{Chapter 17}

“We’re getting tired, Curtis. I’m starting to think you’re backing out on us” Brant and his men cornered Mark while he was out standing guard.

Mark rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. You’re all whining like a bunch of little girls. I think it’s high time the five of you man up and learn some patience.”

“Patience? We’ve been waiting fer nigh a month now. I think we’ve been plenty patient” Brant crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’ll tell you my plan when we get to Grayson City,” Mark explained.

“You better. Whatever you’ve got in mind had better be good. If it was up to us, we wouldn’t even be here working to death with those stinkin’ cattle” Joe Blake said contemptibly.

“You’ll be glad. Wait and see” Mark grinned.

“We’re trusting you, Curtis. You better not disappoint us” Brant poked a finger in Mark’s chest.

Mark pushed the finger aside. “Harrison, I want you to keep an eye on the deputy.”

“Why?” Alex Harrison shuffled his feet nervously.

Mark smirked. He had suspicions about that bruise that had miraculously appeared on Alex’s jaw. Adam Sterling probably had something to do with it. “Because I have a feeling that he knows something. He can’t know something. Keep an eye on him, okay?”

Alex nodded, though he clearly didn’t like the idea.

“What about this niece of yours? Will she be trouble? Marshall Heath spoke up for the first time.

“Nah” Mark waved the question off with his hand. “Leave her to me. I know how to handle her.”

“What about her husband?” Brant asked.

Mark grinned widely. “He’s easy enough to take care of. It’s not likely he’ll survive a bullet twice.”

**********

I want to let it go. I want to forget all about Joel’s murder. I want to forgive those men and give it all to You. I just don’t know how. How can someone forgive someone who took everything from them? How can I be selfless in this?

The sun was just beginning to set as Adam paced back and forth along a little stretch of ground where his pacing had flattened the tall grass. He was far away from the camp so that he could be alone with God. Every since that conversation with Katie on top of that mesa back in Oklahoma, he had been thinking on what she had said.

I’m not talking about forgetting. Never forget, Adam.

Her voice echoed in his mind until it became clear to him what she was trying to say.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath.

A piece of Psalms 37:8 now replaced Katie’s voice.

Forgiveness was possible, wasn’t it? He just wasn’t trying hard enough. Maybe he didn’t really want to forgive. Maybe he wanted to hang on to his pain and get revenge for it. Deep inside, Adam knew that revenge was like a circle. Unending. Deep down he knew that his pain was a cage that had captured him and kept him, a cage that had a lock that only the Lord had a key to.

“You gonna stare at her all day, Adam?” Joel laughed and slapped Adam on the back.

“I can’t talk to her, Joel” Adam nervously looked across the street to where Katie Morris stood talking to some other woman.

Man, was she a sight for the eyes.

“Why not?” Joel asked.

“B-Because… look at her. She’d never want anything to do with the likes o’ me,” Adam told him.

“Uh huh. You’re just scared,” Joel stated teasingly.

“I am not!” Adam defended.

“Then go talk to the little lady” Joel pressed.

“I can’t…”

“I dare you,” Joel blurted.

Adam whirled toward his brother. He meant business. A dare in the Sterling family was a serious matter.

“Are you chicken?” Joel urged further.

Adam stiffened his spine. “No.”

“Then go talk to her” Joel shoved Adam out into the street.

A few moments later, Adam came back to where Joel stood.

“I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it. She’s going to go to the church social with me!” He grinned.

“See?” Joel laughed and put a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “I know about women.”

Adam smiled at his younger brother. “I’m sure you do.”

“Yet somehow you’re the one with a girl to take to the social. I’m still single” Joel shook his head.

“I dare you to go ask Mindy Walker” Adam elbowed his brother.

The brothers exchanged a look.

Adam fell onto his knees, a lone tear escaping his eye.

“I can’t let him go,” He prayed aloud. “I just can’t.”

Joel had been much more than a brother. He had been a best friend. He had been a lifeline.

A small voice inside seemed to speak sense to him.

Doesn’t Joel deserve to be put to rest? Doesn’t he deserve to be mourned in a peaceful way? Revenge isn’t what he would have wanted, Adam. You know that.

Adam’s fists clenched and if he physically held on to Joel. As if holding on would bring him back to life.

He deserves to be a peaceful memory, not a painful one. Is more killing really going to make you feel better?

Adam clenched his fists harder until his fingernails dug into his palm.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath.

Another tear escaped Adam’s closed eyes. Behind them he could nearly see Joel’s image slipping away.

Forsake wrath.

All of Adam’s muscles clenched, trying to hold on to his brother… to keep him from completely dying.

Cease from anger.

Adam held on. Nothing could make him let Joel go. No force on earth or in heaven.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

The verse came from the back of his mind and too first place in his thought process. The old verse that his mother had made him memorize as a child.

Thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Suddenly, everything broke loose inside of Adam. His anger, his fear, his regret, and his need for revenge. His hands unclenched, and the image of his brother slipped away in to darkness.

“I give it all to You,” he prayed aloud through his tears. “I give it all.”

He collapsed flat on his back, tears streaming down his face. “I give Joel to You, Lord.”

**********

“Take this” Toni placed the screaming baby in her husband’s arms. “He won’t stop cryin’ and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Everything I do is just plain useless.”

She watched as Erik cradled the baby in his arms and Justin immediately stopped crying.

She gaped at him. “How…?”

Erik grinned. “Maybe he’s a daddy’s boy.”

Toni huffed. “That’s no fair. Sandy’s a daddy’s girl. Justin here was supposed to be mine.”

Erik smiled and kissed her forehead. “I’m yours,” he offered.

Toni looked at him a moment and smiled. “Guess you are, at that.”

“Why don’t we go for a walk after the baby’s asleep?” Erik asked.

Toni nodded. “Sounds good.”

She looked up at the starry night. They might as well take advantage of the full moon while everyone else was listening to Dallas butcher the banjo. She and Erik could take the next few days of rest as an opportunity to finally have some alone time.

**********

Wade looked up at the stars and the moon, thinking yet again of his wife. How he missed her. Not a day went by that he didn’t think of her and Jay, or about their short months of marriage. He felt so homesick and just wanted her in his arms. The stars had no shine when he didn’t look at them with Aubrey, the moon didn’t glow as bright as it did when she was smiling up at it,and the night seemed much darker without the love if his life. He hoped she was doing okay all by herself. He knew that she was terrified of the way the coyotes howled at night. Sometimes they would howl a little closer to the house and she would snuggle against him, her way of begging him to calm her fears. He would hold her tight, wrap her up in his arms, rub her hand and kiss her hair. She would relax for a moment, but the tense back up when another howl sounded. Wade smiled, then frowned. The only thing he had to hold now was his filthy flea trap of a bedroll.

Lord, please let her be safe tonight.

Watching Toothpick, Rawhide, Bubba, and Tiny play cards; he tried to divert his mind from what he didn’t have tonight.

Aubrey clutched Wade’s pillow close to her, inhaling his scent that it had on it. A lone tear fell from her eye and dropped onto the pillow. The coyotes were close to the house tonight. She rocked back and forth and tried to pretend that Wade was right there beside her, holding her in his arms. She tried to imagine his deep, soothing voice saying “They won’t hurt us, baby” or “We’re just fine, honey.”

She hummed to herself as the full moon shone through the window, spreading its white light over the bed and its lonely inhabitant.

Lord, please let him be safe tonight.

**********