left for Subway.

That was the first time since that night that I had seen her smile in my presence. But did that mean that everything was good between us? Or was she still going to avoid me at the party like she had been avoiding me for the past few weeks?

I needed coffee. I had just enough time to head to the coffee shop and get some work done. So I made my way there, ordering my usual and taking a seat at the high-table by the window. I decided to pull out my laptop and, as I said, get some work done. However, I couldn't focus on my work. I had to do something. There was an unassailable urge inside of me to do something and I couldn't just press it down into the pit of my consciousness. It had to be done.

"Harrison Woods," I whispered as I opened up my laptop. I searched for her name on Facebook. Nothing. I should've guessed, she didn't seem like a Facebook person. How about Instagram? Search. Nada. Twitter? Search. A profile with her name popped up.

I clicked on her profile and felt a sense of self-condemnation take me over because it felt wrong to be stalking her online profiles. But I couldn't help myself, so I continued to scroll through her profile, picking up on a few details. She had lived in Maryland prior to Michigan and it seemed like she hated her parents. She constantly talked about her detest for Starbucks, explicitly the fact that it was too mundane, overly hyped, and didn't even have good quality coffee. By reading her tweets, studying her retweets and likes for what was nearly 30 minutes, I came to the realization:

There was so much about Harrison that I didn't know, so many little details. And it was all eating at me because the more I learned from her online profile, the more I yearned for her to stop ignoring me. The more I wanted her to speak to me and tell me everything, every single detail, about her. The only factor that stood in the way was whether Harrison had any feelings for me at all, or whether she truly despised me.

I hoped I would find out at the party.

•••

I sat out back on a lawn chair in front of the fire pit, drinking a beer: a classic Corona straight from the can. By no means was it the best tasting beverage, but it certainly quenched my thirst.

"Otto! People are arriving. Are you seriously gonna stay out there?" Jason yelled from inside the house, peering out of the window.

"Yup. All night, Jason," I replied. "I'll be in if I want to, alright? Don't worry about me."

"Not worrying, just telling you not to be such a loner!"

"Shut up," I said, flipping him off.

"Later!" he yelled, pulling his head back in the window and shutting it. The music was still incredibly loud with the window shut, and I could hear the vibrations of the bass practically shaking the entire house.

The heat radiating towards me felt good on my body. Spending all day at work behind a cramped desk wasn't very relaxing, but sitting by the crackling warmth of the fire, now that was relaxing. It was just what I needed after a long and stressful week of teaching.

Truth be told, I would have been inside getting shit-faced and partaking in the dumb alcoholic activities if I didn't have a reason for being outside. And that reason was Harrison. I knew she would be coming tonight, as indicated from the purchase of 2 of her nasty beers. Letting her back into my class was step one, but tonight I was hoping to clear the air and to set some things straight. I knew what I wanted and I was planning on going for it.

As I sat drinking my beer for more than 20 minutes alone, I finally heard the sliding glass door open. I didn't look back to see who walked out because I wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet and pretend that I wasn't actually there in case it wasn't who I was hoping to see.

But it was.

Harrison sat down beside me, gripping her bitter ale.

"Thanks for letting me back in your class." She said it before I could even really look at her. I turned in her direction and noticed her appearance: her chestnut brown hair was let down in loose curls and she was wearing a bright red skirt and a black top buttoned at the front with one singular button. It was hard to look away. But I couldn't just stare.

"I made a mistake and got my personal life tangled into my work life and that was stupid and selfish of me," I apologized. "I hope you're not too mad."

"No, not too mad."

It was quiet. For a moment, we just enjoyed the fire, the flames in front of us rising. The warmth came in quick gusts and was satisfying. But the silence only lasted so long before I had the endless urge to break it.

"What brings you to the flames?" I asked.

"I like fire," she said. "I like to take lighters and burn paper when I'm bored. I especially like to burn down buildings and then run away from the police."

I laughed. "So you came to the fire because you enjoy arson?"

"That would be the reason."

"Nothing to do with me?" I teased, smirking at her.

We made eye contact. I usually hated eye contact and thought it to be uncomfortable when the contact lingered, but her eyes were bright and desirable. They reflected the shadows of the fire and not one moment of it was awkward. "I guess you'll have to wait to find out."

She barely had to say anything, yet there was something so alluring about her. The way her tone was so smooth and seductive drove me crazy. I felt as if I couldn't get enough of her. Or perhaps, I just hadn't yet gotten enough to satisfy.

"Parties aren't really my thing, to be honest, but you know that from the last time," she said, reverting her attention to the fire. "I'm mostly here for the beer."

"Mostly?"

"Mostly." And then her eyes were back on mine. "I don't think that it was a mistake, Otto. What happened between us, I mean."

I raised my eyebrows. Truthfully, I was a bit shocked. From her constantly avoiding me for the past few weeks, I had assumed she had regretted that night more than anything. And I was sure my attempts tonight wouldn't have worked. But maybe we were both on the same page.

"Really?"

"Really." I liked the way she repeated my words. They had left my mouth first, but when she spoke them they instantly became hers. The echo of Mostly? Mostly. Really? Really. She almost mocked me in a way by doing it, but not in a way that was daunting or bothersome, in a way that made me want to tell her to say it again and press my lips against hers.

"I thought about it and I thought I hated you. I kind of wanted to kill you." She laughed. "But the more I thought, the more I realized that what happened between us wasn't a mistake. It was good and I liked it. And I admit to being a bit avoidant lately, but I think I was just trying to suppress whatever I felt for you. I don't want to do that anymore, though."

And before I knew it, she was standing up, leaning against the large oak tree. Without even so much as a thought, I was up, too. My hands were pinned beside both sides of her head and she leaned into my body, pressing her chest against me. Our mouths were inches, no– centimeters apart. So close that her breath was mine. There was no hesitation on her part before she pushed her lips onto mine. I eagerly pushed back, pinning her completely against the tall tree. Bodies and souls melding together for only moments before she broke away. Although, we remained close with our foreheads pressed up against one another. Her hand travelled along my shirt. I was high off of her intoxicating touch the moment her hand met the bare skin beneath my shirt.

Leaning in, she whispered, "Let's just keep this between the two of us for now. Deal?" Now, it was my chance to turn her words into mine. 

"Deal," I said before grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her in again, tasting the bitter beer on her lips and tongue, tempting me even closer to her. So close that I could smell her enticing sweet flowery aroma.

And the moment was bittersweet.