Me: *tells a joke*
*silence*
Me: okay, but when it's about my life everyone laughs
————————————-
Me: *messes up*
Ro: *addresses the younger kids* Okay, he's older. That means you should all learn from your mistakes or risk being just as much of a fuck-up.
Me: Ro!
Ro: *raises an eyebrow*
Me: *sighs* it's true
—————————————-
Wade: Hey, Jay?
Me: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE!
Wade: what's wrong with him
Ro: someone drank all the coffee
—————————————————-
Me: *wakes up* I really feel like today is going to be a good day.
Me: *spills my cup of coffee on myself*
Me: I'm going back to bed now
Mom: Jay, you just woke up.
Me: well the world doesn't seem to care!
—————————-
Mom: that's it! You're all grounded. Wade, no computers for you. Ro, no guns for you. And Jason....oh my god, is there anything that you love?
Me: revenge
Mom: no vengeance for you.
Me: I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.
————————————-
Ro: Wade, how long does it take until you start hallucinating from sleep loss?
Wade: I think-
Me: seventy-two hours without sleep.
Wade: How do you?-
Me: there is a clown behind you *aggressively sips coffee*
———————————
Me: *is drawing on a wall*
Momma: Jay! What are you doing?!?
Me: isn't it obvious? I'm drawing on the wall.
Momma: your not allowed to draw walls!
*the next day*
Me: *is drawing on a door*
Momma: what did I tell you yesterday?!?!
Me: this is a door now a wall *continues drawing*
Mom: *in the background* he's not wrong.
Momma: don't encourage him!!

(Also yes I have 2 moms deal with it)
—————————————
Me: *falls down multiple stairs and gets back up* I'm okay!
Ro: *laughing so hard that she trips and while walking up the stairs and breaks the post*
Dabria: *laughs at what just happens and falls off there stool*
Mom: *laughs so hard she hits the table and knocks off a glass*
Momma: *spits all over herself*
Wade: I'm surrounded by Neanderthals.
—————————————————
*everyone is sitting at the breakfast table eating*
Me: *extremely tired* when was the war of 1812?
Wade:.....
Mom:......
Momma:......
Ro:.....
Dabria: you better be kidding cause if not you're really fucking stupid.
—————————-
Me: *fires gun loudly in the house*
Dabria: THIS IS WHY MOMMA HARLEY LOVES YOU!!!!