Good responses to getting stabbed:

"rude"

"not again"

"Are you going to want this back"

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A: Come on babe I wasn't that drunk

B: You came into my room and said "you were dressed to impress"

A: What was I wearing

B: You were naked

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Officer: Alright, what are your names?

Me: Don't tell him Ro

Officer: *writing it down* Ro

Me: Oh shit

Ro: Way to go Jay

Officer: *writes it down*

Ro: fuck

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My hobbies: 

murder

vandalism

sabatoge

ummmm I mean these are hobbies I don't engage in.

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My friend: So should we eat at McDonalds or Subway

me: Who cares? We're all just going to inevitably die anyway no matter where we eat, so what's the point? What is the point?

My friend: .......So Subway?

Me: Yeah, McDonalds would only kill us faster. 

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So if you count nine months backwards from the month you were born, you get an idea of what might have brought on your creation. I know your thinking that it's disgusting. But congratulations to those of you:

Born in March you were the product of one hell of a christmas celebration!

Born in May you were the product of one hell of a valentines day celebration!

there's more but I'm to lazy to list them.