[in a horror movie]
Killer: I can see you
Me: really?
Killer:
Me:
Me: do I look good
Killer: Hell yeah, you slay
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"Don't fuck with me, I woke up at six-thirty!"
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Me: Ugh. I really wish I could just delete people sometimes.
Dabria: Now, you see, that would be murder and we've talked about this.
Me: I know I know
Me and Dabria: if you're committing murder I want in
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Ro: Good morning, brat who thinks I'm incompetent.
Dabria: Good morning, idiot who thinks I'm lying
Me: I'm incompetent and a liar. I don't get a "good morning"?
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Me: hey uhhh where's the uhhh.....what's the uhh...*mumbles to myself for a second* what's the uhh....you know the uhh *does crazy hand gestures to try and explain* what's it called?
Ro: I don't know what your trying to say.
Me: come on it makes sense
Ro: no it really doesn't
Dabria: *walks in*
Me: Dabria! Where's the *does the same gestures as before*
Dabria: the vodka is under the sink.
Me: *gives Ro the I told you so look* thanks Dabria.
Ro:...what the fuck!

(Okay I admit I have a love for alcohol and coffee. BUT I'M NOT ADDICTED!)
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Me: Dabria loves me
Ro: sureeeee
Me: *gets a text from Dabria* aww see they texted me
Ro: what does it say?
Me: it says... "check your voice memos <3" aweee *opens up voice memos and opens the memo that says "love Dabria"*
Dabria on the voice memo: Jay. Go fuck yourself.
Me:.....
Ro:....
Ro: I told you.
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Me: I'm starving. Do we have anything in the fridge?
Harley: *looks in the fridge*
Harley: a severed head
Harley: there is a severed head
Me: *yells* DABRIA!!!!
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Dabria: As your elder sibling, I'm going to give you some tips on how to survive in life.
Me: *raises and eyebrow and casually sips my vodka* is that what you're doing?
Dabria: I- *breaks down* I honestly have no idea
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Me: this is so humiliating
Momma: Hey, remember what family you're in. We sold our dignity to the devil for good looks.
Mom: yeah, and it looks like he ripped you off.
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Me: okay, I admit, some mistakes were made
Ro: murders. Some murders were made.
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Ro: So Jay, what's your favorite type of music?
Me: classical
Ro: what?
Me: *nervously sweating* I mean rock! Because I'm a man and I'm manly!
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I believe in a former life I was coffee
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Mom: *walking in* look, I-
Me: go home, you're high
Mom: I am not fucking high
Momma: then go on and tell the time
Mom: *turns to face the clock* I am not fucking high
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Me: hey cat meow once if your dead meow twice if your alive
Cat: *meows once*
Me: OH MY GOSH MY CAT IS DEAD!!!
Mom: *burst in the room* what do you mean!
Me: *cries* MY CAT IS DEAD SHE JUST TOLD ME
Mom: *face palms* you need sleep