{Chapter 16}

Adam felt his adrenaline pumping with each thundering step his horse made as he chased after the man he had been seeking. He had no idea what to he was going to do with the man when he reached him, but that man was going to pay dearly for the murder he had committed.

Blondie ran up beside the man’s horse and Adam tackled the man to the ground, the both of them rolling on the rocky terrain. Adam shook off the dizziness he felt and scrambled to sit of top of the man.

“Who do you think you are?” Adam growled.

“What’s this about?” The man struggled to free himself, but Adam didn’t budge.

“You know exactly what this is about” Adam said, his own voice so full of hatred he didn’t recognize it. “Let me go, you - -” The man let out a string of curses.

“You are in no position to order me to do anything” Adam put his forearm against the man’s throat.

“Can’t… breathe” the man gasped.

“Joel was just a boy!” Adam yelled, tears stinging behind his eyes.

He let up just enough so that his captive could speak.

“Boy? That’s what you call him, deputy? He begged like a woman” The man smiled. “Yeah, I killed ‘im. He screamed like a woman, too.”

Adam didn’t even think. He gritted his teeth, pulled his gun, and fired in one fell swoop. When the dust cleared, he saw what he had done.

Katie stared at him, wide eyed. “Y-You killed him?”

Adam nodded. The devastation in her eyes made even the view from the top of the black mesa they were on look not so glorious.

“I-I’ve seen men hanged. I’ve seen them kill themselves. I’ve seen people murder others. But I’d never killed anyone until that day. Somehow I had always managed to bring them in alive. I can’t sleep at night without reliving that day. I can’t close my eyes without seeing all the blood and death I caused. All I cared about for two months was getting those other men. I’m afraid that I’ll do the exact same thing to them… I feel… I feel like a criminal. I feel like I deserve a noose. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to redo that day… I need to find those other men… I need closure on this. And Brant… Brant is the spitting image of the man I killed. I’ve never been so confused in my life” Adam admitted, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. “I… I hate the man for killing Joel.”

Katie moved from her place on a fallen log beside him and knelt in front of him. “Revenge isn’t going to solve anything, Adam. What’s it’s going to prove? 
“He killed my brother, Kate. I won’t rest until I bring him to justice”
“By murder?”
The determination in Adam’s eyes gave Katie little hope of changing his mind. He said nothing but stared at her as if the thought of murder was completely foreign to him.
“That’s exactly what you’ll be doing, Adam” Katie warned.
Adam’s jaw clenched and he nodded in determination. “Then so be it
“Think sense, Adam! You’re reducing yourself to their level, you said so yourself! The level of someone who doesn’t know any better than to kill and steal from innocent people. You follow through with this and you’re just as bad as them” Katie said in a demanding voice.

Adam ran his hand through his hair and groaned. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

“Forgive” Katie stated simply as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

“Forgive for murder? A person just doesn’t up and forget murder,” Adam said.

“I’m not talking about forgetting. Never forget, Adam. I’m talking about asking God to help you release this anger you have. Psalms 37:8 says, Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil

. Philippians 4:7 says, And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. It is possible, Adam. You’ve just go to be willing to put the effort in. Killing the rest of that gang isn’t going to help you heal from Joel’s death any faster” Katie reached up a hand and placed it flat against the side of his face. “I hate it that Joel died, too. He was a good kid, but revenge isn’t going to bring him back. Let’s work through this… together.”

Adam’s downcast eyes looked up to her. “I can’t just let it go,” he whispered.

“Then give it to God. He can handle it,” Katie said.

Adam thought a moment.

“Please” Katie begged, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I can’t stand to see you like this. You shouldn’t be walking around with this on your shoulders. It’s not your burden to bear.”

Adam swallowed hard. “I don’t want to kill again.”

“Then give it to God” Katie rubbed his face with her thumb.

Adam stared into her eyes, the care and concern behind them, and nodded.

**********

Erik stood before the cowboys early that next morning, the Lord’s Day. Lanterns lit the area, as the sun wasn’t up enough to do that for them. He read from the Bible in Proverbs, chapter thirty verse eight.

“There be four things which are little upon the earth, but they are exceeding wise: The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer; The conies are but a feeble folk, yet make they their houses in the rocks; The locusts have no king, yet go they forth all of them by bands; The spider taketh hold with her hands, and is in kings' palaces” he read. “Does anyone know the resemblances between these four?”

A few mumbles resembled a response. Erik sighed. This was how it was every Sunday.

He went on to explain the verses, and how those our things were so small, yet they were smart so they could accomplish great things.

The service went on as normal ones did, though his congregation was slightly larger than back on the ranch.

The ending went as usual, too, with no questions and a blatant desire for Erik to shut up with the religious talk. Erik sighed. Some people just didn’t care.

Someday he would get through to them. He felt sure of it.

**********

Toni swung the rope up over her head and sent it around a stray cow’s neck. Another day of herding and shoving cattle. Her fingernails were chipped and dirty, her face had a layer of dust covering it, she was sore from all the hours in the saddle, and her hair was greasy and dirty. She was loving every second of this cattle drive. Looking around at the Oklahoma scenery, she smiled under the bandanna covering her face and sighed. It was amazing what God had created on the earth. He must have had a good imagination. How else could He have thought to make mountains with flat tops? Or thought to make them such warming colors? Or chose the most perfect blue for the sky? Everything that God made was perfect, and it boggled Toni’s mind.

Sandy would have love the mesas. Toni could picture her pulling on her daddy’s pant leg and begging to go up on top of one. Erik would give in, as usual. Sandy had him wrapped around her little finger. There was no telling what the girl was going to Aubrey back in Texas. She could drive even Toni crazy sometimes.

Aubrey could handle her, though. Couldn’t she? Wade had toughened her up a bit in the past few months, so she was probably doing just fine.

**********

Four days passed, and the MC outfit made quicker progress than they had planned for. They were moving the herd too fast, so Toni and Mark made the mutual decision to rest for a few days and give the cattle a chance to get some good grazing in.

Katie stretched and rubbed the sore muscles in her back. She hadn‘t planned on being so tired from driving the chuck wagon all day, but it had taken it‘s toll on her. The weeks without a bath made her feel ugly and grimy. Occasionally she would steal some water from a keg in the chuck wagon and wash her face and arms. Sometimes she just couldn‘t stand the dirt. Her fingernails were a shell of their former selves. Her perfectly oval nails had become dirty, cracked, and chipped. She felt so ugly these days.

They were finally out of Oklahoma. Kansas was a little different from Oklahoma, and grew more different as they went farther in. In about a week, they would be in Grayson City, selling the cattle. Katie could hardly wait to be around other people. Well, other people that didn’t smell like cattle or look like them. Toni was good company when she wasn’t enveloped in her motherly or wifely duties. Adam was good company when he wasn’t working or put out on guard.

Katie felt her breath catch. Was that her heart beating so fast? She looked down at the pot she was holding. Since when did the sight of a pot have her flustered? Deciding to stop lying to herself, Katie admitted that it was the thought of Adam Sterling that caused her heart to beat faster and faster. She looked across camp to where Adam was sitting beside Doc, an old retired veterinarian who had turned to the cattle-punching business in the past years. He smiled at one of Doc’s lively stories about an animal he had patched up, or its owner. His hat rested on his knee, revealing his dusty blonde hair pulled back into its usual ponytail. His coffee brown eyes sparkled when he smiled. He sure had a fine specimen of a face, that was for sure.

“Something catch your fancy over there, Katie?” Toni’s voice said from behind her.

Katie whirled around, feeling her cheek heat up at being caught staring at Adam.

“No, I was just…” She stopped.

“Uh huh. You’ve got it bad for the deputy, don’t you?” Toni teased.

“No!” Katie waved her cousin off as if the idea was preposterous, though her cheeks grew even hotter at the words. “Of course not.”

“He’s not a bad man, I don’t suppose. He’s a little too secretive for you, but he’s a good man” Toni nodded.

Katie sighed.

If she only knew.

“He’s an old friend, Toni” Katie went on about preparing supper.

“An old friend that you used to loathe. C’mon, Katie. You’ve changed your mind about him, so you best admit it. You can’t spend your days being a matchmaker and pinin’ for Ben when you’ve got a match for yourself right over there. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got a mind to yank his nose right off for messing up back when I had the problem with those rustlers, but I think he needs you” Toni sat on the tongue of the chuck wagon.

“I’m… I’m not pinin’ over Ben” Katie took a deep breath.

It still hurt her to think of him after all these years. Her heart felt sick.

“Yes ya are. You think Ben wants you to be alone for the rest of your life? I don’t. If I were to die, I wouldn’t want Erik to spend the rest of his days grieving. I’d want him to find love again, because some woman somewhere deserves to be loved by him. I think Ben would feel the same way” Toni left her with that thought.

Katie stared up at the sky and thought.

Am I really supposed to move on?

Kansas scenery >>>

What do you guys think? I really need some serious feedback on this story.

Best comment = dedication!

God Bless!