It was a quiet night in the flat. Harry and I were curled up on the sofa. I was looking over proofs and arranging them on the coffee table. He was draped across the furniture, head in my lap, on his laptop. I, lazy, rested my hand in his hair and he occasionally squeezed my thigh and smiled up at me when I looked stressed out. I really liked this side of him. I liked how much he could relax me with a touch and a simple smile.

But no matter how comfortable I thought I was, something kept putting me on edge. I couldn't really relax because I knew this couldn't continue. I put the proofs down and tapped Harry on the shoulder.

"We need to talk," I sighed.

"Ok?" His face fell when he saw the seriousness in mine. He sat up. "Talk," he said.

"I don't know where to start," I breathed, "I don't know what I was thinking," I rambled, "Things are getting too messy." That wasn't it, but it was close. It was rather hard for me to put into words what I had to say.

"Ok," he breathed.

"This needs to stop," I said. Finally.

"Why?" He scooted closer to me on the sofa.

"I thought we could stop with no questions asked,"

"Yeah, but," he grinned, "come on. How many orgasms did you have the last time?" His voice lowered to a whisper as he leaned into me. I stopped him.

"Harry, we shouldn't," I said but my hands dug into his shirt and pulled him closer instead of pushing him away.

"At least give me a chance to change your mind." He began to kiss my neck. He cradled my face in his hands and softly pressed his lips to mine. Why was he such a good kisser?

We both inhaled as we caught our breath and the kiss became more insistent. His tongue softly began to lick the inside of my lips. Teasing me. I felt myself getting hot and it took all I had not to shove him down and straddle him.

I put my hands on his chest at once and pushed him away. He stopped and smiled, waiting. Of course, I couldn't stand being away from him for very long. I quickly leaned in and recaptured his lips, pulling him back against me. He took my bottom lip in his and playfully nipped it. I moaned slightly. He grinned. I drew away and nuzzled his nose, tracing my mouth around his.

I could feel the heat coming off his body and feel his heart pounding in his chest. I turned his face to the side and began to kiss and nip his neck. He groaned. I made my way up to his ear. He turned back to face me and stared at my mouth. His fingers drifted over my lips.

Fully intent on pushing him away, I found myself kissing his fingertips and, on an impulse, I opened my mouth and sucked one of his fingers to the back of my throat. When I pulled it out slowly, he locked his eyes with mine and pounced, pushing my legs apart and getting on top of me. He began to slide his hands up my thighs. I could feel his growing hardness pressing against me through his jeans. It was clear what was going to happen next. But I shut it down at once, shaking myself to my senses.

"Harry, I can't. We can't," I whispered.

Frustrated, he tried to bury his face back in my neck.

"Viv, you can't tell me he can do what I can," he said and my palms came up to his chest to push him away again. "Or do you need me to a reminder of what I can do to you?" He smiled and pulled me back in.

"It's not about Aaron, its about me," I wriggled out from under him. "I can't do this anymore!"

"What?" Came his yelp as he ran his hands through his hair, "What happened?" he asked and settled next to me on the sofa.

"I don't know, I just can't," I sputtered.

"Why?"

"Don't you see what's happening? Can't you see what's going on?"

"What's going on Vivian?" he asked, frustrated.

"I don't like—" I started, "Never mind, this is getting—no, its become, ridiculous. That night, at the club, I had sex with two different guys that same night. I've never done that before."

"And..."

"I don't like it!" I yelled, "I promised myself I'd never be like that. I'd never be..."

"Enjoying yourself?" he challenged, "Sexually free? Is that the promise you made?"

"That is not fair," I pushed back, "I am not some uptight, sheltered prude who is having her slut moment. Fuck you for even trying to pin that on me."

"That is not what I said—" he started, but I cut him off.

"No! No, I can't talk about this with you. I can't talk about anything with you, you just turn it into sex."

"I do not," he defended.

"Yes, yes you do! You just turn me on and fuck me and overwhelm me and leave me before I can put my thoughts together. You don't consider the fact that I...I...don't even know how to feel about all this anymore. It's just fucking..." I scoffed because I had stumbled on the most appropriate word, "it's fucking!" Tears were starting to well up in my eyes.

"But, Vivian," he started carefully, trying to calm me down, "I thought that was what we were doing. I thought, when we agreed to explore this, it was simple. It was fucking. That's it. Stop making it so messy."

"I'm not the only one making it messy!"

"It's not my fault you're into labels and have some 'moral' code that bends to whatever you want. Not everyone plays by your rules sweetheart," he spat and his words stung.

"Fuck you, Harry," I shouted as I felt my tears begin to stream down my face. He froze. "I didn't want it to be this!"

"What is this?!" his voice jumped. His eyes began to glaze over. He couldn't look at me. "I was always upfront about everything. What is it to you, huh? You're the one who changes on a dime. What do you want?! " he yelled, his eyes looked glassy, he was upset. "I'll do whatever you want Vivian."

"I don't want this," I sobbed. "I don't want this idea of fucking, just body parts smashing together, no thinking, no feeling, just selfish and awful, awful, awful, awful..." I trailed off as I buried my face in my hands and began to cry. The room fell silent.

I felt Harry's hand on my shoulder and I peered at him over my fingertips.

"Vivian don't..." he whispered.

I tried to look at him, to read his face, but he rested his forehead against mine; that way he could be connected to me, but not have to look at me.

"Vivian...I never meant to hurt you," he continued, "I just wanted us to have fun. I'm so sorry."

"Thats ok," I whispered back, "just know that I'm done. We're done."

"Why?" his voice was small.

"I just told you!" I said, raising mine.

"Just," he said, "are you sure?" he asked as he stroked my hair.

"Yes! I'm sure!" I shouted and pulled his hand out of my hair, pushing myself away from him.

"Okay," he mumbled, his eyes fixed on his feet. "Fine. We're done."

I could tell he wanted to say more, but he was holding back. He couldn't even look at me.

"Good," I said, upset.

"Good!" he yelled as he brushed past me.

It was difficult, but it was done. It was over. I felt myself begin to get upset. I was angry, frustrated and sad. I went back to my room, curled up in my bed and cried.

•••

"What's wrong, babe?" Aaron asked. I must've zoned out again.

"Nothing," I lied. I had been avoiding being in the flat ever since Harry and I fought. But the gloom between us was weighing on me. However, I had been spending more time with Aaron, which was helping. We continued to cuddle, watch Netflix and drink wine. He told me about his day, I told him about mine and I did my best not to think about going back to the flat.

Pretty soon I felt Aaron's hand on my chin and he gently pulled me in for a kiss. It felt good and I let myself get lost in it until something stopped me. As I got more and more into it, all I could think about was the way Harry kissed me. I pushed Aaron away.

"Follow me," I whispered as I sauntered off the couch and moved towards the bedroom. I was hoping to distract myself. The facts were simple. Aaron was gorgeous and getting to be a better lover by the day. I was sure that once I got his clothes off, Harry would be out of my head.

He followed me, grinning like an idiot. I sat him down on the bed and quickly undressed in front of him. His eyes ran up and down my body. I loved the attention and that began to turn my mood round. I yanked his shirt up over his head, pushed him back on the bed and started to undo his trousers.

His quickly hardening length bounced out of his briefs. I smiled. But, seeing a naked man in front of me, instantly, began to remind me of Harry. I pushed those thoughts away and focused on what was in front of me. I had a gorgeous, smart, kind, naked man who wanted to do everything in his power to please me.

I began to kiss him. He flipped me on to my back and slid down my body to my centre. His tongue felt great. His fingers slid in and out of me in measured time. It was good, but it all felt so clinical. Like, I taught him one way to please me, and, now, that was all he was going to do. Ever. I began to swirl my hips to throw him off his rhythm. He just held me down and kept going.

We had been having sex every day that week, but the more sex we had, the staler it got. The staler it got, the harder it got for me to orgasm. I knew it wasn't him. He was doing things to me that any other woman would envy. It was me. Everything he did just made me crave Harry even more. I missed Harry's creativity and impulsiveness. I longed for how Harry always seemed to find new ways to pleasure me. How it pushed me to my limits.

I pushed Aaron away from between my legs and went for his dick. I did all I could to get him hard. I heard him hiss when my tongue met his head. I quickly sucked him in and out of my mouth. I looked up just in time to see his eyes roll back into his head. Pretty soon, he felt hard enough, so I got on top of him and pinned him down.

Even though he was upset I stopped blowing him, he nearly lost it when I replaced my mouth with the warmth of my core. His hips bucked hard against me as I eased myself down onto him.

"Oh shit," he slurred, his face twisted in pleasure. I began to bounce on him. I wanted it hard, I wanted it fast, I wanted to forget. I wanted to erase Harry from my mind and from my body. I wanted to climax, hard, around Aaron.

Pressing my fingers to my clit, my core began to tighten. I could feel him begin to shake beneath me. His hands clutched my hips. His breath got ragged as he thrust up into me. He closed his eyes, threw his head back and groaned.

"Don't you dare come," I growled as I pulled his face back to mine. He looked back at me surprised, but incredibly aroused. "Not yet, please," I whimpered, softening my voice. He nodded.

He let go of my hips and just let me ride him. Then, he knitted his brow, clenched his fists and began to bite the inside of his cheek. My toes began to curl. I felt my core start to clench. Sweat trickled down my back while I looked into his eyes. He looked back and I suddenly became terrified that he was going to see the truth. He was going to see all those times I shared with Harry. I leaned forward, burying my face in his neck and grabbed the bed beneath us as I rode him.

"Shit," he whispered involuntarily. He was painfully close. I could feel him becoming rock hard inside me. Suddenly, my body arched and I came. I slowed my paced, enjoying myself squeezing around his shaft. Soon after, I heard his breath catch and felt him release beneath me.

Emotionally and physically exhausted, I rolled off of him. After a moment I heard, "Holy shit babe," he whispered, "That was...Oh my God..." he moaned. He laid there, still and spent on the bed.

I curled away, upset. I couldn't tell him what I was really feeling. I couldn't tell him that more I slept with him, the more I realised that even though I had ended things with Harry, they were far from over.

•••

"I'm having a party," Harry said. It was the first thing he had said to me in a week.

We were in the kitchen. He was making tea and toast. I was waiting for the kettle. The kitchen was one of the few places we could be together. I think it was out of sheer necessity. He was buried in his phone.

"Okay," I responded, unsure of what to say.

"So, there will be people here...late," he mumbled, still on his phone.

"When?" I asked.

"Tonight," he responded. There was a slight edge to his voice. Even though I was annoyed at the short notice. I let it slide. I wanted to be nice. He handed me the kettle and I prepared two cups of tea. One for myself and the other for Aaron. Harry noticed.

He paused and gave me one of the snarkiest side-eyes I'd ever seen, then he audibly scoffed before leaving the kitchen.

"Ok," I said after him as I added milk and sugar and went back to my room. Aaron was sleeping in my bed as I set his tea on the night stand.

"Morning," I cooed. He slowly rolled over.

"Tea? Thanks," he said before he kissed me, sweetly. I smiled. At least someone was being nice to me. I curled up next to him and let him take me in his arms for awhile. He began to nuzzle my neck and I pulled away.

"I have to go into the office soon," I whispered. As if on cue, rain began to pound against my window.

"Can't you work from home?" he groaned. I peeked outside, it was pretty awful.

"I do have a few more days before the project is due," I whispered, considering.

"Let's just stay in bed all day, please." He smiled against my neck and began to roll on top of me.

"One second," I giggled, as I rolled away from him, "I have to send an email." I did. I felt him wrap himself around my back. He was insatiable lately. "Harry is having a party later," I mumbled as I typed.

"Fun," he whispered as he began to kiss the back of my neck.

"I have a feeling we aren't invited," I said back.

"Come on. Harry is cool," he said dismissively as he wrapped his hands around my waist.

"Really?" I asked, "You gave him one hell of a look at that club the other night."

"What?" Aaron stopped and looked at me, confused.

"When we all danced, together, the three of us, you kinda, snapped at him," I mumbled. Aaron looked away, remembering.

"Oh yeah, that," he groaned, "I mean, he was touching you, I got jealous."

"Yeah...but, you kinda..." I pushed.

"I kinda what?"

"Told him...to touch me," I said. He looked away again, considering his words.

"It was...I was being...confusing. I know, but, don't worry, I'm fine with him," he mumbled.

"I'm going into the office," I said as I began to get out of bed.

"What if I order in pancakes?" he offered. As if on cue, my stomach growled. I paused.

"I don't know," I mumbled. He pulled me back into bed.

"Come on, stay," Aaron said and began to tickle me. I giggled as he pinned me down and began to laugh in earnest when he got to my ribs.

"Stop! Stop!" I laughed, "I'll stay!" He smiled back at me.

"Good," he whispered as he pulled me in for a kiss.