09 - 03 - 15

I feel really warm and I don't want to move. I feel what I think is a pillow and it's breathing. My eyes open wide and I see a sleeping Sam. He has an arm around me and I'm almost completely on top of him. I feel my cheeks heat up. I look outside and it's still gloomy. There is a light drizzle, but other than that it's good. I don't want to wake Sam up, but yet we need to get back. Well if I just go back to sleep... he won't know I woke up. I rest my head on his chest before going back to sleep.

***

It feels like the car is moving. I open my eyes and see us pull into the institution. I look over at Sam. I'm leaning on him with my knees on the right side of me, his arm is over my left arm which is also resting on my leg, I have my right hand over his arm and I'm somehow buckled with the blanket over me. How in the name did we get in this position without me waking up? Then Sam looks over at me.

"Your up?" He asks and sounds surprised.

"Ya." I say and let go of his arm feeling warmth rise to my face once again.

"I'm surprised you slept the whole way here." He says letting his arm drop on his leg.

"How long were you driving?" I ask unbuckling.

"About and hour." He says. I nod my head and fold the blanket before putting it under the seat. Sam gets out of the truck and I go out the same way. I have to jump down because I'm too short to touch. Before Sam and I can even grab one bag Jake, Carol, and Matt come running towards us looking concerned.

"Where were you guys?" Jake questions once he's done running.

"The rain was too heavy to drive in so we parked and went to sleep." Sam says and shrugs his shoulders.

"You could have messaged one of us." Matt says and slaps Sam on the shoulder.

"Forgot." He says and shrugs again. Carol gives me a bear hug.

"You scared me." She says as she's pulls away letting me breath.

"It's a good thing you weren't here though, your rooms have trees in them or the tornado got them." Jake says. My eyes widen at his words.

"Is everyone ok?" I ask and Jake looks over at me.

"Yes, everyone got out or used their abilities to keep them safe. The rooms will need to be rebuilt so everyone is getting new rooms. I'll tell you when I know what rooms you're in." He says and jogs back to the institution.

"Great." Sam says sarcastically. We all start grabbing bags and make our way in the building. Hopefully none of the food was spoiled.

When we finally get all the bags in the kitchen I start walking to where my old room was. I make sure not to step on anything that will break under my weight. Carol's side is completely gone except for her door. My side has things all over in it. I walk into what was my old room. Some of the floor is gone by my closet. The walls have branches through them and my back walls is barely there. The branches are everywhere and I can't even find where my things are or were. There is a big blob of branches were my bathroom was.

I grab on my pearl and start rubbing it. Everyone is going to need new things and how will it all be paid for? I start walking back out my room when the ground sinks about five inches. A little scream comes out my mouth. I don't move at all hoping it won't sink again. I look over and see the ground. "Why was my room on the top floor?" I say to myself. I move my foot a little trying to get back to the hallway or part of Sam's room. Once I'm only two more steps the ground comes out from under my feet. I scream, but someone grabs my arm. I see my room end up on a few floors down with some other rooms. I look up at who has my arm and see Matt. He pulls me up and practically carries me to where it's safe. "Why in the hell were you down there?" He asks releasing me.

"I-I-" I can't speak. Words won't come out.

"Do you have a death wish?" He asks. His voice is still loud and it's starting to scare me. "Do you?" He asks. I back away into someone. I trip over there foot, but before I can fall from tripping over them they catch me.

"Drop it Matt." I hear Sam say and it sounds like a warning. Once I gain my balance he lets go of me.

"Fine." Matt says looking at Sam. Matt walks away leaving me and Sam.

"Why were you down there?" Sam asks, but in a gentle voice. Not like Matt's.

"I-I just wanted to see." I say and stutter a little.

"Please don't do that again. If Matt wasn't there you could have died." He says and sounds protective.

"I can't it's gone." I say. Sam smiles a little and shakes his head at me.

"Come on, Jake wants to see us." He says and pulls me down a pair of stairs. I smile as I see us holding hands.

When we get to the cafeteria I see Jake on a table with people around him. Sam lets go of my hand as we walk in. "Maddie and Tary room 204." He says. Then I see too girls leave the cafeteria. Then he starts saying more names and more rooms. There is four people left. Sam, Matt, Carol, and Me. What a coincidence. "Sam and Corrine you're going to be in the office next to the exit door number 4. Matt and Carol you're down stairs by my office. There's not a big office, but you guys should fit in them. There are only two cots so one is in your guy's office" He says and looks at Sam and me. "and the other one is in yours." He says getting down off the table looking at Carol and Matt. Carol and Matt start walking away talking about some movie.

"Come on." Sam says. I walk up to him.

"I have a question. How is everyone going to get everything they need? Like clothes and everything they lost." I say. He looks over at me.

"Why do you care about everyone, you don't even know them?" He asks confused.

"Because they are people and they should be a priority." I say as we start walking down a hallway.

"Hmm." He says and shakes his head. "Jake has had this happen before, he knows what to do and how to get everything ready. Oh and Carol got a book and your notebook before everything went down. She said she was going to grab your backpack but a tree came in so she had to go." He says glancing down at me.

"Oh, I'll thank her." I say before he makes a turn into a room. Why would she risk grabbing stuff for me? I don't understand people. I then look into room and see it's really small. It's more like a big closet instead of a office. I don't think you can have more than a desk and a chair in here and that's even pushing it. I see two backpacks. One is purple and one is black.

"The purple is yours. You should look in it and get comfortable." Sam says grabbing the black one. I grab the purple one and I open it. I find a new phone and charger. I set it next to me and look in the bag. There is one pair of sweatpants, jeans, a sweatshirt, two shirts one looks really small and the other one looks really big, there's a tank top, a blanket, some socks, bras, and underwear. I put it all back in the bag and grab the phone. How did Sam do this last time? I ask myself. I turn it on and it starts asking me questions.

"Um?" I say and try tapping something. Sam looks over at me.

"Hand it to me, I'll get it ready." He says and smiles a little. I hand it to him and he starts typing things and goes into like 40 different apps before handing it back to me. "There all your old apps are back and you are logged into the app store and your gmail. Also you might want to change your password. It's easy." He says and smiles. Little Brat.

"How did you?" I ask but huff. "I'll change it." I say and lean against the wall back to where I was before. I go into my gmail and change my password. SpecialPearl. Now he won't guess that, ha. I tell myself and look over at him. He is plugging his phone in. I stare at the cot. It looks like it can barely fit one person let alone two. I stop thinking about it and grab my phone. I pull up my book and start reading. I see Sam stand up and he looks a little pale.

"Sam?" I ask concerned. He looks over at me and he looks like he's going to faint or puke, maybe even both. I get up and put my arm around his waist, not that it will do much. "Sam what's wrong?" I ask. His puts his arm around my shoulder before he starts walking out the door. I keep my arm around him hoping he won't fall. He leans against the wall with his head against it and closes his eyes. I let go off him and he slowly starts going down the wall. His knees are up, arms at his side, and still has his eyes closed. It looks like some color is coming back into his face. "Sam, can you say something?" I ask because he hasn't moved.

"Claustrophobic." He says and opens his eyes. "The room was getting too tight, I couldn't think straight." He says and looks at me. I'm sitting pretzel legged in front of him. The floor is really cold on my butt, but I ignore it.

"You good now?" I ask not knowing what to say or do to help. He nods his head. "Good because you scared the crap out of me." I say and exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding. A little smile forms on his lips before he gets up.

"Let's go practice." He says and holds out his hand to help me up. I grab it and get up. He lets go of my hand and starts walking to the exit. I wish he kept holding my hand, my question is why? Why do I feel like I want to be with him? Why do I want just to have him hold me? I shake my head to get the thoughts out and jog to catch up to him.

We carefully walk outside making sure to not step on any of the branches. Knowing me though a branch decides to trip me. I fall and end up in a big puddle of mud. Sam looks back. "Clumsy Corrine." He says and holds his hand out. I grab his hand and he helps me get some balance. Once I'm standing he bursts out laughing. I start at him in shock. I don't think he has ever just starting laughing over something so small. He's always so serious.

"What's so funny?" I ask looking down at him holding his stomach.

"You...Mud...Everywhere." He says still laughing. I look down at my clothes. I'm covered in mud from my shorts to my shirt. At least it's not in my hair or on my face. I look back at Sam. He stands up still holding his stomach. I glare at him a little and he starts laughing again. Boys, why are they so annoying? When he finally sobers up he looks at me. "Sorry, but that was hilarious. You falling not really, but the after effects were." He says but before he can say anything I change my eyes on purpose at him. He stops laughing and takes a step back. "Corrine I was joking." He says. I change my eyes back and start laughing. Confusion passes over his face.

"Now that was funny." I say and wipe a fake tear away.

"Since when can you do that?" He asks and shakes his head at me.

"I learned how from doing it by myself. I change them when I want without losing control. I can't do it for long. I still can't control when I get mad, but I'm starting to get better." I say and Sam nods his head.

"Don't do that to me." He says and shivers. I laugh again before we start working on water bending.

***

"A least I don't have mud on me anymore." I say and Sam looks at me. He chuckles and then shakes his head.

"We are done for today, let's go and get lunch. You need to get other clothes though." He says as I ring my hair out. Water splashes onto the ground.

We walk back to the office and I grab the baggier shirt, it's a flannel shirt that is long sleeved. Sam sits in the corner looking at his phone. "Um, can you get out?" I ask uncomfortable with him in here when I change. He groans looking up at me.

"Can I just turn around?" He asks and looks at me. "I won't look, promise." He says.

"Fine." I say. He says yes before turning around. I put a sports bra on, then the tank top and then the flannel shirt. I find the sweatpants and quickly put them on. There a little big so I have to pull the string really far so it doesn't fall off my hips. "Let's go." I say. He turns and looks at me. Something crosses his face, but I don't know what. When he looks at my eyes he stands up and shakes his head. What was that about? Whatever, maybe I'm just seeing things again. I say to myself while following him out the room.

When we get to the cafeteria we find Matt and Carol sitting together laughing about something. I look over at Sam and raise my eyebrows. He shrugs as we sit across from them. "What are you wearing?" Carol asks and looks at my shirt. I look down.

"Is something wrong?" I ask confused.

"Yes, the way you're wearing it." She says and walks over to me. "Please stand." She asks, but it sounds more like an order. I do and she starts tying it right below my bra. She fiddles with it for a little before saying "There, that's how it should look. If you roll up the sleeves I'd look better." She says.

"I like the sleeves, but thanks." I say hoping she won't push. She shrugs and goes back to sit next to Matt. I look down at the shirt. I makes my stomach look flat and my boobs bigger. I don't like it showing me off. "You look great." Carol says like she could read my mind. I sigh and sit down. I look at Sam and he seems to be staring at me. He looks away when he realizes I was looking back at him and I think his cheeks get a little pink. Why would he blush? I wonder, but then Carol starts talking to me and I have to pay attention to her and not my thoughts.

***

"Ow, what the hell?" Matt says and looks at Carol. She just slapped him because he was being immature about something. Sam was quite in the cafeteria, like he always is. I really want to ask him why he is so distant around other people. He seems fine in front of Matt, Carol, and me, but when someone else is there he acts totally different. Carol and Matt argue while going to there 'room' while me and Sam go to ours. When we get there I find the courage to ask.

"Why are you so distant when around other people?" I ask. He looks up at me confused and a little shocked.

"I don't know what you mean?" He claims and his eyes look like they go cold.

"Don't lie." I say and he laughs, but not a happy laugh.

"Like you should talk." He says and his voice raises a little.

"Don't point this at me. I asked you a simple question." I say feeling some confidence. Why is it when I'm around him I feel confident? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

"I don't know what you're talking about." He says his jaw tightened.

"Yes, you do. Why do you act like a jerk and cold hearted around them?" I ask. He talks a step towards me, but I don't back up.

"Because that's who I am." He says. His hands are in fists.

"No it's not." I say and take a step towards him. He looks straight ahead of him and not at me. "You never act that way around Matt or Carol or even me. So why when around any other person." I ask looking up at him.

"Why do you want to know?" He asks, but doesn't look at me.

"Because we are friends and you already know a secret about me, so why can't you tell me one?" I ask. He looks down at me and he relaxes his fists. He stares in my eyes and I feel something in my stomach, not queasy something different. He looks away from me and sits on the cot. I sit next to him and he takes a deep breath in before exhaling it.

"You tell anyone, you'll regret it." He says and looks over at me.

"I won't." I say. He looks back at the ground before talking.

"I was at the house by myself because my mom and sisters were having a girls night out. I was watching a movie when I got a call from my sister. She was crying on the phone and when I finally got her to calm down and tell me what was wrong she said someone jumped them and killed our mom." He pauses and starts rubbing his hands together. "I asked her where she was and went straight to get them, but when I got there I saw my mom dead with blood all over her."

"I-I look over at my sisters and found Alaina holding Heather to her chest. I slowly walk over to her and look at my big sister. She had her eyes closed and had blood coming out of her throat. I-I f-felt my heart being ripped out my throat. I was mad and angry at myself because I wasn't there sooner. I was heartbroken."

"Then the men came back with a gun and laughed when I grabbed my sister and pulled her behind me. They told me I couldn't save her just like my mom and big sister. My sister cried behind me and then they pulled the trigger. I was going to pull my sister and I to the floor, but she stepped in front of me and" He stops talking, but then takes a breath and continues. "l-l-looked at me when the bullet hit her. She fell into my arms and then I heard the sirens. I held her close to me as the men ran away. S-She told me not to cry and that they would all be looking out for me. She said she was going to miss me. I told her to keep her eyes open, but but she didn't. She didn't listen, she used her speed to save me."

"When the ambulance got there it was too late. My mom and both of my big sisters had died and I didn't protect them. My dad told me before he died that I needed to protect them and I didn't. I failed everyone in my family. After the funeral Jake took me in because I couldn't control my gifts anymore and I shut everyone out. I'm afraid to get close to anyone because when I do they leave or get hurt because of my past. If they find out that I'm close to anyone they'll kill them. I had it happen to a friend. They always find out. Matt can protect himself and he was there to help me. That's why I don't talk to other people, I have to stay distant." He says with tears in his eyes.

"Sam you can't protect everyone. It wasn't your fault-"

"I hear that from everyone, but I will never believe them." He says interrupting and shakes his head.

"Sam, look at me." I say. He turns his head towards me but doesn't look at me. I grab his head in my hands and force him to look down at me. "You can't blame yourself because you tried. You got there as soon as you could and you were going to save your sister, but she saved you. She saved you so you could live. You can't just block people out. It's not living. I don't think your sisters wanted you to be in pain everyday. Make your family proud, by showing them they didn't die for you not to live your life to the fullest. Those men can't hurt you anymore. Jake will protect everyone and if they try to hurt someone with our gifts they have another thing coming." I say and wipe tears off his face.

"I can't." He says turning away from me.

"You don't have to tell people what happened, but talk to people. Don't say rude things, just a Hey how are you, or How's it going. You don't have to befriend them, just have a simple conversation." I say and see him wipe his eyes. He turns back towards me.

"If I try you have to promise me something." He says. I nod my head. It can't be too bad. "If I try to talk to some people and not be a jerk you can't ever cut again." He says. I look down and away from him. That's the only way the memories go away, the pain is the only thing that blocks the memories.

"I-I can't." I say and stand up to walk out the door. Sam grabs my elbow and turns me towards him.

"Why? Why can't you?" He asks holding my arm.

"Because." I say and not looking at him.

"Because why? That's not good for you and you know it. Hurting yourself like that is bad. There is no reason for you to do it." He says and his grip tightens on my arm, but not too tight where it will hurt.

"Why can't I? It doesn't affect you." I say looking up at him.

"It's not living and there is no reason too. You're not being hurt anymore." He says lowering his voice.

"There is always a reason that people do it." I say looking back at the ground.

"What is yours?" He asks and drops his hand from my arm.

"You wouldn't understand." I say frustrated. He doesn't have to deal with what I've lived through. He doesn't know about the memories.

"Make me. It's not going to hurt you to tell me." He says and walks to stand in front of me. I can feel his gaze on me. It wouldn't harm him if I told him, but then he will start asking more questions. I can't- "Corrine, please tell me. Tell me why you would want to hurt yourself." He says interrupting my thoughts. I take a few breaths. It's not going to be bad if I tell him.

"The pain makes the memories go away. It blocks everything else out. I can just focus on the pain." I say and turn away from him. "It's a stupid reason, but it's my reason." I say. He grabs my shoulders and turns my body towards him.

"I'll help you with the memories. I help you block them out. Just promise me you won't cut. I won't let you if you disagree with me, but this way you get more out of it." He says. I want to say yes, so he's not so distant, but he can't help with the memories. No one can. I know it's selfish, but I can't agree with him.

"No, I can't agree." I say. It's not like he can stop me from doing it. He doesn't care that much.

"Fine, but you're still not cutting." He says and drops his hands from my shoulders. He sits on the ground and watches me.

"What are you doing?" I ask feeling uncomfortable with him just staring at me.

"Looking at you." He says, not answering my question.

"Why?" I ask sitting on the other side of the room. We still aren't that far apart, but it's the furthest we can be away from each other.

"Because." He says still not answering my question. Fine, he wants to just stare at me, go right ahead. I grab my phone and start reading a book.

20 minutes pass and he isn't staring at me, but he keeps glancing at me.

"Would you just stop?" I ask frustrated.

"No. Well if you promise me you'll never cut then yes." He says like he's got the upper hand. I don't respond, just continue reading.

***

"Will you just agree." He asks next to me. A while ago he walked over and sat next to me.

"You don't understand. It's my only distraction. The only way I can keep them out of my head. They haunt me. I would rather be dead than have those stupid memories." I say and toss my phone the cot. I look over at Sam. He looks a little shocked.

"I will help." He says like it's so simple.

"How? How do you plan on helping me?" I ask raising my voice. He looks at me for awhile before answering.

"Just see. Don't cut when the memories come. Get me." He says looking at me in the eyes.

"Ok, I'll try, but it's not going to work." I say giving up. He's not going to be able to help. Once he realizes it then maybe he'll give up. Before he can say anything a knock comes at the door.

"Hey, they need help making a clear path. They need your help the other airbenders and everyone else." Carol says to Sam. He stands up still looking at me.

"Kay, I'll be right there." He says turning to talk to Carol. "See you in like an hour and we'll continue." He says looking back at me before walking out the door.

"Can I help?" I ask Carol.

"No, but thanks." She says and walks to another room. I grab the blanket and fold it into a pillow before resting my head on it. I stare at the wall playing with my pearl. What have I got myself into? Then more thoughts start flowing through my mind. I grab my notebook and start writing.

***

Before I know it, I hear the door open. I quickly shut my notebook and look at the door. "Done already?" I ask.

"That took two hours." He says a looks at me confused. I turn my phone on. Sure enough, it's 10:08.

"Oh, I guess I was just distracted." I say and put my notebook in the front of the backpack.

"You were writing?" He asks, but it sounds more of a statement.

"Um, ya." I say hoping he doesn't ask too many questions about it.

"What about?" He questions and grabs another shirt. That's when I realize that he is changing. I turn away from his flat stomach and feel my cheeks get warm.

"Just stuff." I say remembering that he asked a question.

"Must have been something good for you to write about it for two hours straight." He says and sits next to me.

"Yeah." I say and feel a little uncomfortable.

"So about what we were talking about before. You don't cut when the memories come. Instead to come to me." He says. I nod my head and he smiles. "Good." He says and then grabs his phone and texts someone. I hear a knock at the door, again. I look up and see Carol. She just loves us today.

"Hey, did you get any pants that were too big." She asks and walks in.

"Ya, the jeans and sweats are big. Why?" I ask.

"Can I trade the jeans for yoga pants?" She says and holds up a pair.

"Sure." I say and grab the backpack.

"Thanks, the pants don't go to my ankles and it was driving me crazy. Oh and here is a pair of shorts too. They don't fit me." She says handing me the clothes after I give her the jeans.

"No problem." I say before she walks out the room. I put the shorts and pants back in the bag. I put my notebook back in the pocket. It's got a weird pattern and is made with some stretchy stuff that looks like yarn. I take the flannel shirt off and try to find the sweatshirt. It is in here somewhere. I think looking in the bag. It's at the bottom of course. I grab it and pull it over my head.

"I'm going to sleep." Sam says and puts his phone on the ground next to the cot.

"Same. I'll get the light." I say standing up. I flip the switch and close the door. I get on my hands and knees to find the cot. When I'm reaching for the cot my finger hits the metal and cracks. "Ow ow ow." I say and bend my finger in and out.

"How did you manage to do that?" I hear Sam.

"I've got no clue." I say and sit on the cot moving my finger. I stop moving my finger and lay down. Both of us are on our sides and it's hard to move.

"This isn't going to work." Sam says. Before I know it he grabs me and puts me on the inside between him and the wall. He lays on his back and I'm halfway on himm. My right arm is on his chest and my left one is under me. "There know we can move without bumping heads." He says and I feel this breath on my head. After a while his breath becomes steady and I end up sleeping.