Me and my friend were watching my cousins play the day before yesterday and I had a conversation with my friend that went like this:

Me and Ro: *watching the neighborhood kids play*

Me: Look at them. They're having so much fun. They're so happy.

Ro: Yeah. How long do you think it'll be until they lose the will to live?

Me: I don't even remember having one

Ro: Yeah, those kids are doomed

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Me: Good morning

Mom: You just put salt in your coffee

Me: Life is a trap, mom.

Mom: What are you-

Me: Happiness is an illusion.

Mom: .....

Me: I'm going back to bed.

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Ro: You should always say "please" and "thank you" Jay

Me: Please shut the fuck up, thank you-

Ro: That's not exactly what I meant, but it's progress!

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A: did you just say the 'F' word?!?!

B: Food?

C: No, he's talkin' about FUCK. You can't say FUCK in the house you fuckin' dumbass.

A: C!!!!

B: Why the fuck not?

A: B!!!

D: Dude you just said 'FUCK' again.

A: D

E: *muffled* fuck.

A: E

B: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody! Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!

A:How would you like to go see F?!?

B: How would you like to suck me balls?

*everyone gasp*

A: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?

B: Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Actually, what I said was *Pulls out megaphone* HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, A?

D: Holy shit, dude

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Let me get this straight, more like let me run something bi you.

Let's pan this out

I'm gay

Let's ace-ess the situation

Which one is the odd one out?

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"I blame that rock music. It just ruins so many good kids. You know Jay was a good kid. Then he listened to that My Chemical Romance and now he wants to murder people and he's crazy" -Dabria

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My favorite fictional character: *parks his motorcycle near me*

Me: I want one

Ro: your favorite fictional character or the bike?

Me: Yes

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Ro: Did it hurt? When you fell?

Me: From heaven? Not at all. Do you want my numb-

Ro: No I mean when you fell out o that Uber. I watched you trip on your foot and just kinda lay on the pavement for ten minutes. Are you alright?

(Yes this actually happened to me)