The first night Saga spent drinking tea with Hrafen wasn't the last. She had one night of good sleep, then a nightmare woke her up again, and she found herself sitting on the mage's bedroom floor once more.

They talked about whatever came to her mind to ask about. One night Hrafen went through all the usual herbs he used when making medicine. The next time, he explained how to treat different wounds to avoid infections. And the night after that, the mage gossiped about different nobles.

The days continued as they had before. The inhabitants of the castle keeping Saga so busy she barely had time to think.

And in such a way, time went by. The moon went from full to a waning crescent, through the darkness of the new moon before it waxed again and became a quarter.

"The winter festival is soon upon us! The best time of the year!" Kare exclaimed one evening while they were having dinner.

"The winter festival?" Saga asked, her ears perking up. From the maids at her father's estate, she had heard about the different festivals in Fyris, and from their accounts it had sounded like fun evenings.

"Aye! Just imagine, Lady Saga, all the ale you can drink, and all the dancing your feet can handle!" Kare explained with the enthusiasm of a child before sweets.

Saga's cheeks heated. Though dancing had been one of the few things she had been taught, she had never done it outside of the practises, and from those she knew she wasn't any good at it. Clumsy and without any feeling for the music. As for drinking, apart from a glass now and then, it wasn't anything she had ever indulged in.

"Isn't there anything else to do at the festival?" she asked.

"There are lots of..." Kai started telling her.

"What else could you possibly want to do?" Kare interrupted with a gasp as if she had personally offended him. "What could be more interesting than ale or dancing?"

"I'm not particularly good at dancing," Saga admitted, and then started to say she had never fancied ale much. But Kare talked before she got more than a word out.

"But that's what the ale is for! Everyone can dance when they have ale running through their veins."

"I'm no good at drinking ale, either," she said, but that only made Kare light up with mischievousness.

"But that is something we have time to practise." He poured her a glass and placed it before her.

"Kare," Astrid jumped into the conversation, her eyes narrowed on the male knight. "Do not try to force the Lady to drink."

"Of course not!" Kare looked at her with wide, offended eyes. "It is completely up to the Lady if she wants to practise or not."

"You really don't need to drink it if you don't want to," Kai murmured from where he sat next to her.

"Can you really not contain yourself even in front of the Lady?" another knight frowned at Kare.

"You can't expect a lady to drink like us," yet another knight pointed out, and several more voiced their displeasure at Kare pouring the glass for Saga. Enough of them for Saga to get annoyed.

She knew she wasn't strong like them. She was both weaker and meager. But how they talked about her as if she was someone so delicate she couldn't make decisions for herself grated on her nerves.

With both her hands, she took hold of the glass and raised it to her lips. Then she drank the bitter ale, one gulp at a time until the glass was empty. She lowered it to the table with a slight thud, then let her eyes sweep over the stunned and silent knights.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Kare exclaimed after a few seconds of silence, then he promptly poured her another glass. "How did you like it, Lady Saga?"

"I think I prefer wine," she admitted.

"But we do have wine! Someone! Fetch the wine! Or did you not hear the Lady's request?" Kare ordered and looked over at a few of the younger squires, who hurried with doing as told.

"Are you feeling alright, milady?" Kai asked, his eyes searching her face.

"I'm all fine. You needn't worry. Ladies can also handle drinking," Saga pointed out, then turned to look at Astrid.

The other woman coughed, though it sounded half-way to laughter. "That is right," she then agreed. "Ladies certainly can handle drinking."

"Now let me tell you, Lady Saga, about the first time I got properly drunk!" Kare said before launching into the story. It was one which ended with Kare waking up sleeping next to some sheep, causing Saga to giggle.

Next, Astrid told of her first time getting drunk. She had been very young and had not known it was alcohol she had drunk.

"When did you get drunk for the first time?" Saga asked, turning to Kai. By that time, Saga was warm all over. From the alcohol, the company, the laughter they shared. But looking at Kai, she became even warmer. He was such a light, and the best source of warmth she knew.

A few strands of his blonde hair had fallen in front of his eyes, and Saga wanted to reach out and brush them away, to make it easier for her to stare into his sky. But a small voice, which still held some control, whispered to her that it wouldn't be appropriate.

"That was soon a year ago!" Kare answered in Kai's stead, stopping any remnants of Saga's impulse and pulling her attention to him. "All courtesy of me. You see, Audun thought it a good idea for me to teach both Kai and Evind something. So I decided to teach them about life!"

"I do not think Audun meant for you to get us drunk and teach us about women," Kai countered, and as Saga looked at him again, the squire's cheeks had turned as red as they could become.

"Someone had to teach you how to use a sword other than the one hanging by your side," Kare defended himself. Then a glint entered his eyes, and he fixed Saga with a smirk. "Speaking off, Viggo has always been very tight-lipped about anything regarding a bed. But maybe the Lady is more inclined to share what happens between the sheets."

Astrid choked on her drink before exclaiming a harsh "Kare!". Kai stiffened by Saga's side. And the rest of the knights had their attention drawn to her. She felt herself shrink back under their stares, and her tongue tied, not knowing how to answer since she had nothing to say on the matter.

"If Viggo doesn't share about it, then I won't either," she finally answered.

"How very boring and alike you are in that way," Kare sighed.

"It's not boring. It's appropriate. Just because you cannot control yourself, it doesn't mean others can't."

Saga wanted to reach out and grab the words, the insult, out of the air, and stuff them back inside her as soon as they were out. But Kare threw back his head and laughed.

"The Lady must forgive me, but when she first came here, I would have never known she could be so blunt," he said and dried the corner of his eyes. "An easier question then; how is our barbarian for lord when he is alone with his wife? As stoic and hard as others would have us believe? Brutal?"

"No." Saga's voice softened, and ache rose in her chest. Ache which was equal parts from fondness for her husband and longing for him to be back. "He's kind and soft."

A few seconds of silence followed her words, similar to when she had downed her first glass. Then Kare's laugh broke it.

"How very wrong all the gossip is then," he pointed out, while Saga saw Kai drink the rest of what had been in his glass, refill it, and empty the glass again in the corner of her eyes.

"As if you didn't know that already," Astrid pointed out. "Since when have the Duke of Cowardice, the Earl of Gluttony, and the Duchess of Flattery ever been right about anything?"

"The Duke of Cowardice?" Saga frowned at Astrid, having a feeling about who it referred to.

"My apologies, Lady Saga, but your father is nothing but a coward. We are lucky you are nothing like him," Astrid smiled at her, and Saga's back straightened.

"And who are the Earl of Gluttony and the Duchess of Flattery?"

"The Earl of the Islands, how he keeps all they grow to himself. And the Duchess of Rivborg. She gives compliments far too freely when she is before you, but then says equally awful things about you to others. And to think both of those are among the King's..."

"Really Astrid? Politics? Could you think of a more boring topic to converse about?" Kare interrupted his friend, and then turned his interest back on Saga. "So Viggo is kind and soft when you are alone. What else?"

"You really have nothing else running through your head," Astrid sighed.

"You are also curious, I know it. Haven't you also complained about how tight-lipped he is about such matters?" Kare huffed.

"Yes, I did, years and years ago," Astrid agreed. "But since then, I've come to realise there are certain things you simply must be patient about and wait until the other is ready to tell you."

"Patience wasn't a virtue I was ever taught. So come now, Lady Saga, tell us more." Kare turned once more to her.

As he did, Kai stood.

"Where are you going?" Saga asked Kai instead of answering Kare.

"I simply need some air," Kai answered her and smiled, but his smile wasn't like usual. It was strained, filled with pain, and some of that pain slipped into Saga's heart.

"So Lady Saga, what more do you have to tell us?" Kare prompted her to speak yet again, but seeing Kai's back disappear out the door took the light away from the room.

"There is nothing more to tell," she replied, then took a deep sip of the glass before her.

"So as tight-lipped as your husband," Kare sighed, and let the topic go, let it move on to some old adventure of theirs.

But his curiosity had already caused enough damage. Saga drank in silence, barely listening to the conversations anymore, and waited to see the sky-blue eyes returning with the light of the sun.

But Kai remained absent.

With her glass half-full, Saga stood.

"Where are you going?" Kare asked, his cheeks had a blush which Saga doubted had anything to do with embarrassment, for she was certain the knight wasn't capable of feeling embarrassed.

"I need air," Saga mumbled, the same excuse Kai had given, and took a step only to stumble so Astrid reached out and held her elbow to steady her.

"Do you want some company?" Astrid asked and had risen before Saga had time to shake her head.

"I'll be fine."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes." Saga held her head high and stared at Astrid while the knight's words ran through her head. That Saga needed to act with confidence even when the world wanted her to bend. And with the scrutinising stare Astrid gave her, Saga felt as if the other woman wanted her to bend.

After a moment or two, Astrid's eyes eased and became soft instead. "Very well. I shall not try to convince you otherwise when you look so certain," she said and sank back down in her seat.

Feeling lightness in her body from the compliment, Saga's steps were secure as she left the dining hall, as she walked down the corridor. They faltered, though, as she exited a side door.

Kai stood alone on the snow-covered ground, leaning against the wall with his eyes up to the sky. The moon's beams lit up his figure, making him stand out in the darkness. The lonely figure in the dead of night while all the rest were busy enjoying themselves.

"Kai," she murmured and moved closer. The snow creaked under her feet.

He startled and looked at her. "Lady Saga? Why did you come out here? And wearing nothing more than your dress!"

While removing the midnight-blue cloak from around him, Kai closed the distance between them, then wrapped his cloak over her shoulders and secured it.

"You might get sick going outside dressed like that," he mumbled in a stern tone that cracked at the edges.

"I'm sorry," she apologised. Her fingers grabbed the fabric of the cloak. Of Kai's cloak. She knew her own fingers had sown it, as she had sown all of the squires' cloaks. But having it wrapped around her, she was certain Kai had done something with it to make it gain in comfort.

"Don't apologise. I only said it out of concern. You needn't ever apologise to me."

His hand moved up, and for a moment Saga thought he was about to brush her cheek. But then he brushed his own hair back instead.

"Why did you come out here?" he asked her again.

"Why did you?" she countered. "And for so long? Did something upset you?"

His lips fell ever so slightly. "Kare can just sometimes be a lot. That is all."

"Oh," she nodded as it was something she could wholeheartedly agree on.

"Is that what brought you here? To see where I had gone?"

"I got worried," she admitted, her eyes dropping to the ground. She wasn't sure why, but something about admitting to her worry for Kai felt like a transgression. Not that it was a transgression which filled her with any regret, only a tinge of shame.

Kai shuffled his feet forward, came much closer to her. As close as he could without touching her. Tilting her head up again to meet his eyes, she noticed they weren't the sky anymore. In the dim moonlight, she could see that they had turned darker, had gained in depth. Had become like a lake, and as inviting as one on a warm summer's day, asking her to jump in.

And she wanted to. She couldn't think of anything she would like to do better. But she had no idea how. No idea what it was everything in her was begging for her to do. Except that Kai was involved.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful I think you are?" Kai asked her. His voice a murmur, more serious than normal.

She shook her head at the same time as she felt her fingers brush Kai's, and she wasn't sure how she was still standing. The only part of her she could feel was her heart, which beat much harder than usual, and the skin of her fingers where Kai's skin had just touched.

"You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen," he admitted. Their fingers brushed again and stayed in contact. Knuckles against knuckles. Fingers separating to make room. Then intertwining. The points of contact spreading pleasant warmth.

Saga licked her lips and tried to create saliva in her mouth, as it had gone very dry. Kai's eyes flickered down to look at them. Then he closed his eyes.

"I should head to bed," he told her, and, still with his eyes closed, he took a step away from her. Fingers untwined, and then Kai walked away from her for the second time that night.

But compared to the first time, Saga felt a sense of relief. Though the coldness penetrated her skin again, she thought it good he had left. She was certain she had been on the verge of doing something she couldn't take back. Something which would have dire consequences. And as much as her mind and body had wanted her to do it, she feared what it might have been.